Life situation advice

[brian123]

Just a bit about myself. I am 26, in good health, great family, great job, great friends, working on my PhD in Computer Science, reasonably good looking, so I guess most people would say I am doing pretty well. Yea, I like girls as much as the next guy, but I would rather be content with life than to be with a different girl everynight, where each was better looking than the last.

I understand the real key to happiness is through oneself and not through.

It seems as though for the last few years, I've needed girls to be happy. I would say that my two biggest fears in life are letting a situation pass me by, and honestly being 50, alone and no kids. Yea, I like being young now, but I will be turning 27 in a few months, and feel like somewhat of a failure because people younger than me are already getting married, and having kids and I am still single. I understand that life should not be gauged my marriage/children, but in many ways I do gauge it like that.

As with my current situation, I met a girl in early September, and basically wasted the last 4 months of my life pining over her, looking for every reason to think she might like me and really devoted a majority of those couple of months to her (Whether I not I get with her in the end is inconsequential, I should NOT be spending this much time and effort on a girl I am hardly/barely even dating.) I've posted here from time to time on my situation with this girl, and am sick of "wanting" to be with someone. It overtook my life.

Additionally, since I am turning 27, I am not an old fart by any means, but I am no kid anymore. I feel like there are certain adventurous things I would like to do in life (ie join the Marines... for the next couple of years and have some adventure and pride.) My biggest fear about doing either of these is getting out when I am in my early 30's and having missed out on the opportunity to really settle down and have a family like most of my peers.

If I had to list the 3 things I wanted most in life would be a PhD, to be a United States marine, and to be married to a wonderful lady and have a family. Nobody could give me any amount of money to pass on either of these dreams.

Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions to my current life situation?

 

[puma183]

Hi Brian,
I can help you with your third goal:

1. Find an obnoxious woman
2. Get her to really hate you
3. Buy her a house
4. Setup monthly automatic transfers from your checking account into hers. (most Online Banking applications let you do that nowdays). For expiration date of the monthly transfers, set it to "Never".

This plan works in 70% of the time. But for most guys it takes 8-12 years to implement. But if you execute my easy to follow steps, you could get the same result in a few short weeks. I hope this helps.

- Puma

PS. I am more in favor of your US Marines or PhD goals. Do those instead. It's never to late to "settle down". Don't forget, it's game over when you "settle down".
PSS. Are you familar with a certain radio personality named Tom Leykis? You may find his show to be a breath of fresh air, and to help you with your seeming dilemna.

 

[The Gamer]

well if that what you want lets think this out...

If your surely going into the marines you wouldnt want your newlywed wife sitting at home without you around for a long period of time, I assume. So, marine before wife. Your PhD is something probably best attained before marines because of the obvious time and location limitations. so...

PhD
Marine
Marriage...

If that what you really want-

GL

 

[Knight's Cross]

My vote as an ex-military officer. I joined the army at 24. I'd say: First you have to identify what MOS you want to have in the service. Target that first. Then go after that goal no holds barred. While in get the GI Bill. That will lead to PHD afterwards. The marry and kids part? Well I know a marine buddy thats 42. He just got married and wifey is pregnant with twins. You have all the time in the world for the 2.5 kids and picket fence after you achieve your career/ military self.

 

[sodbuster]

If you puttoo much emphasis on the wife and kids, you might be looked at as a desperate buyer. We all know they don't get the best deals. If you are willing to walk away,you can get a better deal. Cars,computers,women-whatever.

 

[Feek]

My vote as an ex-military officer. I joined the army at 24. I'd say: First you have to identify what MOS you want to have in the service. Target that first. Then go after that goal no holds barred. While in get the GI Bill. That will lead to PHD afterwards. The marry and kids part? Well I know a marine buddy thats 42. He just got married and wifey is pregnant with twins. You have all the time in the world for the 2.5 kids and picket fence after you achieve your career/ military self.

QFT.

Most of the guys I talk to, as they get closer to that magical age of 30, start to wonder if they're "too old" for this or that. I went through it myself. It seems to be an in-born mental wall that most guys seem to have - I'd even go so far as to say it's the male version of feeling your biological clock ticking. Keep in mind, until very, very recently, the age of 30 would have meant that you were nearing the end of your natural life. The important thing is to understand that this is merely a mental construct you're building for yourself. The good news is, because you're building it for yourself, it only takes you and you alone to break through it.

Of the three things you list, the only one you have to worry about being too old for is the marines because they have age limits for joining. Once you're done with that, like KC says above, use your GI Bill for the PhD, which has no age limits. Hell, I personally know people in their 40s and 50s getting their PhDs. On an extreme end, my wife's father is thinking of going for another PhD, and he's in his late 60s!

