Let's have an HONEST discussion about CLUBS and INTROVERSION/SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS

[SMS 48]

I can't dance. I can BS it a little... Sort of... But my awkwardness is apparent to everyone. None of my friends' friends have any desire to get to know me when I meet them in a club, and I feel like they look at me funny (this may be in my head though) and they're a lot friendlier to other people who t hey met that night (this is NOT just in my head, this is obvious). I ask other girls at the club to dance, and they say no. To put things in context, I'm a very average looking guy.

I do fine in other situations, such as house parties, or dinner, or anything where conversation is involved. I've actually been told I was charming in other situations.

I don't have money for dance classes. To be honest, I don't quite get the point of dancing. It looks ridiculous and serves no real purpose other than feeling girls up but without the sex. I feel like I have Autism when I see everyone going crazy to the music, and raising their fists up to the air like a bunch of sheep while I think about how weird they are. The sad thing is I would kill to be "weird" like them.

The problem is when my friends go out, that's where they go. To clubs. To lounges with dancefloors. To bars with dance floors. Basically places where too much conversation is simply not necessary, and its all about dancing. After the negative experiences of the club, I end up going home feeling like a loser.

Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone here slept with dozens of women and still sucks at the bar game? Or do all the DJs here do well in clubs?

Any and all insight related to this is welcome.

 

[Vice]

You're lame as f*ck. That hurt? Good. Use that as fuel to motivate you.

Watch this video for an explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuQ2ZEYDMdw

www.rsdnation.com

 

[SMS 48]

You're lame as f*ck. That hurt? Good. Use that as fuel to motivate you.

Watch this video for an explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuQ2ZEYDMdw

www.rsdnation.com

The lame guy in the video was following some kind of PUA manual. I couldn't care less about tactics, IOIs, etc... I can't dance, and I don't enjoy dancing. The "cool guy" in the video actually enjoys dancing and is probably good at it. I'm not. You see my predicament. Not only can I not dance, but I find it pretty stupid/pointless.

Apparently you think everyone who doesn't enjoy jumping around for no apparent reason is the equivalent of a nerd who follows a PUA manual and "tactics."

And no, that didn't hurt. Motivate me to do what exactly? Serious question.

 

[Vice]

The lame guy in the video was following some kind of PUA manual. I couldn't care less about tactics, IOIs, etc... I can't dance, and I don't enjoy dancing. The "cool guy" in the video actually enjoys dancing and is probably good at it. I'm not. You see my predicament. Not only can I not dance, but I find it pretty stupid/pointless.

Apparently you think everyone who doesn't enjoy jumping around for no apparent reason is the equivalent of a nerd who follows a PUA manual and "tactics."

And no, that didn't hurt. Motivate me to do what exactly? Serious question.

Give us some more details then. Maybe a photo. Audio/video sample. Some stories, examples. Because judging from your attitude, you seem lame and boring.

The way a guy dances also reflects his approach towards sex.

 

[SMS 48]

Give us some more details then. Maybe a photo. Audio/video sample. Some stories, examples. Because judging from your attitude, you seem lame and boring.

Just picture an average looking guy. Not ugly. Not good looking. I prefer to remain anonymous.

Stories and examples of what exactly? I attempt to dance with girls, get rejected 95% of the time. My dancing comes off awkward because I suck at it, and that's what you are judged by in clubs.

If enjoying the act of jumping around to music for no apparent music makes someone lame and boring, then so be it. I don't see things in such a black and white manner though. I will admit that in a club I'm lame and boring.... Yes, obviously, since I'm not enjoying myself.

The way a guy dances also reflects his approach towards sex.

That's woman-logic, not reality. Sex is actually fun so obviously I put effort and enthusiasm into it.

And I'm glad you brought up sex actually, because it reminds me. I'm good at bumping and grinding on the dance floor. I can move my hips to align with hers, and I have rhythm. I can't dance any other way (i.e alone or in a circle with friends) because I have no idea WTF I'm doing.

