Living with parents, age 20

[Redsand426]

Alright, so I'm still living with my parents and I'm 20 years old. I feel like it is holding me back socially, but I'm not sure what the best thing is to do...

I have a decent full time job, but I don't think I can afford to move out on my own AND go to college at the same time. I envy my friends who are lucky to have had their parents pay for most of their expenses, rent, school, etc and they are gone to some far away university. My parents can't afford to do the same, so I'm responsible for every expense.

Am I loser for staying at home at age 20? Should I just pack up, leave and see what happens? I feel like I'm losing experience in the real world by staying at home. What would you guys do?

 

[WalkingStick]

There's no reason to think yourself a loser. It seems like you genuinely don't have a choice. If anything, you're being forced to be more financially independent than the guys who are getting a free ride from their parents.

I can't recommend leaving just because I'm still in HS, but if you try to move out and you simply aren't capable of it, that's kind of stupid.

 

[DJVladdy]

We need to realize something when talking about "age"

Now people often live into their 80's, 90's, and even 100's...

Compare our length of life to a century and even as early as half century ago:20 is like the new fourteen!

Im 21 I feel like I'm only starting to become adult. I still feel like a kid pretty much. Don't wanna grow up, but have to..

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Think of it this way. You got a place to stay and food to eat all the time. Nothing wrong with that. Once, you start living on your own. You gotta worry about paying rent to keep the place you call home. Your only twenty its not a big deal.

If you don't think you can financially do it by yourself. Get some roommates. You got a job already so just save your money up for when your ready.

 

[wizer]

If you can't leave your parents house, then work with what you have. Convert your living space to a small apartment with a fridge, microwave, maybe a regular stove. See if you can hook up a sink too. Don't have your mommy cook your meals anymore.

See if you can construct an outside entrance. Then, you aren't living home anymore. You are living in an apartment which just happens to be inside your parents house.

 

[HandyAndy]

If you can afford to move out AND afford college, why not see if you can afford a dorm?

 

[Effington]

Why do you feel it is holding you back socially? You don't state any support for this feeling.

It's definitely not that out of the ordinary to still live with your parents at your age, you should feel lucky that you even have that option.

Do you have specific examples where living with your parents has limited you?

 

[martinM.]

There's nothing wrong with it.

 

[Redsand426]

Think of it this way. You got a place to stay and food to eat all the time. Nothing wrong with that. Once, you start living on your own. You gotta worry about paying rent to keep the place you call home. Your only twenty its not a big deal.

That's true and I'm thankful that my parents will allow me to stay, but at the same time I've got this urge to go out and start my own life. By living with my parents, it just feels like I haven't really grown up, especially since all my peers have already moved out. I'm not sure if it's "normal" for a 20yr old to live at home and wanted others opinions on the subject.

Why do you feel it is holding you back socially? You don't state any support for this feeling.

It's definitely not that out of the ordinary to still live with your parents at your age, you should feel lucky that you even have that option.

Do you have specific examples where living with your parents has limited you?

I don't want to bring over peeps and chill at my parents house, especially if we wanted to let loose with a couple drinks. I also don't want to be coming home at 3 or 4 in the morning on weekends because I've been out all night. I respect my parents rules, but at the same time I wish I could do whatever I want.

I've also been out on a few dates with chicks who are living on campus and when they ask what i'm up to yada yada, I'm hesitant about telling them I'm still living at home. Plus it's not like I can bring a chick home and bang her in my mom's basement, that would just feel weird to me.

I dunno, I've just got this urge to be independent and I think I could learn a thing or two and grow up by moving out and have more fun in the process. It seems like all my friends have done it, with the help of their parents of course.
But maybe the most grown up thing to do is to stay home, get through school, find a job and then move out, but that will be atleast 4 years away...

 

[oakraiderz2]

Im sure your parents wont mind you coming home late as long as youre quiet. Im 22 and stayed with my parents and pretty much did what i would do as if i was on my own, nothing too crazy though. You have 2 years then youre in the real world. Youre still young as hell, save money and get youre **** done.

 

[Violent V]

You've got an urge to go out and start your own life. I can tell from this point on that you are made of the right stuff. Your friends are relying and spending their parent's money. Sounds great, but what are they really doing? Most probably spending their time in the far away cities.

You are INVESTING yours. They may look like they are having fun now. But get through school, study, SAVE your money, and two years time or so you will be in a position where you are financially secure, carrying skills and an experience that will have landed you in a great job, and independent enough to have made a way for yourself in this world. Everyone will be proud of you.

And your friends? Probably still relying on their parents. Be smart. All truely great, successful men and leaders feel this urge you do to move out and start independently building their life asap. Its called responsibility.

Many of your friends will probably slip into mediocrity, move back into their parents home till they are in their 30s, marry the first woman that likes them etc. Theres nothing wrong with staying with your parents at home at your age, as long as you INVEST your time. And when you start reaping the rewards, remember when your parents held it down for you. Over time you will also realise your family is your backbone, and your friends ain't shieet. They simply come and go, and only want to use you for their own gains.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

It's okay that you are 20 and live with your parents. Where I live (Long Island, New York) the cost of living is very high (one of the highest in America) so most people in their 20's live with their parents. It's normal around here.

