Limiting Belief? First you marry then...

[Heretolearn]

I listen to a lot of self development material. They say get a stable wife then you can focus on business (eg. Brian Tracy). Very old school.

I am doing well although back single again. I have had some great relationships although nothing everlasting.

I must admit, I have always felt that I would meet my future wife whilst I was 'making it/struggling' yet I am sick of waiting/holding back. Eg. I struggled through 6 years of university and had a wonderful gf who was making money when I was not. She took care of me (then ironically broke up with me when I got a job ha ha).

I have 2 degrees, a great job, doing my MBA part time which work is paying for and I still live in the same place with the same car. My pay raise last year was enough to buy 8 new versions of the car I drive ha ha.

Yet I sort of don't want to let this side of me go and it was the side of me that I wanted a girl to like then she can get the successful me later as a bonus.

I get that I am one and the same, I guess I just have the belief that often people are distracted by the superficial trimmings. I figured that if a girl liked me in a broke university way then she liked ME and the rest would be a bonus. Versus if a girl goes for the successful version of me then there is an attraction to the material possessions and me also.

Anyone else experience this? Understand where I am coming from?

My friends/colleagues with the material possession REALLY live through them. It takes 1 minute before they mention some high status item like their porsche/where they live/or their salary. That is not who I am.

I am discarding the belief at the moment as at 32, I am sick of holding back in life and realise that I should not have in the first place. Time to go all out!


The challenge will not be letting those things become me and overwhelm me.

What do you guys think?

 

[zekko]

I listen to a lot of self development material. They say get a stable wife then you can focus on business (eg. Brian Tracy). Very old school.

Sounds backwards to me. Better to follow your dreams and build your life first, without the distraction of a wife.

I must admit, I have always felt that I would meet my future wife whilst I was 'making it/struggling' yet I am sick of waiting/holding back.

Awhile back I posted a statistic that the average age women used to marry was 20. Now it's 27 and climbing. Obviously the way things worked in the past was girls would hitch their wagon to a guy they thought was up and coming. Now women are more likely to go to college than men, and are concentrating on their careers first, then marriage. So under the new rules, women are less likely to pick a long term mate at a young age.

I guess I just have the belief that often people are distracted by the superficial trimmings.

Sounds like you're doing well financially. If you can match that with an ascetic lifestyle, you'll have the best of both worlds, and can build up a fortune in savings and investments at the same time.

I respect this approach greatly. I'd like to go more in this direction, but there are certain luxuries I like to surround myself with - nice house, nice car, home gym, hobbies cost money. Aside from that, I don't think I'm overly materialistic. My conversations don't usually revolve around material things.

I think you should focus on building your life first and foremost. But that doesn't mean you can't meet some women and have some fun along the way. As far as meeting the "right girl", you never know when that will happen. Sometimes it happens early in life, sometimes later. I think it's better if it happens later, so you can get some experience, and learn how not to fvck it up.

 

[backbreaker]

what you have to understand is that the playing field changed quite a bit in the last 50 or so years and like any successful person or thing you have to adapt to your environment.

women are too superficial today and they have too much access to men that in the past they did not have access to, to settle for an up and coming product. That's just the way of hte world. I'm not even going to say it's wrong that's for another thread and another discussion. It's just the way life is now.

When i was younger and struggling with my first business i couldn't even get 4's and 5's to take me seriously and i'm not a bad looking guy. maybe i was a tad overweight and my wardrobe wasn't 100% up to snuff but still i was the same person then as i am now for the most part.

even if i were to get a woman interested in me, the quality of woman would not be what i can get now.

At the same time, i'm glad it happened that way beucase that period snuffed out a lot of my AFC mindset. IF women could be that unforgiving it gavfe me the right to do the same once i got where i wanted to be and i was if not more so and had no qualms whatsoever about it now that i understood the rules of the game.

but let's say from a purely business standpoint for now. having a woman is like a part time job. and starting a business or trying to really do somethign like be a doctor or get an MBA or antying like that that you really have to buckle down and work on, you really can't have a part time job. having a GF or wife costs money. how do i look paying for dates and **** and i cant' even pay my own salary lol? or that's money that you can put in marketing or inventory or whatever, it's money and time you can be using to get closer to your goals, that's how i always looked at it.

for my own sanity i had to do something for me once a week rather it go to to the bowling alley by myself or the movies or go to a play or something so i put a little bit of money aside for stuff like that but going on dates and buiying gifts and just spending the resources on her i could be spending on me? i coudln't do that.


