Life situation advice

[cedd]

It seems as though for the last few years, I've needed girls to be happy. I would say that my two biggest fears in life are letting a situation pass me by, and honestly being 50, alone and no kids. Yea, I like being young now, but I will be turning 27 in a few months, and feel like somewhat of a failure because people younger than me are already getting married, and having kids and I am still single. I understand that life should not be gauged my marriage/children, but in many ways I do gauge it like that.

It sounds like a girl talking. When I'm reading this I'm just thinking youre alrealdy 50 IN YOUR MIND.
Stop watching/listening the media propaganga and being around married friends. It fvcks your brain!

Go for the PhD, find a wealthy job and enjoy life. kids and wife - if this is what you really want - will come naturally AFTER.

If you wanna join the Marines Corp, then Join the Army with your Phd and try to have a great carreer.

Don't envy (and listen to) the married people around you. They probably aren't as happy as they pretend.

cheers

 

[Jeffst1980]

You shouldn't need to join the Marines to take pride in yourself. I agree that propaganda is to blame for the misconception that the military will make you into a confident, successful man. There are many ways to live an exciting life and many paths to developing inner confidence--remember: those recruiters are essentially salesmen.

Obviously, our country needs a military, and I respect the noble intent and decision to serve one's country. However, I think you have been sold on the idea that being a U.S. Marines automatically makes you a "man." That's just macho propaganda designed to entice 18 year old kids that are having trouble navigating the murky transition into adulthood. When you finally get out of there and go back to being a civilian, you will find that, at best, you are at the same social developmental stage as your peers. Having to readjust to civilian life can be difficult for some, and of course there is always a risk of returning with a permanent physical or psychological injury.

IMO, the perpetuated myth that the greatest honor in life is to risk your life for your country is responsible for the deaths of far too many young men who truly did not know what they were getting into. There are many ways to enact change to make your country (as well as the world) a better place that don't require you to be used as a pawn to further a political agenda that may not be entirely just.

 

[KontrollerX]

"I respectfully disagree with you on the military. Some of the best people I have ever known were my fellow officers and soldiers in the Army. You are painting with a rather wide brush."

Well the young impressionable idiots I referred to in order to clarify are the clueless 18 year olds who join up because they bought into the propaganda and indeed they are exactly that ie young, impressionable idiots. I was this same way at that same age when I gave in to peer pressure and tried out smoking. I was a young impressionable idiot.

In truth I find young 18 year olds who fall for the lies and propaganda forgiveable and I pity them.

The military men I truly loathe are those that join up because they want to "git sum!" and kill some "towel heads", the guys that don't care whether the idiot box is lying or not because they've already sold their souls to our corrupt government.

I have no doubt that many of the men you know and have served with are good family men and good friends to you but when you are a person who participated in something as destructive and disgusting as "Shock and Awe" and then you later learn that the reason for you committing this mass murder was a lie ala no WMD's then it is your duty as a patriot to protest your countries leader and if you are still in the service you must refuse to continue serving and become a conscientous objector.

Guys like Ron Kovic who learned what a pointless fraud the Vietnam war was and protested that vigorously have my full respect as do the US soldiers who became conscientous objectors against the current Iraq war or went AWOL and escaped to Canada.

I'm sorry but I just don't respect any soldier that just ignored all the lies or didn't bother informing themself and continued fighting for the corrupt Bush administration.

If you are smart enough to learn how to survive in the battlefield you should damn well be smart enough to pick up a newspaper and get informed of what your leaders are having you do and why.

And yes our country does need a military as do all countries now why don't we bring that military home and secure the border or put it to good use at getting rid of the gangs on American streets?

Now THAT is protecting our country.

Being the policemen of the world and robbing the world blind of resources will only hurt us in the long run and create more blowback and more 911's (if you believe the official story).

"To say that the OP will just be a murderous fool for going this path? I again disagree."

Not only a fool but a tool. A piece on a politician's chessboard and nothing more. Blood for oil and greenbacks. Oh yeah and if a soldier gets PTSD or gets fvcked up in some other way from the war good luck on getting the government to cover the bill for treatment or even offer any treatment at all.

