MOTU
Master Don Juan
My history is to move to fast, have unrealistic expecations, go AFC and end up in an unhappy marriage (twice). So this time around I am trying to keep reality front and center, keep my relationship pace slow and steady. In that regard, I thought it would be helpful to talk about some of my GF's red flags, how serious they are, and what I should do to mitigate them. I'll also cover some of her good qualities, to help you understand how I perceive her overall.
Elephant in the room: she is a single mom. I really don't want to debate that in this thread, there is a discussion going on in the main forum, I have had one in this forum and over at MMSL. I am aware of those implications and risks. I would prefer this thread be about other stuff.
Red Flags:
- She is taller than me by about 2-1/2" (I am 5'8", she is about 5-10 1/2" I am guessing). Though it's obvious, we have never discussed it. She almost never wears heels around me. Now I am still the physically dominant one - I am a pretty brawny dude, broad shoulders, big arms. So I make a point to pick her up and carry her around here and there, toss her around the bed, etc. But it still makes me wonder if it will start to bug her, or embarrass her one day?
- She can outrun me. We exercise together and she can run like 8-1/2 min miles and I am more like 10-1/2. She slows her pace to let me keep up. She used to run marathons so she is just getting warmed up at 5mi and I am done around 3-4, 5 is my max. Again, I am a big strong guy and she can't lift sh!t in the gym, but I still feel bad she outdoes me so badly on this. Am I overthinking?
- Her ex has more money than me. Don't get me wrong, I do pretty well - Obama think's I'm rich, anyway. I live in a nice but not extravagant home in a good middle class neighborhood. But her ex is a defense attorney that lives in a huge house and a high end neighborhood, has an apartment downtown, drives a porsch, etc.
It has been 3.5yrs since their divorce and she has lived much more modestly during that time, so maybe that has reset her "normal" level? She doesn't wear expensive clothes or jewelry and claims to hate to shop. She drives an 03 Prius. But deep down, will she want that gravy train back? I am not worried about her going back to him, because:
- Her ex was physically abusive. I honestly don't know a lot of details on this because we generally don't talk about our exes. I know he was arrested twice; I know the last time she caught him on audio tape telling her if he left her he would kill their kids. I know he had a restraining order and was only allowed to see the kids supervised for the first two years of their divorce. He doesn't see them often now (once a month or so).
That gave me some "alpha widow" concerns, but I don't think he was particularly alpha. I have heard stories, mostly from her friends, about him throwing little tantrums in public if he didn't get his way, or at the NYC Marathon halfway through he ran off the course and hid for the rest of the day because he couldn't keep up with her.
Also, once we were with a few of her friends and one of them asked if he had showed up at their daughter's bday party and GF said he hadn't. I had drank a few drinks and I said "What a sh!tbag, I'd like to stand toe to toe with him and tell him exactly what I think about that" and GF said "oh no, he would never stand up to you..." and her friend interrupted and said "haha yea I bet he would sh!t his pants, I'd like to see that". So I think he was more of a brat than an alpha.
Ok, on to the good points:
- She is very respectful and follows my lead. I am not insinuating I bark at he like a drill Sargent, but she clearly defers to my leadership in matters big and small. In fact, her mother told me the only two men on the earth that GF will listen to are me and her dad... speaking of which
- She has a good relationship with her dad. Talks to him regularly, talks about him fondly, shows him respect. Tells me I remind her of him in some ways. In fact, from what I can tell, all of her family and close friend relationships are healthy
- She has an MBA and a good career. She never b!tches about her job. I don't think she is making six figures, but she is definitely self sufficient, and seems to manage her money well.
- She is positive about herself, her kids and her life in general. She never whines or complains, has a can-do attitude and seems generally content. She told me that she almost didn't start dating me because her life was "on the right track" and she didn't need some man to "fvck it up". Speaking of when we first started dating
- I am her first BF since her divorce 3.5yrs ago and the only man to meet her kids. She tried OLD and went on two first dates and no second dates because she didn't like the guys, then she took her profile down. I met her at an open mic night I was playing, and she was there with some friends that own a micro-brewery and were promoting their craft beer. Told me that night was the first time she had been out in 6 months.
- She respects my house. Since she has kids we are always at my place. She cleans up after herself, vacuums, helps with laundry and dishes. Whenever she is coming over, she asks what she can bring.
- She can cook. Really well. And makes whatever I ask her too.
- She lives a healthy lifestyle - exercises and eats right. I was fat 2 years ago so having the positive influence is really helpful. And now my favorite
- She fvcks like a pornstar. I stick my d!ck anywhere I want to and tell her where I want to cvm (mouth, *****, ass, tits, doesn't matter). She is always good to go and follows my instructions in bed. Wakes me up with BJ's regularly, let's me tie her up, you name it.
