Letting a flaky girl know it not acceptable.

[Ted_SA]

Had arranged to go out with a girl tonight only for her to text me today telling me she can't because she's feeling really down. I know her excuse is genuine (and I'd be pretty pissed off too if the same thing happened to me) but she has cancelled on me 3 times before. Surely if she did want to see me she would find the time. We aren't in a relationship as such, I am still seeing other girls too, but she tells me she enjoys going out with me, we always have fun and the sex is pretty good too.

I was pretty angry so wrote a reply but it looked like an over-the-top rant so I stopped myself from sending it. Here's what I wrote:

"I can understand that people get upset, sick or tired but I have got too many excuses from you for it to be a coincidence. If you wanted to see me you would make the time. Please tell me if you would rather not see me because I'd rather not waste time that could be used exploring other oppurtunities. Now you can either set a date and stick to it or miss out. Simple as."

If I send the above message I risk making her angry and not seeing me again (which would still be better than being LJBFed) but I need to let her know I'm not happy.

My questions:

1, If I sent the above message, what would that communicate to her?

2, Should I avoid sending a fairly angry message when she isn't in the best of moods at the moment anyway?

3, If the same thing happened to you, how would you communicate in a message that: a) her flakiness is not acceptable, b) it's her loss and c) although angry, you would still like to smash her box from time to time (lol)

Also any other advice is welcomed.

Cheers guys.

 

[PRMoon]

Hmmmm if this were me I'd make a date with her for somethin really nice and expencive, get her all hyped up about it and tell her how excited you are. Then the night of I'd say I felt a late season flu coming on and cancel on her. Let her feel the sting herself...might even score you some more attention points...but that would be a side effect of me relishing in being an a$$.

 

[Prodigy746]

Personally i think you did a good job writing that msg out and if i was in your case i would probobly send it. I can understand canceling one time but 3 times is little too much for it to be a coincidance.

 

[Ted_SA]

Hmmmm if this were make a date with her for somethin really nice and expencive, get her all hyped up about it and how excited you are. Then the night of I'd say I felt a late season flu coming on and cancel on her. Let her feel the sting herself...might even score you some more attention points...but that would be a side effect of me relishing in being an a$$.

Hahaha nice suggestion. You know what, I might have to do that if i reckon the situation as it is isn't salvageable. Would be a worth a laugh!

 

[gray_fox_9]

If she has such a good time with you then let her miss you for a bit...Don't call or text her for a week or two. If she doesn't attempt to hang out with you in those two weeks then simply go on with your life without her. Cheers

PS. I do like PRMoon's idea though...I'd do the same thing....Guess we are both @$$holes.....lol....

 

[Ted_SA]

hahaha yeah it may be worth a laugh!

 

[Ted_SA]

Fu ck it! She came on MSN and started talking **** so I sent the message!

More than likely it will piss her off but, as I said earlier, would rather her be angry at me than consider me a "girlfiend".

Will tell ya how she responds! Haha!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why is it so difficult for guys to walk away? It's as if they enjoy making themselves frustrated by giving even more attention to women who aren't worth a fraction of their time. What's is there to gain from it?

 

[YOUNG CASINOVA]

I Think Your Statement Was Clearly Explained...but It Would Only Work If You Were 200% Sure Her Actions For Flaking On The Dates Were Genuine. Chances Are... She Had Other Plans W/ Other Guys She's Seeing And Didn't Want To Hurt Your Feelings. Play It Cool, And See Your Other Females... And Let Her Come To You. Don't Send That Message!

 

[Microphone Fiend]

the same thing happened to me in my journal. The 1st time I told her off and told her to lose my #, which she did. The 2nd girl I let it slide and she did it again. As for the third girl, I severed off all contact and she came back although she is not as understanding of why she was wrong as I would like but I'll fix that over time with girls.

As the prize man, if they flake they are not really worth a response imo. If you want a response, here is one that is field tested over @ FS

The Returning Fox theory, originated by Ray Parker, explained by NYC, ASF: "At the first sign of disrespect to you OR passing up an opportunity to spend time with you, you dump her. When she calls you wanting to go out or something, you tell her that her behaviour was unacceptable and that the only way you are going to let her hang out with you again is if she (make up whatever **** you want her to do because she broke the rules, ****, suck, whatever). If all you want from her is a kiss, get that. If all you want is for her to dress sexily, make her do that. If she doesn't agree to your terms tell her don't call you again until you are ready to meet my demands and HANG UP. The point of returning fox is that she is crawling back to you so you have the POWER in the relationship."

Ross Jeffries suggests issuing a warning at first, which is pretty much the same thing - you have to show that you're serious about it. "Don't be afraid to call her on bull**** she might pull. Girls will always test your limits... so the first time they do, call them on it. Tell her that you won't put up with that **** and not to do it again. NEVER forget you were born without her. And that there are a hundreds more like her and a thousands more that are even better than her."

Update. Disrespect is also a form of test - she is testing you in order to find out whether you are a supplicating groveling taking-all-her-crap wussy... or a man. Mr Happy, ASF: "In order to pass such a test (an example of which is cancelling a date), you must:

1. Show that you don't lose your temper over it.
2. Show that you don't whine like a baby over it.
3. Show that it doesn't really phase you.
4. Show that you DO find it disrespectful and that you don't tolerate that.


(4) is the most important point, but you MUST do it in such a way that (1,2,3) are true."

Update. The Returning Fox theory explained by the originator himself. Ray Parker, ASF:
"A Returning Fox is one who has shown no previous interest in you or rejected you, but who has "returned" and approached you after you have forgotten her. This puts you in a temporary position of power.

With a Returning Fox, you should ask for whatever it is you want from her at the piont of return. If she does not come across, she likely never will, and you can send her packing once again, repeating the process as many times as you have to each time she returns.

For example, if she turned you down for a date, you stopped talking to her, and she now contacts you "just to say hi" just ask her out on the spot. Optionally, you can add a reference to how puzzled you are she'd contact you and how you don't really need to talk. If she doesn't bail out there, just ask for what you want.

An aggressive version of this strategy has the man asking for sex or requiring it for her to get back into his life. The theory is she must want something out of you to seek you out after rejecting you, and unless she agrees to your terms, she can just go packing again.

The method works very well in many situations. It also has short-term applications for Foxes who ignore you at clubs or parties and then "return" later."