LJBF situation complicated by my compassion

[fbplayer06]

Before I begin (and this may be tl;dr, so scroll to the bottom of this post for the jist of it), here are some facts regarding me and the girl in question (fwiw, our ages are 21 & 19, respectively, and we’ve known each other for about two years, with me being across the country most of that time for college):

I...

• am an independent person w/ few albeit close friends.
• am not looking for a long-term relationship at the moment.
• legitimately enjoy hanging out with this girl; we have similar personalities and make each other laugh.
• am too compassionate to completely cut off our friendship just because she’s not going to put out more than the occasional kiss.
• am fully aware of the possibility and danger of “oneitis” here, and will accordingly make myself brutally scarce in order to keep myself mysterious and valuable.
• suspect my ego and some impatience are the main problems here.

She...

• has been hurt by guys in the past and claims she too is not ready for another relationship (she admits this is b/c she’s afraid of being hurt again).
• claims she doesn’t want to bang me because doing so would “ruin our friendship, which is too important to her.”
• justifies her past of messing around with other guys – but not me – because of her past self-esteem issues: she was looking for someone to “love her.”
• has told me that she doesn’t know what the future will bring (o_0) but that I have the potential to be the guy she will fall head-over-heels for once she’s/we’re ready (I suspect this is due to my recent efforts to repair the severely mean things I’ve said to her in the past; she says she is still my friend today only because she knew I had a soft side).
• has been treating me like a boyfriend recently (hanging out at her house, communicating with me, laughing a lot, watched a movie at her place, eating together).

The jist of it: I have developed the attitude of questioning the point of having any female friends, as a strong majority of the time you’re essentially going to be their boyfriend (i.e., an emotional outlet), except without the sex. This is the last thing I want in this situation, but I also don’t want to burn any bridge to what could be a special girlfriend in the future. I guess what I am asking is how do I mentally rationalize being her friend without benefits? ...Because if we continue to be "such good friends" and she turns around and bangs another guy, my head is going to asplode wondering why it wasn't me. =/

Thanks in advance for replies/advice.

 

[MisterMcGee]

girls are people. they can be fun and funny and cool. if you cant keep your emotions in check with them, then don't have them as friends.

 

[hansol]

Alright man, I will try and help.

The coles notes version is this: If you can ACTUALLY be friends with her, and she is a cool girl and fun and all that stuff, then be friends. I have chick friends, but the catch is there is a very low chance that we will hook up ever, and both parties are cool with that. A lot of these girls are ex's that just didn't work out, but we stayed friends. Believe it or not, you *can* have chick friends and not be an AFC at the same time.

On the other hand, if you DO want to sleep with this girl, and it will bother you to see shacking up with other dudes, or she tells you about the guys in her life, or whatever, then it won't work, and you have to distance yourself from it.

 

[fbplayer06]

Believe it or not, you *can* have chick friends and not be an AFC at the same time.

I think that's what I needed to hear.

The thing is, until recently, I was insulted and confused as to why she f***ed around with basically every guy friend she had, except me, when I am as handsome and intelligent as they come. But then we had a relatively heated chat after which I finally realized that she may just be saving sex with me so it's more meaningful when/if it does happen (since she's ostensibly grown out of her "slutting around" stage and wants future bangs to be more special).

Or I could just be thinking wishfully and she'll never do me. lol

Either way, I appreciate your reply and I'll just have to keep it real/honest with her.

 

[Robert28]

i'm in a similar situation as you. girl dated a bunch of losers and has been done wrong over the years and then when i come along and acctually am DECENT to her she all of a sudden wants to have a life change. i got this text message today when we were talking earlier.