"The ethics and discipline learned in the military can definitely further the OP's goal for future education."

And he can just as easily bypass the military and work hard and further his future education without getting blood on his hands or having someone hold his hand and teach him ethics and discipline he can learn on his own.

 

[Knight's Cross]

KX I'll agree with you on one point. Leadership. The military is an extension of government. The fools are the elected leaders that send the military on errant missions. I agree that if we as citizens are not dilligent to send appropriate leadership to congress, then who is to blame? Not the Armed Services. They again are an extension of government, and by LAW do not have the option to disobey. If they do, we'd wind up like a Banana republic in Africa. Is that what we want? To have military coup of the government? I don't.
While it by far is not the best setup, it works this way. The democratically elected leadership has control of the Armed Services. The real trick is to get good leadership ABOVE the Armed Forces. If you have that, then none of us would be debating the OP's goal to join the Marines. Would we?

KC

 

[wait_out]

KX, since you are a guy who knows how to research things and educate yourself, why don't you learn a bit more about the military? That way, you'll sound like you have more than the equivalent of 2 years of college and an 80's era Chomsky book under you belt before you shoot off you embarrassingly self-assured and ignorant opinions.

There are guys who risk their lives because they are improving the world they wish to live in, not because they're too stupid to know better. Then there are people like you who are completely oblivious. If you drive a car, you have blood on your hands. Period. Give me a break. Your consumption habits are what drives who became rich, your country's oil dependency, and what countries they eventually decided to invade -- not your personal philosophy. You are what, a vodka sales rep? What exactly do you do to improve the world we live in? Respect. Really.

http://smallwarsjournal.com/

 

[KontrollerX]

"KX I'll agree with you on one point. Leadership. The military is an extension of government. The fools are the elected leaders that send the military on errant missions. I agree that if we as citizens are not dilligent to send appropriate leadership to congress, then who is to blame? Not the Armed Services. They again are an extension of government, and by LAW do not have the option to disobey. If they do, we'd wind up like a Banana republic in Africa. Is that what we want? To have military coup of the government? I don't."

Refusing to fight does not a coup make Knights Cross.

As for the law I seem to remember being taught that 50 years ago it was illegal for blacks to sit at the front of a bus or to use water fountains that weren't expressely marked "colored's only".

See when unjust laws are inacted it is our duty and your duty as a soldier to protest them in some way and peaceful protest definitely works.

Ghandi brought the british empire to its knees with it and MLK and the rest of the civil rights movement brought an end to systematic racism with it.

Thats what we all need to do again and soon. We need a new and huge protest.

You guys need the right to disobey without fear of reprisal and we citizens and soldiers alike need to stand up and get you that right since currently conscientous objector status cannot be granted for the reason of a specific war. Like say if you thought a particular war was corrupt from what I have read recently you couldn't be granted CO status by giving that reason not to fight in it and I think you should be able to get that status for any war you may think that of.

"While it by far is not the best setup, it works this way. The democratically elected leadership has control of the Armed Services. The real trick is to get good leadership ABOVE the Armed Forces. If you have that, then none of us would be debating the OP's goal to join the Marines. Would we?"

This is definitely true but if the hand refuses to act then there is not much the body can do.

And again it doesn't mean you guys have to overthrow the government just refuse to fight.

Enough of you do that the leadership no matter who it is will be forced not to use your service so lightly.

"KX, since you are a guy who knows how to research things and educate yourself, why don't you learn a bit more about the military? That way, you'll sound like you have more than the equivalent of 2 years of college and an 80's era Chomsky book under you belt before you shoot off you embarrassingly self-assured and ignorant opinions.

There are guys who risk their lives because they are improving the world they wish to live in, not because they're too stupid to know better. Then there are people like you who are completely oblivious."

So...

Tossing a puppy off a cliff, forcing men to rape eachother at gunpoint, smiling next to a corpse giving the thumbs up sign, killing civilians, firing randomly on civilians, raping a woman and butchering her and her whole family, blindly following orders even though they are blatantly corrupt, going to war over the lie of WMDs, all that is improving the world we wish to live in?

