Looking for another perspective.

[jRocK6780]

Hey guys, new to the forum. Looking for a fresh perspective on my situation. all comments welcomed. Here's what I have. I work with a beautiful female who is 23. Myself am 29. The catch is she has a boyfriend. But she seems very into me, always touching me when she talks, she is always fixing my shirt or tie etc.. The boyfriend is still in college 2 1/2 hours away. I invited her over my apartment which is a 45 minute ride and she has come twice. The first night we just sat and talked for 6 hours and attempted to watch a movie. I offered for her to stay the night she respectfully declined saying her boyfriend wouldnt like that (understandable). The second time she did spend the night and here's where the confusion comes into play. I made the mistake of telling her I would like to be more than friends, she replied with I love my boyfriend. She continued to be very touchy with me and even layed in bed with me at 5am when we decided to call it a night, she layed 3 inches from my face and kept talking to me until she fell asleep. Being the gentleman that I am, I moved to the couch. Now, she didn't leave until 3pm, we had breakfast and continued to talk with each other. I guess my main problem is am I misreading everything and she really isn't into me? I personally feel as though she may be confused on what to do. She continues to text me nonstop and even when she is out with her girlfriends (which I take as a good sign). I unfortunately have developed feelings for her which is only natural. What's your take on this? Am I nuts to think this is worth my time?

Jeremy

 

[Igetit!]

I invited her over my apartment which is a 45 minute ride and she has come twice. The first night we just sat and talked for 6 hours and attempted to watch a movie. I offered for her to stay the night she respectfully declined saying her boyfriend wouldnt like that (understandable). The second time she did spend the night...

Well that's funny. She came over to your place two times.The first time she didn't spend the night because she said her boyfriend wouldn't approved,but the second time she did spend the night. I wonder what changed?


Maybe she talked it over with her boyfriend and fount out he'd be ok with it.

and here's where the confusion comes into play. I made the mistake of telling her I would like to be more than friends, she replied with I love my boyfriend.

Yeah,telling her you wanted to be more than friends was a mistake,a HUGE one. However,if I had been you and she had given me that "I love my boyfriend" line,I'd been looong gone.


If she was seriuos when she said that,you're NOT going to date this girl or have a relationship with her. Fooling around from time time to,maybe,but her,as in her heart and emotions...no.

She made it clear who she belongs to.

She continued to be very touchy with me and even layed in bed with me at 5am when we decided to call it a night, she layed 3 inches from my face and kept talking to me until she fell asleep. Being the gentleman that I am, I moved to the couch. Now, she didn't leave until 3pm, we had breakfast and continued to talk with each other.

You're her surrogate boyfriend. She using you in place of her boyfriend.
She's using you to fill the void caused by the distance separating her and him.


At the moment,she's doing everything with you...except have sex. Every need she has that her boyfriend is supposed to be taking care of,you're doing it...minus the sexual part. This way,she can still have the attention of a man,the closeness of a man,a man wanting and desiring her,hanging out and spending time with her,and yet still remain faithful to her boyfriend.

I guess my main problem is am I misreading everything and she really isn't into me? I personally feel as though she may be confused on what to do.

No,she's not confused. She knows what she's doing. She into you as far as you fulfilling all her emotional needs go. She may even sleep with you,but right now she belongs to another.


If her boyfriend were to move down to were she lives,you'd get the "LJBF" speech,then she'd drop you and be devoted to him. You're just a spare tire being used until she replaces you with the normal,standard one.

She continues to text me nonstop and even when she is out with her girlfriends (which I take as a good sign).

Well yeah. She doesn't want you give the time and emotions you put into her to another woman. All the texting,touching,and hanging out with you serves a purpose. She needs to do that in order to make you continue to give her your interest. What,you think she's going to be mean or cold to you? Of course not. Not as long as you serve a purpose.


But once her boyfriend comes back to town,watch and see where all that "affection" goes.

Am I nuts to think this is worth my time?

If you're looking for a relationship with her,then yeah,it's a waste of time.

She may "crack" one of these days and sleep with you,but that's about it.


I'd just move on to someone who's available.

 

[jRocK6780]

Thank you for your time. Not what I was hoping to hear but the reality of it, your probably right.

 

[dat azz]

You should have just tried to kiss her.

 

[horaholic]

I say the OP can bang the hell out of her if he makes a move...soon. When she brings up the boyfriend, you have to convince her you wont judge her. 2 and half hours is a long way, it it must get lonely sometimes... If this is what you really want to do, anyway. Also, dont be a gentleman! She spent the night at your house for a reason.

 

[jRocK6780]

Thanks guys. Somehow, I will make this happen. I'm determined.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Just remember,

A man should never be the "emotional tampon" of a woman!

