Letting her go - balance between confidence and caring

[patrick.de]

Alright guys, this might get a bit long. (edit: not as long as I expected it to be)

I just had a discussion with a friend on how to treat your girlfriend.
It came up this morning after we talked about last night - I hosted a party at my place, my buddy was there with his GF, but left quite early.
We went out to the city later, that girl I slept a couple times with, my neighbour and some random drunk dudes my flatmate invited.
We went to a club and my neighbour followed that girl (let's call her M.) around ALL NIGHT, literally. She went to the bathroom, he stood next to it and waited for her while we danced 30feet away.
They also were somewhat isolated the whole night.
He is a typical AFC, he was drunk so he made some moves, she didn't really respond.

I'm not in a relationship with M., we had sex a couple of times, she told me I was really special and her LMR before our first sex consisted of "I don't want some 'let's see how this goes'". Therefore I think she is steering towards a relationship. We also met a friend of hers who asked if I was her boyfriend. She thought for 2 seconds and said "you ask too many questions."

I didn't do anything that night about my neighbour, I figured if she responds to his advances then we're done, if she doesn't I know we have something to start with.
A year ago I would've tried to isolate her from that guy, verbally attack him and get really jealous (I was still jealous last night, but didn't react to it, kind of a Zen moment).
But last night, inspired by Rollo, I let her go to see if she comes back.
It radiates confidence and trust in yourself and her, and avoids jealousy bull****.

But then my friend said that from his point of view, by stepping in and "protecting" her you show her that you care about her and that she is important to you. You supposedly also show that "she is yours" and she secretly digs that thought.

So what do you guys think - how can one balance that? Step in as soon as the guy gets physical?
How do you transfer that to a GNO situation when you are not there to actually step in and have to let her go completely out of your watch (I recognize that "watching her" is quite ego driven in itself).

I think the situation from last night was a bit special because we only had sex and are not in a relationship, so I shouldn't be as jealous to begin with.
I actually went through the situation in my head, me stepping in, and I heard her saying "we're not together, what's wrong with you?"
Not necessarily because she's not into me (or into him), but because I treat her like a jealous pet owner. And I wouldn't blame her for that thought.

Interested to hear your opinions, cheers.

(sorry for bad English, I'm not a native speaker)

Edit: At one point the guy, who thought that the girl and I were only friends, said to me: "M. is really hot. Are you mad if I hit on her?"
I said no, do what you gotta do, you're just a man. (Note: I didn't lie here, I wasn't mad at him, I only cared about how M. would respond and how it would affect my relationship to her)
He then asked me "are you into her?"
I explained to him that we smashed before and the look on his face was priceless. It changed to REALLY PISSED in an instant.
He kept hitting on her though, and since it was quite late into the night and she didn't respond so far I let it go. The last thing on my mind was to start a fight about that, and by looking in his desperate face after he realized how I'm connected to that girl, that wouldn't have been to unrealistic.
Still the thought that they could have made out after they left our place in the morning (his house is on her way) or that she took the bite and starts seeing him bugs me.

Another edit:
I called her and we talked about last night, I asked if she wanted to hang out today etc.
She then told me that the guy brought her home. She lives 3 minutes away from me, he is my damn neighbour. She said "oh, and if you want to know, he brought me home tonight, because yeah I live so far away", the latter part in a funny sense.
I didn't ask any questions about it and we quickly changed subjects.
Sorry to break this into two topics actually.

 

[VladPatton]

I actually went through the situation in my head, me stepping in, and I heard her saying "we're not together, what's wrong with you?"

That's your answer right there, man. I think you did the right thing. She's not yours until she's yours, and you BOTH agree on that.

Although tough to watch and pretend you don't care, it really is the best you can do. Try to move in towards exclusivity and see what happens. She just may only want guy friends for bangin on the side just as we like to.

 

[georgie24]

hes laying pipe to your GF

if you wake up one day you will realize it

 

[seethehoop]

You were right not to step in and block. She isn't yours to save. Besides women are better at social skills than you or I will ever be, if she wants to be saved she would make it known. Just because she didn't need saving though only means she can handle her self well enough and does not mean she liked this guy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

My advice: Spin. More. Plates.

You're 22. The very fact that you typed out a long post about how her going off made you question anything is evidence that you're over-invested in her. At 22 your concern is locking this one, single, solitary girl down? In the time it took to write this out you could've made three approaches on new girls with much better prospectives than this one.

At 22 you shouldn't even be aware of what one girl is doing, much less preoccupied by it, because you're out meeting and interacting with 4 others. Concerns about a GNO are only relevant when you're actually IN an LTR with the woman, and since no guy should even consider monogamy until he's 30, your time is much better spent on developing new plates than it ever will be voicing concerns about one individual plate.

Get out and sarge. Don't be the guy wondering why he thought the 30-something fat chick he paired off with at 22 was such a catch back then, wishing he had gone out and experienced more and better women.