" i am not interested in anybody right now except for me. i need to figure out what i want and need in my life, set some goals, make some changes". my first thought was "great, NOW you decide you want to change when i come along and want to date you".haha i played it cool though, i just told her thats fine and i understand but i would like to still talk and hangout with her. i didnt get a text back so i dunno if shes cool with that or what. its frustrating when you meet a girl who seems like she had all of her fun with every other guy but when she meets you she "wants to change" and all of a sudden isnt interested in dating anyone. hell, im starting to think im Ghandi or something bringing about all this change in people.haha just do what i'm going to do, date other girls, not sit around and wait on her but im not going to next her. ill still talk to her and ask her to go do stuff sometimes.

 

[hansol]

Well I'm glad it helped. Some guys here will dispute that, and say "why the **** would you waste your time and energy on girls who aren't sleeping with you" blah blah blah. But I strongly feel as long as you do it for the right reasons, it's pretty awesome actually. You can use the girls as "wingmen", and we even bust out the xbox occasionally.

The trick is you CAN'T have any problems with what they do "outside" of you. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't pass up sex with them, I'm not a eunoch. But I wouldn't ever pursue a real relationship with these girls (for whatever reason), ergo it doesn't bother me whom they are hooking up with.

 

[fbplayer06]

just do what i'm going to do, date other girls, not sit around and wait on her but im not going to next her. ill still talk to her and ask her to go do stuff sometimes.

Agreed.

 

[KontrollerX]

You're in her reality now.

You have not taken charge of your life and gone after what you want.

You want a relationship and as Rollo always so eloquently says "it is sex first and then relationship and not the other way around".

The eating at her house and all that is not treating you like a boyfriend.

Giving you a bl0wjob and riding you like a bull is her treating you like a boyfriend.

Bottom line is you are being played and fed a bunch of garbage because she wants to keep you on her hook just long enough to get the at arms length type of boy girl intimacy she wants out of you without giving you what you actually want and you are blue balling yourself to put up with it.

This situation I'm sure you know is not any more special than anyone else's whose been through the same thing.

You are being played and the only way to potentially get out of being played and get what you want is go cold no contact until she stops being a cold fish and indicates she's ready to jump your bones already for christsakes.

Anyway Rollo's post is here if the class needs a refresher...

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3
Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

This also applies to women's "sexual filibustering".

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous, chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to ƒuck you will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, ƒuck you like a porn star and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife/GF comes home early from work - women who want to ƒuck will find a way to ƒuck. The girl who tells you she wants a relationship first or "just isn't comfortable with you yet" is the same girl who ƒucked the "totally hot guy" in the foam cannon party in Cancun with her girlfriends on spring break half an hour after meeting him.

If a girl is that into you she'll ƒuck regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be sexual, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling and spooning on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek, you need to go back to square one and start fresh. You cannot negotiate genuine desire.

This is exactly why you spin plates.

The good news is you've identified that your missplaced compassion is the problem here so you know there is a problem.

You have to understand that her pain over past boyfriends whether legitimate or made up to play you is not your problem.

You are not her therapist nor should you place yourself in that role thinking it is virtuous.

Its not, you are not trained for that nor is that your goal.

Your concern is getting a rewarding relationship for yourself that involves sex immediately.

That doesn't make you shallow or a bad person it makes you intelligent and not someone whose setting themselves up to be a victim of a playerette.

Sex is a legitimate desire for a guy and if your needs aren't being met while her's are its not much of a growing relationship is it?

"The jist of it: I have developed the attitude of questioning the point of having any female friends, as a strong majority of the time you’re essentially going to be their boyfriend (i.e., an emotional outlet), except without the sex. This is the last thing I want in this situation, but I also don’t want to burn any bridge to what could be a special girlfriend in the future. I guess what I am asking is how do I mentally rationalize being her friend without benefits? ...Because if we continue to be "such good friends" and she turns around and bangs another guy, my head is going to asplode wondering why it wasn't me. =/

Thanks in advance for replies/advice."

Again cut her off until she begins saying what you want to hear and then immediately acting on her words.

Otherwise you'll be the guy with your d!ck in your hand while some DJ stud goes b@lls deep in her ass and mouth.

You have to be a take no sh!t kind of guy with these women and not all touchy feely bullsh!t because they will take advantage of guys like that and are very skilled at doing so.