 

[Rationale]

To put things in context, I'm a very average looking guy.

Yet..

I do fine in other situations, such as house parties, or dinner, or anything where conversation is involved. I've actually been told I was charming in other situations.

Given that in clubs, you can't usually see people that clearly, you're probably a better looking bloke than you give credit to. Ease up.

Those people being weird are most likely on something or drunk. Doesn't hurt to have one or two drinks to loosen up a bit.

Once you do, you'll find that you don't care about what people think of your dancing, because to be honest, if we all did, no one would dance at a club.

If you met some other shy and out of place guy at a club, would you want to hang around him? Probably not. Plus, not everyone is going to like you anyway, and you'll find people at a club that you yourself don't like, so don't be too concerned.

I go clubbing with some girls, that at times, I just want to go Shawn Michaels on them. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkUR3EdE8Wc&feature=player_detailpage#t=6s)

Out of curiosity, what's your goal when you go clubbing? Is it to pick up, or have a good time? (The two don't necessarily relate).

Another thing, do you have other groups of friends? Some who don't go clubbing? Networking can never go astray.

 

[Gro0ver]

Dude, we should swap friends! I go out to bars and end up talking all night, when I'd much rather be at a club busting out moves or sharking for chicks.

You can get good at dancing and find your own style if you embrace it, seems like you don't want to though.

The real key is to express yourself and don't try too hard (unless you know what you're doing). Practice dancing in your room to some music you like, get comfortable with the beats. There are lots of youtube videos that can help as well.

As a starting point, practice the 2-step - an essential foundation for all guys especially when it comes to hiphop/rnb type music.

If you invest some time in practising you will get better and will learn to enjoy it more, just like everything else.

PM me if you want more info, this is gro0ver's thing

 

[TheJazz]

Bro, don't worry about it. I don't dance too, and honestly, I'm not bad with women. Dancing doesn't make a man attractive. Action does. If dancing isn't your favorite thing to do, go do something that is. Go swimming, probably at a public pool where you can meet some lovely ladies, go ice skating, at a public rink where you can meet some lovely ladies, go running, at a public track where you can... you get the idea. Action gets girls. To be sure, dancing is one action, but there are dozens of others out there. If dancing doesn't appeal to you, pursue something else. The women will follow.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Dancing shows that you may have good fvcking skills. After I fvck, I can sure as H3ll dance with a woman cause we are so connected from being so intimate with one another.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Dancing shows that you may have good fvcking skills.

Yes, with emphasis on the "may." However, the idea that people who don't dance also don't have any rhythm is not right, either. I never met a drummer who could dance.

Has anyone here slept with dozens of women and still sucks at the bar game?

I'm not quite to "dozens" yet, due to almost always being in a relationship, but as far as clubs and dancing go, I don't even try. I've still had success at bars by just waiting until closing when they shut off the music. As soon as that happens, it's not really "club game" any more. The good news is, as anyone who has worked in sales will tell you, buying temperature is transferable. That's why a salesman's boss will come in at the end to close deal. You can do the same thing with a girl who has been warmed up by a night of dancing and drinking, and even though you might be at a club, there's really no "club game" to it.

 

[SoldMySoul]

You're lame as f*ck. That hurt? Good. Use that as fuel to motivate you.

Watch this video for an explanation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuQ2ZEYDMdw

www.rsdnation.com

Damn, you trying help or hurt this guy? He comes on here for real advice and you go for the throat immediately. You as a mod, should use more tact. Is this the best advice you have to offer?

There are plenty of members here that could use your tactless response, but you sir, are NOT one of them. I'd like to think you as moderator should be held to higher standards. Yes sometimes hard responses are required for the thick headed. Did the OP deserve what you served?

 

[bigneil]

I only dance when women drag me out on the dance floor. I don't know what I'm doing, but nobody seems to. Sometimes a hot woman will teach you moves. They find it very stimulating.

The only music that naturally makes me dance is hard stuff like Rage Against The Machine but girls hate it.

