ljbf speech and your reaction - a question for everyone.

[Phenomenal One]

After getting the ljbf (lets just be friends) speech from a girl should the guy disappear from the girls life ?

in public or face to face he would'nt ignore her
but other than that he would'nt initiate contact with her.

 

[Scars]

Yes, don't initiate contact, but don't ignore her either. Just treat her as a normal person. And once she starts getting hott for you don't give in right away either, always make her wait a bit.

 

[Lexington]

When she gives you the LJBF speech, assume it's over. But there is a chance (don't count on it) that she'll develop feelings for you if you walk away. Don't completely ignore her but definitely make yourself scarce. Don't call her, don't seek her out. If she says hey, say hello back and make sure you cut the conversation off quickly and go on your way. Put your focus on getting with other girls. Maybe she'll be jealous and want to have you back in her life.

Another option is to just tell her straight up that you have no interest in being friends. Make her reject you then and there and put an end to the B.S. or make her take you.

 

[KontrollerX]

Thank her for her offer of friendship but say that its not something you have any interest in.

The offer of friendship from her is false anyway and just a passive aggressive way for her to avoid further confrontation.

Even in the case where the girl would like to keep you around its only either to use you for attention or to keep tabs on your mental state and status with other women.

In other words she wants to see how quickly or IF you move on at all and also you remaining in her life gives her some extra time to emotionally get over you and put you in the "I'm not attracted to him and never will be again" box completely.

So all you AFC lurkers out there don't think you are being noble or a good person to accept a woman's false friendship she offers you upon breaking up with you as its not real friendship anyway and also you AFC's understand that this supposed making friends with you act is just a feminine social convention that you are expected to accept outright or be deemed insecure by our matriarchal society.

It matters not for when you break that mold with class, calmness, coolness and no whining or allowing yourself to be pulled into more drama with the girl over not accepting her false friendship offer...you win.

Edit: To answer the main questions of the topic if you see her out in public after denying her friendship request you will make no effort to contact her. If she says some greeting to you, you can respond back but once again make no effort to seek her out and greet her if you see her.

However if you both see eachother and she says nothing you say nothing, just walk on by.

If she tries to talk to you in public keep the conversation as brief as possible. Less than two minutes preferably.

 

[Sir_Turtle]

Agreed. LJBF is an attempt to keep you around as an ego boost while she pursues other options. She may actually begin consider you as a valid option when she realizes she can't keep you around forever or take you for-granted.

If you don't walk away you will never know whether or not she was simply unattracted or waiting to make sure there wasn't something better just over the horizon.

Either way you're only going to limit your options and do yourself harm if you stick around hoping that your devotion will change her mind.

 

[Jazzman19]

I'll give you a good example of something I was dumb enough to fall for. This girl was a casual friend of my older sister (27), and she seemed really into me. Too much of a long story for this example, but suffice it to say I didn't read the warning signs when I read her "About Me" on Facebook:

"I get along better with guys than with girls and I prefer it that way. I should mention that I am looking for friendship/dating at this time, just nothing serious. However, I am open to meeting new people to hangout with and possibly casual dating. I would like to meet nice, intelligent, and fun guys among other things that enjoy a good conversation and wants to get to know me at least on a friendship level, possibly dating. Even though I want the right man to find me, I do not need a man. I have a strong personality. I am going to do my own thing regardless."

(FYI- this is STILL on her profile right now, and she is like 33 now and woefully single, hahaha)

So at the time I was thinking, "alright, I am nice, intelligent and fun, I will play by these "rules" for a bit then make a move, and she will be putty in my hands." No, never happened. The minute I made my move, which was actually only into our 2nd week of knowing each other I not only got the "didn't I tell you I was ONLY looking for friends right now, but that doesn't mean I will date them??!!" but also the "listen, we work better as friends" speech. I ended up staying friends with her for about, oh 8 months, and the whole time you know what she was doing?- dating guys for like a week, calling them her "friend", and then screwing them (something she claimed she would NEVER do with her male friends).

That trap messed with my game for awhile until I realized she was doing that on purpose- she needed options. She wanted to keep some guys on the backburner who she wasn't quite attracted to enough in case one of these other random guys she was screwing messed up. Take Kontroller's advice, it will save you a lot of stress and wasting of time.

 

[worship]

I'll give you a good example of something I was dumb enough to fall for. This girl was a casual friend of my older sister (27), and she seemed really into me. Too much of a long story for this example, but suffice it to say I didn't read the warning signs when I read her "About Me" on Facebook:

"I get along better with guys than with girls and I prefer it that way. I should mention that I am looking for friendship/dating at this time, just nothing serious. However, I am open to meeting new people to hangout with and possibly casual dating. I would like to meet nice, intelligent, and fun guys among other things that enjoy a good conversation and wants to get to know me at least on a friendship level, possibly dating. Even though I want the right man to find me, I do not need a man. I have a strong personality. I am going to do my own thing regardless."

