Looking For Opinions

[GaryNas]

Hey guys, this is my first post.

I'm hoping a few of you guys can help me analyze where I may have gone wrong with this girl. I'm by no means a DJ, but I'm not shy and have no problems talking with girls... anyway I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

There's a girl in one of my university classes who I started talking with. We would talk at school and exchange the occasional email which was mostly school related. Last week we went out on a "study date" which I thought went great! We gave up studying pretty quickly, had a few (2) drinks and amazing conversation for a few hours; at the end she even paid! The one thing that surprised me was as I was walking to my car she asked for a hug, so obviously I obliged.

Next day at school (Thursday), we talked and I ask if she wanted to get together on Saturday IF she wasn't going on a trip with her friends (she usually does every Saturday). She agree'd to give me a call. That would be the last I heard of her. I sent her a quick email on Friday that asked if she used instant messaging stuff and a light hearted tease about her being stuck at work on a nice day (smiley faces were included so she would know it was a joke). Saturday afternoon I called her cell phone once, no answer; ran some errands and tried one more time, but left a message this time. This is almost my message word for word "If you didn't go on a trip today, let's hook up tonight. If not, maybe sometime this week. Give me a call when you get the message."

And that's it. No email or phonecall back. I'm not super crushed or anything over this, but it kind of hurts because it's the first woman I've met in a while that actually captured my attention. It would be nice to know what she thinks. Even a "let's just be friends" email would be fine.

Unfortunately, I'll probably never find out what happened since she dropped the class (there was no way she could have passed - she failed all tests and assignments).

Any thoughts?

One last thing, as a student, I gave a lecture to our class (3rd year) on something that I had done at my workplace, so there's no way she thought I was shy or stupid.

Thanks guys!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You should have asked her to do a specific activity and that you needed to know by thursday! If she didn't call you then I would have left her alone! An interested girl would always at least call to reschedule - unless she hit her head and got amnesia! Never call a girl back or e-mail her. If she says "I will call you"...if she doesn't call you then her interest level is low - unless something prevented her from doing so.

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

my advice would be to stop tryin to contact her until she gets back to you. If she is interested in seeing you again she will definately get back to you when she can/wants to. There is always a possibility she hasnt been around much over the weekend and when she gets home she has missed calls and an email. Just wait it out a bit...

 

[GaryNas]

I definitely haven't called her since my last message on Saturday, but I still haven't heard back from her. I'm not going to call, email, or anything, but I'm curious as to what happened.

What do you guys think? Was I misinterpreting the signals here? Obviously, in my opinion I don't think I did anything that deserved to be completely ignored. Outside of Saturday, I NEVER called her, and the last email I sent before Friday was WELL earlier in the week, which had to do with our "study date" on Wednesday... Anytime we talked there was never conversation of any past or current relationships, or even of relationships in general... nothing romantic. I didn't put any pressure on her at all!

I'm a guy who likes to learn by his mistakes, but I can't really see what I did wrong here. There was a small age difference (I'm 24, she's 27), but that didn't seem to matter. This is the first time I've ever been completely shut-out, and by someone I thought there was a real connection with!

Help!

 

[WestCoaster]

Never try to "understand" women

Women do stupid things for no reason at all. They're all flakes, don't take it personally. Perhaps you contacted her too much or whatever. That's water under the bridge now.

My next theory would be to find the hottest woman you know, find out what class she gets out of, walk by with this other hottie and casually say 'hi' to the flake.

Trust me on this because I've done this and even had women offer to do this "parading" for me: It works 100 percent of the time in getting that interest level back. Women are complete suckers for this.

Even if you don't get her back I'd do it for revenge. American women need to have reality checks 24/7/365 to correct their warped ways.

 

[LostbutFound]

Yeah, PuertoRicanLover pretty much has is summed up. The only thing I can add that I saw you did wrong was that you sounded a little desperate.

When you said "If you didn't go on a trip today, let's hook up tonight. If not, maybe sometime this week. Give me a call when you get the message." you sounded desperate. Where?? when you said if not, maybe sometime this week. That shows that you have an open schedule and she can come to you anytime she wants.

What you should have said was "If you didnt go on a trip today, lets hook up tonight"...that part was fine. what you should of said after that should of been something like "Im goin to so and so tonight, so if I dont hear from you by whatever time, ill talk to you some other time."

This shows that whether or not shes hanging out with you, you're goin out to have fun and you dont really need her to join you. If she does great, if not, oh well. But you dont sound desperate.

 

[GaryNas]

Honestly, I think she made the "decision" to blow me off before I left her the message. If she was interested she would have at least called to say she was going out that day.

How could I get all the "I'm interested" signals one day, and then just get dropped? She's not even a typical "American girl", simply because we live in Canada and she moved here 6 years ago from Europe. I guess girls are messed no matter where they're from.

I'm pretty perplexed over this entire situation! I'm not ugly, I have a better career than most people can hope for, and I almost have my B.Sc. I already have a comp-sci diploma and I'm a former professor. This is all at 24, and she knew all this. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Women are so damn frustrating!

Maybe she's in love with the local greeter at Wal-Mart, or it's just her special time of the month. It's her loss, but DAMN this sucks.


