Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,201
- Reaction score
- 204
Hey guys, Harry here:
As a person who has been a fan of the SoSuave boards for many, many years (under different names), I've noticed something on here that keeps guys in AFC mode: their view of women (or, specifically, the girl they are after at the moment) as "perfect."
In short, they look at them as creatures that have the world's best smile; always smell good; and always look like they were delicate, as if hand-sculpted and sent down from heaven by God himself. One look at them, and they seem like such innocent creatures, especially to an AFC that's on the hunt for a girl - ANY girl - to tag along with him.
Unfortunately, this viewpoint has a MAJOR drawback.
By seeing women as "perfect" and "innocent," they are given much leeway by AFCs when they start taking advantage of him or doing things that indicate (to everyone else but him) that she's not really interested.
Furthermore, as much as an AFC thinks she wants to be seen as the epitome of perfection, in reality it's far from the truth. A woman is already pressured enough by the various images she sees around her in society as to what a "perfect" woman should be. She herself does not see herself as perfect: she wakes up every morning with crud in her eye, bad breath, messed up hair, and thinks to herself, "ugh, I hope no one sees me like this!"
I won't go into too much detail about what a girl thinks when an AFC tells her she's perfect (you can read my thoughts about that by going HERE). Rest assured, though, that, in her mind, you seeing her as "perfect" applies a LOT of pressure to her to live up to whatever idealized image she thinks you have of her - and, since she can't live up to that ideal, she's more likely to find someone else to go out with that has more realistic expectations of her.
But how does one with an AFC mindset go about ridding himself of this illusion that all women are perfect?
There are several ways. The best one I have found is to actually LIVE with a woman. I'm not talking about living with a girlfriend or a girl you're trying to bang, though. I'm talking about a woman that's either a close acquaintance, family friend or relative. Do this for 6 months to a year and just OBSERVE.
I did this back in college during my 2nd senior year (after flunking my first senior year due to being depressed about a girl dumping me - yes, I was THAT much of an AFC back in the day). I needed to get a roommate for an apartment, and a female friend of mine agreed we should live together. It was the first time I ever lived with a girl (outside of my Mom's house) and, at the time, thought it would be a breeze since "girls were much easier to be around than guys" - which was my thought at the time.
Oh man, was I wrong.
Now, living with her wasn't the WORST roommate experience I ever had - but it was certainly an eye-opener to just how... shall we say, "real" - a girl can be. This girl was one of the messiest people I ever lived with. A few highlights:
1. She would get her hair done in the living room and leave the hair sitting around for hours at a time.
2. She had irritable bowel syndrome. Every morning she would go to the bathroom - which was right next to both our rooms - and it was like listening to a trumpet player on the toilet. :crackup:
3. Our bathroom toilet broke a few times and we couldn't flush it. For me, this meant going #2 when I was on campus so my crap wouldn't be floating in the toilet. For her, this meant going #2 in our toilet, then not calling the maintenance person to fix the plumbing. She did this a few times during the summer when I was out of town, and I'd come back home two weeks later to find the toilet still not fixed, and a pile full of crap still sitting there.
4. At one point, she met a guy at a party we both went to, brought him home, and screwed the crap out of him. He remained a regular guest at our apartment for the next 60 days, regardless of how I felt about the situation. One day, she left for class and dude was still at the apartment, at which point I had to confront her about it (in a civilized manner, of course).
You may read all of this and think to yourself, "man, that's a lot of CRAP to put up with" (pun intended), "what a negative experience it must have been."
In reality, it was probably the BEST thing that could've happened at the time. Up to that point I thought all girls were sweet, innocent creatures that were always neat and tidy. To live with a girl and see that they crapped, got messy, weren't always looking their best, didn't always have things together... it completely got those thoughts out of my head.
And - in a more amazing twist - it was during this living experience that I finally lost my virginity (to another girl, not her, lol). Once I realized that girls didn't live their lives perfectly - nor did they want to be seen as someone who's always perfect - it made it easier for me to talk and relate to them. I didn't care anymore if they didn't see my living situation or life as "perfect" because I figured theirs wasn't that way either.
To this day, I am always grateful for that situation and what it taught me. I recommend others do it as well. However, if you're not able to, here are a few things that should help you change up your thoughts:
#1. No matter how perfect you think a girl is, there's someone out there who has dumped her "perfect" @$$ before.
#2. Girls take craps that smell BAD, get pimples that pop, and have periods every month where they have to worry about where blood may show up.
#3. That fine girl that everyone keeps staring at - y'know, the one everyone else is afraid to approach? She's feeling insecure about something - her hair, her makeup, that yeast infection she's trying to hide... ALL girls have some kind of insecurity going on at any given moment of the day that she's trying to hide.
#4. How a woman looks when she first wakes up in the morning is how she REALLY looks. Don't be fooled at all by her public outer appearance. Always have the following thought in your head: "Yeah, she looks good NOW... but how about BEFORE she spends an hour putting herself together?"
#5. Lastly, no matter how good/perfect you think a girl is, there is always - ALWAYS - a finer one someplace else. So, if this girl starts acting up, remember that there's another one elsewhere that won't.
Hope this helps you out, fellas!
