Lessons have been learned

bclarke675

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I have officially broken out of the AFC stage and into the learning DJ stage!

I met a girl last weekend who I didn't get the digits from, because another guy was hitting on her, and I was with another gal, but I couldn't get her out of my mind all week.

Last night, I was hoping to run into her but didn't. I figured I might tonight. At first, it didn't look good. My buddies kept me at the pool hall until 11pm, and I figured if I had a chance it would be gone by the time we got to the club. I got to the club about 11:15 and didn't see her. I did notice one of her friends there, so I thought there might be a chance. My buddies and I watch some games of pool, then one of my buddies spots her.

We hang out at the pool table for about 20 minutes more before deciding to get a table. The others lead and I follow. I stop as I walk by her to say hello. She stops the conversation she's having with another guy to talk to me. We spend about a minute conversing about the previous weekend, then I follow my buddies to their table at the other end of the club.

She's the only gal at this table full of guys, and I figure all of them are trying to hit on her. However, she doesn't appear to be giving any signs of being attracted to any of them. She doesn't dance with anyone during the evening.

A couple of hours pass. I'm watching everything that's going on from across the room. I notice she looks like she's looking for someone.

Her friend gets ready to leave and she gets up to go also. I greet her on the way to the door, as her friend stops to talk to some people. She smiles and I ask her if she'd like to do something sometime. She smiles and nods yes. I tell her I'll need her number to make that happen. She promptly gives it to me with no hesitation. I wish her a goodnight, and watch her leave.

I take a moment to silently celebrate, then join my buddies at our table. I tell them I may have lost at pool, but I won at the more important game! One of my buddies said he figured what I was doing, while the other had no clue.

I'm pumped! Things will go well from here, because I already know what to do and not do. Confidence is already flowing! I cannot lose!
 

Jwheatly

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Excellent Job.

In your later stages of being a dj you will learn not to pay so much to one female in partucular. If a certain female has never done anything for you, then she should not hold a special place in your heart.

I rmember when i used to meet a chick once, and couldn't stop thinking about her. Kept fantasizing about her, as if she was a special gem out of all the other billions of gems in this world. This is the most common, and disastrous mistake that an AFC, or apprentice don juan can make.

Strengthing emotional ties with someone who has no emotional ties to you, can only make rejection 100x worse.
 

bclarke675

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The only reason this woman captivated me so much was because I didn't meet any other interesting women this week. I had other offers, but none I wanted to take. So, I haven't fantasized her onto a pedistal...just feel it's a major feather in my cap for pulling things off as smoothly as I did, considering I thought about her more than I should have beforehand.

This is usually where I blow it by being too nervous to make it happen once the actual opportunity presents itself. I'm sure my buddies thought I was going to let it slip by again, when I wasn't hovering around her during the night after we first spoke. I was practicing the DJ techniques I've learned to be different than the other guys who obviously were trying to make time with her. They spent all night chatting her up, but ended up nowhere, whereas I talked to her twice for a total of about 2 or 3 minutes...just long enough to be ****y and funny, as well as show interest....then get the digits!

Jwheatly, your comments are appreciated and noted, as your concerns would have been descriptive of the old me. Earlier in the evening, I was already making alternate plans in case I didn't see her. No more fixating on one woman for me! Too many choices.

[This message has been edited by bclarke675 (edited 12-02-2001).]
 

Be-A-Man

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Kudos brother...You did good, now keep the DJ mode flowing.
 

Don Phenom

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Slick bc, on to the first date now. Let us know how it goes, where are you planning to go by the way?



------------------
Don Phenom-Unphasable, you couldn't make me lose my cool if you set me on fire. My motto is simply "I will not lose."
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

Take No Dirt

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You will meet gals with that "special look" and you can't get them out of your mind. This is the so called "love at first sight" thingy and can lead to infatuation, obsession and a crush. It can make you all nervous that you'll be unable to ask her for her digits.

For guys who are dating several girls and one of them has that special look, the danger is to lapse back into the AFC mode and place that special girl on a pedestal and let all the other girls be neglected.
 

Don the Legend

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Great Job Bclarke!

You are on your way man. I am happy for you.

----------------------------------------

TND,

You're description of being infatuated with a woman that has that "special look" hit me man. I am trying not to do those AFC's things but have caught myself doing a couple things this weekend with "Cat woman". I just have to keep reminding myself that I am a DJ and that I am a "great catch". What things do you do to keep from having "that" creep into your mind?

Thanks,

Legend
 

Dee-Zy

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Originally posted by bclarke675:
She smiles and nods yes. I tell her I'll need her number to make that happen. She promptly gives it to me with no hesitation. I wish her a goodnight, and watch her leave.

I'm pumped! Things will go well from here, because I already know what to do and not do. Confidence is already flowing! I cannot lose!
NOW THIS IS THE TYPE OF SH!T I LIKE TO HEAR ON THIS BOARD! You gave me hope. Now it's my turn to feel that way. Just readin' yo post made me smile. I am proud of you guy. I don't know you, but you handled it like A TRUE DJ! I'm surrounded by so many cowards that I've became a coward myself. Time to break it off. This is the second best thing I read on the board tonight!

