Let her have her mood swings

[Jariel]

One thing we all need to understand about women is that they are irrational creatures and are susceptible to erratic behaviour. All women have mood swings, fluctuating interest levels and sex drives, and one minute she will be all over you, the next she'll blank you completely.

Never take this personally

The worst thing a guy can do is read too deeply into these mood swings. When they feel a drop in interest, many guys assume that it's a rejection or that the woman is being a b1tch and will overreact, push the matter or force an ultimatum.

A lot of what is taught here advocates calling women on their erratic behaviour, when this could be the worst thing you can do. A woman in a bad mood will simply reject you and resent you for this and that's the end of your chances.

Always act indifferent to her mood swings

If a woman is sulking, giving you the cold shoulder or acting like a b1tch for no reason, don't give her reason to hate you and don't turn over-affectionate and overbearing on her either. You should simply remain cool and act like you don't care, and wait for her to come round.

As I have come to learn, this is essential knowledge for surviving with a woman.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

women are irrational but in my experince most do not start acting like *****es all the time.

So if ones does i will call her on it, im not going to stand for it and if she carys on i will drop her because i do not take crap from girls, if they mess me around i dont take that, as i know for a fact most girls are not like this then why take it from the few that are.

 

[Double]

i partly agree.

right about that you shouldn't analyse her mood swings.....also right that you should remain calm.

but TOTALLY wrong about that you shouldn't call her BS. remain as calm as possible but make it clear that you don't tolerate b1tching. you need to establish and maintain borders for your girl(s). never forget she is the submitting person in the relationship and you show her what is right and wrong.

A woman in a bad mood will simply reject you and resent you for this and that's the end of your chances.

you need to make some attidude adjustment, it is not the end of your chances but of her chances. there are millions of girls out there who b1tch, have mood swings, have no ambition in life etcetc.......a women like this can be EASILY replaced....but a DJ like you can't be easily replaced.

"take back your power!"

 

[Jariel]

If the bullsh1t is ongoing, then yes call her on it, but I think Birty put it best when he said:

There is no winning when I'm in that mode. I'm either going to bite your head off for incorrectly responding to me or misreading me, or I'm going to feel verified by what you're saying to me, and get even worse in being ruled by my emotions.

And it's true that when I'm in a mood I am rude to people who have done nothing wrong to me and it almost literally cannot be helped. There's no logical voice telling me "hey, go easy, they have done nothing wrong" until my mood has cleared, and then I will apologise.

Now, if you say or do something to annoy a woman during this state of mind, she will snap at you, then an argument follows where you both say hurtful things that can't be taken back and could end your relationship or potential relationship.

It's all well saying DJs shouldn't put up with this behaviour from women, but then you'll never last with a woman, because at some point you will have to encounter these moods. Besides, you don't have to put up with the moods if you walk away and act indifferently towards them.

There's also a big difference between manipulative behaviour (which should never be tolerated) and bad moods.

 

[earthshyne]

It was once explained to me that strong emotions are like alcohol. One can have a strong outburst once in a while, just like one can have a wee nip o'scotch on occasion, but neither makes you a basketcase.

However, if your alcohol consumption or your emotional outbursts are getting in way of your life and your relationships, then something's wrong. Asking, "Are you okay, dear" and "If you want to talk..." and "Tell me what's wrong" only buys into, and reinforces, the irrational behaviour.

Though some men display this behaviour, it's more often wimmen because they are more in touch with that side of their personalities. Where it becomes a problem is when they use that (read = manipulation) as a way of punishing their partner for some imaginary wrong, or using it to get something they wouldn't otherwise get (attention, clothes, jewelry, etc.).

It took me years to figure this out, just as it took over a decade to figure out that PMS stood for Punish My Spouse.

 

[Disconnect]

I agree with some of the post. Overreacting is suicide, but taking her crap is simply too much. If i'm not enjoying myself, I will eject, end the date early, or send her home (depends on who I'm with and what im doing). Same goes for when I don't get a vibe.

 

[DJDamage]

Jariel is right about being indifference when she acts b1tchy, however if that part of her continues to grow then you should have other methods at your disposal. Remember that women test men all the time to see what kind of a backbone they have.

You got give a girl positive reinforcement when she is good by being affectionate, warm, funny. However if she acts bad, you should not reward her for that behaviour. Many men make the mistake of trying to be affectionate when they are getting the cold shoulder - this is a mistake because it teaches her that she can get away with it while acting up.

Your best defence is to act indifference to her whims or walk away with a smile on your face and dissapear for a while. If she has high interest in you she will soon learn not to behave in this matter because she will miss your positive reinforcement.

If you see that this behaviour continues you got to put your foot down (early on in the relationship) and say in a calm matter: "Where I come from men do not recieve such a disrespectful treatment, if you decide to grow up you know where to find me " and just walk away - You got to talk to her like you are her father talking in assertive matter to his little girl when she misbehave rather then a boyfriend.

 

[comote]

When a girl is moody with me I just avoid her and let her do her thing. If she starts getting in my face I say the magic 7 words: "You need to calm the fvck down". Saying that while you are staying completely calm has a very powerful affect .

 

[DrSoSuave]

While I agree with the advice on not "taking it personally" if she starts having moods.

I disagree with your assertion that you should act indifferent when a woman starts acting moody. You are thinking like a man and that is what men do. When I am feeling mad or angry I'd like to be left alone for awhile or at least have someone get me something tasty to eat. When a woman is mad or stressed she'd prefer to have some assistance or support.

However, if she is acting in a childish or snappy way, it is probably best to leave her alone. Offer assistance if she seems frustrated or mad at someone else.

 

[DrSoSuave]

Originally posted by comote
When a girl is moody with me I just avoid her and let her do her thing. If she starts getting in my face I say the magic 7 words: "You need to calm the fvck down". Saying that while you are staying completely calm has a very powerful affect .

Powerful effect of what? Of her being more angry? Can you honestly say you will be more calm if someone just cuts you off during rush hour traffic and you are raging mad and your passenger tells you "you need to calm the **** down."

 

[comote]

Raging anger is a sign of weakness,
If you can't roll with the punches than you need to calm the fvck down.

If a girl is acting snappy or in a childish way than someone needs to tell her that she acting like a child, I am willing to do it if it is needed.

The powerful effect this has is twofold
1) You have shown that you will stand up to her if need be.
2) Especially if you are normally very nice it demonstrates that you care enough about them to disagree with them. If you are normally a jerk with them then it will not make as much difference.

If she is just being moody, than I let her be and kind of ignore her.

 

[Dictatorsaurus]

this thread is good. bump.

 

[earthshyne]

The thing is, how do you know when she's just being miserable because she's PMSing or whatever, or she's actually having a crisis? It's sort of a "Peter and the Wolf" thing. Some wimmen spend so much time whining and beaking about little stupid stuff - I don't have the right colour lipstick, I don't fit into these jeans anymore, my hair is too messy - that we tend to turn off the noise as some sort of minor irritation on the periphery of our existence. When it really matters, though, we do the same because we've become inured to their incessant complaining.

No easy answers.