As for Mr. Chomsky I've not read a single book but I have had many past and current active duty Iraq military family members, the Vietnam veteran next door, my Vietnam veteran uncle as well as my own conscience that all played a part in helping me find out for myself how disgusting and unnecessary America's recent wars have been.

I'm sorry you lack a conscience or at least lack a conscience when it comes to your presumed method of livelyhood but the rest of us would like to keep our humanity and use it to make sound judgements thank you very much.

"If you drive a car, you have blood on your hands. Period. Give me a break. Your consumption habits are what drives who became rich, your country's oil dependency, and what countries they eventually decided to invade -- not your personal philosophy."

Actually the blood is on the hands of guys like Richard Cheney and the big oil companies who won't let solar and electric powered vehicles become mainstream because it threatens their profits and wealth. Nice try though.

"You are what, a vodka sales rep? What exactly do you do to improve the world we live in? Respect. Really."

I think you are confusing me with Rollo Tomassi there chief.

And since you asked me the question I'd say a vodka sales rep does a better job at improving the world we live in than a modern military man as the vodka rep just makes people happy with a quality product while the military man destroys lives for a politician's greed and corruption.

Let me know when our soldiers are actually used to protect us from something that is an actual threat and I'll get right on acknowledging the good deed.

 

[wait_out]

So...

Tossing a puppy off a cliff, forcing men to rape eachother at gunpoint, smiling next to a corpse giving the thumbs up sign, killing civilians, firing randomly on civilians, raping a woman and butchering her and her whole family, blindly following orders even though they are blatantly corrupt, going to war over the lie of WMDs, all that is improving the world we wish to live in?

These are all against military law, international law, the Geneva Conventions, SOP's, ROE's, training, common sense, and what armies exist for. They destroy the faith of the troops in their leaders and their units because THEY ARE WRONG. Furthermore they destabilize conflict areas by alienating the local population, resulting in more dead soldiers, more dead civilians and orphans, and more insurgents recruited unnecessarily. These are all failures.

That is counterproductive behavior and I'm not too stupid to agree with you on that. You, however, are too arrogant to realize that plenty of people not only agree with you, but are actively working to change things. I suppose though you're happier sitting at home with an unmerited sense of superiority, while clueless 18 year-olds rush off to die. The first thing I do with these kids is tell them that 'Band of Brothers' has nothing to do with modern warfare and their 'git-sum' attitude will get them and their friends killed and lose. That is, I change their thinking for the better, while you despise them and disassociate yourself.

I protested in the streets with millions against Iraq before joining the military. I'm not US military, but what do you think your army should have done after WMD's were not found? Leave a destabilized Iraq to fall apart into civil war? Worked well in Afghanistan in the 90's -- oh maybe not. My personal opinion is that the war profiteers and your corrupt administration ought to be in jail for their blinkered stupidity and negligence. But how am I going to protect poor brown people and the western children of the non-elite by removing myself from the problem?

Actually the blood is on the hands of guys like Richard Cheney and the big oil companies who won't let solar and electric powered vehicles become mainstream because it threatens their profits and wealth. Nice try though.

Is there a law against buying alt. fueled vehicles? Personally, I'll be buying a hybrid or high-efficiency diesel. I've considered investing in alt.energy just to encourage its development, not to get rich. Do you think oil companies would have a lot less power if we decided to be less personally reliant on oil? Cheney and co. are the hunters -- you're buying meat at the supermarket. I don't consider you any less responsible, or me. We are a step removed but still part of the chain.

You are responsible for your own choices and their effects, not Cheney and oil corporations. Nice try yourself.

And since you asked me the question I'd say a vodka sales rep does a better job at improving the world we live in than a modern military man as the vodka rep just makes people happy with a quality product while the military man destroys lives for a politician's greed and corruption.

With apologies to Rollo, there's nothing wrong with having a normal job. The military is an immense commitment and I don't believe in obligatory service. However KX, you are doing a lot of people an incredible disservice when you reduce everyone in the military to brainless and incompetent oafs, being manipulated by the ****ty administrations that your clueless public elects.