As for your 30s being too old to settle down and have a family... I know that looking at your 30s right now seems like it makes you an "old man". Once you're here you realize you're still a kid and have many years left to chase after your little rugrat. If what you're worried about is attracting someone to help you start that family, it's simple - just don't. You can still have any woman at that age, even college girls. I've heard women say that age matters to them, but I speak from personal experience when I say that it truly doesn't. It's like all the other "preferences" I've heard from women over the years; if you have the right energy, all those rules go right out the window.

Get out and experience the world now before you have a wife and kids, while it's still easy. It'll help you in your life in more ways than you can imagine.

 

[poster_guy03]

This is a no brainer......

You are a young man with a great future....

PhD - own it for yourself first. I know you feel like an academic slave now. Don't let some chick get a share of it before you complete it. Don't owe the services for it. I know it may seem challenging now but in the grand scheme it's easily the most doable.

Marines - with credentials like that you'll get the basic and some advanced training, the confidence and then the attitude. They'll put you where they can use your PhD to their advantage. You'll be around people who can relate to you and you to them. That doctorate will change you personally in ways you can't know now.

Other - You'll be in a situation where, without question, you'll be the man!!!! My guess is you'll get exposed to some pretty good tail as well.... Your life will be full of adventure and "quality" women.

Goferit!

 

[Feek]

I don't understand why people are telling Brian to get his PhD first. From the Marines website:

Men and women between the ages of 17 and 29 who are working toward, or have earned, a high school diploma may qualify to enlist.

They don't have ages on the website for officer training, but what I'm reading seems to indicate the age restrictions are the same. I don't know if Brian wants to do that, but all he needs is at least some coursework towards a Bachelor's degree, and it sounds like he does. He doesn't indicate how far into the PhD program he is, but if there's more than 2 years left, there's no way he can get the PhD and THEN go into the Marines.

Brian, can we get some clarification here? It would make it easier to give you advice on this.

 

[romangod]

I understand the real key to happiness is through oneself and not through.

It seems as though for the last few years, I've needed girls to be happy. I would say that my two biggest fears in life are letting a situation pass me by, and honestly being 50, alone and no kids. Yea, I like being young now, but I will be turning 27 in a few months, and feel like somewhat of a failure because people younger than me are already getting married, and having kids and I am still single. I understand that life should not be gauged my marriage/children, but in many ways I do gauge it like that.


My biggest fear about doing either of these is getting out when I am in my early 30's and having missed out on the opportunity to really settle down and have a family like most of my peers.

If I had to list the 3 things I wanted most in life would be a PhD, to be a United States marine, and to be married to a wonderful lady and have a family.

Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions to my current life situation?

First off, you're setting yourself up for a complete disaster. If you think that you need a girl to be happy you deserve all the misery that accompanies such thinking. You're trapped in the Matrix as a frustrated chump waiting to be swallowed up both emotionally and financially by the first vixen that says "I do."

Your biggest fear should be that your thinking won't change and you'll just be another lamb being led to slaughter.


My suggestion is to stop thinking that you need a woman to make you happy. You'll spare yourself a lifetime of misery.


Cheers!

 

[Road Demon]

I would strongly recommend getting the PhD before entertaining any notion of joining the Marines.

Get the PhD. Most PhD in the sciences get grant support, so you don't need the GI bill.

Then join the marines as a Capt. You will a very valued individual with your Expertise. I believe you have till 34 to join?

The journey to get PhD will be perhaps the most difficult undertaking you will have to do in life, in fact you will want to quit. You will feel helpless, hopeless and without direction at times, balanced occasionally with great elation. Do it when you are young without family obligations. Stick it out, it will be worth in the end. Trust me.

Then tell the ladies 'Hi I'm Dr. B." They will come.

Good Luck.

RD

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I've posted here from time to time on my situation with this girl, and am sick of "wanting" to be with someone. It overtook my life.

Learn from it, man. A pretty face can be intoxicating, but in the end noone can make you happy but you.

Also it sounds like you have a number of friends that have gotten married and had children. That's cool for them, but don't envy them. You are young and have tons of time for those options whether you think so or not.

I'm at a certain point myself where I am in need of shaking things up. A lot of my friends are recently (re)married - therefore I'm in the process of recruiting new single friends that have more in common with my interests. As a true man, and in order to maintain attraction you need to have a friend set. Certain long term friends, maybe one or two, will always be there in the wash, but people come and go, you have to realize when this is happening, and "shake things up."

Definitely plan, but be aware of what John Lennon said "Life happens while you are making other plans."