You have to look out for yourself first in todays world as people are cold, callous and cruel c0cksuckers selfish and predatory to the core.

Think about it. This girl's priority is her supposed pain whether real or imagined.

Her priority the thing that is foremost in her mind is not you while on the other hand she is foremost in your mind.

That doesn't exactly add up for a balanced relationship does it?

Of course not and its the AFC mindset that says oh well thats understandable cuz she went through some pain er derr derr...see you've got to stop that kind of AFC thought process in its tracks.

You have to size each situation up for how its going to benefit you, not immediately begin empathizing with some plight some woman tells you that you don't even know if its true or not.

You have to take the mindset of if you didn't see it, it didn't happen when it comes to the stories chicks tell you about why they are this that or the other way.

 

[fbplayer06]

KontrollerX,

On the one hand, I am aware and I agree that she's basically using me as someone to be there and make her feel good about herself. When it comes down to it, I'm getting nothing in return except for the mildly satisfied feeling of emotional philanthropy (which, in and of itself, is about as useful to me as a funny joke).

But on the other hand, I just can't bring myself to tell her that she either needs to decide to do more with me (sexually) or we can't be friends anymore. I mean, it sounds like you're suggesting I distance my self back to the range at which guys she would be banging belong (cuz I'm obviously too close right now). And if I all of a sudden go cold and cut off contact as you suggest, there's not guarantee that she'll get the message; in fact, there's a decent chance she'll just find another c0ck to ride...again.

ugh.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

OK, lets break this down for a start. Everything you've listed about her behaviors and her rationale indicate that you are her Surrogate Boyfriend and your status will not change until she meets another guy to whom she is attracted to and interested in and opts for his attention above your own. This entire list really only serves one purpose for her, and that is to filibuster you and maintain your valueless attention until she's more comfortable with a new lover.

• has been hurt by guys in the past and claims she too is not ready for another relationship (she admits this is b/c she’s afraid of being hurt again).

Think about this logically. At 19, how much weight does this rationale really really hold? Hurt by guy(S) in the past, meaning more than one. At 19 her dating past is limited to the BFs she'd had in high school based on immature and adolescent social skills. We're not talking years long LTRs, were talking sophomore, junior, senior year nonsense. Unless she's been molested in the past this is all filibuster.

• claims she doesn’t want to bang me because doing so would “ruin our friendship, which is too important to her.”
• justifies her past of messing around with other guys – but not me – because of her past self-esteem issues: she was looking for someone to “love her.”

She was banging other guys WHO WEREN'T YOU. Women will ƒuck. They might not ƒuck you, they might not ƒuck me, but they will ƒuck someone. What were the commonalities among the guys she did ƒuck?

“I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship, which is too important to me.” Translation: "I'm not attracted to you and you will never see me naked." NEVER base your estimations or IL of a woman solely upon her words. Behavior is the only demonstrable proof of motivation. Self-esteem is a slippery slope for women. Self-esteem issues are used almost as often as "I was drunk" to justify behavior that she really wanted to engage in, but seemed contradictory and inconvenient when explaining them to you.

• has told me that she doesn’t know what the future will bring (o_0) but that I have the potential to be the guy she will fall head-over-heels for once she’s/we’re ready (I suspect this is due to my recent efforts to repair the severely mean things I’ve said to her in the past; she says she is still my friend today only because she knew I had a soft side).

Yes, potentially you could be the guy she "falls for" at 28-29 years old after having 2 children by the likes of the men she would, seek out to ƒuck with a vigor (as explained above) - the bad boys, the ones she's attracted to, the ones who's attention she had to earn, the guys who could give a sh!t whether they had a "soft-side". She'll "be ready" for a guy like you at 28 when her party years are over, her marketability wanes and she's looking for absolution and security from a guy who'll help her with the responsibilities she's brought upon herself. She'll say "where have all the Nice men gone? Why can't I find a good guy?" and you'll be there waiting ready to say "It's OK, I'll help you raise those kids", anything to finally get with your 'dream girl'.

