Let's hope you are never this hard up

[MatureDJ]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,343031,00.html

Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

Ohio police have arrested a man who was caught on tape allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Art Price Jr., 40, of Bellevue, Ohio, was arrested after a neighbor videotaped him engaged sexually with the metal table, according to a report on FOX19.com.

Price was seen on four separate occasions, always between 10:30 a.m. and noon, having sex with the picnic table, Bellevue Police Capt. Matt Johnson told the TV station.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude," Johnson said, noting the table in question had a hole in the middle intended to hold an umbrella.

Price, a married father of three school-age kids, faces felony counts of public indecency because his house is near an elementary school, according to the report.

 

[KontrollerX]

What was he supposed to do?

It was wearing its skimpiest table cloth!

 

[mutambo]

props for getting an erection for a table.. i cant

 

[ThunderMaverick]

He's married. That explains it.



I remember a story miy sister told me growing up. She said she knew this guy who would put two raw steaks between the mattress and the box spring of his bed and f**k it sideways. s

That story still makes me laugh to this day. Some bony dude (probably bald) bare naked hitting his bed from the side.


Hahahaha naaasty!

 

[Mr. Me]

His Top Ten defenses are:

10. "It was just a f#cking picnic. I mean that literally".

9. "I was whipping up a batch of my special 'no mayo potato salad' sauce, a family favorite!".

8. "I'm trying to scare the ants away. And it was working, too."

7. "Where's the crime if the table consents?"

6. "I'm the pervert? Why don't you arrest those voyeuristic, video-taping neighbors of mine?"

5. "This is Bellevue, Ohio. What else is there here to do for kicks?"

4. "Give me a break. This is the first time I've ever f#cked anything that didn't give me a hard time back."

3. "You think this is something? You oughtta see my weenie roast."

2. "But the table's all I have left! I pimped my lawn chair out to Elliot Spitzer for $4000."

and his number one top defense:

1. "That's the picnic table? Oh sh1t! I thought it was my wife. They're both that hard, flat and cold."

 

[ketostix]

This is a weird story, but it's the implications that bothers me. I assume he was in his own back yard. What the hell is this neighbor doing videotaping him? They were probably thinking I caught the predophile predator now hahaha. As weird as it was, he was in his own backyard doing his thing, and because he lives "near" an elementary school he can be charged with felony public indecency? You got to love the justice sytem. I didn't even know public indecency could rise to a felony. I betcha if a woman went out in her yard some sunny day and went to town with a cucumber or a dildo she wouldn't be charged with anything let alone a felony. It just seems like the mentality of the criminalization of male sexuality. I'm not even saying there shouldn't be a double standard with men and women exposing themself, but not as extreme as this. It has broader implications.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Having Sex With Picnic Table

His wife has got to feel sexy.

 

[ketostix]

Having Sex With Picnic Table

His wife has got to feel sexy.

Lol that might be the problem right there.

 

[decades]

yeah but the picnic table was a 9.5.

 

[ketostix]

yeah but the picnic table was a 9.5.

Yeah that's pretty bad when your wife rates lower than a picnic table on a scale that includes inanimate objects. Just imagine how low she rate in a scale that only included women lol.

 

[Blackmm]

Maybe THIS was his picnic table:
http://www.jaunted.com/files/3/erotic_furniture.jpg

 

[Mr.Positive]

Maybe THIS was his picnic table:
http://www.jaunted.com/files/3/erotic_furniture.jpg

This is a hot table. Now this table could be a 9, IMO.

I think there should have been a picture of the table in the news article to be entirely accurate, because I think this was done out of convenience, so I'd guess the table was a 6.5 at best.