Letting Down A Girl Who Wants You

[Abcd]

In the past I've posted questions about how to get girls - now ironically i have to ask how to avoid one. A week ago a girl I haven't talked to in a while came up and asked me for me AOL sn, and said she couldn't tell who it was for. So I gave it to her, and I hadn't heard anything from whoever it was. Today I checked my email for the first time in a long time, and i have an email from this random girl who I've only talked to in passing over the last four years of high school. Message says:

Hey <Abcd>!
How r u??? Hey, do u chat on AOL or MSN??? if yes, can u give me ur sn???...i wana ask u something regarding hw!!!!

We haven't had a class together since last semester. So two possibilities:

1. This girl is also on a mission from some other girl who wants my sn.
2. This girl wants my bod.

Case 2 is bad -- I don't have any interest in this girl
Case 1 is probably bad -- whoever girl X is, she's so shy she has two girls mining me for info. (And neither of these spies are hotties BTW)

So whatever the case, I'm going to have to let someone down. How can I do this without hurting the girl's feelings? This girl who emailed me is really sweet, but shy and def. not girlfriend material. I'm trying to think from my own perspective about a girl turning *me* down. There should be something in the bible about this but I don't see it.

 

[the lionheart]

Lets...


Just....


Be...


Friends...

 

[E-Z Rider]

Originally posted by the lionheart
Lets...


Just....


Be...


Friends...

Tru dat...that's the only way, really. It's to the point, and they know what you mean. Plus, it's kind of gratifying to use their own weapon against them (bwahahaha).

 

[jmm854]

Can I get a LJBF?...I think so.

Yeah, it may be cliche but it's effective.

 

[Abcd]

Yeah guys she's probly not going to come up to me and ask me to be her boyfriend. She'll more likely just ask me out for lunch or something - how can i say no to that and still be a 'friend'?

 

[Infernius]

That is quite easy.
Her:lets grab a bite sometime.
You:Sure but just as friends.
Now hees the tricky part she will say1 of two things.
#1.Her: No
#2.Her: alright.
its that simple.

 

[Mukester]

Hey ABCD hows things?
Boy has your life just got interesting!

I got in a similar 'tangle' like that myself last year (in my AFC days!). The more i pushed her away the more she responded. I know this might be a bit extreme compared to your situation but i realised everything i was doing to discouragewas encouraging her. I was playing hard to get (and i never knew!!)!

I was a CHALLENGE to her! Typical, i pursued all these girls then had one pursue me who i didnt want. Without realising i was applying (unknown) DJ methods to her with great success! I only realsied this recently whilst reading the tips board.

In order to avoid this, nip it in the bud asap (as suggested in other posts/ failing that drop in slyly youre seeing someone), or it will grow and grow and grow....

-until-

she'd fallen in love with me! (crazy sh1t huh!) In the end i had to tell this chick i wasnt interested by which time, I'm ashamed to say, i broke her heart -which is never pleasant to see or do.

If only i'd done it sooner (easy enough), she'd be smiling and my reputation as an utter-bast@rd wouldnt have been smeared/plastered over her year group (-consequently narrowing my field of potential HBs!) !

Good luck buddy!

 

[SnatchJP]

So true. You know I've been in this situation once or twice myself (although I knew exactly who the girls were...).

So, I thought I'd ask a girls advice. I was figurinig I'd just "give 'em a chance" (Back in those days I thought it was near the best I was gonna get...). So I e-mailed a girl friend to see what she thought.

Her reply went something like this: "NEVER LEAD A GIRL ON, IT'S THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO."

You gotta break it to them. Theres no real way to do it completly painlessly, you just have to try to keep hurt feelings to a minimum.

(A diversionary tactic to use if, rather that directly asking you out or asking you to be her b/f, she asks whether you want to go do _________ [fill in with random activity]. If she does, make it a group thing, invite friends. Lots of them. She'll probably get the message, and you could still have fun with it.)

 

[Abcd]

Yeah thanks for the advice guys. Mukester hey how are ya? I've forced myself to give that girl from a couple weeks ago zero attention, and she looks for *me* in the halls now. Although I think she has something going on with a junior guy. Not that I care .

 

[Abcd]

Ok here's what went down. This one girl finally IM'd me. She asked what I would say if this one girl asked me out tomorrow. I played dumb, and acted like this was a hypothetical question. I told her that in this case I'd probly say I'm busy since the next few weeks are going to be hectic. I think I diffused the situation pretty well, only problem is that i didn't give rock-solid evidence that I don't want this girl. Hopefully I won't need to. Read the thing if you want, probably you don't but I'll post it anyway. Names changed.