• has been treating me like a boyfriend recently (hanging out at her house, communicating with me, laughing a lot, watched a movie at her place, eating together).

Of course you are, you're her Boyfriend Surrogate. All the benefits of comfort, familiarity, emotional support and interaction of a boyfriend with absolutely no expectation of reciprocating sex or intimacy. You can cover those responsibilities, and the guys who "hurt her" and are the result of her "self-esteem issues" will take care of bending her over the kitchen table and ƒucking her to glory. It's the perfect combination!

 

[fbplayer06]

OK, lets break this down for a start. Everything you've listed about her behaviors and her rationale indicate that you are her Surrogate Boyfriend and your status will not change until she meets another guy to whom she is attracted to and interested in and opts for his attention above your own. This entire list really only serves one purpose for her, and that is to filibuster you and maintain your valueless attention until she's more comfortable with a new lover.

• has been hurt by guys in the past and claims she too is not ready for another relationship (she admits this is b/c she’s afraid of being hurt again).

Think about this logically. At 19, how much weight does this rationale really really hold? Hurt by guy(S) in the past, meaning more than one. At 19 her dating past is limited to the BFs she'd had in high school based on immature and adolescent social skills. We're not talking years long LTRs, were talking sophomore, junior, senior year nonsense. Unless she's been molested in the past this is all filibuster.

• claims she doesn’t want to bang me because doing so would “ruin our friendship, which is too important to her.”
• justifies her past of messing around with other guys – but not me – because of her past self-esteem issues: she was looking for someone to “love her.”

She was banging other guys WHO WEREN'T YOU. Women will ƒuck. They might not ƒuck you, they might not ƒuck me, but they will ƒuck someone. What were the commonalities among the guys she did ƒuck?

“I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship, which is too important to me.” Translation: "I'm not attracted to you and you will never see me naked." NEVER base your estimations or IL of a woman solely upon her words. Behavior is the only demonstrable proof of motivation. Self-esteem is a slippery slope for women. Self-esteem issues are used almost as often as "I was drunk" to justify behavior that she really wanted to engage in, but seemed contradictory and inconvenient when explaining them to you.

• has told me that she doesn’t know what the future will bring (o_0) but that I have the potential to be the guy she will fall head-over-heels for once she’s/we’re ready (I suspect this is due to my recent efforts to repair the severely mean things I’ve said to her in the past; she says she is still my friend today only because she knew I had a soft side).

Yes, potentially you could be the guy she "falls for" at 28-29 years old after having 2 children by the likes of the men she would, seek out to ƒuck with a vigor (as explained above) - the bad boys, the ones she's attracted to, the ones who's attention she had to earn, the guys who could give a sh!t whether they had a "soft-side". She'll "be ready" for a guy like you at 28 when her party years are over, her marketability wanes and she's looking for absolution and security from a guy who'll help her with the responsibilities she's brought upon herself. She'll say "where have all the Nice men gone? Why can't I find a good guy?" and you'll be there waiting ready to say "It's OK, I'll help you raise those kids", anything to finally get with your 'dream girl'.

• has been treating me like a boyfriend recently (hanging out at her house, communicating with me, laughing a lot, watched a movie at her place, eating together).

Of course you are, you're her Boyfriend Surrogate. All the benefits of comfort, familiarity, emotional support and interaction of a boyfriend with absolutely no expectation of reciprocating sex or intimacy. You can cover those responsibilities, and the guys who "hurt her" and are the result of her "self-esteem issues" will take care of bending her over the kitchen table and ƒucking her to glory. It's the perfect combination!

god you're so right...I feel like a fool for allowing this to go on for as long as it has. I just *know* she'll soon find another guy to f*** around with and then I'll be thrown on the back burner once again wondering why, "if she knew me so well," she didn't open her legs for me.

Thanks for the response, Mr. Tomassi.

 

[fbplayer06]

For those of you who care to read...

