Lets see if I can recover from this mistake...

[Qualtran]

I've been hooking up with this girl since mid March and we started having sex about 3 weeks ago. I was friends with her for 5 months before anything ever happened and I knew she had a crush on me the entire time, and I was always attracted to her and developed feelings for her. I never made a move because I had another gf at the time. I basically ended up hooking up with this chick then immediately breaking things off with the gf. Although I deny it, the reason I broke things off with my ex was because of this girl.

Since we started hooking up, I've not kept myself in control and have stubbornly pursued her, rarely stepping back to let her make a move. I got warning signs all along that I was overwhelming her and being too much of an AFC, but for some reason this time around since I like this girl so much I thought I could avoid having to play games. She would sometimes ask me what I wanted with her, and I would always tell her that I just wanted to have fun with her, and not worry about the future. However, my actions were definitely not in sync with my words as I would always be very nice and available to her.

Last night she came over and we had a good time, but walking her back she basically told me everything I knew I was doing wrong. She said she felt like I was pursuing her too strongly and not giving her a chance to reciprocate. She said she wants to be exclusive with me when it comes to sex, but not be in an actual relationship. She basically said that she wants to continue hooking up, but that I've really overwhelmed her and she feels like I'm trying to force her into being my girlfriend. My basic response to her was that I value the friendship we established first over anything physical and that I would be fine just being friends if things seemed too complicated.

I now realize the only chance at salvation is to take my focus off of her. We had plans to go to a show this Thurs but I've decided to tell her I'm going with my roomates. Basically, I'm going to be too busy doing other things with other people if she wants to hang out until at least next week. I would wait even longer if not for the fact that the semester ends in 2 weeks and I'll be abroad all summer! I just want to try to get things in a good place so that things may work out next fall.

I know this girl likes me, but because of the way I went about things I eliminated myself as a challenge in her mind.

So, the test begins... wish me luck.

 

[eoin2000]

...good luck indeed...you'll probably need it...

 

[Troubles]

tell her u might back with ur ex...fear lost her :kick:

 

[JackPrescott]

If you already got in her panties, you are panicking for nothing, she will continually go back to you for great carnal fun! You are a true DJ! She is coming to YOU begging YOU for el sexo, and thats all that matters, baby!

 

[Qualtran]

haha, definiteley mixed opinions on this one...

Along the same lines as telling her i might get back with my ex, i am considering having this other really cute girl im friends with pretend to be all over me. I meet up with the girl im trying to salvage things with sometimes on Thursdays when we both get out of a class near eachother, so im thinking about having the cutie im friends with accompany me past where the other one is getting out of class. That a little too obviously manipulative?

 

[Qualtran]

Well, she contacted me tonight, but I told her "I can't talk right now because I'm going to meet up friend, cya." I think she wanted to ask about the show we were going to tomorrow, but I want to hold off on telling her that plans have changed and I'm going with other people. Basically, I'm trying to show she is not as important a part of my life as she thinks she is. I figure beeing too busy and blowing her off for a little while is a good idea.

Anyone got some input?

 

[Skullcrusher]

Originally posted by JackPrescott
If you already got in her panties, you are panicking for nothing, she will continually go back to you for great carnal fun! You are a true DJ! She is coming to YOU begging YOU for el sexo, and thats all that matters, baby!

You don't know what the **** a DJ is bro.

Qualtran, this is what might help you:

1. Don't take her seriously
2. Look for possibly another girl. Not your ex, not your borderline ****buddy, but someone new and outta your social circle.

 

[becker]

Hmmm, interesting post, definitely been there. Also too available to this girl, always spending time with her constantly. You always think that this girl will be different from others, and she'll understand that it's just all about liking to be around them, and nothing more. Anyways, what you're supposed to do is just counter-intuitive, and that's why it's so difficult. Your mind says do x, because it makes sense, but you need to do y instead for it to work. It's like trying to convince the world that the sky is green sometimes. If you have more than one girl going at the same time, it really helps. Other than that, I don't see any other way around it, because you'll develop one-itis.

