Long distance relationships (LDRs)

[anonymous12345]

I’m currently in an LDR with an Arabic virgin (21) and it seems very good. We dated physically during a month or so, then I had to move. Things are very well, she’s glued to me, and it seems our both hopes are to at some point be physical permanently again.

Onto the perils. Rollo Tomassi in the Rational Male books talks a lot about that LDRs are bs, and I surely can confirm that in other cases.

One danger is that the LDR is only some kind of placeholder/entertainment until something interesting pops up. This does not seem like a concern for my girl, though I got my eyes open as usual, somewhat.

Another is the danger of chat/video. It’s so shallow, that one can project/read anything into it, and that the real contact when it occurs shows that it was nothing at all, or something else.

What’s your take?

 

[SW15]

I don't do long distance relationships.

When I used swipe apps, I tended to set the radius to 10-12 miles. In my city, traffic is too dense to regularly see someone enough beyond that distance. 10 miles can be over 30 minutes of driving in my city at peak periods. Most age appropriate single people in my area live within 10-12 miles of where I live.

In approaching strangers, I tend to approach in areas that are near where I live. These are mostly frequented by people who live close enough to me.

 

[savi0r]

If you can't close the distance in a reasonable time, it's doomed. I was in a 3 year LDR. I knew the girl from my city, but she lives with the family in Italy, and also studies there. We would see each other about 3,4 moths a year, but it wasn't enough. You can't keep it going for long. I was 32 and she was 19. She insisted for the relationship and i was her first in everything : first love, first sex, first orgasm,first to meet her family, first to bring home, etc. She entered the "party phase" and things started to go downhill from there. She pushed me in the corner and i had to broke up with her. When i met her, i knew about the red pill and had read the sosuave forum. But you can't "game" her for long when there is distance beetwen you. Bottom line is this: in these times, you can't keep young girls in LDR. I think it is impossible. Really .

 

[Zimbabwe]

After reading @BackInTheGame78 thread and seeing that subreddit with all it's success stories I started to think. I've been chatting to this persian girl that I met on a language exchange app for a fee months from now, she is completely different from modern western women. She is very traditional and thinks that most women in Australia are slvts and thinks most men in Australia are homosexual. She has zero interest in travelling to Australia or America.

I have gotten on really well with her, it's really refreshing after all the liberal sloots I dated in Sydney. I'm considering meeting up with her and giving the whole thing a shot.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Most LDRs wont work. Maybe you can pull it off because she is a virgin but if she meets a better option hypergamy might kick in.

 

[IKO69]

I went through this once - I had a girlfriend that went abroad to study. We did keep in contact through email and I would video chat her but it wasn't the same. Honestly it was a great opportunity for her and I didn't want to be like "The relationship or else" so I eventually broke things off. There were no hard feelings but yeah it's not really much of a relationship if you can't see each other.

It's different if it is a temporary assignment for a job or something but when you are gone 80% of the year, forget about it.

 

[betterthenever]

Just registered to add something to the threat, as I used to be a member some time ago.

Generally speaking, LDRs take a lot of effort to maintain and for every one that worked out, there's other 9 that didn't. I only know 2 couples that survived long distance - my ex flatmate and her boyfriend who are planning to get married and start a family and my parents who had episodes of long distance during their marriage.

I was in the same situation as you in 2018. I met an amazing 23yo Arab girl who was similar to the one you're describing - stunning, traditional values, fun to be around. She was unfortunately in my country for only 6 months. She had thought about living in my country before but felt homesick during the time here and it was too hard for her to leave her family for me. On the other side, I couldn't move there as it was too early in my career to make a switch as my job would've required me to speak another language. So all in all, it was the right time but the wrong place. We kept on calling each other but the distance made it easier for the feelings to drift away and stop getting closer to each other. End result: both of us metc someone else and she's going to marry someone else. I still look back at it with regret it didn't work out but it's life. You might find that it's really hard to maintain that level of closeness when the distance comes into play.

Now, to the practical notes:
- When you have video calls with her, try to gey her to initiate more so she's invested more than you are
- Try to do fun / action dates when you meet so you create memories together, I.e. mini golf, travelling together, going on experiences like cooking together in a restaurant etc. They will make the memories stay for longer and get her to be engaged more which is hard to emotionally detach from.
- See where you get with her physically as that can also help to keep her for longer
- Take each day as it comes but also look for any signs of her pulling away if you notice something wrong happening

These are my ideas, hope they help.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you can't fvck her she will find someone who can. She may still stay with you but just know she is fvcking someone while you aren't around.

If you understand the rules you are operating under it makes it a lot harder to get blindsided and get hurt badly.

Guys that get hurt that way delude themselves to believe the woman is operating under a different ruleset than she actually is.

 

[indiff]

I was in an LDR during the pandemic, girl lost her job and had to move back to her country. We tried to make it work but deep down I knew she wasn't really a quality girl to begin with (a few tats, drinks a lot, has male friends) and it'll be a matter of time before she starts being a ho. Besides, she's getting all the attention from me while I'm getting no action from her. After a few months of video calling, I just decided to ghost her one day.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

If there is no real and concrete plan to eventually (in less than 1 year) move to the same city then it is a lost cause.

I do not believe in LDR as there are too many unknowns and risks/temptations associated with being apart. Physical touch and intimacy are critical and not having physical proximity only adds to anything being magnified.