-Harry Wilmington
As a person who has been a fan of the SoSuave boards for many, many years (under different names), I've noticed something on here that keeps guys in AFC mode: their view of women (or, specifically, the girl they are after at the moment) as "perfect."
In short, they look at them as creatures that have the world's best smile; always smell good; and always look like they were delicate, as if hand-sculpted and sent down from heaven by God himself. One look at them, and they seem like such innocent creatures, especially to an AFC that's on the hunt for a girl - ANY girl - to tag along with him.
Unfortunately, this viewpoint has a MAJOR drawback.
By seeing women as "perfect" and "innocent," they are given much leeway by AFCs when they start taking advantage of him or doing things that indicate (to everyone else but him) that she's not really interested.
Furthermore, as much as an AFC thinks she wants to be seen as the epitome of perfection, in reality it's far from the truth. A woman is already pressured enough by the various images she sees around her in society as to what a "perfect" woman should be. She herself does not see herself as perfect: she wakes up every morning with crud in her eye, bad breath, messed up hair, and thinks to herself, "ugh, I hope no one sees me like this!"
I won't go into too much detail about what a girl thinks when an AFC tells her she's perfect (you can read my thoughts about that by going HERE). Rest assured, though, that, in her mind, you seeing her as "perfect" applies a LOT of pressure to her to live up to whatever idealized image she thinks you have of her - and, since she can't live up to that ideal, she's more likely to find someone else to go out with that has more realistic expectations of her.
But how does one with an AFC mindset go about ridding himself of this illusion that all women are perfect?
There are several ways. The best one I have found is to actually LIVE with a woman. I'm not talking about living with a girlfriend or a girl you're trying to bang, though. I'm talking about a woman that's either a close acquaintance, family friend or relative. Do this for 6 months to a year and just OBSERVE.
I did this back in college during my 2nd senior year (after flunking my first senior year due to being depressed about a girl dumping me - yes, I was THAT much of an AFC back in the day). I needed to get a roommate for an apartment, and a female friend of mine agreed we should live together. It was the first time I ever lived with a girl (outside of my Mom's house) and, at the time, thought it would be a breeze since "girls were much easier to be around than guys" - which was my thought at the time.
Oh man, was I wrong.
Now, living with her wasn't the WORST roommate experience I ever had - but it was certainly an eye-opener to just how... shall we say, "real" - a girl can be. This girl was one of the messiest people I ever lived with. A few highlights:
1. She would get her hair done in the living room and leave the hair sitting around for hours at a time.
2. She had irritable bowel syndrome. Every morning she would go to the bathroom - which was right next to both our rooms - and it was like listening to a trumpet player on the toilet. :crackup:
3. Our bathroom toilet broke a few times and we couldn't flush it. For me, this meant going #2 when I was on campus so my crap wouldn't be floating in the toilet. For her, this meant going #2 in our toilet, then not calling the maintenance person to fix the plumbing. She did this a few times during the summer when I was out of town, and I'd come back home two weeks later to find the toilet still not fixed, and a pile full of crap still sitting there.
4. At one point, she met a guy at a party we both went to, brought him home, and screwed the crap out of him. He remained a regular guest at our apartment for the next 60 days, regardless of how I felt about the situation. One day, she left for class and dude was still at the apartment, at which point I had to confront her about it (in a civilized manner, of course).
You may read all of this and think to yourself, "man, that's a lot of CRAP to put up with" (pun intended), "what a negative experience it must have been."
In reality, it was probably the BEST thing that could've happened at the time. Up to that point I thought all girls were sweet, innocent creatures that were always neat and tidy. To live with a girl and see that they crapped, got messy, weren't always looking their best, didn't always have things together... it completely got those thoughts out of my head.
And - in a more amazing twist - it was during this living experience that I finally lost my virginity (to another girl, not her, lol). Once I realized that girls didn't live their lives perfectly - nor did they want to be seen as someone who's always perfect - it made it easier for me to talk and relate to them. I didn't care anymore if they didn't see my living situation or life as "perfect" because I figured theirs wasn't that way either.
To this day, I am always grateful for that situation and what it taught me. I recommend others do it as well. However, if you're not able to, here are a few things that should help you change up your thoughts:
#1. No matter how perfect you think a girl is, there's someone out there who has dumped her "perfect" @$$ before.
#2. Girls take craps that smell BAD, get pimples that pop, and have periods every month where they have to worry about where blood may show up.
#3. That fine girl that everyone keeps staring at - y'know, the one everyone else is afraid to approach? She's feeling insecure about something - her hair, her makeup, that yeast infection she's trying to hide... ALL girls have some kind of insecurity going on at any given moment of the day that she's trying to hide.
#4. How a woman looks when she first wakes up in the morning is how she REALLY looks. Don't be fooled at all by her public outer appearance. Always have the following thought in your head: "Yeah, she looks good NOW... but how about BEFORE she spends an hour putting herself together?"
#5. Lastly, no matter how good/perfect you think a girl is, there is always - ALWAYS - a finer one someplace else. So, if this girl starts acting up, remember that there's another one elsewhere that won't.
Hope this helps you out, fellas!
-Harry Wilmington