 

[decades]

I haven't seen an "I can't be happy unless I am married.." post in a while. But if you're patient they do tend to appear like clock work.

 

[mikeraw]

Stick to the PhD, forget about marines. What's the point? Cannon fodder? While you're aching in the mud, either in training or actual combat, I'll be drinking about you... with hot chicks.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions to my current life situation?"

Sure.

1. Stop looking at the people around you and what they are doing as a guide post to live your life. If you really truly on a deep level want to marry some broad you make that decision for yourself because its again what you really want and not motivated by peer pressure or the desire to fit in.

2. Marriage in this day and age is just a soulless contract where you form an unstable corporation with a woman on a piece of paper guaranteeing her half your sh!t should the corporation come to an end. Its not about love in our generation so get that sh!t out of your head. Understand that you and a woman can love eachother quite well without that government contract between you two and if you understand that and still want to go through with it best of luck.

3. Being in the military is absolutely nothing to be proud of. You will just be killing poor people and playing GI Joe for some corrupt politician's agenda. Don't be the dumb animal that Henry Kissinger says all military men are. Don't be cannon fodder for our corrupt government. Be smart and avoid this murderous profession like the plague. Don't buy into the media propaganda about being a hero. That sh!t is spouted to help manipulate young impressionable idiots who don't know any better into joining up. Now if you really want to get into something adventurous and useful to society become a marine biologist. Plenty of new worlds and creatures to discover under the sea and if its an adrenalin rush you seek I'm very sure you'll get one if you have a shark or a killer whale try and take a bite out of your ass as you're trying to discover the newest species of jellyfish.

4. PHD is all good go for that too before your new adventurous career as a marine biologist.

 

[grinder]

I get the feeling this post is STILL about that girl.

Until you get her/that process handled your judgment and future choices will be overly influenced by external forces.

But, you already know this, that’s why you are here.

 

[thedeparted]

"Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions to my current life situation?"

Sure.

1. Stop looking at the people around you and what they are doing as a guide post to live your life. If you really truly on a deep level want to marry some broad you make that decision for yourself because its again what you really want and not motivated by peer pressure or the desire to fit in.

2. Marriage in this day and age is just a soulless contract where you form an unstable corporation with a woman on a piece of paper guaranteeing her half your sh!t should the corporation come to an end. Its not about love in our generation so get that sh!t out of your head. Understand that you and a woman can love eachother quite well without that government contract between you two and if you understand that and still want to go through with it best of luck.

3. Being in the military is absolutely nothing to be proud of. You will just be killing poor people and playing GI Joe for some corrupt politician's agenda. Don't be the dumb animal that Henry Kissinger says all military men are. Don't be cannon fodder for our corrupt government. Be smart and avoid this murderous profession like the plague. Don't buy into the media propaganda about being a hero. That sh!t is spouted to help manipulate young impressionable idiots who don't know any better into joining up. Now if you really want to get into something adventurous and useful to society become a marine biologist. Plenty of new worlds and creatures to discover under the sea and if its an adrenalin rush you seek I'm very sure you'll get one if you have a shark or a killer whale try and take a bite out of your ass as you're trying to discover the newest species of jellyfish.

4. PHD is all good go for that too before your new adventurous career as a marine biologist.

This is why I read these forums. To see some guy get his head straightened out by someone who sees the world for what it is. Nice post, KontrollerX!

 

[Knight's Cross]

KX,
I respectfully disagree with you on the military. Some of the best people I have ever known were my fellow officers and soldiers in the Army. You are painting with a rather wide brush. To say that politicians are corrupt...well that's an understatement. Whether it's one party or the other. The men and women of the US Armed Forces have the duty to protect the nation. To say that the OP will just be a murderous fool for going this path? I again disagree. The ethics and discipline learned in the military can definitely further the OP's goal for future education.
I would temper that with the OP going to OCS over going enlisted. There are certainly more options so whether he does PHD or OCS first it is paramount that he enters the marines as an officer.

KC

 

[Knight's Cross]

Wow,
Again I respectfully disagree with those bashing the service. If you don't like the military that's fine. The military is alot like most places in life. It is what you make of it. Look at it this way. To be a good leader, you first have to be a good follower. I can't tell you how many valuable lessons I have learned by serving my country.
The OP asked for some opinion on how to tackle life. It's his call if he wants to join the service. If you haven't actually experienced life in the miltary then how are you giving advice about it? I hate to say it, but unless you've served then how are you qualified to truly advocate for or against?
Again, it's the OP's choice. I do believe that he needs to really think hard about it. It's not for everyone. If he goes in, then officer, or defined track is the only way to do it. Get the offer that he wants in writing first. Recruiters are in it for themselves, if you know what you want you can bargain for the best offer.
Knowledge is half the battle.