With that said, it is also a case by case. In your case, she is Arabic and a virgin. She is most likely to stay committed and engaged than a regular westerner "empowered" female.

My advice to you is to have a concrete timelined plan to be in the same place. Do not leave it up to the air.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Kotaix]

If it started in person then it has a chance, but for the most part LDRs are a complete waste of your time. And this is coming from someone who has done it before.

Either make it happen or move on, don't linger.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Most relationships in major cities are LDRs. If she has to drive more than 30 minutes or use any kind of public transport, it is an LDR.

LDRs can work… IF you’re in a major city or IF you are rich. For the average guy, huge waste of time.

LDRs are a reality now that the dating market is globalized. The girl who lives 15 minutes away is getting flown out!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

After reading @BackInTheGame78 thread and seeing that subreddit with all it's success stories I started to think. I've been chatting to this persian girl that I met on a language exchange app for a fee months from now, she is completely different from modern western women. She is very traditional and thinks that most women in Australia are slvts and thinks most men in Australia are homosexual. She has zero interest in travelling to Australia or America.

I have gotten on really well with her, it's really refreshing after all the liberal sloots I dated in Sydney. I'm considering meeting up with her and giving the whole thing a shot.

I have terrible news for you.

 

[eli77]

You ever heard the saying if it was meant to be let her go and see if she comes back let her date other guys or you date other girls for at least 2 months and see what happens 50% of marriages and divorce where there's long distance short distance whatever.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I’ve seen it work. Both people have to be committed to it working. My daughter is in a LDR with her high school sweetheart, who has gone to university a year ahead of her. As I type this she is on fall break and traveled with his parents (happily long term intact first marriage) to visit him at university this week.

They communicate several times a day, have not yet had sex (she is a virgin), and she plans to move there once she graduates high school in the spring. They have had this plan for about a year now. He is a solid young man from a good family background and they are sweet to one another. I have seen a number of couples get together and stay together from high school on, despite long distance.

Patrick Mahomes, quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs is a famous example of this.

Sometimes first love can develop into lasting life partner marriage. But it takes a certain maturity and commitment level in both people in the relationship. I have told my daughter things may not last. She has the 411. But if they make it work? Good for them.

It can work. It just takes that level of commitment.

 

[2Rocky]

First hand experience with an LDR. We made it work. Key ingredients:
1) same time zone.
2) regular communication 1x a day at a regular time is best.
3) regular in-person meetups. Between every 21 days and every 60 days.
4) sex during every in person meetup. Fellas, be tracking her cycle so you don't have to share a room with Aunt Flo.
5) a Firm Date (and Plan) on the horizon for closing the distance, and progress markers as you get closer to it.
6) if not exclusive, a very clear don't ask, don't tell policy and an agreement to use barrier methods for STD prevention.
7) Activities and Dates during meetups. Make each meetup an occasion and do something special each time.
8) have your $hit together. Take care of all your responsibilities and don't have something hanging over your head so you can be present in the relationship when you are together. That time together you build the relationship and while apart you just maintain it. If your house is not in order so to speak, and your LDR partner is worried about that, it puts a toll on the relationship. (Employment, Housing situation, Health, Safety, Etc.
9) No FOMO from either party. If you aren't done going out partying every weekend or are going to resent your partner having fun without you, don't get in an LDR.

TBH I don't recommend LDR's to people who are looking for :
a foreign bride
their high school sweetheart
someone to lose their virginity to.
Jealous people
people lacking confidence in themselves

 

[BeExcellent]

very low likelihood of success here. Its better that the he went to college first, at least.

Agree. She’s been informed. I take a wait and see stance. It’s her life. I’ve done my level best to raise her well, but at some point the training wheels come off. I respect that she is wanting this to work out. She certainly isn’t entertaining other guys. Not at all.

 

[Macadellic]

Read OP’s initial post and didn’t read the replies.

OP,
From my past experience
LDRs work when there is a set time
frame from being apart from each other.

Example,
The two of you will be apart for 6 months.
There is a start and stop time of your distance.

If there isn’t a time set then it doesn’t work.
Again, this is from my experience.

With that said I no longer do LDRs. If we are going to be apart I communicate with her that I’m going to be single and so is she for the duration of us not being together even if there’s a set time frame. Yes we will stay in contact and I will see her on my return or vice versa.

If she doesn’t like this, agree with this then so be it.

I’m the prize
and it’s her job to get a commitment from me.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Advice from the old lady:

I’ve seen it work. Both people have to be committed to it working. My daughter is in a LDR with her high school sweetheart, who has gone to university a year ahead of her. As I type this she is on fall break and traveled with his parents (happily long term intact first marriage) to visit him at university this week.

They communicate several times a day, have not yet had sex (she is a virgin), and she plans to move there once she graduates high school in the spring. They have had this plan for about a year now. He is a solid young man from a good family background and they are sweet to one another. I have seen a number of couples get together and stay together from high school on, despite long distance.

Patrick Mahomes, quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs is a famous example of this.

Sometimes first love can develop into lasting life partner marriage. But it takes a certain maturity and commitment level in both people in the relationship. I have told my daughter things may not last. She has the 411. But if they make it work? Good for them.

It can work. It just takes that level of commitment.

Guarantee you one of them cheated

 

[BeExcellent]

Guarantee you one of them cheated

Nope. Not everyone is a cheater.