Edit: I forgot to mention something about all girls being insane. I went out on Saturday with 3 ladies and told them this story. They all agree'd that she wanted to get with me, mostly because she paid for drinks and initiated a hug. One of them was even a 3rd year psychology major. I don't think anyone REALLY knows what the other (or same) sex wants...

 

[LostbutFound]

It could be a million different reasons...what you need to do is stop worrying about it...If she left, its her loss...you should not be worrying about it...

If anything, you should realize you dont have to worry about it because she hasnt called you or anything...this is a clear sign where things were going in her head...so screw it...

Trust me, its sucks because you think you found the only girl that has it all, but you will find someone that beats her out...Its happened to me time and time again, and everytime, i find someone else that tops the previous girl...

Point to take home....Dont sweat the small stuff, and most stuff is small stuff

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Ok first of all its obivious she felt differently than you. She saw this strictly as a friends type of thing (which I could've told you) and you saw this as a "she wants me bad" type of thing. Just because she paid for the drinks and gave you a hug, that doesn't mean she wanted you....LOL

I'm not trying to be harsh with you, just honest. This girl never had any romantic interest in you. Up until your study "date" she thought it was completely platonic between the two of you. But once you asked her to hangout again she knew where you were leading. Consider it a blessing that she blew you off right away rather than lead you on.

Stop worrying about it, you guys never hooked up or anything. Who cares???


1-You called too much on Saturday
2-You sounded like you had no life outside of her.


Understand that when a girl has interest in a guy, he can afford to fuvk up a little bit (I wouldn't suggest it but it always happens). However if a girl never had any interest to start off with, then it doesn't matter what you did, said or didn't do. Go find more girls and stop worrying about one girl.

Think about it, if a girl liked you and you didn't like her, would you honestly call her up and say "Hey I think we should just be friends" if you knew you probably would never have to see her again?? Your lying if you say yes. No one likes rejection, so hearing her reject you is not necessary, she's letting her actions do the rejecting.


Never take rejections personally. Your acting ask if something is wrong with you. Nothing's wrong with you!! The only thing you need is to learn how to work "the game" better. Once you get this down you'll be loving your interactions with women because you'll understand everything that's going on, rather than being left in the dark.

 

[GaryNas]

An Update

Thanks for everyone's opinion thus far!

So I check my email tonight and there's a message from her. She apologized for being away over the weekend and gave me her instant messaging info. I'm thinking along the lines of not adding her until at least tomorrow night (ie. not call or talk with her until then either).

I think it's a good idea to talk with her before the weekend though since I'll be out of town Friday to Monday.

Any other tips?

Edit/Quick Reply: She doesn't have my IM information.

Thanks!

 

[LostbutFound]

Well my question to you is this...does she have your instant message name?? If she does, I would wait and see if she starts a conversation with you...I wouldnt initiate it...Remember, she fVcked around and she even apologized for it, the ball is now in her court...

Her responses to you now will determine how she really feels...But whatever response you get, remember what we told you...Dont Worry About it....

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Call her on the phone only one time to set something up for midweek next week - a fun activity.

 

[vdk]

How could I get all the "I'm interested" signals one day, and then just get dropped?

Its university remember! Women can give you all the buying signals in the world and still call you a friend. It took me a year of uni to figure this out and occurs mostly in HBs (duh). They flake cause they know they get attention. HBs are born female DJs.

Like someone said, NEXt her. If she trys to talk to you keep you convos short, the last thing you want is to catch the dreaded onenitis.

Finally, picture yourself in her shoes. If I like this guy would I be taking forever to reply? NO! So-called love guru Doc Love says "If a woman likes you, she will make it easier for you."

 

[32swf]

there's still hope

1. if you don't suggest something specific, you sound wussy and indecisive
2. you sounded desperate on the phone

she showed that she's still interested in you by emailing you after the weekend. If you're going out of town this weekend, then plan to ask her out next week. but be specific. Call her up thursday evening and say "I'm going out of town this weekend, but I'd like to get together next week. Would you like to go out to dinner on Tuesday night. can I pick you up at 7 pm??"

 

[bp1974]

This is where the tip "Judge her by her actions, not her words" comes into its own.

It doesn't matter how she seemed to behave with you and talk to you last time you met, what matters is how she acts towards you overall. Is she easy to date or not? So far, not.

She's fairly interested, and a bit flaky too. So date her on those terms. As her interest rises (which it may if you don't get too hung up on her) she will hopefully get less flaky, and you can change your attitude towards her accordingly.

32SWF gave good advice - ask her out for a date next week, and then forget about her until that day.

 

[princelydeeds]

This chick is a flake, welcome to the real world. The only way to turn this chick around is to remember supply and demand. Your interest level is very high so her IL is low. Turn your IL down, show her what a great guy you are. Flirt with at least 2 other women in the classroom or have a cutie waiting for you as soon as you leave the class. Ideally you would be talking to her on the way out of the room and you would leave her to talk to the other chick. I would only call her once every 4-5 days. When you do call her make it sound as if you are bored and she is your second option without being obvious.

I wouldn't get so wrapped up in this broad. She probably has a BF, or sum guy who is tappin dat a$$ but treats her like sh!t. Id bone her but I wouldn't fall in love.