 

[ArcBound]

If you suck at club game, why don't you go to a bar instead ?

A bar is a place where you drink alcohol
A club is a place where you drink alcohol and dance, but you clearly hate dancing. Why go somewhere when you hate the primary activity? Doesn't make sense

 

[FairShake]

Why do you hate dancing? I can't understand that mentality. Is it because you can't do it? You shouldn't let that stop you. Dancing is fun once you let go and just go with it. Skills be damned.

Hang out with more white people. We really don't care how well or how badly you dance! In fact, it's more fun when you can't.

 

[zekko]

I can understand the OP's attitude toward dancing because it's the same one I had when I was younger. I spent a good deal of my 20s playing in rock bands so instead of dancing I was usually playing. I kind of thought of dancing as a way non-musicians dealt with music. Get up and jump around and feel the beat - it was absolutely mindless, barbaric. Something the least common denominator, the great unwashed, would do. A stupid thing your average stupid person would do. Certainly not the intellectual exercise that playing music was.

But if you dance, it gives you a big advantage with girls over not dancing. And as I got older I mellowed on the idea. And I came to appreciate certain signature moves. If you throw in the experience of vibing with a girl, it's actually quite cool. When I was younger I was too in my head, dancing is something you do that is very out of your head.

 

[RedZone]

In order to succeed you have to know what your strengths are. If you can't dance. Don't go to a club. There are plenty of other places to meet girls.

 

[Mike32ct]

Not every guy is a "club guy." Generally, if a guy is a better talker than a dancer, he would do better at a bar or lounge or party than a nightclub. You gotta play to your strengths in this game, not your weaknesses.

Now if you were interested in dancing and/or really liked it, but weren't good at it, that's a different story. You could learn.

But it sounds like dancing isn't something you are interested in, so let it go.

Either find a different set of friends or better yet go out solo. Hit the bars (that aren't super loud). If talking is your gift in this game, you'd be foolish to force yourself to dance (your weakness) just because your friends are into clubs.

I'm an ok dancer, but far better talker. My success went up when I switched to bars instead of clubs.

 

[Vice]

Just picture an average looking guy. Not ugly. Not good looking. I prefer to remain anonymous.

Stories and examples of what exactly? I attempt to dance with girls, get rejected 95% of the time. My dancing comes off awkward because I suck at it, and that's what you are judged by in clubs.

If enjoying the act of jumping around to music for no apparent music makes someone lame and boring, then so be it. I don't see things in such a black and white manner though. I will admit that in a club I'm lame and boring.... Yes, obviously, since I'm not enjoying myself.



That's woman-logic, not reality. Sex is actually fun so obviously I put effort and enthusiasm into it.

And I'm glad you brought up sex actually, because it reminds me. I'm good at bumping and grinding on the dance floor. I can move my hips to align with hers, and I have rhythm. I can't dance any other way (i.e alone or in a circle with friends) because I have no idea WTF I'm doing.

My idea of an "average guy" is some lame chode that wears nondescript clothing and leers around at girls. "Average" gets you average results. And average results in a club is to go home alone and jerk off to porn using your own tears as lubrication, while the fun guys go on late night adventures with the girls (pool hopping, exploring hotels you don't belong in, etc).

The purpose of a club is to HAVE FUN. If you're not having success in clubs, then change venues. Because it seems like you don't want to be successful in clubs, because you don't want to do what it takes TO be successful in a club: have fun.

And that's fine.

As far as the dancing thing, dancing with a girl and bumping/grinding is all it really takes, dancing by yourself or with a bunch of dudes is just gay. That gives you an opportunity to escalate with her on the dance floor. After a song or two you can lead her to some dark corner and make out, get her outside, do whatever.

And you can't "ask" a girl to dance. Asking her gives her an option. TELL her what you're going to do together, and lead her. This will relieve the burden of responsibility off the girls shoulders if sex happens, she'll rationalize it later as "it just happened". Women aren't assertive by nature and will go along with you if you are more assertive than her.