I think it's necessary to be a little mean sometimes, in the sense that if she wants to hang out, you'll have to say no, even if you don't have anything else to do. The reason that's difficult is that in your mind, saying "no" means you might be bumming her out, and if you bum her out, she won't like you. Not the case, but difficult to reason out.

 

[Gravyboat]

Originally posted by becker
Hmmm, interesting post, definitely been there. Also too available to this girl, always spending time with her constantly. You always think that this girl will be different from others, and she'll understand that it's just all about liking to be around them, and nothing more. Anyways, what you're supposed to do is just counter-intuitive, and that's why it's so difficult. Your mind says do x, because it makes sense, but you need to do y instead for it to work. It's like trying to convince the world that the sky is green sometimes. If you have more than one girl going at the same time, it really helps. Other than that, I don't see any other way around it, because you'll develop one-itis.

I think it's necessary to be a little mean sometimes, in the sense that if she wants to hang out, you'll have to say no, even if you don't have anything else to do. The reason that's difficult is that in your mind, saying "no" means you might be bumming her out, and if you bum her out, she won't like you. Not the case, but difficult to reason out.

Very true. This is why it's difficult when you actually find a girl you LIKE--because it's easy to slip into "chump" mode and forget all about what got you to this point in the first place.

Fight the urge.

 

[Rockadeimis]

I myself just got out of chump mode...made myself waay too available for this chick in my college class. Quickly I went from being the aloof, mysterious guy, to the 'let's hang out sometime' needy guy. She never gave me a direct answer, just that she was 'always busy' and she jokingly said she was 'playing hard to get'. Translation: NO!

To make matters worse, she has a man, and I think she just liked the attention I gave her. I don't think I can recover, so I'm cutting my losses and moving on to the next one.

It's almost as if once you lose that interest level, it's twice as hard to get it back. Is it even worth the effort, especially when there are so many women around who are available and don't have that view of you? See you around campus attention hor...

 

[Cythere]

Same thing happened to me this week !

I meet this girl 6 month ago and 'till last month we were like close friends, then I started to feel thing for her,I've been doing all I learned in sed.forum, no one-itising, being occupied with other thing and all,heat up the relation and BANG! when I finaly slept with her, I became such an AFC/Needy Guy that yesterday she told me it was finished,I was a crazy ****er and all these times we were just 'friends' and thats all.She even said that I forced her to do the thing...

Its very shocking! And very difficult to dont fall into needy attitude once you got the girl, you think that 'its in the pocket' but NO.NEVER!

Well,I've got what I deserve.

I learned! ALWAYS PLAY THE GAME! DON'T RELAX YOURSELF!

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Cythere
Same thing happened to me this week !

I meet this girl 6 month ago and 'till last month we were like close friends, then I started to feel thing for her,I've been doing all I learned in sed.forum, no one-itising, being occupied with other thing and all,heat up the relation and BANG! when I finaly slept with her, I became such an AFC/Needy Guy that yesterday she told me it was finished,I was a crazy ****er and all these times we were just 'friends' and thats all.She even said that I forced her to do the thing...

Its very shocking! And very difficult to dont fall into needy attitude once you got the girl, you think that 'its in the pocket' but NO.NEVER!

Well,I've got what I deserve.

I learned! ALWAYS PLAY THE GAME! DON'T RELAX YOURSELF!

Truer words could never be said, this is why I have very little motivation to deal with women right now. I'm sick of this crap.

 

[Qualtran]

Well, a bit of an update on trying to "recover":

I ended up unexpectedly crossing paths with her on Wednesday while on a Mt. Bike ride and she asked me when the show was starting on thursday and if she could come over before to make dinner with me. I said ok, and she grabbed me and kissed me then I continued my ride.

She came over yesterday and was immediately kissing me and grabbing me and such, then we went with a bunch of my roomates and buddies to the show.