So, what do you think? What should I be looking out for??
Elephant in the room: she is a single mom. I really don't want to debate that in this thread, there is a discussion going on in the main forum, I have had one in this forum and over at MMSL. I am aware of those implications and risks. I would prefer this thread be about other stuff.
Red Flags:
- She is taller than me by about 2-1/2" (I am 5'8", she is about 5-10 1/2" I am guessing). Though it's obvious, we have never discussed it. She almost never wears heels around me. Now I am still the physically dominant one - I am a pretty brawny dude, broad shoulders, big arms. So I make a point to pick her up and carry her around here and there, toss her around the bed, etc. But it still makes me wonder if it will start to bug her, or embarrass her one day?
- She can outrun me. We exercise together and she can run like 8-1/2 min miles and I am more like 10-1/2. She slows her pace to let me keep up. She used to run marathons so she is just getting warmed up at 5mi and I am done around 3-4, 5 is my max. Again, I am a big strong guy and she can't lift sh!t in the gym, but I still feel bad she outdoes me so badly on this. Am I overthinking?
- Her ex has more money than me. Don't get me wrong, I do pretty well - Obama think's I'm rich, anyway. I live in a nice but not extravagant home in a good middle class neighborhood. But her ex is a defense attorney that lives in a huge house and a high end neighborhood, has an apartment downtown, drives a porsch, etc.
It has been 3.5yrs since their divorce and she has lived much more modestly during that time, so maybe that has reset her "normal" level? She doesn't wear expensive clothes or jewelry and claims to hate to shop. She drives an 03 Prius. But deep down, will she want that gravy train back? I am not worried about her going back to him, because:
- Her ex was physically abusive. I honestly don't know a lot of details on this because we generally don't talk about our exes. I know he was arrested twice; I know the last time she caught him on audio tape telling her if he left her he would kill their kids. I know he had a restraining order and was only allowed to see the kids supervised for the first two years of their divorce. He doesn't see them often now (once a month or so).
That gave me some "alpha widow" concerns, but I don't think he was particularly alpha. I have heard stories, mostly from her friends, about him throwing little tantrums in public if he didn't get his way, or at the NYC Marathon halfway through he ran off the course and hid for the rest of the day because he couldn't keep up with her.
Also, once we were with a few of her friends and one of them asked if he had showed up at their daughter's bday party and GF said he hadn't. I had drank a few drinks and I said "What a sh!tbag, I'd like to stand toe to toe with him and tell him exactly what I think about that" and GF said "oh no, he would never stand up to you..." and her friend interrupted and said "haha yea I bet he would sh!t his pants, I'd like to see that". So I think he was more of a brat than an alpha.
Ok, on to the good points:
- She is very respectful and follows my lead. I am not insinuating I bark at he like a drill Sargent, but she clearly defers to my leadership in matters big and small. In fact, her mother told me the only two men on the earth that GF will listen to are me and her dad... speaking of which
- She has a good relationship with her dad. Talks to him regularly, talks about him fondly, shows him respect. Tells me I remind her of him in some ways. In fact, from what I can tell, all of her family and close friend relationships are healthy
- She has an MBA and a good career. She never b!tches about her job. I don't think she is making six figures, but she is definitely self sufficient, and seems to manage her money well.
- She is positive about herself, her kids and her life in general. She never whines or complains, has a can-do attitude and seems generally content. She told me that she almost didn't start dating me because her life was "on the right track" and she didn't need some man to "fvck it up". Speaking of when we first started dating
- I am her first BF since her divorce 3.5yrs ago and the only man to meet her kids. She tried OLD and went on two first dates and no second dates because she didn't like the guys, then she took her profile down. I met her at an open mic night I was playing, and she was there with some friends that own a micro-brewery and were promoting their craft beer. Told me that night was the first time she had been out in 6 months.
- She respects my house. Since she has kids we are always at my place. She cleans up after herself, vacuums, helps with laundry and dishes. Whenever she is coming over, she asks what she can bring.
- She can cook. Really well. And makes whatever I ask her too.
- She lives a healthy lifestyle - exercises and eats right. I was fat 2 years ago so having the positive influence is really helpful. And now my favorite
- She fvcks like a pornstar. I stick my d!ck anywhere I want to and tell her where I want to cvm (mouth, *****, ass, tits, doesn't matter). She is always good to go and follows my instructions in bed. Wakes me up with BJ's regularly, let's me tie her up, you name it.
So, what do you think? What should I be looking out for??