(And btw I don’t plan on responding to her for at least a week. )

Me to her:

"When I told you "I was fine with things" I honestly felt that way (I wouldn't lie to your face), but since hanging out with you this last weekend I've done some soul searching and I really can't do this anymore.

By "this" I mean you treat me like your surrogate boyfriend: you're getting all the benefits of comfort, familiarity, emotional support, and interaction from a "boyfriend" with absolutely no expectation of reciprocating sex or intimacy. Don't get me wrong, I think you're a very cool girl and I'm happy I met you, but when you say to my face "we're never going to have sex" (that was one of the very first things you said in the car Friday night when I asked you to be honest with me), I can't help but feel discouraged and insulted. It's your own irrational fears of getting hurt again or making our friendship weird which are stopping you. I don't feel the same way (obviously), but I also can't seem to make you feel any different, no matter how I treat you or what I say. And I know "you can't predict the future," but come one...I wasn't born yesterday. Saying that (among other things) is just your way of keeping your distance from me.

I can't bear remaining so emotionally close to you because when that time comes in the semi-near future when you find a new lover and I'm sitting on the sideline smiling like a dummy like I always have, I'm not going to be able to take it. Deep down you know you won't need me for your emotional outlet once you find a new guy.

But I'm too proud to be used like that. It's not going to happen. We can still be friends, but we're not going to be as close as we have been the last couple weeks.

I'm not angry or trying to be mean to you in this message; I'm just telling you how I feel."


And her response:

"ok, first, i dont treat you as my surrogate boyfriend. If i treated u like a boyfriend then i would be cuddling with you, holding your hand, kissing you, and having sex with you. And i didnt do any of those things when we hung out saturday night right? no. I treated you as a friend. We talked, about personal things and just things in general and we hung out. Thats what friends do. THats what i do with guyfriend1 and guyfriend2 when i hang out with them and they dont see it as me trying to replace an emotional hole so i dont see why you are viewing it that way. There are plenty of other guys and girls that i can talk to about my emotional issues, or whatever u want to call them.
And you shouldnt be so goddamn offended when i tell you that i dont want to sleep with you. Do you even realize how rediculous you sound when u say that u can't be emotionally close to me because i wont have sex with you??? I'm not having sex with anyone right now and i'm not planning on it. I'm trying to not be the kind of girl who sleeps with guys all the time, if i'm going to sleep with someone then i want to be in a relationship with them, alright? And a relationship with u and me clearly wouldnt work because 1) you have so many ****ing mood swings that ur opinion changes over and aover again and i cant figure you out and 2) i go to [college], and i'm planning on going there for at least 3 more years and i'm not going to try to manage a long distance relationship for that long. It wont work and we'd just end up accusing eachother of cheating or whatnot. And i dont have a car so its inconvenient for me to come back a lot. I tried the distance thing with [my ex] and it didnt work. I couldnt get close enough to him because i only saw him once every 2 weeks. So dont accuse me of jumping into a relationship with some other guy any time soon because i have put a lot of thought into it and i doubt its going to happen.
I have already told you all of this so when you get frustrated with me because i wont have sex with you it really really really pisses me off.
You may not be mad, but i'm ****ing pissed about all of this. I am so sick and tired of you saying everything is fine and then turning around days later saying that i lead you on and we're getting to close. Basically it seems that we have to be either aquaintances or boyfriend/girlfriend because you arent ok with us being good friends. I will never understand that because i have plenty of guys who i am close to on just the emotional level, that's what makes a good friendship, duh. But since we are never going date then i guess we're stuck at aquaintances. Unless you change your mind and attitude towards this whol situation then you will just be the guy who plays poker and i get alcohol from and thats it. I feel like i'm losing a friend but if this is how you need things to be then i cant stop you. I'd be happy to talk to you about this in person sometime once i cool down but now i am just so sick of your bull**** behavior that i'm ok with just saying good ridance to you. Have a nice life, *******."

