Letting her come to me

[Giantsfan88]

I made a date with a girl a day after she declined my invitation via text without counter offering. I called her and she agreed to a definite date. It's at my place and after I ended the call, I texted her my address and she responded enthusiastically. What bothers me now is the ratio of pursuing (her pursuing me and me pursuing her) is about 50/50. I read this doesn't help her sexual desire for me because mystery is reduced. My question is, if I cancel the date (with a high value excuse and being sorry about it) Does anybody think that might help her to chase me? I ask because I think that I'm starting to be a little pushy and rush/force the beginning of a relationship (needy tendencies I'm working on). Would this be good for long term gain?

 

[Starwolf]

I wouldn't cancel the date you made just to increase some kind of interest from her part. If she's interested she will show it. don't force it. ( however if she flakes..move on )

I also Found this on one of Pook's post where ANTI DUMP responded to his Question.
Maybe it could help you after this first date:

Hi Pook,

You asked what are the guidelines after the first date.

You end the first date and all others for the first two months the same way.

You don't talk about the next date. You call for it. Just like when you ask for the number. You don't mention a date.

The reason you don't talk about the next date is because you DON'T NEED ONE.
You are not needy. Women really like a man that can live without sex. There is no such thing but in a woman's head there is.

You may need it bad. But when you leave her and don't mention a date, she thinks you are one COOL dude.

You say something like "I really enjoyed the rollerblading tonight. We'll talk soon."

Never say "I'll call you". They must feel you might not call. Predictable guys get washed out. If they are not worried you might not call they are not interested.
That's a fact.

You always wait two or three days to call for the next date. Never the next day. That's a guy that has no self control. Real men are busy. And don't have the time for 'silly romance'. Now I LOVE romance. But I keep it hidden until a woman has shown that she's going to stick around.

Only interested women get your romantic moves. When? After two months. Most new relationships end by eight weeks.

If she is still around after two months then you relax the rules a little. You can tell her you will call her, etc.

You can see a girl more than once a week after a month but make sure she is really interested and not using you just for dates.

Try to see a girl once a week for the first three weeks.

Suppose a girl calls you during the third week of dating and asks to see you for a date. That's okay because she can't be away from you. She wants you.

Just don't be too available in the first month.

It's all a test of interest.

You see Pook, YOU aren't supposed to be making it all work. SHE has to be doing that by saying 'YES' to dates.

SHE has to do all the work.

The shoe is on the other foot now. The WOMAN has to do everything right now, or there will be no relationship. You have taken control of your life. You are not at the mercy of women any longer.

Many women will flunk the test. Always remember, Pook, they flunk because they are not good enough for you.

This is how you protect your heart.

 

[Giantsfan88]

This is the third time I'll be seeing her and I'm thinking about canceling because my original invitation was declined with no counter offer via text. I then called her too soon (a day after). On the phone, I felt like I didn't give her a chance to say no or counter offer (I suggested a day/time, she started to say she had a doctor's appointment at a time, then I suggested that's "perfect" and gave a time). She accepted but I'm not sure how enthusiastic she sounded. I think canceling and keeping spinning more plates would be good to prevent a flake (which means it's over), gauge her interest level, and give her space like she probably needed

 

[Greasy Pig]

I'd wait until she flakes. At least if she does come over, you can ply her with booze and put the moves on.

 

[LMFAO]

You have to look at the chance of her flaking vs a rescheduled date happening at a later time. Yes you appear to have come across a bit too needy but I think the chance of her flaking is lower than a date happening another time so you should just go ahead with it and play it as well as you can.

 

[Giantsfan88]

And given my story most likely she will flake right? Also, my living situation might prevent the lay (always my car though). So I'm still thinking me flaking with a counter offer might up my value at least. I'd rather not have this girl flake on me because of my lack of self control

 

[Giantsfan88]

Either way, being needy, she's lost attraction to me

 

[Huffman]

So did you go on the date already, or have you spent the entire day convincing yourself that you're not good enough!?

 

[Giantsfan88]

I know I'm good enough. I just don't want to be a chaser. I have a tendency to chase. She's coming to my place. I hope she didn't accept my date because I set it up fast and then flake or show up with low interest. just think it sucks that I could lose a shot with this chick because of my lack of patience.

 

[salinechow]

You are overthinking(guilty sometimes myself so I can spot it) and you are over dosing on DJ.

Relax. You have a date until further notice. Spend energy making it great and preparing your actions.

Enjoy yourself and be yourself. If she is into it you’ll know. If not you’ll know. Act according to her actions.

If she flakes move on till she contacts you. If she shows up KiNo her into euphoria.

STOP over thinking! The words of wisdom here are priceless indeed. Yet, the worth is in application to your OWN true self. Use what works and throw away what does not fit.

A beautiful suit looks horrible on someone until it is tailored.

 

[G_Govan]

I think your gut is telling you something, ignore it at your peril...

 

[Giantsfan88]

Ignore it at my peril? What does that mean?

 

[Giantsfan88]

If it's probably gonna be a flake, I'm not in the mind state for that. Now that I think of it, I barely got the second date. It took her having to check with her friends and confirm with me the night before the date. It's weird she accepted it so easily this time and didn't tell me she was gonna confirm it the night before like last time. The fact I had to counter offer and that I didn't give it at least a week before I did has flake written all over it. If she's probably gonna flake or show up buried in her phone, what's the point?

 

[Huffman]

The point is knowing for sure. See, if she flakes - her loss, cut all contact. DONE.

If she comes but is rude (phone etc): call her out on her crap! If she's insulted and leaves - her loss. DONE.

And finally there is the possibility that it's going to turn out OK!

Don't see any other possible outcome. So what's the use of further thinking?

 

[Giantsfan88]

I read a DJ thread on gut instinct. What I did was contact her out of neediness. My gut took me back to my old ways. My intention was her to chase me. Is it possible she can subconsciously sense my neediness?

 

[Giantsfan88]

Has my neediness alone, without her knowing the degree of it, make this destined to failure? Is it too late for me to change my mentality and save it?

 

[Giantsfan88]

Not insecure, just don't wanna repeat past mistakes. I have a good feeling about it now, but a blizzard is hitting my area the day of the date. Any tips on the best way to reschedule (I'm talking to other girls who wanna get together too)?