Lone Star

[lone star]

You ought to write advice in the papers or something, Latinoman. You're right on target.

BTW - I think you also were right on he wanting to be 300% sure. He asked me if I had any projects for the day and if I wanted to do something else after lunch so he was still throwing in the possibility of sex. Then he let me know that I could hall him "if I needed something else". This guy does want sex and doesn't care about his family. He probably cheats on his wife as a routine or has done it in the past or maybe is in an open marriage, who knows. I also noticed him ogling a young woman in the restaurant. All this stuff I think turned me off.

All and all I'm bummed anyway. I'm not used to this kind of crap.

BTW2- Why do you think I still will want to see him again - or somebody like him?

 

[lone star]

Latinoman: you're on target again because even though I got disappointed over lunch with this guy, dammit, I still think about him. How did you know the thing was not over even before I knew it?

P.S. I would start a thread in Mature Man but the discussion here has been so long that I am afraid the folks over there won't get the point of the thread.

 

[Sun Tzu]

By the way, lone star, some of us would have attacked you if you were a guy trying to get involved with either a girl in a relationship or a married woman. In Sun Tzu's treatise on human behavior, The Art of War, Sun Tzu describes double agents as those who can never be trusted. You can't trust someone who would betray the trust of those to whom they pledged their allegiance. In this case, you're married. You vowed to be faithful and dedicated to your husband. You're betraying that vow. You're betraying the contract of marriage. You're a turncoat, and you can never be trusted.

Wise words, Demon.

Lone Star, I asked in the other thread, what specific vows did you make to your husband, whom you refer to as a "sweetheart"?

Sun Tzu

 

[DarkLight]

Latinoman: you're on target again because even though I got disappointed over lunch with this guy, dammit, I still think about him. How did you know the thing was not over even before I knew it?

I'm gonna take a stab at this.

Because the impulse that led you to even engage such a thought (of seeing/being with another man) has yet to be fulfilled. Your still in a marriage who's current state is far from desirable. So therefore, what have you completed by just considering this man's life apart from yours? The emotions of the moment didn't pan out as you thought (while with him)... but the root of this considered action is still as it is. You've neither killed it... or watered it. So with this root still intact, and unchanged... you say, "I still think about him", and perfectly so.

 

[Nighthawk]

You still want him because being a home-wrecker turns you on.

So you went with the 'my husband's impotent' excuse rather than 'my husband's abusive', but you're still lying and cheating. And I'm not being moralistic, I'm more interested in why you are attracted to this sort of behaviour (thrill-seeking, finding unavailable men irresistable, deception) and how (if?) it is affecting your self-image (cognitive dissonance is destructive).

I'm not being judgmental, I've done questionable (ie wrong) things in pursuit of my erotic adventures, and I don't think women should be held to any higher standard. But your problem illustrates points that this site often makes, that women think with their pvssy, that what women want is an emotional roller-coaster, and no matter how much of a 'sweetheart' a man is if he isn't pleasing his woman, she won't be (exclusively) his for long.

 

[lone star]

I'm gonna take a stab at this.

Because the impulse that led you to even engage such a thought (of seeing/being with another man) has yet to be fulfilled. Your still in a marriage who's current state is far from desirable. So therefore, what have you completed by just considering this man's life apart from yours? The emotions of the moment didn't pan out as you thought (while with him)... but the root of this considered action is still as it is. You've neither killed it... or watered it. So with this root still intact, and unchanged... you say, "I still think about him", and perfectly so.

Touché.

 

[lone star]

You still want him because being a home-wrecker turns you on.

So you went with the 'my husband's impotent' excuse rather than 'my husband's abusive', but you're still lying and cheating. And I'm not being moralistic, I'm more interested in why you are attracted to this sort of behaviour (thrill-seeking, finding unavailable men irresistable, deception) and how (if?) it is affecting your self-image (cognitive dissonance is destructive).

I'm not being judgmental, I've done questionable (ie wrong) things in pursuit of my erotic adventures, and I don't think women should be held to any higher standard. But your problem illustrates points that this site often makes, that women think with their pvssy, that what women want is an emotional roller-coaster, and no matter how much of a 'sweetheart' a man is if he isn't pleasing his woman, she won't be (exclusively) his for long.

I partially agree with you because altough I am not a home-wrecker and nor do I like deception, it is true that I have a history of being atracted to unavailable men and to the emotional roller-coaster thing. In addition, I tend to obsess in these kinds of things.

Aside from that, you will still have to concede that a sexless marriage is unstable, no matter how much love and committment there is involved.

What is happening to me is that my husband has been away from the house for a few months and I have had the chance to look over my situation. This new guy appears in my horizon just when I am alone so the chances for sex are a lot higher, so I bent to the temptation and gave it not only a serious thought but even a try (lunch).

Thanks to you guys I can see that I must look at my marriage in the eye now and stop piddling around. I love my husband but the lack of sex is driving me crazy.

 

[DarkLight]

Touché.

damn I'm good! lol

Oh and your comment here...

it is true that I have a history of being atracted to unavailable men and to the emotional roller-coaster thing. In addition, I tend to obsess in these kinds of things.

These are foundational traits of all women.
So... nothing uniquely personal right there. (just for your understanding)

Peace'

 

[Pulsar]

You ought to write advice in the papers or something, Latinoman. You're right on target.

BTW - I think you also were right on he wanting to be 300% sure. He asked me if I had any projects for the day and if I wanted to do something else after lunch so he was still throwing in the possibility of sex. Then he let me know that I could hall him "if I needed something else". This guy does want sex and doesn't care about his family. He probably cheats on his wife as a routine or has done it in the past or maybe is in an open marriage, who knows. I also noticed him ogling a young woman in the restaurant. All this stuff I think turned me off.

All and all I'm bummed anyway. I'm not used to this kind of crap.

BTW2- Why do you think I still will want to see him again - or somebody like him?

You are such a hypocrite.

You act and think in such an unethical and immoral way.

Karma will catch up to you!--If not this lifetime, then another.

Lucky for you, you can change how you think and thus your actions. Changing your actions into a more ethical and moral mindset will bring you ease of mind and allow you to make the right decisions without harming others.

At the end of the day, if you cheat, you are harming your husband.

You are also harming yourself.

You are also harming the person you are cheating with.

BTW--no one here advocates that if the guy cheats, then it is ok. Some guys here just want to **** and so they get advice that will allow them to do it but really, cheating does not fit in with the spirit of what being a DJ is all about.