Long Distance Relationship/Infidelity on both sides.. Any chance?

[AirborneDoc82ndABN]

Gentlemen,

Here is my situation. I recently (mid April) returned from a 15 month deployment in eastern Afghanistan. Upon returning my plan was pretty much to just chill and in all honestly plow everything I could. I have a very good female friend I knew from Hawaii when I was stationed there. She's living up in Philly, PA.. so I went up at the end of April with not much intention except seeing her and chillin and seeing where it went. Well, we ended up having sex a lot during my stay with her and I ended up heading back to NC in a relationship, not really realizing what I had gotten myself into. I dunno, no excuse really, just care about her a lot since we have been close friends for over 4 years now.

Anyway, I make it back to NC and we are good at first, still on the high of seeing each other for first time in almost 2 years. Then she begins talking to her ex of 3 years who is living in New Jersey. I ask her not to, knowing he has intentions of destroying us.. She basically agrees, but I am skeptical and I don't press the issue because I know better.

I then proceed to make a very poor decision and hook up with a slut I meet. It's a one time thing and I keep it to myself. I feel like crap about it, but its understood from beginning it was strictly sexual. I forget about it and move on.

For the record, I am a Paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne Division, and anyone who has been in 82nd knows the tempo at which things run down this way. Whether it be running 4-8 miles daily, working long days, Jumping, etc.. It is a highly stressful place to succeed. I am a Staff Sergeant and responsible for 8 Paratroopers and running a Treatment section. So between work, gym time, and time with my boys, it is hard to make time for the girl.

So anyway, things get kind of weird in June when she comes down to visit me. We work through it or whatever and she goes back to Philly. In mid June I head to Texas for a month of leave.. I sort of disconnect in the sense that I am on vacation with family and partying with friends. She is very needy and it doesn't go over very well. So at this point she begins talking to her ex again. I don't know this until I go visit her in Philly in 1st week of July and get a message on Myspace from her ex about how he fvcked her the weekend before and basically just a vicious message. I confess my cheating and we decide its over for now. I leave the next morning and head back to NC. She tells me she fvcked up as did I, and we decide to work through it (I'm stupid for not running at this point)..

We keep it going but it sucks and the trust issues are a very big deal. She came down 2 weekends ago and we had a good time, but there are still a lot of trust issues between us.

I am moving down to Georgia this weekend for a new assignment, and at this point I don't see us going anywhere. I tried dumping her last weekend over the phone but it turned into her crying and begging me not to. So I am still kind of with her, but I expect her to cheat again and I don't really want to be worrying about this crap. She is an overall great girl and has a lot going for her. BS in Bio, currently in Grad school, banking 40K a year at work.. about a 7.5/10 in my opinion.

I am not desperate by any means, I am just incredibly busy and honestly don't have the desire or energy to get into anything serious. I really thought this was it, but I messed up first and then she followed suite. I will be going to RANGER school this fall/winter and that is 2 months of disconnect and I truly do not want to worry about what she is up to while I am starving in the woods of Georgia and swamps in Florida..

Help me out.. Sorry this is so long..

ps - I feel like I have a major trust issue with her for the fact that she hooked up with someone she loves, versus a random guy. I can work through the "I got wasted and we hooked up", but not the I made the conscious decision to go fvck my ex and then try and play it off. I doubt I would've ever found out had he not told me.

 

[vitaminenergy]

Gentlemen,

Here is my situation. I recently (mid April) returned from a 15 month deployment in eastern Afghanistan. Upon returning my plan was pretty much to just chill and in all honestly plow everything I could. I have a very good female friend I knew from Hawaii when I was stationed there. She's living up in Philly, PA.. so I went up at the end of April with not much intention except seeing her and chillin and seeing where it went. Well, we ended up having sex a lot during my stay with her and I ended up heading back to NC in a relationship, not really realizing what I had gotten myself into. I dunno, no excuse really, just care about her a lot since we have been close friends for over 4 years now.

Anyway, I make it back to NC and we are good at first, still on the high of seeing each other for first time in almost 2 years. Then she begins talking to her ex of 3 years who is living in New Jersey. I ask her not to, knowing he has intentions of destroying us.. She basically agrees, but I am skeptical and I don't press the issue because I know better.

I then proceed to make a very poor decision and hook up with a slut I meet. It's a one time thing and I keep it to myself. I feel like crap about it, but its understood from beginning it was strictly sexual. I forget about it and move on.

For the record, I am a Paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne Division, and anyone who has been in 82nd knows the tempo at which things run down this way. Whether it be running 4-8 miles daily, working long days, Jumping, etc.. It is a highly stressful place to succeed. I am a Staff Sergeant and responsible for 8 Paratroopers and running a Treatment section. So between work, gym time, and time with my boys, it is hard to make time for the girl.

So anyway, things get kind of weird in June when she comes down to visit me. We work through it or whatever and she goes back to Philly. In mid June I head to Texas for a month of leave.. I sort of disconnect in the sense that I am on vacation with family and partying with friends. She is very needy and it doesn't go over very well. So at this point she begins talking to her ex again. I don't know this until I go visit her in Philly in 1st week of July and get a message on Myspace from her ex about how he fvcked her the weekend before and basically just a vicious message. I confess my cheating and we decide its over for now. I leave the next morning and head back to NC. She tells me she fvcked up as did I, and we decide to work through it (I'm stupid for not running at this point)..

We keep it going but it sucks and the trust issues are a very big deal. She came down 2 weekends ago and we had a good time, but there are still a lot of trust issues between us.