This is perfect AFC except in woman form.


Girl: hey <abcd>
abcd: Lana whatsup
Girl: the sky is up
Girl: lolz
abcd: heh good call
Girl: yehhh....u're being so mean!!!!
abcd: naa did you get my email today?
Girl: yeh i did
abcd: i didnt mean to sound mean
Girl: i checked it 5 times a day
Girl:
abcd: lol
Girl: it'z okieee
Girl: u think me and wendy r up to something?
abcd: heh yeah
Girl: y is that?
Girl: couldn't a friend ask for a friend's email
Girl: w/o any suspicious
abcd: of course
abcd: it was the sly manner i was weary of
Girl: hmmm
Girl: okieee
Girl: u have a weird mind
Girl: ;-)
abcd: lol *I* have a weird mind?
Girl: YEHHHHHHHHHHHH
Girl: how's physics?
Girl: i heard u're very SMART in physics
abcd: i'm trying to be
abcd: i havent done any work this semester tho so
Girl: trying??/
abcd: i dont really know whats going on any more
Girl: hahhaha
Girl: sure usre
Girl: that's not wat i heard
abcd: well i dont know who you heard something from
abcd: but
Girl: u wana know something?....
abcd: yeah?
Girl: it took me 2 wks to get ur sn!!!!!
Girl: no one knows ur sn
Girl: i have to go thru @ least 5 people
abcd: ah so you are the end person
abcd: lol
Girl: and u barely go to ur locker
abcd: i only got aol a few months back
Girl: ohhhhhhhhh
abcd: yeah i dont talk to people from school on here
abcd: except alyssa sometimes
Girl: go figure
abcd: and a few others
abcd: but mainly friends at college and out of state
Girl: okieeee
Girl: oh yeh congrats on ur competition
Girl: a month ago?
abcd: what competition?
Girl: i 4got
Girl: i heard u won first or second place on some competition
abcd: oh EESI
abcd: thanks wow good memory
Girl: yehh
Girl: so how's ur senior yr?
abcd: excellent
abcd: urs?
Girl: it's ok
Girl: i wana get out of this school aSAP
abcd: boo
abcd: i'd stay for another year
Girl: booo you
Girl: how's ur social life
abcd: heh
Girl: since u love school so much ur social life must be veryyy......
Girl: good?
abcd: not bad
abcd: starting lacrosse on monday
Girl: really
Girl: we have lacrosse?
abcd: actually started already but we have practice every day starting monday
abcd: lol yeah
Girl: ohh i c
Girl: i'm very slow when it comes to sport
abcd: dont worry i think you are the norm
Girl: reallyy???
Girl: i dun think so
Girl: i'm abnormal
abcd: yeah maybe so
Girl: cmon on think about it....no one would try to obtain an email for 2 wks?
Girl: or sn to be more accurate
abcd: heh
Girl: c...i'm a weirdo
abcd: Yeah seriously
abcd: kidding
Girl: thanx a lot
Girl: u broke my heart now
Girl: i'm so deperesed now
Girl: i can't go to school 2morow
abcd: lol
Girl: i'm too heart broken by <abcd>
Girl: u're happy now huh
abcd: not really
Girl: y u wana me end up in a hospital
Girl: then u'll be happy
abcd: no def. not.
Girl: cementery?
abcd: lol ok NOW you're a weirdo
Girl: hihihihi
Girl: thanxx again
Girl: how's spanish goign for u
abcd: dont really care much
Girl: y
abcd: C+ hopefully it'll stay there
Girl: hihihi
Girl: same as me
abcd: oh yeah what ever happened to you in that class
Girl: i got transfer into 3rd period
Girl: he talked a lot of bad things about 1st period
Girl: luckily i transfer out of 1st
abcd: hah really
Girl: yup
Girl: he said 3rd period is the best class
Girl: and we always score higher
Girl: and doen't give him any pro
abcd: i c
Girl: yup yup
Girl: tienes una novia? [Do you have a girlfriend?]
abcd: naa i think I'm going to freelance it for a while
abcd: u?
Girl: ?????????
Girl: y
abcd: novio or whatever
Girl: hhahahaah
Girl: hey we're talking aout u here
Girl: let's not change the subject yet
abcd: the subject was novi_'s
abcd:
Girl: but we're tlaking about u
abcd: i c
Girl: do u know u have a secret admirer?
Girl: (not me so dun worrie...don't have a heart attack yet kkk)
abcd: i know i have many
Girl: hahaha
Girl: wow
Girl: so conceited
abcd: lol
abcd: i c
abcd: so you are going to tell me about one of them i suppose
Girl: am i suppose to?
abcd: I don't know if you've beaten around the bush long enough maybe not?
Girl: hahahha
Girl: wowww
Girl: smart <abcd>
Girl: no wonder that person likes u
Girl: 4 yrs of knowing u...didn't know u were that smart...;-)
abcd: Yeah lol
Girl: but now i know
Girl: okie let's get back to business
abcd: haha
abcd: alright
Girl: who do u wish to be ur "secret admirer"
Girl: who do u hope she'll be?
abcd: i'm not in seventh grade anymore babe
Girl: well, i'm serious here
abcd: the way we work this now is
Girl: hhahahha
abcd: tell her to do the job herself
abcd: unless of course
Girl: wattttttt
Girl: u're so bogusss
abcd: you know that I won't be impressed
abcd: in which case we could just stop
Girl: geezzz....who u think u are
abcd: but i have you'll take the first option hehe
Girl: sighhhh....w/ this attitude
Girl: no one will like u
abcd: Lol Lana
Girl: but i won't tell that person
Girl: but seriously <abcd>....she is a girl
Girl: u'll think she'll come up to u and tell u she likes u???
Girl: that's veryy optimistic of u but not going to happen
abcd: omg this is seriously bringing me back to the old days Lana
<more below>

