Lessons from my LTR: Attraction is only 1 side of the coin

[TheException]

I received another reminder from my girlfriend the other night and I find it beneficial to share....

I fully subscribe to the prescription that men should focus on the "attraction" aspects of a relationship with a woman. Its the most defining element of a relationship and ultimately is responsible for if a woman is going to have sex with a guy or not. Also, most LTR problems arise from a lack or decline in attraction. Therefore its extremely important to always be living with the prize mentality. You should always have your mission as your main priority over all others. However, there exists another side to a good and balanced relationship....rapport.

My girlfriend has reached the stage(dating exclusive about 2 months) where she now is constantly sh1t testing me for "love" and emotional bonding. She will consistently fish for compliments and say things like:

-Doesnt my hair look good?
-You love my kissing
-You missed your girlfriend didnt you?
-You love holding my hand

My default response of late has been to say "Ehhh your top 5". I like the response for a couple reasons:

-Deflects
-Easily allows me to change the subject
-Funny
-Avoids me turning into the chump saying "Ah babe ya I love holding your hand"

As her sh1t tests have been increasing....so has my "top 5" responses. Friday night she comes over and some of my friends are around. As we are pregaming she fishes for a compliment in public in front of everyone and I give her the good ole "top 5" response. I immediately can tell shes "phased" and she begins sulking the rest of the night barely giving me any eye contact. So obviously she is upset with me. I LET HER BE. I dont run over to her every 5 seconds and ask "whats wrong". I dont say "Im sorry". I simply....let her be mad and recognize if I try to make her feel better, she will most likely only become more upset. The only thing I do is PHYSICALLY give her attention. I would hold her hand in public, walk down the street and hold her hand etc. But she was uninterested in talking to me at that point so me forcing a conversation between us would have done no good.

So we arrive home and once we get into my room and cuddle up in my bed she tells me "It really upsets me when you say top 5 in front of your friends. I know your just joking and its one thing when its just us, but when you do it front of your friends it makes me feel like sh1t". She went on and on like all girls do saying the same things over and over. I just NOD AND LISTEN. Guys fvck up by trying to be Dr. Phil and trying to solve all the problems. I may have said one sentence and it was "Ya I knew you were mad. Thats why I didnt bother you and left you to cool off". She eventually starts crying and all I did was stoke her hair and hold her. I just LISTENED and then went to bed.

So you see its not ALL ABOUT ATTRACTION. Its the most important aspect...but your girl also has to feel appreciated. She has to feel as if your not some "unattainable" alpha male juggernaut. I definitely can push the jerk card too far sometimes. Girls ARE GOING TO GET UPSET. Its impossible to go through a relationship without her doing so. The key is to NEVER backpedal and NEVER try to solve the problems. JUST LISTEN. Going forward I still will not "give in" and give her the compliments she continously has been seeking....maybe ill just change up my response. Maybe ill show a little more affection physically. But when you are in a LTR and hopefully its from the position that you have more value(she cares more about the relationship than you) you also have to sprinkle in those moments where you two can emotionally bond. She needs to feel more than just your high value....she needs to feel like you are GIVING SOME OF THAT VALUE TO HER.

Attraction + Rapport = A loving sex filled relationship

^This is what a lot of the guys that post "Women are evil" and women are mean creatures dont get. This is why they never have success with women past a few months of sex. This is why they get passed up for another guy. They only see women through the prism of what attracts a women. They have zero desire to "nourish" a girl and give her any sort of emotional attention.

PS: The next day was filled with sexcapades and I made sure to throw in some serious cuddle sessions(both to build rapport and to reward her good behavior)

 

[PlayHer Man]

Wow.. that's a nice long-winded description outlining all the work, tactics, tricks and games you play to keep your woman interested and attracted.

TheException what I would like to see from you know is a long description of everything your woman does to keep you interested, commited and attracted. Is the description equally long? Longer? I want to see it.

