Let's cut the chit...

[Chev.Chelios]

This forum is littered with breakup story's and threads.. so many hurt guys crying out for help.. I'm sure a lot of you have read my passed crazy posts of me vomiting out all my weird thoughts lol, we'll I'll try to be a bit more structured in this post.

This is for guys that have cried and bled they're hearts out for there girls to come back, have already gone through the mourning process.. keep getting emotionally manipulated from there ex stringing them along and playing mind games contantly.

This is for guys that are stuck in depression and can't for the life of them jus move the fvck on.

What is the real solution to healing from heartbreak? I mean the one that actually works.. not just bandaids..

Revenge
No contact
Getting hotter girls
Lifting..
"Improving yourself"
Learning game..
Etc

Fvck all that chit. If you are not healed emotionally none of these activitys will work... because all they are ultimately is just running away from what you really feel, and not confronting your fear head on. sweeping the chit under the rug if you will.

If you're skydiving and to afraid to jump out of the plane.. and say a perfect life with every amazing thing and pure abundant joy awaits you on the new world below, are you going to jump or let the fear of pain(death) maybe happening preventing you from letting the fvck go and sailing down to the promised land.

Or are you going to btch out and be depressed the rest of your life because you never took the jump, and end up trying to compensate from your Chit life in the current world your stuck in.. striving to make money, friends, workout everyday.. bang hotter girls, basicley keep running away from one thing you know you had to do in the first place. You can gain everything in this current world and WILL ALWAYS be completely miserable because you know deep down you were to scared to let go from jumping out of that plane.

This is an example of my life regarding letting go of my ex.

So many guys live heartbroken or jaded.
I think every man is forever hurt from there past love that got away, very few friends iv had genuinly gotten over there heartbreak and transitioned into a thriving lifestyle.

Those guys were always naturals. And They all had something in common, fearless as living hell.. always getting into trouble, driving their cars like they wanted to get killed.. complete wreckless abandonment.. picking fights all the time, basicley living the "live fast die younge" life.. you ever have crazy a pal were you looked into there eyes and knew there wasnt something right in there head? Hahaha

Though those are extreme examples.. its safe to say maybe they even get got an adrenaline kick out of breakups.

And I mention this because what I'm talking about in this thread is key to REALLY just getting the fvck out of your painful misery your ex caused.

Facing the fear you're stuck in.
Okay so I have a habit of digressing..

I read somewhere that heartbreak is the same as physical pain, and people say that taking a Tylenol will temporarily relieve the heart ache.(I bet taking a hydro will definently heal you temporaly) So when emotional or physical pain happens your brain registers both the same way, can't sleep.. ptsd, poor appetite, tense mucles, no focus etc it's all the same.

Have you ever done something really scary and dangerous? I rode bmx growing up and hitting a set of dirt jumps for the first time is REALLLYLYYYYYY fvcking scary.. and getting yourself to hit them the first time is very difficult. Sometimes you sit there staring at them for to long, psych yourself out to much and just go home. But if you don't think about it and just do it quickly it's a whole lot easier and the success rate for not fvcking yourself up improves. few kids in my group had the courage to even try. And always ended up quitting

Or even worse, go to the local bar and pick a fight with some jerk azzhole guy you hate, if your a scared little chode this literally is the scariest thing you can ever do. Adrenaline shoots though the roof, your hearts starts pumping uncontrollable and your legs start shaking. Truely epic scary experience for someone who doesn't handle fear well.

After my year long breakup these emotions and nervous system responses are interestingly similar to the physical experiences above..

Iv lived in a state of blind terror for many months. I feel like a soldier in war stuck crying in his foxhole because he's to scared to fight(reportedly alot of soldiers did that in the world wars)

I fear lettin go of my ex. And never having a chance with her again. I fear her getting fvcked by other guys and marrying somebody else, I fear being alone the rest of my life, I fear her coming over to drop off the kid because seeing her beautiful face will ruin my whole day, I fear dropping my love for her and moving on. Very severe case of oneitus that amplified itself 10x because I never confronted the fear head on at first.

I don't handle emotional fear and confrontation well AT ALL.. and many other guys don't also. I can tell who's fearless simply by looking in there eye. I admired my natural friends so much because they were superb at conquering there fears and got a kick out of it.. they also pulled the most snatch as well..


So my solution to finally getting over your heartbreak or oneitus? Try doing an exercise and report back the results.

