Let's embarrass ourselves. You're WORST opener EVER...

[aftershock]

Mine was not long ago actually. I'd only been broke up with my ex for a couple of weeks and I saw another girl at University who looked remarkably similar to her. The conversation went remarkably like this:

Me: Hi
HB9: Hi
Me: You look remarkably similar to my ex girlfriend!
HB9: Really?
Me: Yes. But don't worry, she was ridiculously good looking.

Then, to make things even worse, I opened her friend.

Me: Hey
HB7: Hi.
Me: What's your name?
HB7: <name>
Me: Interesting I used to go out with a girl who had that name. Different one to the one who looks like your mate, though.


Anyone got any worse than this?

Suprisingly, I think that the HB9 is rather into me...I'll not be taking it any further, because I don't want someone who looks like my ex. That would be weird.

 

[thefonz]

This one was a couple of years ago when I smoked and decided to start talking to some chick at a pretty rough party I went to. Basically it was a party full of marines/hardasses who do nothing but drink and look for fights and how I ended up there I don't even remember. This was in Sudbury, MA which if you know Massachusetts is a pretty rich town and these kids don't have a care in the world. I ended up getting headbutted and robbed later on but that's another story.....

I walked up to this girl with a cig in hand (back when I smoked)......

Me: Hey what's up
Her: Who are you?
Me: I'm a friend of Pat's, who's a friend of Yates and we came here from......
Her: Ew, why are you doing that, that is NOT how you get laid!
Me: (rather intimidated at this point) So what?
Her: Buddy, how do you expect to get a girlfriend smoking?

At this point I noticed a huge dude giving me a cold look from behind her and started walking towads us and stood behind her. Back then I couldn't defend myself for **** so I decided to play the possum and act like a total ***** so not to get my ass kicked. Didn't work later on but like I said, that's another story

Me: Look we're outside and I' m just smoking my butt.
Her: Get that thing away from me, you're disgusting!
Me: If you don't like it go stand over there (trying not to offend the b/f)
Her: (stares at me while slowly walking away)

lol, ouch. That chick definitly put me in my place. This was during the lowest point of my life and when I think about how far I've come it's mind-boggling.

 

[DaKidS3]

Originally posted by JC Jerkson


.....And then all of a sudden I do this fvcking hilarious spazzy dance for her!! Then I walked away nearly falling down from laughing so hard. LOLOLOL!!! Mike you gotta confirm this. It was funny as shyt.


JC Jerkson

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[Sapiens]

Stop at a Barnes and Noble(Bookstore) to pick up a book, but before heading to customer service I had to check out the magazine counter.

HB9.5 Checking out the women interest section
Me: I walk up to her,<smile> "Hi, what you reading?"

HB9.5 Looks at me in the eye, doesn't smile, doesn't say anything and turns her back at me.
Me: Well, if you aren't feeling like talking you could at least smile.
HB9.5 walks away.

Me: Knowing better, but always a fool, follows her. "Hey, wait a minute, I was talking to you"
HB9.5 Turns to me and says "Look loser, you can't affort me, I am Waaaayy out of your league."
Me:<smile> "Oh, I knew you were an escort! How much?"
HB9.5 Turns and walks away.

-Sapiens

 

[aftershock]

One that actually worked a good, oh, three years ago?

In a club.

"Well, your mate and my mate are getting off with each other so we might as well".

I'm more ashamed of the fact that she was rather fat, actually. I tell you, even with two hands I couldn't control even one of those tits on a nightclub sofa.

 

[Swoop]

Mine is

Swoop: "What's your name?"
HB: "Tara"
Swoop: "Tarod? Like Tarod cards?" (I heard wrong)
HB: "Yea...um.. that's it. " (gave me this look like what an idiot)

hahaha

I caught on and knew I screw up there and just walked away haha

 

[Swoop]

Originally posted by Sapiens
Stop at a Barnes and Noble(Bookstore) to pick up a book, but before heading to customer service I had to check out the magazine counter.

HB9.5 Checking out the women interest section
Me: I walk up to her,<smile> "Hi, what you reading?"