 

[YoungSir4sho]

It's normal believe me. Im in ur situation tho, im 23 about to turn 24 in a few weeks. I still live wit my parents n want to leave. I have a door man job so i make money, i just have to start savin money. Hopefully i'll b out early next year. 1st i want a car tho n get bac to college so we'll see wat happens. N its normal aroun here in nyc to b 25 still livin wit parents tho i dont want to do that. Also we are still very young so dont worry about it

 

[Furyguy]

Don't worry about people thinking less of you for it. If you're a cool guy no one is going to give a ****. It certainly places you at a disadvantage in terms of hosting parties, bringing people over, etc, but I don't think it's really anything too serious.

I've found that most people have a huge amount of respect for people who pay their own way through college rather than taking the free ride from their parents.

Just don't draw any negative attention to it. If you are clearly embarrassed and act like it's this huge social stigma to deal with, other people will see it that way, too. Act like it's a normal, no big deal thing and other people won't put any importance on it, either.

 

[bigjohnson]

IMO 20 is not too old to be in with your parents, plus you have the right attitude as far as looking for a way out when it makes sense. Keep that mindset and work your ass off.

 

[immrtlwun]

I moved out of my parents house in May and while it is nice to be away from them and have the freedom, there are things that I miss. Its a big trade-off between being on your own and living at home. I don't have to worry about coming home drunk at 4 in the morning, I'm learning how to be more financially responsible, and becoming a better cook among other things. But at the same time, I miss big home cooked meals 4 or 5 times a week and I have to pay bills and rent.
I would go with what wizer said and do some things to become more independent while still staying at home and saving your money. You will be much better off financially in 2 or 3 more years after you graduate. In the grand scheme of things, 2 years isn't a big deal to live with your parents.

 

[Prodigy746]

There are positives and negatives when you are staying at home. I am 21 and live with my parents, for the most part they are great because they realize that i am 21 and smart enough to make my own decisions. They dont care what time i get home and where i go. They perfer i call and let them know if ill be staying late so they dont worry about me, i understand where they are coming from so i usually do call and let them know if ill be coming in late.

I also have a full time job and full time college, i am taking fall semester off though due to medical reasons.

Anyway Positives for me:
-Food, there is always some home cooking waiting for me from my mom. Having to eat out everyday would suck because there is nothing like home cooked meal and i dont know how to cook anything.
-Saving money- They dont make me pay for anything but i do give them like 50% of my paycheck because i am a fair person and i dont want to take advantage of my parents. I am pretty bad with this because i do tend to buy many toys for my self. (Some of the things i have so far pretty nice car, Zune, 42 inch plasma, 360, ps3, VN gaming computer, 750$ paintball gun, and more useless stuff. I need to work on saving money. )There is no way i could have all this if i lived by my self. Not to mention when i go out i usually buy any food i want and drink whatever i want while most of my friends have to worry about money.
-I dont have to worry about cleaning, washing clothes, cooking, paying bills
- They will help you when you get in bad situation... I had to have 2 surgeries and that pretty much ruined my summer. I was out of work for 2.5 months and during that time they helped pay all my bills (car note, cell phone bill, etc)
-There is no loans for education, housing is expensive when you live on campus and most people cant do it withoout loans.
-I can go out on vacations, Most of my friends that are on their own cant even afford to go out to a bar but i do something every week. For example i had a friend that always used to come to our Saturday poker partys, its a $20 dollar buy in tournament and now that he moved out 4 months ago he cant even do that. He makes about same amount of money as me full time job at 14/hr.
-ther is more but this is alredy getting too long.


Negatives
-There is not as much privacy as if i was leaving alone. I cant bring a girl anytime and bang her. I dont even want to bring any girls home as it would be ackword for me.
-You dont get to meet as many people living at home as you would if you were living on campus.
- You cant trow parties... i would love to host some poker touranments for my friends but i cant. We play poker every other Saturday.
- In a way you become dependent on your parents, you dont learn about the real life... I am sure i would know how to cook something if i had to cook for my self.

In conclusion , i think it all depends on you. If down the road you dont mind paying off loans and right now you want to live your own life and experience your yoth than you should probobly move out. If you want to make smart decisions and you and your parents get along than you should stay home and start working on your life early. Even though it doesnt seem like i did anything positive in my life because i really dont have much mone saved i do. I have gone to college for 2 years and paid for my self with no loans. I have a year left to pay off my car and now it has only 50k miles on it. Its a honda so i am expecting to drive it for another 3-4 year and that will save my a lot of money since i wont have to pay for car note. I could have saved more money but i choose to live a little and do spend money on things i want..

 

[Snowman23]

Let me say this. You're young, you've got plenty of time to be independent. Stay at home while you can and stash the cash for a down payment on a house. Especially in this ecomony. I mean, a loaf of bread is almost 4 bucks. Some of my friends moved out from home, and are scrapping up money for gas and rent along with only going out to the bars once a month because they don't have the money. To me, that isn't living. I'm saving $1,800 a month and am loving it. In a few years I will have my own house... at the age of 25.

You have to think long-term man. I don't know about you, but I want financial security in life, and if a girl who I'm dating doesn't agree with my position, that's cool. But I'm not changing.

Lastly, these people who do move out at a young age with no money in the bank are financially doomed and don't even realize it. More than likely they'll be paying rent in an apartment for a very long time living paycheck-to-paycheck.

Remember, long-term

 

[realsmoothie]

As a guy that's older and was in the same boat for a LONG TIME (i.e. 30's), make the best with what you've got.

Realize that any girl worth their salt will understand if you live at home because you're going to school. If she's all "what a loser", she's not worth your time.

Your only real problem is bringing girls home for one night stands, stuff like that. Go to HER place, it's better to do that anyhow because then you can get the hell out.