Lingering Bitterness in Pursuit of Manhood

[Jules Verne]

I cannot help but feel bitter sometimes.

I strive to become a better man everyday. I have a goal in life in terms of work. Financial independence is crucial. I make sure no muscle on my body is wasted. I work on being a master of social affairs. In short, I constantly work on any weakness I have.

The process is enlightening, but it comes with a harsh view of what is around me.

I see people going in and out of relationships. In my eyes, it is the hardest thing to do. I am still not certain of who I am as a person, and I do not wish to date a girl or get into a relationship when I am incomplete. I do not like to do things half-assed, and that includes commitment.

I see girls my age in college wasting away their youth with endless parties and hook-ups, bloating their stomachs with each sip of beer bong. I do not pay attention to them. In a way, it is a blessing in disguise because they are shooting themselves in the foot.

What worries me is the short-term justification for their self-destructive behavior. Soon enough youth will perish and their bodies will not be able to withstand so much toxic damage. With each can of beer, a pot belly grows big enough to carry Kuato. Nights and nights out in town eating take-out food deprives them of a healthy eating habit and a priceless knowledge of how to cook a proper meal. And their emotional approach to sex after endless debauchery of one night stands? The question answers itself.

I do my part in a future relationship, if I get into one at all, by preparing myself to be the best man I can be. And I know that I will lament what will have happened to these girls a decade later.

What makes me bitter is being in that transitional state. It is a pity that these girls exhaust the meaning of fun at the peak of their youth only to come back later and hope that I will accept their mistakes in the past.

It is a harrowing experience and leaves a bitter outlook to the future. We all know that a decent woman is very difficult to find in America, and being surrounded by moronic girls only strengthens the notion of a good woman as a mirage.

I do not believe that I should abandon everything and go on a ****ing spree, pumping and dumping every girl I can get my hands on. This is much deeper than getting laid, and no amount of ***** can solve this problem. I have a feeling that both men and women cannot have their cake and eat it. If you choose a lifestyle of ****ing as many women as possible, you are no different than the women you ****—sluts. I cannot justify leading on a girl I am barely interested in as a person just for a quick lay when I have no intention of developing a genuine relationship with her. Pitted against my biological urge, the dilemma is quite a torture to my mind, I must say.

I go about my days in this society with that thought tucked into my skull.

Sometimes, it feels very cold. Today is one of those days.

 

[Kenny Powers]

I'm going to give you some advice that can help you a great deal: don't take life too seriously.

I'm glad your smart enough to see through all the bull-**** in our society, especially among the youth. Also, it's good your so in control of your life, working to better yourself and planning for the future. That being said, you could die tomorrow so live today.

That doesn't mean you have to go out and party every night and have sex with a bunch of sluts, but you should definitely do what you can to enjoy your youth. Work hard, play hard.

idk what else to tell you other than to smoke some weed, which can help put things in perspective.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I see people going in and out of relationships. In my eyes, it is the hardest thing to do. I am still not certain of who I am as a person, and I do not wish to date a girl or get into a relationship when I am incomplete. I do not like to do things half-assed, and that includes commitment.

I think you're scared of being hurt, thus the obsession with finding the perfect woman who won't hurt you. Let me tell you, though, that there is no perfect woman. All of them can hurt you. But at the same time, all of them can be great fun. You have to take the risk of getting hurt before you will ever have any fun.

 

[JLW]

You have articulated your points very well. Just by reading this post, I can tell you are way ahead of a lot of kids these days. I really relate to what you are saying.

I understand your complaints towards low quality people (not just females) these days. Living solely for the next night of self-destructive drinking is deeply disturbing. You get this feeling in the pit of your stomach thinking to yourself, "Is this really all there is to our existence? And how am I even going to relate to these people?"

You are way ahead of the game. Find something to do that is significant and meaningful and focus on that for your life. Associate yourself with like-minded people. They're out there, however rare they may be.

It is also important not to look at these people contemptuously. While they may not be living the most "noble" lifestyle, that does not mean that they are bad people. They are simply misled. You want to have an attitude of understanding towards them.

