Long Distance Relationship

[LeonSK]

This is probably anti-DJ spirit, but I'm wondering if anyone actually has done it and what's your honest take on it?

Background:
My oneitis feeling is having a strong comeback after I spent a day with my old gf (dated a few years ago) last weekend. She came to see me and we did everything. Right now the only thing holding me back from actively pursuing is we are going to be in two different cities far away from each other (a couple hours flight). Another thing is she broke up with me back then -- I dropped the L-bomb very early on and I was very needy.

 

[Turuwal]

The Machiavelli in me says to have sex with her while she is still there, spin plates and keep her ticking over while she is away, and try to get her to visit you occasionally for sex. You would need to do your own calculations on the cost of airfares to visit her vs the cost of finding a replacement (time, covers, dates, etc).

If you don't understand or won't agree with this strategy you should probably let her go.

P.S. Don't feel bad. Women LOVE sex and also have no problem using manipulation on you if you let them.

 

[goldengoose]

Two hours by car is the farthest you should go. Two hours by plane? Not worth it for me. That's not a relationship. Too much time and money to spend on a girl by going on a plane. Too much of a risk when she's that far away. Plus she dumped you before. Unless she's coming to you, I wouldn't do that myself. I wouldn't spend money for a plane ticket to bang some chick when I can do that in my hometown.

 

[Sofomore]

I just got out of a LDR. She was an hour and a half by drive and it still didn't work. I regret it.

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/20/letting-go-of-invisible-friend/

Some hard truths but try not to get into one. You will waste time. She's also an ex for a reason...

 

[MtnMan]

long distance with and ex girlfriend??
no way.

 

[GotED?]

Never do LDR.

I used to do it and seek it unconsciously in my 20's.

I finally realized LDR is just for people who really have a fear of intimacy. LDR allows one to fictitiously perceiving a deeper relationship than it actually is (especially if it was created solely online and fell in love without meeting first). The absence of the other partner makes a real human connection almost impossible over time.

I finally got out of my fairyland in LDRs and faced up to the real hard true work and game in having day to day interaction with a woman in person. LDR is a safe way for those who sub-consciously want to keep the other person at a distance to prevent getting hurt- imagining wonderful things which never really existed in the end.

The time you DO spend together are just a rollercoaster emotional drama ride - once every so long you see each other, it is like an adrenaline rush for junkies. This is not a real relationship - as you never get to know the person on a deeper level consistenly over time. It comes down to never getting past the infatuation stage because as soon as you almost get over it, she/he is gone away for a long time. It is a viciously pointless cycle of time wasting being sucked into lust and nothing else more meaningful.

Exodus

 

[Comatozed]

Never do LDR.
It comes down to never getting past the infatuation stage because as soon as you almost get over it, she/he is gone away for a long time. It is a viciously pointless cycle of time wasting being sucked into lust and nothing else more meaningful.

Exodus

can relate to this.

How frequently do you think you have to see somebody to moved past the initial infatuation phase?

 

[GotED?]

Depends when you finally have secks.

But if you are LDR, you are always craving for that lack of secks. This creates the illusion of something more there relationship wise than actual. LDR are really just LUST relationships.

Seeing each other every weekend or more often is a normal typical non LDR relationship.

Exodus

 

[Comatozed]

My situation is kinda like no other so I'm struggling to find advice from old threads I can apply to this situation.

I was visiting a friend in different city. Hit it off with this girl and have been 'acting' like a couple from almost day one. She's been here, I've been to her. Yet we havent had 'the talk' I'm not sure I want to bring it up for obv reasons, but I am a bit older and she does seem to want me to lead.

However because we havent had the talk, and it is long distance, I feel constantly nervous she'll flake when I ask her out. If she doesn't flake thus time, do I see that as a good enouh sign to 'talk' - I don't want to be in this constant state of flux between dates- but also dont wanna be the one being needy.

 

[JoeMarron]

An LDR with your ex? You would be a fool to attempt something like that. An LDR is a bad idea to begin with, getting back with an ex is a horrible idea. That being said, exclusive LDRs are the main problem. If you plan on just fvcking her every now and then while talking to local chicks then I don't see any problems. She's an ex though so you may not be able to do that without catching feelings. To answer your question, against my better judgement I have been in an LDR, I happen to be in one now, she also happens to be my wife. Don't use my example as some sort of success story. 999 times out of 1000 that sh!t is not going to work out. If you want to try an LDR then you need to be on your A game and the chick better be awesome enough to warrant such an outrageous idea. rascal99v made an excellent post on LDR's in another thread, here's the link http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=213011.

I just got out of a LDR. She was an hour and a half by drive and it still didn't work. I regret it.

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/2...isible-friend/

Some hard truths but try not to get into one. You will waste time. She's also an ex for a reason...

Hah I remember reading this awhile ago. Sure many LDRs may be like this but in my situation I call bullsh!t. It's the exception but there are real relationships that also happen to be LDRs. Hell the dude who wrote this blog was in an LDR before he married his wife. http://marriedmansexlife.com/blog/

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

^^^^

Yes, and Athol Kay was so desperate and sexually deprived by his Blue Pill conditioning that he moved from his native country of New Zealand and essentially followed everything I wrote about in Dream Killers to the letter.

Women should only ever be a compliment to a man’s life, never the focus of it.

If you're entertaining an LDR, that woman (and women in general) is the focus of your life.

Leon, read these posts too:
http://therationalmale.com/2011/10/14/dream-killers/
http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/22/dream-girls-and-children-with-dynamite/
http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
http://therationalmale.com/2012/10/31/case-study-adams-lament/

 

[JoeMarron]

^^^^

Yes, and Athol Kay was so desperate and sexually deprived by his Blue Pill conditioning that he moved from his native country of New Zealand and essentially followed everything I wrote about in Dream Killers to the letter.

Women should only ever be a compliment to a man’s life, never the focus of it.

If you're entertaining an LDR, that woman (and women in general) is the focus of your life.

Leon, read these posts too:
http://therationalmale.com/2011/10/14/dream-killers/
http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/22/dream-girls-and-children-with-dynamite/
http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
http://therationalmale.com/2012/10/31/case-study-adams-lament/

I won't pretend that mine or Athol Kay's situation is ideal. I used his example to show that as ill advised as an LDR is, it can work out in the end. However, we all know not to make decisions based on the exception which is why I always advice men considering LDRs not to do it. Plus who knows, as desperate and deprived as he might have been maybe he didn't have some grand dream that would have been hindered by having a wife. At the moment he seems to be doing quite well for himself. I don't think it's accurate to paint all early relationships as automatic dream killers. All of that being said, LeonSK please heed Rollo's advice. He's older, wiser, and knows what the fvck he's talking about. Go ahead and read the rest of his blog and buy his book too.

 

[The_411]

LDR's are a big no no. Thery serve no purpose because the whole point of a relationship is relating and you can't really do that without sharing experiences. The only exception might be where two people have had a relationship and due to circumstance things force them to be away from each for a brief period of time, but even then you still have to deal with all the issues of LDRs.

99% of them go the same way one of both parties gets fed up because they can't see the other party when they have needs and their friends take them out and since their needs aren't being met they cheat.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

From the 16 Commandments of Poon:

III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.