 

[KontrollerX]

Rollo's post was epic and absolutely awesome but I think we failed ya or rather I did with my post as I didn't include this part...

Do not explain to some b!tch why you are cutting her off.

When women are left to their own devices when it comes to figuring things out for why men did this or that they come to blame themselves for what happened.

When you do some AFC bullsh!t like spell out exactly why you are cutting off contact with her she will blame you and you will not benefit from having explained anything to her.

This is one of the stupidities of every AFC mind including my own that I've long hated when I've thought about it since unplugging from the matrix.

As AFC's we have this stupid need to do society's idea of whats right and it ends up fvcking us deep in the ass. Society's idea of what is right is explaining your actions openly and honestly to a girl but that sh!t doesn't work.

Women mostly understand covert communication.

You spelling something out and talking openly and honestly with her once again is only going to make her hate you and royally fvck you in the ass.

And here's the other part I left out of my post...

I should have told you to see her one last time and make your move on her as the night progressed and you and she were having fun.

Do some kino, go for the kiss and then if the b!tch rejects you, get up and leave and cut her off until she starts saying and doing what you want.

The only good thing to come out of the AFC explaining things to her action that you just did is that after you read this post of mine you will likely NEVER do it again with ANY woman.

"And if I all of a sudden go cold and cut off contact as you suggest, there's not guarantee that she'll get the message;"

Yep this is a new post of yours I should of answered last night with this post I just made and again to re-iterate and respond to this sentence in particular what I should have told you is to see her one last time and make your move on her and if she didn't reciprocate then you completely cut off contact with her.

That way she'll definitely get the message whether she goes off to ride someone else's c0ck or blames herself for her falling out with you and comes back to you to ride your c0ck.

Your problem was you wanted to make sure she got the message and indeed there is no better form of covert communication to give a woman than getting up and leaving if she doesn't respond to your advances how you want her to.

Your time is wasted to just sit there and pretend you are alright with things if she doesn't respond back by passionately kissing you and working over your trouser snake with her tongue.

I threw that last bit of advice in there for all the chumps who are overly concerned with appearing "secure" to a girl.

Don't worry about appearing insecure you lurker knobs out there, its the last thing you will appear if you actually grab your balls and make a move on some woman and then walk out like a man with your head held high if she doesn't want to take a ride on space mountain with you.

 

[bukowski_merit]

For those of you who care to read...

(And btw I don’t plan on responding to her for at least a week. )

Me to her:

"When I told you "I was fine with things" I honestly felt that way (I wouldn't lie to your face), but since hanging out with you this last weekend I've done some soul searching and I really can't do this anymore.

By "this" I mean you treat me like your surrogate boyfriend: you're getting all the benefits of comfort, familiarity, emotional support, and interaction from a "boyfriend" with absolutely no expectation of reciprocating sex or intimacy. Don't get me wrong, I think you're a very cool girl and I'm happy I met you, but when you say to my face "we're never going to have sex" (that was one of the very first things you said in the car Friday night when I asked you to be honest with me), I can't help but feel discouraged and insulted. It's your own irrational fears of getting hurt again or making our friendship weird which are stopping you. I don't feel the same way (obviously), but I also can't seem to make you feel any different, no matter how I treat you or what I say. And I know "you can't predict the future," but come one...I wasn't born yesterday. Saying that (among other things) is just your way of keeping your distance from me.

I can't bear remaining so emotionally close to you because when that time comes in the semi-near future when you find a new lover and I'm sitting on the sideline smiling like a dummy like I always have, I'm not going to be able to take it. Deep down you know you won't need me for your emotional outlet once you find a new guy.

But I'm too proud to be used like that. It's not going to happen. We can still be friends, but we're not going to be as close as we have been the last couple weeks.