 

[Abcd]

abcd: lol
Girl: if she's a boy and u're a girl then ur wish can come true
abcd: Jeez get liberated my friend
abcd: We're just fine with ask outs these days
Girl: i can't explain in words
Girl: buttt in simple words girl can't ask guyz out
abcd: Yeah tell her to get some balls
Girl: damnn u
abcd: lol
Girl: omg
Girl: okieee
Girl: i just c another side of <abcd>
abcd: Ohhh
abcd: im guilty of something now?
abcd: Is this girl completely random or do i know her?
abcd: either way it seems like a senior girls would have the guts
Girl: u know at...i'm not going to tell u cuz u're too concited, bogus, mean, unbelievable
abcd: Darn back to calc homework then
Girl: it's true
Girl: never seen this side of u b4 or EVER
abcd: Ok is this joking Lana still?
abcd: or serious Lana
Girl: noo...i'm serious here
abcd: lol ???
Girl: cmon on...i'm just trying to help u 2
Girl: if u like her...it'll be great
abcd: how am i mean and bogus and concited?
Girl: afterall, this is the last yr
Girl: read all of the stuffs u just wrote
Girl: first of all...u couldn't understand y girls cant' expose their feelings to guyz
Girl: if she could
Girl: i would not be sitting here trying to me a matchmaker here
abcd: Ok I'm sorry I'll be more sensitive
Girl: i hope that u mean it
abcd: But you have to admit this is rather unconventional
Girl: after we finish this business...u can joke all u want..i careless...but i just wana get this over
with
Girl: no???
abcd: Lana its cool
Girl: cool?
Girl: ummmm????????
abcd: Didn't mean to be mean once again
Girl: it'z okie
Girl: i understanddd
abcd: Seriously i get it
Girl: ?????
Girl: wat do u get???
abcd: i used to be like that too so fire away
abcd: Being scared of the opposite sex
Girl: ummm...i'm lost....i'm sorry...but i'm a bit slow today...extremely slow to be more accurate
Girl: ohhhhhhhh
Girl: well, u're a guy
Girl: u should be MACHO
Girl: and brave
Girl: and outspoken
Girl: as for girls
Girl: not easy
abcd: Not true, but go on
Girl: cmon on...if i liek someone...i would not admit to that person neither
Girl: wat if that person doesn't like u?
abcd: Well jeez Lana you should
abcd: life's too short
Girl: and ruin ur friendship with that person
abcd: didnt you hear you only get like 80 years
Girl: it'ld be easy if u dun have class with that peron
abcd: it would be easier if you didn't you mean?
Girl: once that person knows...and he doesn't like u...u have to live with the embarrassment for
a semester
abcd: Naa its not like that
Girl: yehhh
Girl: okkieee
abcd: I can tell you from experience
Girl: let
Girl: ???????????
Girl: okie
abcd: Things always work out
Girl: i'm listening
Girl: nooo
Girl: they don't always work out
abcd: Even if it doesnt work out, things are still cool
Girl: i doubt itt
Girl: tooo awkwarddd
abcd: And you always feel better afterwards
abcd: not true
abcd: not if you are smart about it
Girl: u'er a auy
Girl: okieee
abcd: trust me Lana its the same
Girl: so u wana us girls to play around with words
abcd: ask him out
Girl: hahahahah
abcd: No
Girl: okiee..it was an example for my case.....
abcd: you just say, Hey come hang out with me saturday
abcd: if they say yes
abcd: cool
abcd: if no
abcd: cool
abcd: everyone's happy
Girl: sighhh
Girl: it'ld be easy if u dun c that person everyday
abcd: seriously i've gotten turned down by a girl who was in three of my classes
abcd: i felt better afterwards
abcd: after like a day
abcd: and I'm sure she got a boost out of it
Girl: woww
abcd: so
Girl: who's that girl
Girl: but u're a guy..it's easier
abcd: naa
abcd: its the same thing
abcd: anyway
Girl: nahh
Girl: okieeee
Girl: if a girl comes up to u and ask u out
Girl: wat would be ur response
abcd: If I want to, yes
Girl: keep in mind she's in ur class
abcd: if i dont, I'm busy
abcd: if I'm busy, I'm busy but we'll do it next weekend
abcd: 3 options
abcd: everybody's happier after each
abcd: once you give it a day or two to settle down
Girl: okieee
Girl: u know jane tobin?
Girl: wat if she asks you out 2morow?
Girl: wat would be ur response?
abcd: Well like i said I'm going to be busy for the next few weeks
abcd: but you never know
Girl: so u'll reject jane?
abcd: No of course not
Girl: okieee
Girl: sighh
Girl: i'm confused nowww
Girl: so u'll never reject a girl?
Girl: u'll give every1 a chance?
abcd: not really only the one's id like to go out with
Girl: oh okieee
Girl: this is more complicated than i thought
abcd: Lol okay I'm glad
Girl: y?
abcd: we've got the hypotheticals out of the way
abcd: tomorrow
Girl: wat if it's jane
abcd: you can tell me whatsup
abcd: but for now
abcd: i have to get work done
abcd: so i can go to bed
Girl: sighhhh
Girl: i give uppp
Girl: u'll never find out
Girl: i give up
abcd: lol
abcd: i hope i do
abcd: but
abcd: seriously i have to work on calc
abcd: so cya tomorrow k?
Girl: have fun w/ cal
abcd: no i wont
Girl: i'll never tell u
Girl: and u'll never find out
abcd: haha
abcd: k cya