Lastly, do not be afraid to go out and have a good time every now and then. I'm not saying that you should drink as much or as frequently as these people, but you should be out having a drink or two to ease your nerves and relax a little bit.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I really like what JLW had to say. You can't ever hate people or look down upon them because in the end we're all human beings with faults.

But yea, I feel ya man. I'm in college too and it seems like all that anyone and everyone wants to do in their spare time is drink. It's kind of sad because I guarantee you a lot of kids (freshman) feel pressured into doing that kind of stuff when they’d rather not. And yea, after a while your body ends up looking pretty bad.

The way I deal with all of this stuff is by looking at life from a very broad perspective. I don’t just look at life as high school -> college -> ‘nice’ job -> marriage -> kids -> wait to die lol. But yea, you get the idea. I try to find adventure in everyday things. For example, I’ve started trying my hand at standup comedy recently. It’s something that I’ve always been interested in and finally had the balls to try. I really enjoy doing it. Will I be become famous one day? Idk, but what I do know is that I’m enjoying the moment in a way that MAKES ME HAPPY. The way I see it I’m living life to the fullest by doing things like that. I recently did an open mic in Chicago and after the show just walked around some really beautiful parts of the City. To me, that’s life. That’s living.

Learn to really enjoy your own company and appreciate the guy who stares you down in the mirror every morning (because he’s one cool motherfvcker) : )

I think once you’re able to do that other people’s actions and behaviors won’t bug you so much

 

[Iceberg]

I cannot help but feel bitter sometimes.

A lot of your post just seems to be generalizations and stereotypes thrown at college kids who are living their lives in a way that you aren't.

They party and hook up and drink, and because you're not doing that, you look down on that lifestyle. But on the other side of the argument, some "party kid" could say that your life of studying, and judging, and worrying about future financial goals is empty without an active social life, friends, and the memories that come with being a fun-loving college kid.

Maybe I see it this way because I'm older than you, but I don't believe there is a "right path". If you gravitate towards social interaction, and embracing your sexuality, and just being young (and the mistakes that come with youth), that is perfectly fine. And if you gravitate towards studying, and personal development that's fine too.

The only thing that bothers me is when one side looks down upon the other side. Because both sides have a purpose in this world. And to be a fully-developed person, you need a balance of the two.

Drinking and partying doesn't set a girl on a permanent path to being fat, whorish and stupid.

And studying hard doesn't set you on a path of bitter loneliness in a big fancy mansion.

In summary, I just don't think it's wrong for college kids to act like college kids. You could die tomorrow. Enjoy the company of others.

I see people going in and out of relationships. In my eyes, it is the hardest thing to do. I am still not certain of who I am as a person, and I do not wish to date a girl or get into a relationship when I am incomplete. I do not like to do things half-assed, and that includes commitment.

I think it's wrong to think that you will ever be "complete". As if there will be this one day when you finally have everything you want and NOW you're finally ready for a relationship. No matter how successful you become, you will always want to reach another goal....That's the attitude that makes people "successful" in the first place - never being satisfied.

You're not totally wrong. There are some people out there who are relationship addicts. But to think that you're holding off on relationships in hopes of one day waking up thinking, "Ah ha! Today I am READY to date!" is pretty unrealistic. No one's ever totally ready for everything. Sometimes you have to just dive in and take your lumps like the rest of us.

 

[Ease]

If you got laid like a champ at will and had experienced the lifestyle, then wrote this, i would take it seriously.

But too often people who envy the lifestyle secretly claim stuff like this to compensate. 'I dont want it', 'its stupid'.

As for me, im a guy entering a serious career which everyone will admire, and nothing is more serious than the long term goal of my life of wealth and success, but i want to look back and be able to say 'yea, i was quite a troublemaker in my youth, i had fun'.

 

[Iceberg]

If you got laid like a champ at will and had experienced the lifestyle, then wrote this, i would take it seriously.

But too often people who envy the lifestyle secretly claim stuff like this to compensate. 'I dont want it', 'its stupid'.

As for me, im a guy entering a serious career which everyone will admire, and nothing is more serious than the long term goal of my life of wealth and success, but i want to look back and be able to say 'yea, i was quite a troublemaker in my youth, i had fun'.