HB9.5 Looks at me in the eye, doesn't smile, doesn't say anything and turns her back at me.
Me: Well, if you aren't feeling like talking you could at least smile.
HB9.5 walks away.

Me: Knowing better, but always a fool, follows her. "Hey, wait a minute, I was talking to you"
HB9.5 Turns to me and says "Look loser, you can't affort me, I am Waaaayy out of your league."
Me:<smile> "Oh, I knew you were an escort! How much?"
HB9.5 Turns and walks away.

-Sapiens

hahahah ouch.. nice comback though.

 

[SuPaF1y]

me: hey whatsup?
her: not to much who are you
me: Rob who are you?
her: jamie and your breath stinks

 

[aftershock]

Right, scene: Dancefloor. Couple of weeks ago.

I ended up dancing with a girl - fools mate, when you pull on the dancefloor. Just make sure that you don't fvck it up! So whats the WORST thing that you can say?

"Wow, you're really bad at dancing".

(Yes, I went home alone)


In my defence, I've been out of this kind of stuff for two years. It's fvcking hilarious though when you get a good failure story.

 

[SuPaF1y]

me: and thats the second time i got crabs

 

[Swoop]

Originally posted by SuPaF1y
me: hey whatsup?
her: not to much who are you
me: Rob who are you?
her: jamie and your breath stinks

You should start breath on her hard after that one haha

 

[thederekeffect1]

Well, it was used as a joke... Just to see how she'd react but I used the line "Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like my next girlfriend?"

 

[ER!C L!VE]

The Scene: Double Date - Me with Blind Date at dinner.

HBhairdresser: Blah blah blah me me me
E!L!: *cutting her off mid-sentence* You look just like my sister.
HBhairdresser: That's like the 3rd time I've heard that this week.
My Buddy: stares at me in shock.
My Buddy's chick: stares at me in shock.


After dinner we hit the club and HBhairdresser mysteriously disappears into crowd and avoids me for the rest of the night.

 

[B-Lemond]

Is it just me that noticed that all these openors were along the lines of:

Hey

Hi

What's up?

And none of them worked. Maybe that says something.

 

[aftershock]

Originally posted by bluelemond
Is it just me that noticed that all these openors were along the lines of:

Hey

Hi

What's up?

And none of them worked. Maybe that says something.

We know we fvcked up, most important thing is that we learn from our mistakes and laugh about them!

 

[ForbesLtd]

Re: You're WORST opener EVER...

I'm WORST opener EVER?
Wrong.

Ok, let's be serious. This line:

ME: "I really like your eyes - are they real or made of glass?" (I was like in a very like poor state, like low self like confidence)

SHE: (looks somehow disgusted and snobbish): "Sorry, what is your problem? Go, bother s/o else.." (turns away, cold as a stone and continues chatting with her friends)

A lot of people were watching though, so it was quite embarrassing.

 

[Aquatico]

here's mine:

I was at a clothing store, and I see these two gorgeous latina girls standing infront of a mirror trying clothes on.

I quickly pull a mini skirt off of a rack and say to one of them:

"Hey, I'm buying this skirt for my sister, and since you have a similiar body type, I was wondering if you could try it on so I can see how it looks."

They look at the miniskirt and start laughing.

So I look at the mini skirt and I notice it's like a size 40 and could probablly fit all three of us in it at the same time!!

 

[[]D [] []V[] []D]

Me: hey i couldnt help but notice your shirt...my grandma has the same thing!

Her: Well your grandmas gangster and your retarded

 

[WhitePimp]

I was in like 7th grade...I was waiting for this chick to come out of the bathroom and when she did I said:

Me: Hi do you have a boyfriend?
Her: No
Me: want one?

I mumbled the **** out of it too and I was sweating like a ***** in church but thinking about it now makes me crack the hell up! My first cold approach at 12 years old!

Even though I completely sucked it up and she gave me a weird look and walked away, I still admire the balls I had back then. I've been lacking in cold approaching due to fear of who the hell knows what, and thinking of stuff like this makes me realize how much I need to start doing it again.

 

[Gonzalo]

Here's a quick one:

Me: Hi.
Her: No.


I got pretty good at recognizing b1tches after that.