The current impetus for a new perspective in US interventions comes from the military, in the form of the new counter-insurgency doctrine. Building on lessons learned by the British in Malaysia and the French in Algeria in the 1950s and 1960s, a group of thinkers organised by General Petraeus in the US have formulated the thesis that the struggle for the people is the central issue in any counter-insurgency campaign. While 20 per cent of the campaign might centre on use of force, 80 per cent depends on political and economic efforts. Under this doctrine, the definition of partners rests on the litmus test of dedication to the people. The incoming administration must translate this doctrine into a focused strategy for Afghanistan. This will require a fresh look at the polity, the economy, and foreign aid.

Since the military has been leading this change, it's not surprising you don't know about it. So why do you have such an outdated view of what your military is actually attempting to do?

In the early months of the war, television images out of Iraq were abundant. “But clearly, viewers’ appetite for stories from Iraq waned when it turned from all-out battle into something equally important but more difficult to describe and cover,” Ms. Arraf said. She recalled hearing one of her TV editors say, “I don’t want to see the same old pictures of soldiers kicking down doors.”

“You can imagine how much more tedious it would be to watch soldiers running meetings on irrigation,” she said.

Ah yes. Our esteemed and respected mass media.

I don't find running irrigation meetings trivial. Perhaps though you weren't aware that stuff is important because it builds civil society and doesn't contribute to regressive violence?

The meltdown taking place in South Asia (Afghanistan-Pakistan-India) is going to have some kind of effect on your world, even if nobody is going to suicide bomb aisle 3 of your Safeway. It is in your interest to have a stable, peaceful Iraq despite the false premises the Bush administration went to war on. Their irresponsibility is no reason why Joe Iraqi shouldn't be protected -- as they say, you break it, you bought it. I don't see how putting a failed state together makes me a bad person.

The number of Iraqi civilian deaths has fallen from a high of some 3,800 a month two years ago to some 600 a month today. And with that, the danger of a civil war sparked by sectarian-based killings has finally receded.

Here's more stuff for you, by Tom Ricks who wrote Fiasco. He is capable of seeing both sides of the story, which is something you ought to learn.

http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2008/0808.ricks.html

KX, you obviously possess the intellectual resources to move past what are some very shallow and uninformed opinions. Opinions differ on politics, personal responsibility, military intervention and that's fine -- but at least have the courtesy to others to educate yourself before running your trap again.

I am really quite unimpressed with you.

 

[Knight's Cross]

KX,
I'm going to have to again disagree. The example you use about discrimination law is not even a close corollary to the military and the code that it follows. Basically you are saying that since the Continental Army our service has been in err to follow the DEMOCRATICALLY elected representatives of the people. That when they don't feel like fighting they just say,"nope" not today Mr. President. The Joint Chiefs don't agree with you." That they should en masse, disobey orders when they don't feel like it. Do you know where that's happened? Plenty of places, most of which I'm sure you don't want to visit.
I hate to sound harsh, but your whole idea that the military should be able to without reprise disobey orders...is fantasy. Do you have any idea what our adversaries would do if they thought thats how we operated?
You really do need to look at the Petraeus Doctrine more closely. While I agree that we should have never invaded Iraq in the first place, we are in it now. To win now we must win the hearts and minds of the people. Only history will show if we can truly accomplish it. Men much smarter than I am are making strides in the right direction. Violence is down, infrastructure is being built, and just this week we turned the Green Zone over to the Iraqis.
Your other comments about soldiers doing reprehensible acts. There's what's known as the UCMJ for that. I assure you the military trial and prosecution system is just as solid as the civilian system. Do civilians in America not also commit heinous crimes? Really that was a low blow my friend. You are better than taking a cheap shot like that.
Again this whole post was to offer the OP some meaningful advice on what his options were. To denigrate one of them simply because you don't agree with it? Is that really your goal here? While I served my country I can't command the OP that he should or shouldn't. I'll only try to shed light on the obligation and it's responsibilities. Were they good for me? Yes. They are immense, carry risk, and reward.
I'd like to drag this train back on the tracks of where it was originally headed. That destination was information for the OP to become a PHD, go into the Marines, and get married. So if the OP isn't going to chime in with any other questions, I feel we are wasting our effort.