not only that, nothing is a dream killer like a family. the reason i was able to do the things i did was becuase i didn't have one responsibility in the world at the time. who gives a **** if i have to sleep in my car for a few weeks besides a bruised ego lol? you can't think like that with a wife and kids. evne now i don't think exactly like i used to. i have a son and a wife, i dont' take all my money and throw it into something i put money back and throw some at something. as loving and caring as my wife is she is in fact a woman and while she's not what i would call high maintenance, even a honda has to be tuned up every once in a while lol. i just can't fvcking ignore my wife beucase that would cause more trouble down the line. my son runs in my room and wants to play what am i gonna do tell him to fvck off lol? my son wants to play work stops instantly 9 out of 10 times and while i would not have it any other way, it is different than how i thought 10 years ago.

i'm a big neoploean hill guy i have read his laws of success cover to cover at least 10 times. he married at a quite early age. his wife put up with **** after **** after **** after **** , up's and downs... if he were born in 1970 his wife would have left him after 2-3 years. no doubt in my mind. not because women today are worse per say but society is just wired differently. the feminist movement has changed a lot of things. back then his wife's sole job for the most part was to support her husband. now the role is to support each other.

you are even seeing it now with the new string / run of entrepreneurs. really the the Jeff Bozo's / Yang crowd was the last of a dying breed as far as being married before they got dreams. gone are the days when the wife will make food while the "team" works in the garage on the new startup business. I know a lawyer or better stated a dude that is in his i want to say last semester of law school, we built a few sites for him, he runs an armature porn site on the side and does quite good with it to supplement his income.. anyway he's 29 years old and can't sniff a date lol. not a bad looking dude either.

I respect this approach greatly. I'd like to go more in this direction, but there are certain luxuries I like to surround myself with - nice house, nice car, home gym, hobbies cost money. Aside from that, I don't think I'm overly materialistic. My conversations don't usually revolve around material things.

i'm pretty much the same way. there are things i want and those things i want i have, but i don't' buy **** just for the sake of buying ****. if i want something i will get it. i like nice clothes, like driving a luxury car, and i like my kitchen stocked with food at all times. other than that i'm quite fugal

 

[Heretolearn]

Thanks guys. You really understood and great point about the changing times. The wife supporting the guy emotionally/standing by them is exactly what I mean.

The irony is that most of my gf's are from very wealthy backgrounds (families and the high society that comes with it). They like my fun side although here I am just living, working and REALLY focusing on progressing and not talking about it whereas the trust fund friends have everything now.

They never realise that a person who works hard and delays gratification can have even more. And good point, why should they wait in the generation of Iwantnow.

Who wants to download an app that may work in 25 years

Even posting the thread is a reminder that I must life my life for me and if the rest slots in, then so be it. Is that fair to say as family and friends warn me that I could end up a very lonely man. The irony is that when I travel, everyone treats me so well as I am 'interesting' by developing some wide interests and hobbies.

Plus money/success does not BUY friends. It does get you into a lot of new situations where you can make them though

 

[sodbuster]

The problem is the more sh!t you have, the more sh!t you have to fix. It's much easier to clean a 1 bedroom efficiency apartment than a 5 bedroom house,no lawn to mow, no sidewalks to shovel,etc. It's the same being single vs married with children. There is a bit more motivation...because they are depending on you,but all in all... a drag on your income/goals.

Don't worry about the women,they'll show up when you are ready

 

[st_99]

Understand where I am coming from?

I think its just a silly way of thinking about things. Its like a girl saying.. well i really wish he loved me when i was 300lbs. LOL.

But really, thats not even the point.. you should be leading anyway, and that means fully leading, and that means in your head you shouldn't be looking for some kind of feedback (she liked me when i was broke, she must be great!) for validation that a girl is worth keeping around.

I mean, if you like a girl you just like her, not be running through sh!t in your head like... "oh, she probably wouldnt like me if i didnt have my mba or well, she probably only goes for ghetto guys... or whatever)

basically, you're in control. thats the point.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Very interested to know, Op, whether you would prefer a rich, well connected `trustafarian`type, or somebody who comes from `trade where dad has worked his butt off with the support of a loyal wife????

 

[Warrior74]

http://youtu.be/8ORQJtxicrA

whaa I tell you, dis country, you gotta get the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power, then when you get the power, you get the woman. That's why you gotta make you're own moves.

 

[Heretolearn]

Great responses - very helpful. Especially the analogy between a girl being 300 lbs and a guy who has not made it ha ha.

As for trustafarian vs working class - interesting looked the term up and I have been with both types. I do think more towards trustafarian would suit me as it is the lifestyle I lead and the girl can enjoy it. My entrenpreneur friends do well with the 'supportive' type as they love the guys risk/hard work and know it will pay off later. Those girls help keep them focused whereas I am very self motivated.