I firmly believe that experience is the best teacher and that we learn most from our failures. Last night was such a failure. I'm out about 1.5 hours of driving time, some sleep, and $10, but my time is worth a lot to me so I want to extract as much knowledge from this as possible.
I spent some time analyzing everything and what I'm hoping to get from you guys is some feedback on a) what I could have done differently, if it would have even mattered and b) how I can fine-tune my screening methods.
So here's the setup:
Last night I decided to stay in. #43 I met on Tuesday at a bar came over for drinks on Friday and we banged and I have a movie date with a semi-regular fwb tonight, so I was satisfied and wanted to catch up on some knowledge.
This girl is HB8 and I don't have any prior history with her, just a little bit of back and forth texting the past couple weeks or so to try and make plans (single mom so she needs a sitter). I know I know, "single moms are bad" ... yes, for dating. Great for sportfvcking. Anyway, she texts me around 1am asking if I still want to hang out and I'm thinking booty call. She asks if I can pick her up and says she has to be home in the morning - implying she's staying the night (a good sign). Hard to pass that up, on paper at least.
Going into the date, here's all the information I have: HB8, single mom, assuming either princess complex (why do I have to pick her up?) or no car (makes sense).
I pick her up and we're driving back to my place, but she wants to go out. She immediately starts drilling me with questions (what are you looking for, do you like kids, etc etc). I tease in return, obfuscate, change the subject. Noted. Bars close in like 20 minutes. We hit up a spot near where I live and they've already had last call, then she says she's starving and really wants to go out, etc, so I take her to a burger joint down the street. Both times we left my car she leaves her purse there and takes her id, so I'm right about the princess complex (or she's looking for a sugar daddy). Noted. We get a couple sandwiches, I pay, she doesn't seem too thankful, as if it's expected. Noted.
We go back to my place after. During this time through some probing I find out she has a LOT of baggage ... going through a divorce, 2 kids, no car (former bff totaled it), brother committed suicide, alcoholic, etc. Noted. Also looks like she's a "born again Christian". Her Facebook is all about her going to church, etc. Coming from a very religious family myself (and having studied it more extensively than most), I can tell she doesn't know right from left, but this might put a damper on things. Born again virgin?
She's also very protective of coming inside and I call her out on it like "why are you so skiddish, had a couple bad experiences?", so says yes so I don't press the matter, but warms up. I make a couple drinks, we start watching a movie, and I go to work. Kino is working fine til we get to the kissing and onward - she's non-responsive. Finally tells me she wants to "take it slow". I do typical hot/cold, etc ... nothing. She just wants to cuddle basically. I persist a couple times, but it's going nowhere. Once they're on my bed I'm comfortable at picking things apart, and I don't think it was a lack of aggression factor, she just wasn't reciprocating.
At this point I'm a little pissed. It's 4am and nothing. I'm more frustrated at the fact that I can't just tell her to leave since I drove her here. Got up a few hours later and drove her home. Talked a little but, but not with the same energy - I want her to know I'm displeased without actually coming off as butthurt. She says she wants to see me again but we know that's BS.
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So, I want to know what I could have done differently or how I could have screened better. On paper it seemed very DTF friendly - she's coming to my place, implicitly spending the night, and alcohol is involved. 95% of the time, it works every time. Odd 5%. I actually had a similar situation with another girl a week ago who invited me to her place for drinks and it's possible I didn't escalate quickly enough - unfortunately just as kino was going up and it was getting better her friends came home and it fizzled.
Anyway, for those who have been in similar situations, any words of wisdom? It could just be one of those "gotta take the bad with the good" situations, but I'm sure there's still something to learn from it. Have at it fellas.
I spent some time analyzing everything and what I'm hoping to get from you guys is some feedback on a) what I could have done differently, if it would have even mattered and b) how I can fine-tune my screening methods.
So here's the setup:
Last night I decided to stay in. #43 I met on Tuesday at a bar came over for drinks on Friday and we banged and I have a movie date with a semi-regular fwb tonight, so I was satisfied and wanted to catch up on some knowledge.
This girl is HB8 and I don't have any prior history with her, just a little bit of back and forth texting the past couple weeks or so to try and make plans (single mom so she needs a sitter). I know I know, "single moms are bad" ... yes, for dating. Great for sportfvcking. Anyway, she texts me around 1am asking if I still want to hang out and I'm thinking booty call. She asks if I can pick her up and says she has to be home in the morning - implying she's staying the night (a good sign). Hard to pass that up, on paper at least.
Going into the date, here's all the information I have: HB8, single mom, assuming either princess complex (why do I have to pick her up?) or no car (makes sense).
I pick her up and we're driving back to my place, but she wants to go out. She immediately starts drilling me with questions (what are you looking for, do you like kids, etc etc). I tease in return, obfuscate, change the subject. Noted. Bars close in like 20 minutes. We hit up a spot near where I live and they've already had last call, then she says she's starving and really wants to go out, etc, so I take her to a burger joint down the street. Both times we left my car she leaves her purse there and takes her id, so I'm right about the princess complex (or she's looking for a sugar daddy). Noted. We get a couple sandwiches, I pay, she doesn't seem too thankful, as if it's expected. Noted.
We go back to my place after. During this time through some probing I find out she has a LOT of baggage ... going through a divorce, 2 kids, no car (former bff totaled it), brother committed suicide, alcoholic, etc. Noted. Also looks like she's a "born again Christian". Her Facebook is all about her going to church, etc. Coming from a very religious family myself (and having studied it more extensively than most), I can tell she doesn't know right from left, but this might put a damper on things. Born again virgin?
She's also very protective of coming inside and I call her out on it like "why are you so skiddish, had a couple bad experiences?", so says yes so I don't press the matter, but warms up. I make a couple drinks, we start watching a movie, and I go to work. Kino is working fine til we get to the kissing and onward - she's non-responsive. Finally tells me she wants to "take it slow". I do typical hot/cold, etc ... nothing. She just wants to cuddle basically. I persist a couple times, but it's going nowhere. Once they're on my bed I'm comfortable at picking things apart, and I don't think it was a lack of aggression factor, she just wasn't reciprocating.
At this point I'm a little pissed. It's 4am and nothing. I'm more frustrated at the fact that I can't just tell her to leave since I drove her here. Got up a few hours later and drove her home. Talked a little but, but not with the same energy - I want her to know I'm displeased without actually coming off as butthurt. She says she wants to see me again but we know that's BS.
--------
So, I want to know what I could have done differently or how I could have screened better. On paper it seemed very DTF friendly - she's coming to my place, implicitly spending the night, and alcohol is involved. 95% of the time, it works every time. Odd 5%. I actually had a similar situation with another girl a week ago who invited me to her place for drinks and it's possible I didn't escalate quickly enough - unfortunately just as kino was going up and it was getting better her friends came home and it fizzled.
Anyway, for those who have been in similar situations, any words of wisdom? It could just be one of those "gotta take the bad with the good" situations, but I'm sure there's still something to learn from it. Have at it fellas.