KC

 

[KontrollerX]

"These are all against military law, international law, the Geneva Conventions, SOP's, ROE's, training, common sense, and what armies exist for."

Since when has the law ever stopped Bush from doing what he wants?

Downing Street memo anyone?

"I suppose though you're happier sitting at home with an unmerited sense of superiority, while clueless 18 year-olds rush off to die. The first thing I do with these kids is tell them that 'Band of Brothers' has nothing to do with modern warfare and their 'git-sum' attitude will get them and their friends killed and lose. That is, I change their thinking for the better, while you despise them and disassociate yourself."

Actually I don't despise these kids I pity them.

They are young, impressionable and stupid and highly prone to manipulation by adults with a sick agenda.

I want to save and educate as many young dumb kids as I can to avoid military service because I don't want anymore kids who could have a bright future getting fvcked up with PTSD, getting their limbs blown off, or getting burned and disfigured for the rest of their lives all for nothing.

To clarify I don't think a young 18 year old is stupid for being in the military, rather I think it is an 18 year old's stupidity and impressionable nature that allows that 18 year old to be manipulated into the military via propaganda and a smooth talking snake of a recruiter.

So in short I despise military recruiters and the media propagandists who build military service up as being godlike in order to manipulate more young dumb 18 year olds into the meat grinder.

"I protested in the streets with millions against Iraq before joining the military. I'm not US military,"

What military do you belong to then and why would you join up with any military if presumably you are part of a U.S ally country and will likely be sent to Iraq to participate in the war that you are also against?

"but what do you think your army should have done after WMD's were not found? Leave a destabilized Iraq to fall apart into civil war? Worked well in Afghanistan in the 90's -- oh maybe not."

Exactly. They don't want us there. We should get out and let the Iraqi citizens form the government that they want on their own and send them aid and money as our apology for invading their country unprovoked.

"My personal opinion is that the war profiteers and your corrupt administration ought to be in jail for their blinkered stupidity and negligence."

We agree there. Bush, Cheney and all those scumbags are in desperate need of orange jumpsuits while they do the perp walk.

"you are doing a lot of people an incredible disservice when you reduce everyone in the military to brainless and incompetent oafs"

I don't think I reduced everyone in the military to brainless and incompetent oafs I merely said the 18 year olds that join up are usually dumb impressionable kids and I think I was trying to get across that its incredibly sick to manipulate these kids into putting their lives on the line for some worthless greed motivated agenda of some politician. All that I have heard from the military men in my family and what I have personally researched is that when you are that young and dumb and join up you only get one side of the story painting military service as glorious and as time goes on if you are not a kool-aid drinking neocon or a Type A personality reality and experience let you know what a crock of sh!t all that propaganda you previously swallowed was and that military life isn't roses and pancakes nor are you even fighting for a worthwhile cause as you were led to believe by the snake oil salesman recruiter.

"The meltdown taking place in South Asia (Afghanistan-Pakistan-India) is going to have some kind of effect on your world, even if nobody is going to suicide bomb aisle 3 of your Safeway. It is in your interest to have a stable, peaceful Iraq despite the false premises the Bush administration went to war on. Their irresponsibility is no reason why Joe Iraqi shouldn't be protected -- as they say, you break it, you bought it. I don't see how putting a failed state together makes me a bad person."

You know as long as America seeks to be the policemen of the world why don't we head on down to Darfur and do some good?

Oh thats right no resources for us to steal so Darfur doesn't exist...

"He is capable of seeing both sides of the story, which is something you ought to learn."

Dude you need to learn some impartiality yourself.

Your hardon for needless war has been showing all throughout your responses to me in this thread.

"I am really quite unimpressed with you."

Of course.

You are a bloodthirsty sociopathic savage and I am a human being with a conscience so of course you are unimpressed with me.