I'm not angry or trying to be mean to you in this message; I'm just telling you how I feel."

logical, logical, logical
you used too much logic and revealed/explained too much...
you triggered anger and resentment out of her and made her defensive.
you accused her of things that may be true - but she likely does on a subconscious level.

the letter wad not necessary....

dont respond in a week
leave her be...

you dont arouse her... and wont be able to... somewhere along the line - you fell in friendzone - better to start new and work on working a womans emotions rather than try to save this one....

i actually did/wrote something similar when i fell madly in love with my best female friend 8 years ago.......
ended up being the point that set me off down the seduction path....

i ended up f'ing the girl
5 YEARS later!!
and it wasnt even worth it... she didnt have a pot of gold down there afterall....just the same bump in the road they all have.

cut contact completely.

 

[fbplayer06]

Rollo's post was epic and absolutely awesome but I think we failed ya or rather I did with my post as I didn't include this part...

Do not explain to some b!tch why you are cutting her off.

When women are left to their own devices when it comes to figuring things out for why men did this or that they come to blame themselves for what happened.

When you do some AFC bullsh!t like spell out exactly why you are cutting off contact with her she will blame you and you will not benefit from having explained anything to her.

This is one of the stupidities of every AFC mind including my own that I've long hated when I've thought about it since unplugging from the matrix.

As AFC's we have this stupid need to do society's idea of whats right and it ends up fvcking us deep in the ass. Society's idea of what is right is explaining your actions openly and honestly to a girl but that sh!t doesn't work.

Women mostly understand covert communication.

You spelling something out and talking openly and honestly with her once again is only going to make her hate you and royally fvck you in the ass.

And here's the other part I left out of my post...

I should have told you to see her one last time and make your move on her as the night progressed and you and she were having fun.

Do some kino, go for the kiss and then if the b!tch rejects you, get up and leave and cut her off until she starts saying and doing what you want.

The only good thing to come out of the AFC explaining things to her action that you just did is that after you read this post of mine you will likely NEVER do it again with ANY woman.

"And if I all of a sudden go cold and cut off contact as you suggest, there's not guarantee that she'll get the message;"

Yep this is a new post of yours I should of answered last night with this post I just made and again to re-iterate and respond to this sentence in particular what I should have told you is to see her one last time and make your move on her and if she didn't reciprocate then you completely cut off contact with her.

That way she'll definitely get the message whether she goes off to ride someone else's c0ck or blames herself for her falling out with you and comes back to you to ride your c0ck.

Your problem was you wanted to make sure she got the message and indeed there is no better form of covert communication to give a woman than getting up and leaving if she doesn't respond to your advances how you want her to.

Your time is wasted to just sit there and pretend you are alright with things if she doesn't respond back by passionately kissing you and working over your trouser snake with her tongue.

I threw that last bit of advice in there for all the chumps who are overly concerned with appearing "secure" to a girl.

Don't worry about appearing insecure you lurker knobs out there, its the last thing you will appear if you actually grab your balls and make a move on some woman and then walk out like a man with your head held high if she doesn't want to take a ride on space mountain with you.

So KontrollerX, you're saying, now that I've sent her such a direct message I should let one more intimate night happen during which I give an indirect ultimatum in the form of giving her the chance to "take it or leave it" with me? And based on this result I should determine whether or not I should continue to bother with her? god this sounds like I've done it before and I should just say "f*** it" and find a girl who's more fun and not as ****ed up. =/ like i've said, all her power (in my mind) is derived from me ego-based desire to bang her and add her to my line of notches on my belt.

 

[fbplayer06]

logical, logical, logical
you used too much logic and revealed/explained too much...
you triggered anger and resentment out of her and made her defensive.
you accused her of things that may be true - but she likely does on a subconscious level.

the letter wad not necessary....

dont respond in a week
leave her be...

you dont arouse her... and wont be able to... somewhere along the line - you fell in friendzone - better to start new and work on working a womans emotions rather than try to save this one....

i actually did/wrote something similar when i fell madly in love with my best female friend 8 years ago.......
ended up being the point that set me off down the seduction path....

i ended up f'ing the girl
5 YEARS later!!
and it wasnt even worth it... she didnt have a pot of gold down there afterall....just the same bump in the road they all have.

cut contact completely.

yeah...i plan on it. o_0

thanks for the sympathy

 

[KontrollerX]

"So KontrollerX, you're saying, now that I've sent her such a direct message I should let one more intimate night happen during which I give an indirect ultimatum in the form of giving her the chance to "take it or leave it" with me? And based on this result I should determine whether or not I should continue to bother with her? god this sounds like I've done it before and I should just say "f*** it" and find a girl who's more fun and not as ****ed up. =/ like i've said, all her power (in my mind) is derived from me ego-based desire to bang her and add her to my line of notches on my belt."