I am moving down to Georgia this weekend for a new assignment, and at this point I don't see us going anywhere. I tried dumping her last weekend over the phone but it turned into her crying and begging me not to. So I am still kind of with her, but I expect her to cheat again and I don't really want to be worrying about this crap. She is an overall great girl and has a lot going for her. BS in Bio, currently in Grad school, banking 40K a year at work.. about a 7.5/10 in my opinion.

I am not desperate by any means, I am just incredibly busy and honestly don't have the desire or energy to get into anything serious. I really thought this was it, but I messed up first and then she followed suite. I will be going to RANGER school this fall/winter and that is 2 months of disconnect and I truly do not want to worry about what she is up to while I am starving in the woods of Georgia and swamps in Florida..

Help me out.. Sorry this is so long..

ps - I feel like I have a major trust issue with her for the fact that she hooked up with someone she loves, versus a random guy. I can work through the "I got wasted and we hooked up", but not the I made the conscious decision to go fvck my ex and then try and play it off. I doubt I would've ever found out had he not told me.

DTB

 

[KontrollerX]

Vitamin energy said it best.

Dump that b!tch.

And you said it yourself you are far too busy to be chasing after her making sure she's not swallowing that moron's c0ck and plus like you also said you don't need her anyway as chicks just dig your army vibes or whatever and you have no problem in that department.

No doubt you'd be able to make her a slave to your c0ck alone if you weren't so busy but the fact is you are busy and in such a high stress job like you are in you don't need some drama and bullsh!t fvcking with your Chi while you're out on the battlefield doing combat exercises or whatever the fvck it is your particular branch of the military does.

So let the loser have her for now.

She'll probably come around and jump right back on your c0ck when you are done with your current mission as it will be a long time and she will likely be bored of sucking that loser off by then.

You'll be the fresh available prospect putting that moron on the defensive, then you can send him a nasty message about splattering your man batter all over his oneitis's face. Think of that hilarious and sweet revenge while you are doing your duty for our country and I guaran-damn-t you will do your job better than you've ever done it and during down time you will break out into sporadic fits of laughter thinking about how you are going to ruin this guy's fantasy relationship once you are done with your job and can come back and get in her radar again among other things.

Oh and P.S she is a ho/fvck buddy what have you and not the kind of woman one invests their emotions in so as part of your training start to think of her in her proper context and cut your emotions towards her off. Decent women don't pull the kind of sh!t this b!tch has done to you. Not that you are innocent either but I think you know what I mean.

 

[Interceptor]

Doc, let her go, man.

Concentrate on your health, mental health, emotional health, and well being...your peace of mind.

Let this go. Dont blame her, or get angry or resentful. Dont be bitter.
Theres too much emotional charge, and mistrust right now for anything really strong, and meaningful. Unless you want all this heavy emotional energy.
Thats not healthy, man.
She needs her space to figure out who she is, and what she did.
So do you too, though...



Go kick ass at Ranger school.


Let this be a lesson, but dont carry it as an open wound.
Learn from it, and what you want from a woman, a relationship, and how can you deliver what a good woman wants and needs.


Let her go, Doc.

Center yourself on your life and your emotional growth too.


And lead the way....

 

[AirborneDoc82ndABN]

Yea thanks guys.. I am pretty much tracking the same plan of action. I mean I have pretty much checked out of the relationship emotionally. I think it would be a lot different if she were closer, but the distance thing really killed any chance we had of making it.

See, here's the thing.. She isn't just a slut I met and started banging.. We have been super close for about 4 years and we genuinely care for one another, we just didn't think out this relationship thing very well.

My plan is to move forward with my life, let her do her thing and see what happens, although I know its gonna fail because I need sex and I need to be with females. So, yeah I'm kind of guessing it will crumble later on.

Funniest thing is, the more I try and end it, the more she wants it. I wouldn't consider her a female AFC by any means, but its just funny to try and end things and have it create a 180 of the desired effect... We will see what happens..

Any more insight?

 

[AirborneDoc82ndABN]

Interceptor,

Thanks for the advice, you are absolutely right. We both need time to figure out who we really are and what we want.

You prior service?

Definitely will enjoy the suck and misery of those 62 days.. Just bummed you can't dip anymore.. Dip has a way of making bad times tolerable haha..

Airborne Medics LTW!!

 

[DonGorgon]

Distance has nothing to do with it, but it makes a great excuse!..... down grade her to occasional F buddy cause that is what she is now anyway.

 

[alphamailman]

Doc, KontrollerX and Victory Unlimited helped me out with my long-distance "conundrums (or so I thought)" and I've let go of any connections back home and am enjoying the selectivity I have and attention I get in my new town.

I would've really regretted holding on to a relationship 5 hours away. I'm in a better place mentally, physically...you will be too...after Ft. Benning.

 

[AirborneDoc82ndABN]

Thanks again, for all of the advice.. I mean I feel like I know this stuff, but hardest part is breaking it off. I can honestly say its not because I am afraid I will end up alone or anything like that, because I know thats not the case. I think its just hard because I genuinely do care for her, and she wont let me leave. Now I know a lot of you will call "Bullsh1t".. But I think the fact that we are awesome as friends makes it super hard to just cut her out of my life. And I feel like I am afraid to break it off due to my fear of losing her friendship which means a lot to me.

I think she senses that I have checked out of this thing emotionally. Like I said, I cheated first, but it was a one time thing.. She chose to cheat with her ex who she still cares for which hurt a lot and caused me to check out of this thing back in July. I've just kinda been like whatevers, and it really wouldn't bother me if she cheated now, because my feelings have changed so much. We had a good time a few weeks ago when she came to visit, but its just not what it was.

I appreciate the advice. My buddy's and female friends all say the same thing. While it's easy when on the outside looking in and giving advice, but it sucks to be in it and feeling like crap..