I don't think that highly of you either but I don't think either of us is going to lose any one of our 40 winks tonight over our differing opinions of eachother.

"I'd like to drag this train back on the tracks of where it was originally headed. That destination was information for the OP to become a PHD, go into the Marines, and get married."

You are right that we should bring the thread back on topic and I do agree with you both in at least one profound way and that is this...

If any young person is going to join the military it is best they be fully educated to the negatives and positives of service.

They need to know and understand that they could be killed, come back crippled or disfigured, get PTSD all that good stuff and they need to know that they may not be fighting for a good cause and then after that knowledge is imparted share whatever positives you can think of to them in order to balance it all out so they can make a fully informed decision.

 

[wait_out]

You are a bloodthirsty sociopathic savage and I am a human being with a conscience so of course you are unimpressed with me.

Cute.

If any young person is going to join the military it is best they be fully educated to the negatives and positives of service.

They need to know and understand that they could be killed, come back crippled or disfigured, get PTSD all that good stuff and they need to know that they may not be fighting for a good cause and then after that knowledge is imparted share whatever positives you can think of to them in order to balance it all out so they can make a fully informed decision.

Solid advice. However KX, you didn't even read the outside sources I linked before your knee-jerk internet C+P reaction. I don't do flame wars, and you're not even trying, so why don't we just agree that you're too self-assured to learn and I wasted my time on you? Follow you own advice man, don't just pay lip service to it. Critical thinking is different from just being critical, and in this subject you're out of your depth.

To the OP: Ask questions to me and KC if you want. KX is correct that the military is among the most potentially physically and psychologically damaging professions that exist. You are subject to the stupid decisions of both a contradictory military bureaucracy and your moronic civilian leaders. It is a difficult, high-stress job. There are higher rates of alcoholism. You are not going to meet a lot of women. Ignorant people you don't know like to unload their political viewpoints on you. That's reality. However, you also get the chance to meet incredible people you never would otherwise, save lives, and improve a patch of ground for people who never had the same privileges as you.

When it all goes wrong: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/24/magazine/24afghanistan-t.html

When it goes right: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/leading_article/article5429666.ece

BTW, if you imagine anything officer-side, you'd better be capable of finding and filtering information and making your own decisions. Educate yourself.

 

[KontrollerX]

"I don't do flame wars"

1. "I suppose though you're happier sitting at home with an unmerited sense of superiority, while clueless 18 year-olds rush off to die."

2. "while you despise them and disassociate yourself."

3. "I am really quite unimpressed with you."

4. "KX, since you are a guy who knows how to research things and educate yourself, why don't you learn a bit more about the military? That way, you'll sound like you have more than the equivalent of 2 years of college and an 80's era Chomsky book under you belt before you shoot off you embarrassingly self-assured and ignorant opinions."

Just a sampling of the "respectful debate" you have offered me.

So lets not kid ourselves here sweetheart.

You have been the d!ckhead here.

I just posted my individual opinion as the topic asked for from us and it was you who jumped on me because maybe somewhere in that blackened little mind of yours what I said caused your atrophied conscience to awaken and all that sensory overload and unpleasantness caused you to lash out at me in an extremely condescending and smarmy fashion.

Notice how I spoke to Knight's Cross like a gentlemen as opposed to how I spoke to you?

Thats right.

I treat people how they treat me.

Deal with it.

"Ignorant people you don't know like to unload their political viewpoints on you."

Hmmm, sounds like someone I know whose got an opposing viewpoint and just couldn't help but call me out in an extremely condescending assh0lish manner rather than simply post his opposing viewpoint without calling me out and then simply moving on.

"Critical thinking is different from just being critical, and in this subject you're out of your depth."

So because I refuse to take someone that uses an endless amount of strawman arguments mixed with smarmy and condescending insults seriously I'm out of my depth?

Yeah ok...

Whatever you say boss.

 

[Señor Fingers]

So because I refuse to take someone that uses an endless amount of strawman arguments mixed with smarmy and condescending insults seriously I'm out of my depth?