You see.. we men often spend so much time focusing on what we can do for women that we don't bother worrying about what women can do for us (not much in most cases). :crackup:

For many men.. just having a female not be totally repulsed by them is a big achievement. Therefore, a woman who lets you enter any of her holes deserves the world. Right? Believe it or not.. working hard to "keep a woman attracted to you" is a form of pedestalization. Your attitude should be: This is ME.. take it or leave it.

Remember: Its always the woman's job to sell "the relationship" because relationships are essentially for women. Your job is to sell sex. Why should she f*ck you? That's what you need to sell EARLY on, but you only need to sell it ONCE.

If you have to keep selling yourself over and over... you are clearly afraid of something. Sell sex ONCE and f*ck her. After that.. she can stay or leave.. but your job is done. She either likes who you are or she doesn't.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Excellent post playerman.

Your definitely one of my favorite posters here.

 

[JoeMarron]

Wow.. that's a nice long-winded description outlining all the work, tactics, tricks and games you play to keep your woman interested and attracted.

TheException what I would like to see from you know is a long description of everything your woman does to keep you interested, commited and attracted. Is the description equally long? Longer? I want to see it.

You see.. we men often spend so much time focusing on what we can do for women that we don't bother worrying about what women can do for us (not much in most cases). :crackup:

For many men.. just having a female not be totally repulsed by them is a big achievement. Therefore, a woman who lets you enter any of her holes deserves the world. Right? Believe it or not.. working hard to "keep a woman attracted to you" is a form of pedestalization. Your attitude should be: This is ME.. take it or leave it.

Remember: Its always the woman's job to sell "the relationship" because relationships are essentially for women. Your job is to sell sex. Why should she f*ck you? That's what you need to sell EARLY on, but you only need to sell it ONCE.

If you have to keep selling yourself over and over... you are clearly afraid of something. Sell sex ONCE and f*ck her. After that.. she can stay or leave.. but your job is done. She either likes who you are or she doesn't.

Nah..how is what OP described working hard? That's actually a lot less work than what the average dude would do. He is being himself or else he would've bent to his GF's wishes. However, just like any human relationship, whether it be friends, family or lovers, a bit of work is required to maintain it. Of course we all know that you couldn't care less about keeping women. Two different men with two different philosophies. To each his own..

 

[PlayHer Man]

Nah..how is what OP described working hard? That's actually a lot less work than what the average dude would do. He is being himself or else he would've bent to his GF's wishes. However, just like any human relationship, whether it be friends, family or lovers, a bit of work is required to maintain it. Of course we all know that you couldn't care less about keeping women. Two different men with two different philosophies. To each his own..

Right, here is nothing wrong with putting in a little work to keep a relationship mutually benefitical. MUTUALLY is the key word --> This is why I asked the OP to describe what the woman does to keep him. If the list is much shorter then he is working too hard.

That's all I'm saying.

 

[pinkfl]

Just came in to lol about how a mere 8 weeks equals a long term relationship for you.

 

[TheCWord]

This is what a lot of the guys that post "Women are evil" and women are mean creatures dont get.

When I read this, I thought of PlayHerMan. Then his reply was right below the OP. Right on cue with bold and red.

 

[TheException]

Nah..how is what OP described working hard?

Reading comprehension is a rare skill nowadays. Dont judge him.

Just came in to lol about how a mere 8 weeks equals a long term relationship for you.

Its just an acronym. You get the point. It beats writing out "well I just started an exclusive relationship with one of my plates who I dated for a month before committing to exclusively" every time.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Originally Posted by TheException
This is what a lot of the guys that post "Women are evil" and women are mean creatures dont get.

When I read this, I thought of PlayHerMan. Then his reply was right below the OP. Right on cue with bold and red.

Never said "women are evil" you White Knights.

 

[henrea4]

My question is this, though. Will you continue to give the "top 5" response to your girl in front of your friends even though she told you how much it bothers her?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Push-pull means not being a d!ck all the time...just some of the time.

 

[Bokanovsky]

PS: The next day was filled with sexcapades and I made sure to throw in some serious cuddle sessions(both to build rapport and to reward her good behavior)

Man, you know you are on the wrong track when you use vomit-inducing lingo like "serious cuddle sessions" in a non-sarcastic way..