(long) recent attempt at overcoming one-its and seeing girl as just a friend

[Ronin I]

Of course the entire conversation wasn't serious, but I'm instantly convinced they're referring to me and I just suddenly feel really really awkward. The idea that X knows I fancy her, talks about it with her mates and can make subtle references to it in front of me just doesnt feel good at all. And after I leave the house I'm convinced they've instantly started gossiping about me and how much they think I fancy her. Of course this is most likely my insecure brain kicking off again, but the fact it throws me so much really hammers home the fact that to me she's not "just" a mate at all.

This right here would royally piss me off. Whether or not it is true the bottom line is you should just forget about her.

I had a serious case of one-itis - my cure - cut contact for 2 months.

Look you are only deluding yourself, telling yourself you can just be friends with this girl as a way of "tricking" yourself into still seeing her. This is doing nothing to help you.

It is like an alcoholic deluding himself by thinking he can just go to the bar to have a drink or two. Yes, maybe he can do that once or twice or maybe even several times. But then he has a relapse and goes on a binge and spends his entire paycheck, totals his car, gets a DWI (you get the idea).

The fact that you are spending this much time thinking about her is unhealthy. The fact that you are soending this much time typing out LONG posts about her is bad.

Just stop calling her. Minimize your interactions with her. You don't NEED her to be your friend. But, you do NEED to cure yourself of one-itis so you can go out and get other women.

 

[DankNuggs]

You need to see her as little as humanly possible...You rationalizing every possible reason in the world why you HAVE to be friends and hang out all the time. Everyone here (yourself included) knows the game your trying to pull. And its a miserable slow torture that will drive you insane, and make her think of you as the lowliest of low. Your not going to get her by being her lapdog.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by Ronin I

It is like an alcoholic deluding himself by thinking he can just go to the bar to have a drink or two. Yes, maybe he can do that once or twice or maybe even several times. But then he has a relapse and goes on a binge and spends his entire paycheck, totals his car, gets a DWI (you get the idea).

I guess you are all right, the quickest way to sort this out is to minimise all contact, although this is kind of tricky when we both work in the same room every day and see so much of each other.. but I'll do my best to cut out unnecessary contact,

One other thing thats annoying me is regrets.. every now and again I wonder could we have got together if I'd done things differently, what should I have done to get her and keep her interested etc. etc. but of course this sort of thinking gets me nowhere.

also I've realised that spending so much time posting about her/writing emails about her does just mean I'm thinking about her too much, so no more...
From now on I'll try and deprive myself of her company wherever possible.. wish me luck.. Hopefully I can get over her and interested in someone else before the end of this course when we go our seperate ways.

thanks again everyone

 

[trajhenkhet]

You can still chill with her but you have to be surrounded by other women you are attracted to.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by trajhenkhet
You can still chill with her but you have to be surrounded by other women you are attracted to.

I think you may be right on this.. about 2 months ago I was out with her and one of her flatmates.. her flatmate was pretty cute (and single), and I spent most of the evening concentrating on her flatmate rather than her..

after the evening was over I was cursing myself for not trying harder with the flatmate, but I wouldn't be able to tell you what my one-itis girl was talking about cos I wasn't sitting trying to analyse everything she said, I was concentrating on the other girl that I was attracted to and that I knew was available.

 

[becker]

Here's where this DJ thing may not work. Sure, this girl has a BF, but it doesn't seem like it's what's holding her back from being with MrNiceGuy. This means that even without the BF in the picture, she probably might not be interested.

 

[nistelrooy]

mr.niceguy,

never underestimate what a good distraction can do for you in helping to overcome this.
something like a good book, a new hobby, blahblah...i know its very cliched but its true.
It gives you something else to focus on, and helps pass the time.

the trick is to keep a continuous string of distractions around you, until you meet a new chick.

Trust me, perhaps a year from now, when she is but a distant (albeit pleasant?) memory, you'll look back at this and laugh at yourself.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by becker
Here's where this DJ thing may not work. Sure, this girl has a BF, but it doesn't seem like it's what's holding her back from being with MrNiceGuy. This means that even without the BF in the picture, she probably might not be interested.

boyfriends aside... the main reason she doesn't seem attracted to me is because I am presenting no challenge, no mystery and so on.. she also knows full well I suck with women, and that at the moment she's pretty much the only girl in my life.. so she knows she holds all the cards.

The only way to turn this around is to go out and find other women, and then even if she does start to get interested I won't care because I will have other options..