Hmm, kinda reminds me of someone I know

j/k

We actually see eye to eye on this one KX - a good friend of mine got the same speech from me that you are giving here when he decided to "take down Osama". The end result? He was MISERABLE and realized how wrong the war was - went AWOL and nobody has heard from him in almost a year. He left a promising career, a fiancee and his whole life behind, all because of some misguided ideas of justice and patriotism.

"Support Our Troops" they say - "stand for peace" they shout. To this I just shake my head, remembering the wise words of Albert Einstein.

“A nation can be considered peace loving only if it is ready to cede its military force to the international authorities and to renounce every attempt to achieve its interests abroad by the use of force. Peace can never be secured by threats, but only by an honest attempt to create mutual trust.”

 

[wait_out]

KX we could both be doing better in terms of this conversation. Let's just leave it at that.
----------------
SF, your friend's unit didn't look after him. I'm sorry but it sounds like he caught a very rough break.

Peace can never be secured by threats, but only by an honest attempt to create mutual trust.

Kind of like a relationship between a guy and a girl? Sure.

Before you pass off that idea as loony read this.

http://www.spectacle.org/995/

Everything is simple in theory, whether it's love or international relations. When you're actually involved in the game, things become very messy. Until humans reach the stage where they can think logically rather than selfishly there is going to be a lot of conflict in our world. The military will have a role to play in stabilizing it. I hope in the future America will be acting within the international framework (no more Iraq misadventures); it's not guaranteed. But there is more than one way to improve the world, and you can do good things even within a morally corrupt enterprise (Schindler's List?). Do what you believe in (soldier, journalist, marine biologist, vodka rep), so you can live with it at the end of the day.

There are naturally a lot of strong opinions and heartbreaking stories regarding war and foreign intervention, but let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater ok gents?

 

[Colossus]

BRIAN123--

I think you have some awesome goals and you are insightful enough to realize the mental mistakes you have been making with women. You have received some great advice in this thread, but unfortunately it has denigrated into another KX vs. the People of SS hijack.

It sounds like you are just looking for some adventure and travel, so if I were you I would look into some non-combative options like the Merchant Marines or even Raytheon. You really are risking a lot by joining the military, even if you go OCS. You may get a lot out of it and be a better man because of it, but, more likely, you will find yourself in a mistake that you are contractually obligated to see through to the bitter end.

I have the UTMOST respect for veterans and active soldiers, especially the ones who did it knowing the risks involved. But having said that, I don't think the military is a good option for someone with a future as bright as yours. I have known far too many guys who bitterly regretted the day they ever signed Uncle Sam's papers.

So in regards to your goals, finish your PhD first, then look into some non-military options for travel and service. They are out there. Don't stress about getting too old to find a wife either. You will only endanger yourself to making an impetuous decision and possibly totally screwing your future by marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

 

[brian123]

Hey guys,

Thank you all so much for the responses. I have been away for christmas break.

I did alot of thinking, and I agree with what you guys are saying.

I need to live life for ME. Once I do that, everything else will fall into place. I thought alot about everything when I was home for Christmas, and I need to live the life I want to live. Living to get a wife/kids is not living for me. If that happens along the way and I meet a fantastic girl, then great. If not, then atleast I lived life for myself.

My reasons for joining the Marines is because of the pride Id get, and the sense of adventure Id get. Sure, people can do alot of things to gain pride, but personally, a being a Marine would be my proudest achievement. I've looked at other branches, and tip my hat to those folks serving in them, but they just aren't for me.

If I go to OCS for the Marines, and like it, then great Ill keep going and stay in the reserves until I am atleast 32. If I dont, I can get out at anytime for the first 10 weeks and will be ~1 year behind on my PhD, but will be able to say that I gave it a shot. I won't wonder.


Basically, I've figured out that I've been living scared. When Cedd said that in my mind I was already 50, he was right. So many of my friends are already married and have kids that I feel like I am behind. When i was 23 and single, I already resolved that Id be single for the rest of my life. Obviously, that wasn't the greatest idea.