(FYI- this is STILL on her profile right now, and she is like 33 now and woefully single, hahaha)

So at the time I was thinking, "alright, I am nice, intelligent and fun, I will play by these "rules" for a bit then make a move, and she will be putty in my hands." No, never happened. The minute I made my move, which was actually only into our 2nd week of knowing each other I not only got the "didn't I tell you I was ONLY looking for friends right now, but that doesn't mean I will date them??!!" but also the "listen, we work better as friends" speech. I ended up staying friends with her for about, oh 8 months, and the whole time you know what she was doing?- dating guys for like a week, calling them her "friend", and then screwing them (something she claimed she would NEVER do with her male friends).

That trap messed with my game for awhile until I realized she was doing that on purpose- she needed options. She wanted to keep some guys on the backburner who she wasn't quite attracted to enough in case one of these other random guys she was screwing messed up. Take Kontroller's advice, it will save you a lot of stress and wasting of time.

Sounds like you were dealing with an attention wh0re.

 

[PeeGee]

Even if you are interested in the girl, and even if you want to see where it's going, the second she gives you any sort of speech or halts your advances explicitly, you look elsewhere.

To do otherwise is just silly. Imagine if a girl were hitting on you and you told her 'no' in no uncertain terms and she kept doing it. Would you feel attraction toward the girl?

It's the same thing, more or less. There are other plates.

 

[DJDamage]

Not to stray off topic but I always enjoy dissecting and analyzing a woman's words because the truth tends to always hidd in there. You just have to find it, so here is my translation in boldness:

"I get along better with guys than with girls and I prefer it that way.

"I am an attention wh0re and the reason I don't get along with girls is because girls won't let me get away (unlike guys) with half the b.s I put them through."

I should mention that I am looking for friendship/dating at this time, just nothing serious.

"I like to keep my options very open"

I would like to meet nice, intelligent, and fun guys among other things that enjoy a good conversation and wants to get to know me at least on a friendship level, possibly dating.

"I want to meet guys who can make me wet without it being just a ONS. However its hard meeting those guys and I don't want to come out looking like a slvt, so who ever doesn't meet my criteria I will just LJBF's him without the need for a confrontation. After all guy friends are also good for something other then sex.

Even though I want the right man to find me, I do not need a man. I have a strong personality. I am going to do my own thing regardless

I NEED A MAN!! but I am also a royal b1tch that likes to get away with being a b1tch (code word for strong personality)

 

[Phenomenal One]

thanks for the advice everyone.


i ask this question because i had been in a situation almost like this in the summer last year and i thought about what would have happened if i layed my cards on the table and got the ljbf speech.

in 2006, i befriended my female neighbor and was introduced to her best friend who lives right around the block, well i quickly developed oneitis for the friend.
i saw all the sign of her dis-interest but keep pursing.
she'd never initiate contact with me,
to a point where i asked my neighbor about her and gave her my house phone, cell number & myspace url.

slowly after releasing i had oneitis for her,
i decided to disappear out of her life.
one day in the summer of 07 while my oneitis was on vacation me and my neighbor (her best friend) got into an argument, my neighbor said she never wanted to hang out with me again.
i wanted to talk with my neighbor but my oneitis thought i wanted to apologize to her, that was'nt happening.

a few times they both ignored me in public,
the same day i asked my oneitis why (through IM's).
my oneitis sayin that if she spoke to me while her best friend (my neighbor) was there she'd get mad,
saying there was a "friendship code".

i knew exactly what that meant :
"i'm to chicken sh!T to risk my reputation/friendship talking to you so i have to make up sum bullsh!t friendship code so i won't feel bad about ignoring you again."
i knew right then i was'nt hangin out with them anymore.

last time i saw them together
i said hi but got ignored by them.
oh well

Friendship Code ? WTF lol

Not to stray off topic but I always enjoy dissecting and analyzing a woman's words because the truth tends to always hidd in there, You just have to find it.

since my oneitis drama my eyes have been opened to this skill,
it's saved me from hours of wondering.

to me, it's funny as hell to listen to what a girl is sayin
and know what she really means.

 

[Sir_Turtle]

to me, it's funny as hell to listen to what a girl is sayin
and know what she really means.

QFT

After a while it gets a little easier. The great thing about the dating game is that while we more AFC guys get played in the beginning we learn and start to win/succeed because women never change their tactics up.