Bingo

 

[mikeyb]

I think you're scared of being hurt, thus the obsession with finding the perfect woman who won't hurt you. Let me tell you, though, that there is no perfect woman. All of them can hurt you. But at the same time, all of them can be great fun. You have to take the risk of getting hurt before you will ever have any fun.

Amen. What you said applies to a lot of guys including me.

 

[EA Gold]

All of you who said he was wrong should really look at your selves... Just because he holds a higher standard then most, thinks about the future and his family doesn't mean you should put him down.

Just because you all are doing what he described on his post doesn't mean he's wrong. Who do you think you are, I think you all are trying to justify your actions wither it was good or bad.

Eat, drink, and be merry, thats what I'm getting from all of you who responded. Does the media or you have the right to tell someone to lower his standards and destroy his own life. I think all of you resent or envy the OP because he represents a person who hasn't given into the media typical sexualized college life style and only wants the best in life. Best education, best women, and whats best for his family.

 

[Iceberg]

All of you who said he was wrong should really look at your selves... Just because he holds a higher standard then most, thinks about the future and his family doesn't mean you should put him down.

Just because you all are doing what he described on his post doesn't mean he's wrong. Who do you think you are, I think you all are trying to justify your actions wither it was good or bad.

Eat, drink, and be merry, thats what I'm getting from all of you who responded. Does the media or you have the right to tell someone to lower his standards and destroy his own life. I think all of you resent or envy the OP because he represents a person who hasn't given into the media typical sexualized college life style and only wants the best in life. Best education, best women, and whats best for his family.

He has every right to choose whichever path he wants. But if he were confident and happy in his path, he wouldn't feel so bitter towards the college kids who are enjoying a more social lifestyle.

It's one thing to say, "I enjoy a more introverted lifestyle. I enjoy studying. And I'm happy getting good grades, and being single." It's another thing to look down on college kids who enjoy parties, and sex, and social activities. Destroying his own life? Come on, man. You make it sound like all the kids who party are ending up as street bums, shooting heroin.

I think being able to enjoy the company of others, even if their lifestyle differs from yours, is one of the keys to being a good leader in the business world. You're not going to find a lot of solitary, bitter people being elevated to leadership roles in their community or their jobs.

And frankly, I respect the OP's way of life if that's how he chooses to live. Where I draw the line is his attempts at making it sound like the college kids who DON'T abide by his path are doomed to self destruction. That's not the attitude of confidence and happiness. It's jealousy and anger.

Hell, he described himself as feeling bitter. He knows it's not a good feeling, and he has admitted as much.

 

[EA Gold]

To the OP, bitterness is something you should remove from you vocabulary right now or any feelings of hatred or resentment. It is human for each and everyone of us to let our outside circumstance affect how we feel, but If you let the media, the college life style or anyone including people on this forum affect how you feel, then who is running your life?

Millions around the world and our past history have fallen into the trap to the news media, and outside circumstances allowing themselves to feel bad, in case causes resentment, anger and frustration on their part. With those feelings in mind any future action taken from that state of mind is normally a bad action, and will result in more resentment, anger and hatred.

Make a decision today to run your own life that only you determines how you feel, not the news, not any girl and not the your past or the future.


Only if we focused on Happiness, and Love right now. To Love God and Love thy neighbor as ourselves as we should, I wonder what kind of world we would be living in, instead of this self centered one.

 

[Warrior74]

op is jelly brah. he mad.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

And I thought I was depressing. You act like drinking beer is sex trading or taking jobs for the Mafia or something.

 

[Jules Verne]

This type of discussion is what I wanted. It helps a lot.

Kenny Powers,

Weed is hard to come by on my campus. It is just tough to find.

btownbuck2012,

I have the same reaction sometimes. "Is this it?" I wonder. And I am working on the part of not letting things bother me too much.

Ease,

That is the point I made. It would be great if I could **** a new girl everyday with an orgy or ten thrown in. My **** would appreciate that very much. Is that what you want though? It is just like a hit of heroine. With additional hit, you need more and more to stimulate your nerves. What is left at the end? You become so desensitized that you can't even feel the girl as a human.

