letting people get to me

[TKAA]

:rockon:

I've read these forums for a while but only up until today have I decided to make an account.

Anyways, up until recently I've been doing ****ing great . Reading about inner game, building my confidence up, having pretty minor (but much better than before) results with girls, more flirting etc. don't watch porn anymore and all that good stuff..

anyways I'm 21, I've been with a few girls (4 or 5) in my life but I never had sex with any of them . Never had a real relationship with a girl, had a quasi girlfriend for a month but it went to ****e (because I was beta as ****) .

so everyone (friends I haven't seen in a while and people ) think it's "weird" that I haven't had a steady girl. I hear things like "we've gotta get you a girl" and all this **** that just ends up pissing me off. I live at home, in a small suburb, not much prospect out there, my friends are probably doing well out at college, but I'm just beginning to venture out into the city (I'm also a musician, playing in a band, playing shows soon) and I'm not worried about when I will get laid. BUT it's been killing me because I've had a couple people ask me if I was gay. though it is kind of funny, it really ****s with my head because then I feel like I'm coming off to people as a fag. I'm not a barrell chested manly man but I am definitely far from the queer , tight pants emo dudes that I would consider to be gay or effeminate.

So when people say "we've gotta get you a girl" or "are you gay?" I start to dwell on how I have been "alone" for a quite a while. And then I start to think that people probably secretly think I'm a closeted fag and it ****s my game up and makes me want to throw my head through a glass window.

I've tried so hard to bring myself up, and I have, but only to get to these stupid barriers and I get all ****ed up again and become very self conscious.

I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for, but has anyone EVER experienced the same thing??

 

[Slickster]

Pay no attention to those people asking you if you're gay. If people ask tell them you are picky and haven't found a girl up to your standards.

Once your band starts playing shows you will be doing just fine.

 

[EFFORT]

Changing yourself its tough when your in a small town where everyone knows you. I recommend getting relocating to a place where no one knows you.

 

[Mike32ct]

:rockon:

I've read these forums for a while but only up until today have I decided to make an account.

Ok, welcome.

Anyways, up until recently I've been doing ****ing great . Reading about inner game, building my confidence up, having pretty minor (but much better than before) results with girls, more flirting etc. don't watch porn anymore and all that good stuff..

Sounds like a good start.

anyways I'm 21, I've been with a few girls (4 or 5) in my life but I never had sex with any of them . Never had a real relationship with a girl, had a quasi girlfriend for a month but it went to ****e (because I was beta as ****) .

It's a skill to be developed, plus it also involves meeting the right girls.

so everyone (friends I haven't seen in a while and people ) think it's "weird" that I haven't had a steady girl. I hear things like "we've gotta get you a girl" and all this **** that just ends up pissing me off.

I know how that feels. It almost sounds patronizing. Nobody is going to "get you a girl" anyway. I can tell you that women generally do NOT like to be "fixed up." They are way too proud for that.

This is something you can and have to do yourself. We'll help where we can.

I live at home, in a small suburb, not much prospect out there, my friends are probably doing well out at college, but I'm just beginning to venture out into the city (I'm also a musician, playing in a band, playing shows soon) and I'm not worried about when I will get laid.

The band thing will be a huge edge as far as your game goes.

BUT it's been killing me because I've had a couple people ask me if I was gay. though it is kind of funny, it really ****s with my head because then I feel like I'm coming off to people as a fag. I'm not a barrell chested manly man but I am definitely far from the queer , tight pants emo dudes that I would consider to be gay or effeminate.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm straight as an arrow, but not a super macho Vinn Diesell lookalike. (We sometimes deliberately mis-spell keywords to make posts less searchable by search enginnes lol.) I've been called gay plenty of times.

So when people say "we've gotta get you a girl" or "are you gay?" I start to dwell on how I have been "alone" for a quite a while. And then I start to think that people probably secretly think I'm a closeted fag and it ****s my game up and makes me want to throw my head through a glass window.

I've struggled with this too. These people have no life because they are too worried about yours. They also watch too much television with its gay agenda and project it on you.

Straight guys vary on a spectrum. On one end is the super macho types. On the other other end is the super effeminate emo (but still technicallly straight types.) There are lots of guys in between.

I've tried so hard to bring myself up, and I have, but only to get to these stupid barriers and I get all ****ed up again and become very self conscious.

I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for, but has anyone EVER experienced the same thing??

At the risk of sounding cliche-ish, you have to learn not to give a F what other people think or say. One night I made out with two girls at once. Some gay guy hit on me minutes later. I mean how more "straight" could I be lol? What I'm trying to say is you don't owe these people an explanation or any sort of proof. You know your straight. You're improving yourself and play in a band. You'll get plenty of puss and will have the last laugh.

At the end of the day, they aren't "concerned" about you being single. They're just getting off on some silly gossip that isn't based on reality. Just don't let anyone shake YOUR reality.