Take care!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

The second time she did spend the night and here's where the confusion comes into play. I made the mistake of telling her I would like to be more than friends, she replied with I love my boyfriend. She continued to be very touchy with me and even layed in bed with me at 5am when we decided to call it a night, she layed 3 inches from my face and kept talking to me until she fell asleep. Being the gentleman that I am, I moved to the couch. Now, she didn't leave until 3pm, we had breakfast and continued to talk with each other. I guess my main problem is am I misreading everything and she really isn't into me? I personally feel as though she may be confused on what to do. She continues to text me nonstop and even when she is out with her girlfriends (which I take as a good sign). I unfortunately have developed feelings for her which is only natural. What's your take on this? Am I nuts to think this is worth my time?

Jeremy

Young man, this is a SHOW over TELL Game. Not for the meek. You are your own worst enemy here. She expects YOU to make the move. She will not do it for you, and she does not want to TALK about it. When you start TALKING about things, you are forcing her to take responsibility. She wants you to be the man, take charge, and lead the way; pretty much, she's been wanting you to just take her.

What are you expecting her to tell you, "Jeremy, do you want to get naked under the blankets and cuddle?", well, she's just about telling you that, and you are not getting the message she is communicating. And if not for this post, you'd probably be back here next week telling us, "Guys, we cuddled naked under the blankets, yet I am not sure if she's interested. I asked her to be my gf and she told me she loves her bf."

Come on man. This girl is a child. You are almost 30 and need to take charge. She looks up to you as a man because you are not her 23 year old boyfriend, and you are letting this slip away from you and don't even see it.

I am not gonna preach to you about morality or the quality of a girl who does that even when she has a boyfriend, or any of that bs, as most girls always have somebody lined up before they break up with their current man; I will tell you how it is, and it will be up to you.

IF, a HUGE IF, you manage to get her one more time to your place. You have not choice but to MAKE A MAJOR MOVE ON HER! She's been wanting to and you been chickening out or really missing the obvious signs. Make your move first, then, if necessary, TALK LATER. With this one, you are doing it out of sequence. If you are gonna be worried about her boyfriend, then stay away. If you are gonna end up going AFC on her, regardless of her bf, then make your move, BEFORE any other logical talks begin. She's telling you: "I have a boyfriend, but I want you to take me now, yet be aware that I am not planning to break up with him anytime soon, so don't expect anything more than a physical relationship anytime soon." She can't spell it more clearly for you, unless she actually, literally gets a pen and a paper and quotes what I just told you. You need to be ok with that, or else you're in for a lot of frustration and heart ache, and you best stay away.

I wouldn't be surprised if she starts avoiding you very soon, if not already. I also have a gut feeling that you are way to available to her in person, by phone, by text, etc. You would never dare make her wait a few hours or a day to return her texts or calls. Am I wrong?

Make a move, if she actually rejects you, then you know she's just out for attention and you no longer will have to waste time and stress over her. Her reaction will be the most honest signal/answer you can get to all your questions about her interest in you.

Come on man. I haven't even read the previous responses, because your post outraged me so much I had to point out what most here probably see as very obvious. Please keep us updated.


GOL

 

[Ridingthelightning]

#1. If this 3 inches from your face thing occurs again then you close that gap.
#2. You should have sex with her. In a year do you want to say, "I f'ed her" or "I had a chance to f her"?
#3. You have emotional investment with her. You should prepare for the worst (most likely in this case it'll be her and you not getting together). You should do whatever you can with her and if and when it falls through just get over it. Guard your heart with this one.
She is staying the night with you while her b/f is away? Its not that you're SO special. Its that she is the type of girl that does this. Pure and simple. At 23 I'm positive beyond the shadow of a doubt she has done this before.

 

[anx1ety]

I wouldn't do it solely out of respect for her boyfriend. I would never want to be cheated on, no matter the circumstances..if you wanna be with someone else emotionally, or sexually..dump me. And therefore I wouldn't do it to someone else.

 

[bam bam]

anxiety morality isn't the question here... go with the flow... this isn't something you sit down and figure out logically... like the previous two posters said... make a move if it doesn't work you can move on and waste no time... the problem with elaborate plans to get a woman in bed is there not natural. Have a good time have some laughs smack her ass if you can get sexual with her. To me it sound like you had your balls snipped and your a *****.. no offence.. if she's committing time make a move if she goes omg wtf tell her to **** OFF... she's a dirt bag anyways for being over at your place while she has a bf the whole time... if that guy knew i'm sure he'd pull the good old... later chicken head or keep her as a part time booty call... get with the program she's not gf material she over at your place not to watch a move and lay in ur bed tell you about her bf. Unless your going to be her girl friend stop wasting time.

Bams

 

[jRocK6780]

Well, I have been lucky enough to get her over for a third time on Sunday. I'm going to make the move and see what happens. I'll prepare for the worst case scenario and if it works our for me great. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Just wish I didn't F it up last time.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Well, I have been lucky enough to get her over for a third time on Sunday. I'm going to make the move and see what happens. I'll prepare for the worst case scenario and if it works our for me great. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Just wish I didn't F it up last time.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. This time, you might just do both, but yes, at worst, you will learn soemthing very valuable.