Everyone has a different view on what fun is. And I see drinking as the pinnacle of fun to many of my peers. I am at odds with many of cultural tendencies in America, and this is one of them. The conclusion here is: I just have to deal with it. And I will.

And Iceberg had a great point about no path being the right one.

I can be very judgmental. My family has a bad history with alcohol. It has had an effect on how I view drinkers. I also work at a nightclub, and I have seen some bad ****. Really bad ****.

And what I meant by being complete is the consistency of the journey itself. Once I achieve a goal, I set up a next one. By doing so, I continue to improve myself. No one is perfect after all.

All of this is learned behavior for introverts like myself. What you mentioned, Iceberg, has to go through my mind at all times when I interact with people.

EA Gold,

I am not a religious man. Sometimes your preaching can be too much to me. However, I still hold onto the moral aspect of what ****ing a girl means. I have to shed it in order to bed as many girls as I can, and I am afraid that the consequence will be dire if I choose to do so. It is not a man I want to be.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

As much as I hate to be the bucket of cold water on you, a profound sense of self-righteousness is an all too common Buffer against rejection that AFCs will embrace.

I'm not saying your observations are necessarily incorrect, but I am saying that your assessments probably are. What I mean by that is your concern over the behavior of the women you'd otherwise consider for commitment is less about them and more about you. You believe that your personal virtue and value should be so self-evident that these girls should freeze in place and clamber over each other to get to such a catch as yourself. Unfortunately the reality isn't coinciding with what you're observing in the wild.

Trust me, every AFC believes he's a catch. He thinks so because he's modeled his personality to be "not like other guys" according to what he thinks is virtuous and right, despite every contradiction of what women tell him and then what's evidenced by their behavior. He sincerely believes he's playing by the rules and cops the same attitude you are, only, those aren't the rules. But who's going to argue with you? Who's going to say you shouldn't hold yourself to some mythical "higher standard"? Who's going to say "no, I think you should slut it up and pump and dump girls for a while"? It's an unassailable position and on some level of consciousness you understand it is, and therein lies the Buffer. Far too many men make their necessity a virtue. It's easy to claim some moral high ground when you actually have no option not to.

"Bitterness" is an easy, Oprah-esque, nebulous term for resentment. What you resent isn't the behaviors of these girls themselves, nor is it any real pity or concern for their futures; no, what you resent is their inability to appreciate your playing by a set of rules you think should be universal that they simply lack the capacity to recognize. At least NOW they don't.

Because when they're 28-30 y.o. then you'll conveniently be their White Knight ideal. Once they're finished doing sorority ******* porn, once they're done running up college credit debit on spring breaks in Cancun with guys you could never hope to be, once they can no longer sexually compete with the new crop of 22 y.o. coeds, that's when you'll be their ideal. You'll be there in all your self-satisfied glory and completely vindicated, while at the same time flattered that at last your ship has come in and some girl finally values you for "you". You were right all along and part of your magnanimous virtue will of course be forgiveness (remember that "higher standard") and conveniently forgive her of all those past youthful indiscretions.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Damn, bucket of cold water is right. Spot on.

 

[Big Overseas 1]

Jules Verne. Stick to your morals, fella. The right path for you will probably be the one that you live with without selling out to fukk wild college skanks. Keep getting your shyt together. Some Non-Skanky hoties will turn up sooner or later. Just be ready when they do!

 

[DonJerky]

Keep doin what yer doin man; you're WAY ahead of the game. All those people are gonna end up with some form of business/finance degree, crunching numbers for some BS company, financing a car, financing a condo in the city, and all while still trying to get drunk on the weekends and maybe a week night or two. That is the sheep life and people love to get themselves stuck in it.

I agree with you: Turn yourself into the man you want to be and all the rest just falls into place. Just don't sell out for 75k ever- you're better than that.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

This is by far, the realest and best thread that has been on here in months! A true proper discussion on all sides and different stages of our developments as men.

A thoroughly excellent discussion DJ's.