Show went late, we got back to my place, had sex twice last night, twice this morning, chilled all day and got it on again before she headed out of town for the weekend. Basically, the last 24 hours have been fvcking awesome with her.

So obviously things are going a bit better than at the start of this thread... and I'm not entirely sure how recovery happened so fast.

So, for now I plan on just sitting back and seeing what happens. Definitely going to make sure not to pursue her like I was, but also not so worried anymore about this being unrecoverable.

 

[AIR-PILOT]

It wasn't a recovery, she just wants sex.
You want something more..she doesn't that is the problem isn't it?

 

[becker]

Yeah, looks to me like she was just a little anxious, and you were there for the taking. To me, sex is easier than getting into a serious relationship, or keeping one. Sex causes emotional attachment like no other, and it's not just for the girl, like the movies like you to believe. Guys get just as attached, because imagine that you're doing it regularly with this girl, and then the next day she's getting it on with another guy. Despite the fact that you're getting some, the feeling is even worse when you're thinking of her doing it with some other chump. It just cheapens it all. I used to not think twice about this, but it will happen to us all, especially when you find that girl that seems just a little more special than the others. Hate to say it. Better to just stay away from women.

 

[Fenderules]

if she just wants sex, i would not give it 2 her. i'd back away and create distance, she will be begging for the sex and maby more. after a little distance try it again but this time dont be AFC, if she give you the same results then take off




oh, and btw.....date other girls in the mean time so your not wasting your time. This will show her that and she better grab you b4 you run of with another girl.

 

[tmpgstx]

So she can take the tubesteak but not have a relationship with a guy who dumped his old lady for her? Naaa uhhaaa Dawg .. make her earn that d!ck. You're giving it to her without any investment yet you want more! Who's on the losing end of the situation? You are.

Sometimes with girlz it's like going into a fight with all this knowledge of a martial art, but then having it all go out the window. If you're really attracted to someone, this can happen in an alike manner.

Yes, unfortuately you do have to do things counter-intuitively. The only way it doesn't seemingly apply is when both parties are matured to the point and know what they want as a bi-product of having had much experience for the most part.

But like with anything in life, there are always exceptions, and when you throw people with different experiences and tastes into the game .. is no wonder things can a bit complicated trying to figure out what is what.

 

[Qualtran]

Honestly, what can I do at this point though? I have about 2 weeks left before I'm out of the country and far, far away from her and around a bunch of hot foreign chicks... Yeah, I would like to get into something serious with her because I dig her, but at the same time it just can't happen since I'm outta here.

At this point I just want to have as good a time as possible with her until I leave... then hopefully when I get back next fall, start things up again. Obviously there is nothing I can do to guarantee next fall, but I at least want to make the best of the situation I'm in right now.

I understand how important it is to play the game, but its pretty hard to fully sit back when the natural termination is coming so soon!

 

[Qualtran]

Update

It appears that things are on much more solid ground now! Since last week, she has been contacting me frequently to hang out and she has stayed over at my place quite a few times and I have stayed over at hers. Great times hanging out and the sex life has been getting fvcking awesome! I'm basically sitting back right now, and she is coming to me. (haha, she just called me while i was writing this post)

An interesting thing to note is that following every time she brings up the "what is going on between us" question and the ensuing conversation, she warms up substantially and comes after me more.

During a hike earlier last week she started talking about how she was afraid to get too involved etc (i did not bring the issue up), and I basically told her there was no point in worrying because we were just having fun, and overthinking things would lead to a good situation being messed up.

So summer is just about here and my time with her just about over, but we have talked about meeting up over the summer and then there is next fall. I'm still planning on exploring other options during the summer, but it looks like i may have some good times ahead with this girl.

 

[becker]

Wow, this situation just took a total u-turn, what's up with that? Good on ya though, I hope it works out this time around. I can't say I've had a similar experience, unfortunately.