No.

I'm saying that this is what you should have done instead of sent that email or letter (whatever) you sent her.

Now judging by her response its pretty obvious you are fvcked and stuck squarely in the friendzone.

Move on to new chicks and forget about this cold fish.

And if you encounter this scenario with any new girls immediately next and if you can't make yourself immediately next them make a move on them one night and if they still reject you next them.

I hope that clears things up.

 

[fbplayer06]

"So KontrollerX, you're saying, now that I've sent her such a direct message I should let one more intimate night happen during which I give an indirect ultimatum in the form of giving her the chance to "take it or leave it" with me? And based on this result I should determine whether or not I should continue to bother with her? god this sounds like I've done it before and I should just say "f*** it" and find a girl who's more fun and not as ****ed up. =/ like i've said, all her power (in my mind) is derived from me ego-based desire to bang her and add her to my line of notches on my belt."

No.

I'm saying that this is what you should have done instead of sent that email or letter (whatever) you sent her.

Now judging by her response its pretty obvious you are fvcked and stuck squarely in the friendzone.

Move on to new chicks and forget about this cold fish.

And if you encounter this scenario with any new girls immediately next and if you can't make yourself immediately next them make a move on them one night and if they still reject you next them.

I hope that clears things up.

yeah dogg...it's brutally clear.

 

[Robert28]

i know typing in all caps is yelling, so after reading that girls email i would like to yell something to you to make sure you get the point i'm trying to make. DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT BUY THIS CHICK BEER OR PLAY POKER WITH HER ANYMORE. EVER. EVER. apparently she has all these other AFC's doofuses who kiss the ground she walks on and follows her every rule so let them buy her beer and play poker with her. tell her unless its strip poker and just the two of you are playing, then you ain't interested. totally totally totally put this girl on ignore. anytime a girl told me some b.s. about "i'm not looking to date anyone, i'm not looking to have sex with anyone, i'm trying to change or not be this type of girl blah blah blah" within a week or longer, she was "seeing" some guy. mark it down my friend, she might not be dating anyone but she has a pony picked out of the heard, she's just not riding him yet. let her take her attitude and do whatever the hell she wants. she doesn't seem worth the trouble anyways, and now you have me thinking of doing the same thing with the girl i'm in a similar situation with.

 

[fbplayer06]

i know typing in all caps is yelling, so after reading that girls email i would like to yell something to you to make sure you get the point i'm trying to make. DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT BUY THIS CHICK BEER OR PLAY POKER WITH HER ANYMORE. EVER. EVER. apparently she has all these other AFC's doofuses who kiss the ground she walks on and follows her every rule so let them buy her beer and play poker with her. tell her unless its strip poker and just the two of you are playing, then you ain't interested. totally totally totally put this girl on ignore. anytime a girl told me some b.s. about "i'm not looking to date anyone, i'm not looking to have sex with anyone, i'm trying to change or not be this type of girl blah blah blah" within a week or longer, she was "seeing" some guy. mark it down my friend, she might not be dating anyone but she has a pony picked out of the heard, she's just not riding him yet. let her take her attitude and do whatever the hell she wants. she doesn't seem worth the trouble anyways, and now you have me thinking of doing the same thing with the girl i'm in a similar situation with.

bro...kinda the truth. ty for your advice.

do it w/ your prospect, too. lol cuz life is too short to waste w/ the girls who don't care as much, ya diggg?