Go find your ex girlfriend that fvcked you over, cheated on, dumped, abdandoned, left you for somebody else etc.. and flat out tell her to her face in kind words,

Though you were a big chapter in my life and i still love more then anything.. I'm over you and I will never get back with you ever again. That's final.

And actually mean those words and go no contact.. every time you hear from her keep saying it over and over again.

You'll notice you will feel better. Every time.. because saying that to your oneitus ex is fvcking scary. You're living in false hope things will maybe fix themselves. So you wait patiently and pray to God she will come back around and be with you again, fvck that chit.. face the fear instead and slit that dead mangled relationship in the throat.

I'm writing this on my phone, I'll edit it and ad more words tomorow..

 

[lizardking82]

I absolutely agree that not going through your pain, not living it, is a big mistake. A lot of people only wanna enjoy the good times (I was one of those) and then when the bad times come, they wanna avoid it at all costs. When my ex left me, I could not stop thinking of ANYTHING that would make me feel better. I wanted to feel better and quickly at all costs. I think what we don't realize at first is that to feel better, relieved, ready to get back into the game of life (not just women) after a hurtful experience is that we need to sit down in the fetal position and cry like a mother****er. All that pain needs to go out of your body and mind because if it doesn't, you will see her one day and you will be doomed.

Usually, the pain you feel about the loss of an important person is not small, but I think it is quite a lot associated with unresolved feelings from your bringing up, too. That is why people try to feel better right away after a breakup, that breakup awakens unresolved emotions much deeper than the breakup itself, **** that could make you cry for days and even weeks sometimes and people don't want that. They wanna avoid the hurt like the plague, but just like you wanna laugh and **** and have a good time and feel high, the lows in your life have to be lived as well and NOT AVOIDED.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Those guys were always naturals. And They all had something in common, fearless as living hell.. always getting into trouble, driving their cars like they wanted to get killed.. complete wreckless abandonment.. picking fights all the time, basicley living the "live fast die younge" life.. you ever have crazy a pal were you looked into there eyes and knew there wasnt something right in there head? Hahaha

Maybe they have these crazy tendencies because deep inside they want to kill themselves. There's people out there like that yo know.

Anyway, I agree that you should face your fears, but not by doing it by living the way YOU think is crazy. You seem to think, like many others, that strength can't be shown in other ways, but that isn't true. You can have strong willed people who are very different from each other.

 

[RangerMIke]

As a combat veteran I have a different take. One minute you are talking to your buddy, and the next his head is gone... that is a fvcking fact in war. You do not have time to 'heal' you have to move on with what you are supposed to do and THAT is what keeps you sane. Same it true in life. Time heals all wounds, and you can either spend that time trying to heal, or just move the fvck on with life and let time take care of the healing. Time is going to pass anyway, you can either do it being productive and improving yourself or not, your choice. One way or another you will get over getting screwed over, but it will be A LOT faster if you put the past behind you and focus on the future.

There is no such thing as fearlessness. EVERYONE feels fear, you have to train yourself NOT to let fear stop you... This does not come naturally, and the ONLY way to confront fear is to face it down. Whenever you have an irrational fear you must face it down.

Don't confront chicks that have dumped you... Jesus... man don't you know what happens? Right after you tell her how you 'feel' what is going on in her mind is this.

"What a weak @ss pvssy, I'm glad I dumped this sorry pathetic excuse for a man."

Then she will get on the phone with all her friends and they will have a nice good laugh at your expense. If that makes you feel better that all her friends are laughing at what a weak @ss b!tch you are then you go right ahead and and confront her.

 

[AlphaNate]

Words used from your post:

• Fear: 15 times
• Scary: 8 times
• Emotion: 5 times
• Pain: 4 times

You need to shift your focuses. Don't pretend these don't exist, but you can turn negatives into positives.

And please don't preach closure here. Closure is for broken people that can't move on. If you could move on, you wouldn't be looking for closure. Learn to move on.

 

[wifehunter]

This is why, having a life is so important...it makes it easier to move on.

Plus, you'll be attracting while you're moving on.

 

[RangerMIke]

The best healing is a better girl, especially if her moral character and disposition is better. Time is also needed. Scars will remain but the sex drive and love drive is a powerful motivator to move on.

Yep. Living well is the best revenge. You want to get inside the head of the chick that just dumped you, just play it off like you don't care, and go get another, better chick.

 

[resilient]

Unresolved business sucks, Chev. I get that. As the other DJs have said, it's better to just simply move on.