CONGRATZ


GHOST

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I'm Ghost, Peace Out.

(.`*·.¸(`*·.¸ ¸.·*´)¸.·*´.)
*·.«´¨`·.Dee-Zy.·´¨`».·*
_...,·'(.·'´(¸.·''·.¸)`'·.)'·,..._
 

bclarke675

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Got the digits Saturday night, so I'm waiting until tomorrow to call for the date. I was hoping my friend's band was playing out somewhere this weekend, but it's not until next weekend. I can't decide whether to take her to a dance club or the karaoke bar where my friend runs the show (same guy who's a lead singer in the band). If any of you have suggestions, I'm open. I want to have a couple of options to offer for Friday or Saturday.

We met at a karaoke show the first time, so I'm not sure I should do that, as I don't want her to think that's all I enjoy. It's just a good way to make myself stand out from the other guys. There's a bowling league on weekends, so open bowling's hard to come by for a date. I thought about inviting her to play pool at the local VFW, then do something more exciting later, but my friends who like to give me a hard time will be there, and I'd rather stay clear of them until she gets to know me better.

Let me know what you guys may have for ideas. I live in a small town without much to do, but South Bend (Notre Dame) is only a half hour away.

Thanks in advance.

p.s. The hardest part will be keeping my emotions in check, although I seem to be able to do it so far when she's around. That's partly why I've kept my contact with her brief....so she can't sense my interest level as accurately.
 

Don the Legend

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Hey Bclarke,

Do you have any comedy clubs in your area? Most of my experiences at a comedy club were positive. We both have fun and those feelings of fun she is experiencing, she associated with me. Or you could go ice skating? That is really fun if you both are very uncoordinated on the ice. Great way to get kino involved.

That's all I can think of right now. I will try to come up with more.

Good Luck,

Legend
 

bclarke675

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The comedy club idea sounds good. I'm the most uncoordinated guy, and my best friend broke his leg when he tried to go roller skating about ten years ago. I don't think that's a viable option, especially as it hasn't been cold enough to form outdoor skate areas, and the only ice rink in the area is scheduled for hockey matches this entire weekend.

BTW, the kino has already played a part in interest. While I was singing a week ago last Saturday, she came up (even with the other guy hitting on her and another gal with me) and put her arm around me danced, then grabbed my hand and put it on her in various (non-sexual) places. That along with many compliments on my singing.
 

MrNasty

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"NOW THIS IS THE TYPE OF SH!T I LIKE TO HEAR ON THIS BOARD! You gave me hope. Now it's my turn to feel that way. Just readin' yo post made me smile. I am proud of you guy. I don't know you, but you handled it like A TRUE DJ! I'm surrounded by so many cowards that I've became a coward myself. Time to break it off. This is the second best thing I read on the board tonight!

CONGRATZ


GHOST"

Now dude chill a little... take it easy... there are 6 billion people on this planet, that would make 3 billion fellow guys...lets say 1 out of 1000 guys hooks up , that would make 3 million lucky fellas .. things arent that bad...nt for all...

lets say 5 percent of the guy population is getting lucky every day that would make 150 million people doing it
damn ... those condom companies should be making a lot!!!!
 

Take No Dirt

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Don the Legend wrote:

TND,

Your description of being infatuated with a woman that has that "special look" hit me man. I am trying not to do those AFC things but have caught myself doing a couple things this weekend with "Cat woman". I just have to keep reminding myself that I am a DJ and that I am a "great catch". What things do you do to keep from having "that" creep into your mind?

Thanks,

Legend
-------------

Me: Well, The Legend, I am a dude who had been smitten in the past by several girls with that "special look". By smitten, I mean being infatuated/obsessed and feeling terrific and miserable at the same time. I placed her on a pedestal and obsessed about her day and night.

Since learning some of the DJ techniques on this web site, I've constantly told myself that all women (whether she's Gena Lee Nolin or a butt ugly she-devil) are flesh and blood with flaws and imperfections. When (not if) I do meet another "special" gal, I will not go "goo ga" over her. I will say to myself that I am "da Man" whom she's been searching for all her lifetime. I will be comfortable in her presence like I would around my male friends. I will ask her out on fun dates. I will be a mystery and a challenge to her. She won't be a queen in my eyes, but I will be her king in her mind. Don, being a DJ is all about having a different attitude/mindset toward women than an AFC "nice guy" would have.

Don, you are a "great catch" and women know that. Keep doing what you've been doing!

TND
 

bclarke675

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It's obvious that my post has given encouragement and hope to others here on the board. That was my main intention (other than blowing off good steam) in posting. It seems we get a lot of guys whining about not having success, and I like to balance that out with posts showing that using the suggestions here do indeed lead to success!

Don the Legend & Dee-zy, best of luck. Hopefully, you'll have the same or greater success than I've had. We all need each other here to some degree until we can sustain positive results to the point that reinforcement is no longer needed.

Thanks for commenting and happy dating!
 

Don the Legend

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Thanks TND and Bclarke!

I just needed a good kick once in awhile to set me back on the right path.

Good Luck,

Legend
 

Neophyte

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Success Forum ?
 
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