 

[Lil_Lee]

Holy crap that was long. It seems to me like in that LONG conversation you had with her you did a lot of things right, ( at least that's what I get out of it after reading the bible) but it also seems like you gave away a lot of DJ'ing secrets. I am confuse though, di you find out who it was or not? Please clear this up for me.

 

[Mukester]

Girl: it took me 2 wks to get ur sn!!!!!

Girl: cmon on think about it....no one would try to obtain an email for 2 wks?

Hi mate- looks like you have real "stalking material" on your hands here. Hopefully she got the message! Though really *don't* be too suprised if she hasnt....!

If it still rattles on with her, give her some definite closure (tactfully!) in plain ol' fashioned black n' white- for the sake of your sanity! Good luck!

 

[Abcd]

Yeah that was a long ass conversation, and I don't blame either of you for not reading enough of it (i think) to see that this girl isn't even the one who has a crush - the girl I was talking to in this conversation was playing middleman for another girl. It's true 7th grade behavior.

Anyway I thought i did a good job letting her know that I wasn't interested without insulting the other girl. Or maybe she's too dense to get anything from that conversation. I don't know if you noticed my nice close where I played the whole thing off as if it were a hypothetical examination - now I don't have to deal with the crush girl in class tomorrow .

Both of these girls are prime examples of what NOT to do for us guys. And as for giving away secrets, this girl needs them too badly not to give them away. I feel bad she's so stuck in girls can't ask guys mode. Whatever - a couple years of college will knock both of them into gear hopefully.

 

[Abcd]

Wow, Big update

Wow, so as it turns out, *I* was the one who was fooled by that conversation. The girl I thought she was saying had a crush on me was actually just an example she used for some stupid reason. The actual girl, who she told me about today, is actually borderline girlfriend material. So I'll almost certainly end up going out with her, since the fact that she already wants my body increases my interest level considerably. Quite a turn of events. This will be my first girl-initiated relationship. Sex, here I come!

 

[Mukester]

The ironic thing was that you played it cool all that time as you were convinced you didn't want the goods on offer......and it totally worked in your favour!!

-You jammy git!!

-Well done!!

 

[Abcd]

Yeah seriously. AOL girl must think I'm some kinda stud - she probably expected me to come and beg her to tell me who it was. I forced her to approach me again lol.

 

[Mukester]

-An important lesson learned there then!
Let us know how it goes (-but don't stop DJ'ing!).

Nite!