 

[SMS 48]

Yet..


Given that in clubs, you can't usually see people that clearly, you're probably a better looking bloke than you give credit to. Ease up.

Those people being weird are most likely on something or drunk. Doesn't hurt to have one or two drinks to loosen up a bit.

Once you do, you'll find that you don't care about what people think of your dancing, because to be honest, if we all did, no one would dance at a club.

If you met some other shy and out of place guy at a club, would you want to hang around him? Probably not. Plus, not everyone is going to like you anyway, and you'll find people at a club that you yourself don't like, so don't be too concerned.

I go clubbing with some girls, that at times, I just want to go Shawn Michaels on them. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkUR3EdE8Wc&feature=player_detailpage#t=6s)

Out of curiosity, what's your goal when you go clubbing? Is it to pick up, or have a good time? (The two don't necessarily relate).

Another thing, do you have other groups of friends? Some who don't go clubbing? Networking can never go astray.

I don't really have a goal when I go clubbing. I find dancing to be a pretty stupid/pointless/weird activity, so its obviously not to dance. I guess ideally I would like to hook up.

I have some friends who go to bars and talk about random shyt... I enjoy that a lot better.

I do feel like I come off awkward in the club though... Then again its probably because I can't dance...

If you suck at club game, why don't you go to a bar instead ?

A bar is a place where you drink alcohol
A club is a place where you drink alcohol and dance, but you clearly hate dancing. Why go somewhere when you hate the primary activity? Doesn't make sense

My regular group of friends go to clubs. I also don't go often, but when I do I feel like shyt afterwards because of what I stated in the original post. Usually when I go to a club its because a friend is celebrating him getting a degree, getting a raise, etc...

 

[SMS 48]

My idea of an "average guy" is some lame chode that wears nondescript clothing and leers around at girls. "Average" gets you average results. And average results in a club is to go home alone and jerk off to porn using your own tears as lubrication, while the fun guys go on late night adventures with the girls (pool hopping, exploring hotels you don't belong in, etc).

Dude what are you on? I said I'm average looking and you went on a whole thing about being an average guy. Two separate things.

The purpose of a club is to HAVE FUN. If you're not having success in clubs, then change venues. Because it seems like you don't want to be successful in clubs, because you don't want to do what it takes TO be successful in a club: have fun.

And that's fine.

As far as the dancing thing, dancing with a girl and bumping/grinding is all it really takes, dancing by yourself or with a bunch of dudes is just gay. That gives you an opportunity to escalate with her on the dance floor. After a song or two you can lead her to some dark corner and make out, get her outside, do whatever.

And you can't "ask" a girl to dance. Asking her gives her an option. TELL her what you're going to do together, and lead her. This will relieve the burden of responsibility off the girls shoulders if sex happens, she'll rationalize it later as "it just happened". Women aren't assertive by nature and will go along with you if you are more assertive than her.

I should have clarified. Sometimes I'll ask. Sometimes I'll say "dance with me" in a command form and with a slight smirk. Sometimes I'll just try to dance without saying anything. All with the same result (none).

Obviously you're right I need to stay away from clubs.... But sometimes I go to celebrate a friend's birthday or something.

I can understand the OP's attitude toward dancing because it's the same one I had when I was younger. I spent a good deal of my 20s playing in rock bands so instead of dancing I was usually playing. I kind of thought of dancing as a way non-musicians dealt with music. Get up and jump around and feel the beat - it was absolutely mindless, barbaric. Something the least common denominator, the great unwashed, would do. A stupid thing your average stupid person would do. Certainly not the intellectual exercise that playing music was.

But if you dance, it gives you a big advantage with girls over not dancing. And as I got older I mellowed on the idea. And I came to appreciate certain signature moves. If you throw in the experience of vibing with a girl, it's actually quite cool. When I was younger I was too in my head, dancing is something you do that is very out of your head.

This is a man who understands.