KC

 

[mikeraw]

One of the biggest drawbacks I see of being in the military is the fact that everything can end literally in the blink of an eye... the OP is pursuing a PhD in Computer Science... no easy feat, and one that is backed up by tremendous amount of intellectual, academic and financial investment...

From a personal point of view, I remember all those nights in the universtiy studying thermodynamics, physics, upper level math classes, simulation, programming, etc... all in hopes of living a better life when I finally got my degree. And to risk all that by exposing myself to danger? An unfortunate training accident, a well-placed IED, a randomly fired enemy mortar, heck, you're never too young to suffer a heart attack... ANYTHING can get you!

And even worse... what if you're just maimed? If something to my hands, then all those years and countless hours of piano practice are shattered in a second. My mental picture of how cool I look soloing on my guitar? Yup, that too is gone, hahaha... Lose your legs or the use of them? Good bye, dignity! Even your ability as a lover will suffer if you're physically impaired. And on top of all that, if you do survive any combat you see, then there's always the possibility of PTSD or unpredictable illnesses like that Gulf War (I) syndrome.

Military in most countries of the world is among the lowest things you can aspire to. This country has done an incredibly awesome job of glorifying and glamorizing military service, but in the end, you're just doing politicians' jobs. Defense of your homeland, maybe... but your service for other causes? PLEASE.

Case in point, NATO. Its charter specifies that any country that attacks a NATO member is in essence attacking ALL NATO members. So if Russia attacks Turkey, are you going to fight the Russians for some dead Turks?

I'm totally for a strong military and I would advice many to join... but I will never support someone with a future (the OP) to risk his life and comfort for any reason.

 

[Duffdog]

Just a bit about myself. I am 26, in good health, great family, great job, great friends, working on my PhD in Computer Science, reasonably good looking, so I guess most people would say I am doing pretty well. Yea, I like girls as much as the next guy, but I would rather be content with life than to be with a different girl everynight, where each was better looking than the last.

I understand the real key to happiness is through oneself and not through.

It seems as though for the last few years, I've needed girls to be happy. I would say that my two biggest fears in life are letting a situation pass me by, and honestly being 50, alone and no kids. Yea, I like being young now, but I will be turning 27 in a few months, and feel like somewhat of a failure because people younger than me are already getting married, and having kids and I am still single. I understand that life should not be gauged my marriage/children, but in many ways I do gauge it like that.

As with my current situation, I met a girl in early September, and basically wasted the last 4 months of my life pining over her, looking for every reason to think she might like me and really devoted a majority of those couple of months to her (Whether I not I get with her in the end is inconsequential, I should NOT be spending this much time and effort on a girl I am hardly/barely even dating.) I've posted here from time to time on my situation with this girl, and am sick of "wanting" to be with someone. It overtook my life.

Additionally, since I am turning 27, I am not an old fart by any means, but I am no kid anymore. I feel like there are certain adventurous things I would like to do in life (ie join the Marines... for the next couple of years and have some adventure and pride.) My biggest fear about doing either of these is getting out when I am in my early 30's and having missed out on the opportunity to really settle down and have a family like most of my peers.

If I had to list the 3 things I wanted most in life would be a PhD, to be a United States marine, and to be married to a wonderful lady and have a family. Nobody could give me any amount of money to pass on either of these dreams.

Does anyone have any thoughts/suggestions to my current life situation?

Interesting. I currently have 2 of those same things in my mind. One, I would like children one day and two, I was seriously considering joining the military. Though not for the reasons you mentioned, the military is appealing to me because I feel that my life is boring and I have already done everything that most people aspire to do in their lifetimes, thus there isn't really anything left to do but marry someone and buy her a beige volvo and spend my weekends repainting my picket fence and mowing the lawn.

I truly have nightmares about that scenario. To think that someone can be content with a completely programmed life is utterly shocking and saddening.

What exactly did you want from the military? Is it going to change you for the better? What is it that makes joining the marines so appealing to you? Ill tell you one thing, it better not be an image thing-- that is the cardinal appeal that has stood the test of time to many young men. The idea that you will emerge from the military as this irresistible badass with women falling at your feet should be the furthest from your mind. I only say this because recruiters in the southern states have tremendous success with this tactic. I would think that you would do much better in life to start a company utilizing your skills and go balls-out into the world that way. Much of the leadership qualities and discipline that you would learn in the military anyways will be demanded of you as a business owner. There is obviously still an internal appeal that people can derive from military service, but in my own personal experience, even the "leaders" that come from the military are still subservient to natural leaders in the real world.