Many of us guys here sit back after getting dumped and will play the "What If" game. What's the point? If she had high interest to begin with, the heart wouldn't have been tossed around like a play toy or discarded so easily when the challenge was over. Just as some guys are all about the chase, some women are all about the chase too. Once they know they've conquered your heart and mind, or feel like you need them more than they need you, they move on for the next guy to conquer.

The best thing a man can do is forgive the other person and stay no contact.

Next, use introspection to see if there's a pattern emerging that attracts the same type of woman. Recognize and eliminate that emotionally unhealthy pattern to attract a better prospect. I know it sounds touchy-feely but the self-esteem probably could use some serious work under the hood. It's about raising your standards in terms of your core values and integrity. A DJ should never stick around and accept emotional abuse, disrespect, and neglect from any plate. Period.

I've dated a few women after my separation from my ex-wife since the fall of 2015. What I've learned is that even though I've taken up a ton of hobbies to work on my self-confidence I'm still I'm on a long journey towards healing. I've got childhood issues linked to abandonment that I still have to sort out. My SMV isn't as high as my competition right now and that's okay. Patience and discipline is the key. I'm not advocating going full monk because you don't want to get rusty in game praxis, just don't look LTR hungry, you know? Women can spot that from a mile away.

Consider this present day scenario:

You broke up with someone (or got dumped), reinvented yourself, came here, read a few self-help books, listened to self-help podcasts, talked to your fellow DJs, spin plates, and feel like you're ready to green light making a plate the main plate. You've dated a specific plate for a few months, met friends and family. Talked about future plans including moving in, vacations, etc. You get close sexually, emotionally, and spiritually on all levels with a main plate only to realize the main plate isn't 80% or higher invested in you, hell maybe worse south of 55% interest level. Fvck, right? All of a sudden, she pulls the carpet out from underneath you and you find out her orbiter friend is more than just a friend and has been secretly hooking up with him or multiple guy friends the days/nights she doesn't see you when you're playing it cool with 1 date per week. Push/pull, hot/cold, shock & awe. It sucks. The ego is bruised af.

Too long, didn't read: "Don't sell yourself short" is what many have been telling me lately. When you sincerely work on yourself, you do deserve better. Don't settle for less.

 

[Nn877]

I agree with the posters, once a girl makes up her mind to dump you it's a wrap at that point and anything, I mean ANYTHING, you say to her in regards to the relationship will be used against you.

You have to simply walk the fvck away, I did some major beta sh*t and even cried in front of her, you know what she did a few days later? While in a heated argument she called me a little b*tch for crying lol

So basically post breakup you really have to distance yourself and not show any emotion because they will take it and literally run wild with how you're acting and justify why they left you in the first place.

LOL @ the predator metaphor that's literally what they do. Cluster b or not anytime a girl dumps a guy they HATE thinking they might of made a wrong decision, so what does a feeble mind do in a situation like that? Literally look for anything to justify her decision. He cried? Weak...he's abusive? *******...he doesn't have money? Irresponsible. You get it?

It's like getting arrested...when they say "anything you say can and will be used against you." You have to go GHOST!

Fvck her, she'll come back if she wants to but even then, she risked losing you to begin with so it's done at that point. Don't give these girls any more justification then they made up in their mind already.

 

[El Payaso]

As a combat veteran I have a different take. One minute you are talking to your buddy, and the next his head is gone... that is a fvcking fact in war. You do not have time to 'heal' you have to move on with what you are supposed to do and THAT is what keeps you sane. Same it true in life. Time heals all wounds, and you can either spend that time trying to heal, or just move the fvck on with life and let time take care of the healing. Time is going to pass anyway, you can either do it being productive and improving yourself or not, your choice. One way or another you will get over getting screwed over, but it will be A LOT faster if you put the past behind you and focus on the future.

There is no such thing as fearlessness. EVERYONE feels fear, you have to train yourself NOT to let fear stop you... This does not come naturally, and the ONLY way to confront fear is to face it down. Whenever you have an irrational fear you must face it down.

Don't confront chicks that have dumped you... Jesus... man don't you know what happens? Right after you tell her how you 'feel' what is going on in her mind is this.

"What a weak @ss pvssy, I'm glad I dumped this sorry pathetic excuse for a man."

Then she will get on the phone with all her friends and they will have a nice good laugh at your expense. If that makes you feel better that all her friends are laughing at what a weak @ss b!tch you are then you go right ahead and and confront her.

THIS.

Especially the girl's reaction. She'll just laugh at you in your face if not in her mind.