Let this one go?

[Serg897]

Im a bit conflicted here, guys.

A little over a month ago I met a very interesting woman dancing. She's gorgeous and she knows it, and a ridiculously good dancer, so she is one of those girls that just commands male attention at these places, and absolutely has a lot of options. We fvcked on the first date.(posted lay report here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=188782)

The problem was, since this girl seemed to be the "perfect" match for my emotional brain, and since she was so confident and I detected almost no sign of clingyness from her whatsoever, it was incredibly hard for me to control myself and I believe I gradually lost the frame. Even though she initiated a lot of the dates, my mindset was just not in a good place - sometimes this happens when I meet a woman that captivates me so much like she did.

I posted about a minor fight that took place late one night here, and I believe this was a turning point:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189041

I saw her several more times after that, but there was sex only one of the times (the others she was "tired", which could be legit, but could also mean something else).

Anyway, for thanksgiving she asked to carpool up to New Jersey since both of our families are up there. Her parents place was LITERALLY on the way to mine, zero inconvenience for me, so I decided to agree. Was it a strategic error on my part? Maybe. A lot of time in the car to chat, and Im pretty sure I let her know too much about my past during our conversations.

I drop her off back at her place last Sunday (8 days ago). I decided then I would withdraw to test her interest and see if she contacts me. There has been absolutely no contact since then, meaning I think there is a good chance this is over.

Would ANY of you guys initiate contact again to test the waters? Or should I simply disappear and go find other women? I have no problem doing the latter - I am in a better place now than I would have been years ago. I am prepared to take responsibility for my mistakes with this one and learn the lessons here.

 

[Von_S]

You need more plates.

 

[window]

no I'd call her and ask her out...it has only been 8 days. See how you go and if she gives you flakiness move on...

 

[spaceman99]

Its funny that the same thing happened to me after college. I took a girl on a roadtrip to Florida. BAD IDEA! I think the biggest lesson that i learned was that once you stop being "mysterious" to girls...its game over..they know you inside out..or atleast they "think" they do...you are less of a challenge..so they move on the next more "interesting" thing. In your case, you were just nice and offered her a ride. I am sure a lot of conversation took place, a lot of information gets passed. Personally, I like to give bits of information away at a time to keep the curiosity high. Anyway, hope this helps.

 

[Serg897]

You need more plates.

Yep. Working on it. There is one other, this girl has been around for a longer time and is a total sweetheart. Problem is, I've been pretty bored with her. There is no challenge whatsoever.

 

[Serg897]

no I'd call her and ask her out...it has only been 8 days. See how you go and if she gives you flakiness move on...

Anyone else think this is a good idea?

 

[Rubato]

Anyone else think this is a good idea?

We've talked about this some Serg. After everything you've told me, I personally think you're dealing with an untrustworthy and low value woman. You have to ask yourself first, how much you value yourself and then try to honestly and objectively assign value to this girl. Do you really feel like, despite whatever oneitis you may have for her, from an objective perspective that this girl is good enough for you? I don't even really know you, and I can already tell you what i think.

If anything, the only thing you should use this girl for is a pawn to another higher value woman or as an ejaculation machine. If you can detach yourself enough from the situation to have sex with her without any feelings of oneitis, then use her as a plate until you find better plates.

You may still be able to do that. You've had sex with the girl more than once, and at least for most girls, while it doesn't mean everything, it's not trivial either. You've also begun demonstrating the girl's disposability to you through your no contact. If you were able to strategically run in to her again with another woman and set up a jealously plotline, that would probably be the most effective thing you could do.

If you can't do that, a face to face interaction would probably be best. Go back to where you met her and see if she's there. Bring another woman if at all possible. If she's there, acknowledge her, but pay most of your attention to the new girl. If she doesn't call you the next day, call her the next day and set up an additional date.

Tell her what you will be doing, when you will be doing it, and where. No asking.

If you don't see her dancing, call the next day and set up an additional date.

In the midst of all of this remember, you are the man. You are the leader. And for better or for worse, it is your job to lead all interactions. Don't chase the girl. But I think it's hard to call 8+ days of no contact chasing. If she's not receptive to the date or says she is busy and does not suggest an alternative, cut the string dude. If a girl is interested in you, she'll figure out a way to get with you.

Otherwise, what the other men said is true. Get more plates.

 

[Serg897]

We've talked about this some Serg. After everything you've told me, I personally think you're dealing with an untrustworthy and low value woman. You have to ask yourself first, how much you value yourself and then try to honestly and objectively assign value to this girl.

Yeah, despite how she has a lot of positive traits, you can make a serious case that her inflated ego and the numerous male friends make her a very poor candidate for anything other than an "ejaculation machine", as you put it. Definately doesnt deserve my emotional investment, thats for sure.

Anyway, I did decide to call her last night. She didnt answer but was quick to get back to me via text. Turns out she is still in Colorado "visiting friends" (I knew she was going there this weekend - didnt know it would take her until tommorow to get back). She clearly wanted to start a text conversation but I didnt play that game (asked her if I could call her back later). She said she was busy but that she would call today.

When she calls today I'll set up a date for Thursday night - I have a pretty decent idea for one. I will then try to limit the dates to once a week. This is what I should have been doing from the beggining...