If I try the Marines route, and stay in it, I will be ~32 when I get out. Even IF I get out then and am single, I will be only 32, have a PhD in Computer Science, be a Marine officer and have alot of other good things going for me. If that doesn't attract girls then, then nothing will.

I am going to start living life for me.

 

[wait_out]

Brian,

I think you are on the right track. I don't think having being talented is a good reason to reject military service -- *but* I do agree with Colossus that you have to understand the gravity of the commitment you will be making. You should talk to people who hated service and listen closely. You should also talk to people you love their work, and try and find where you fit in relative. Be very wary of recruiters because they are humans and have quotas to fill. From what I've heard they will quite happily mislead you.

I think you should watch movies like No Man's Land to get an idea of the messy issues you'll have to deal with. Also, watch the Seven Samurai and pay particular attention to the ending:

The three surviving samurai, Kambei, Katsushirō, and Shichirōji, are left to observe the villagers happily planting the next rice crop. The samurai reflect on the relationship between the warrior and farming classes: though they have won the battle for the farmers, they have lost their friends with little to show for it. "Again we are defeated," Kambei muses. "The farmers have won. Not us." This melancholic observation sheds new light on Kambei's statement at the beginning of the film that he had "never won a battle." This contrasts with the singing and joy of the villagers, whose figuratively life-sustaining work has prevailed over war and left all warriors as the defeated party.

There are some pretty big sacrifices you will be making in terms of your life and identity, which may not be apparent to you after only 10+ weeks of training. The obligation is huge and so is the responsibility if you are officer-side. Be sure that you can live with them before you swear your oath. Good luck to you whatever you choose.

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

Just a bit about myself. I am 26, in good health, great family, great job, great friends, working on my PhD in Computer Science, reasonably good looking, so I guess most people would say I am doing pretty well. Yea, I like girls as much as the next guy, but I would rather be content with life than to be with a different girl everynight, where each was better looking than the last.

I understand the real key to happiness is through oneself and not through.

It seems as though for the last few years, I've needed girls to be happy. I would say that my two biggest fears in life are letting a situation pass me by, and honestly being 50, alone and no kids. Yea, I like being young now, but I will be turning 27 in a few months, and feel like somewhat of a failure because people younger than me are already getting married, and having kids and I am still single. I understand that life should not be gauged my marriage/children, but in many ways I do gauge it like that.

As with my current situation, I met a girl in early September, and basically wasted the last 4 months of my life pining over her, looking for every reason to think she might like me and really devoted a majority of those couple of months to her (Whether I not I get with her in the end is inconsequential, I should NOT be spending this much time and effort on a girl I am hardly/barely even dating.) I've posted here from time to time on my situation with this girl, and am sick of "wanting" to be with someone. It overtook my life.

Additionally, since I am turning 27, I am not an old fart by any means, but I am no kid anymore. I feel like there are certain adventurous things I would like to do in life (ie join the Marines... for the next couple of years and have some adventure and pride.) My biggest fear about doing either of these is getting out when I am in my early 30's and having missed out on the opportunity to really settle down and have a family like most of my peers.

If I had to list the 3 things I wanted most in life would be a PhD, to be a United States marine, and to be married to a wonderful lady and have a family. Nobody could give me any amount of money to pass on either of these dreams.

Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions to my current life situation?

30 isnt what it use to be. I'm 30, I feel like I'm 22 or something.

I think 20-25 years ago, things were more structured. You go to highschool until 18, go to college. Then masters, or phd. Then family or something.

I dont know...I think guys with their head on straight, who can function, hold a job, are stable with money, etc...they put too much pressure on themselves. Life shouldn't be that hard if you can provide for yourself. Having to marry by a certain age....I dont know, that's too hard. I'd rather be stable financially at 34 or 36 and settle down, vs getting in over your head at 26 for example (i.e. a mortgage payment you cant afford). And real estate has come down the last few years...could be an excellent time to buy if you're in the market.

Some I know in their 20's are already divorced...that would suck.

I've taken a long break from sosuave, "game"...girls are not that hard. If you're comfortable, relaxed, have things going for yourself, it shouldnt be that hard. Keep advancing in life, things open up.