Lesson learned

[fal! out boy]

STAY AWAY FROM AWs!!

So I gave the boot to this woman today. She was a grade A cawk tease, that had been fed up to believe she was massivly attractive by the guys that fed her constant attention, and had the "princess attitude" to prove it. Constant flirting, but never giving anything else.

In short, I got LJBF'd. Why? because I persued as a friend. Today this woman told me I wasn't attractive to her and wasn't her "type" (as if a woman who's slept with 20 guys has a type......), but she didn't want to ruin out "friendship" because she knew "I'd always be there for her, and be a shoulder to cry on", boy was she wrong.....

I can't believe that a woman can straight up insult you like that and then expect me to cow-tow to her demands and pick her up when she's drunk (which I refused to do), and be a para-boyfriend when she hasn't got anyone else on the go (which was about 10 days of the month.....)

In the end I told her that "being mates isn't good enough for me. You were scared that you'd lose me if we hooked up? Well you lost me anyway"

Two lessons guys:

Oneitis is a ***** - NEVER let yourself be in the position where you only have one woman on the cards.

Womens words are worthless - I was told "I don't like you like that", only to find out she shagged 2 guys who she said the same thing about. Always, ALWAYS watch her actions. She was telling me she wanted to be mates, but flaking on me when I invited her out on "friend" outings.

Just two questions.

I have to see this woman on a regular basis (once a week). How should I act? Ignore her? Or be fantastic for the whole time, and then have no contact other than when I see her?

How do I stop myself caving, and texting her trying to be all matey again? I seem to convince myself I can worm my way into bed with her.

Cheers!

 

[Interceptor]

Ask yourself..."What would a Masculine, confident MAN do in this postiion?"


Are you intimidated by her?

Do you give away YOUR power to her seeking her attention and validation?

Does she give you anything of true worth to you?

Is there any reason other than being bitter and resentful, and vindictive for you to act nasty to her?



What would a Man with CLASS do in your postion?

Just something to think about........

 

[fal! out boy]

Ask yourself..."What would a Masculine, confident MAN do in this postiion?"


Are you intimidated by her?

Do you give away her power to her seeking her attention and validation?

Does she give you anything of true worth to you?

Is there any reason other than being bitter and resentful, and vindictive for you to act nasty to her?



What would a Man with CLASS do in your postion?

Just something to think about........

I can see the logic is this, and appreciate it.

However, never having such a figure in my life (dad was useless, I was raised by my mother, and so had womens crap poured down my throat), I wouldn't know what such a man would do.

Her reply to me was basically "well, mates is all you're going to get. If you don't like it, fair enough, don't talk to me"

Do I reply? She offers me little, but she is my only option atm.

 

[Interceptor]

You say she's an "Option"?

How?

Are you sure you are not deluding yourself?


You are looking atthis from a point of seeking her acceptance, attention, and validation of you.

She is not willing to give it.

I think you have a LOT OF WORK ahead for you to do.

You're saying little, but speaking volumes.



I think you should reply. You should reply if you know that you have power in adressing her. If you know that you are not afraid to face her, reply to her.
If you know that you'renotintimidated by her, reply.
If you want to demonstrate that she is not the be all , end all, reply.
If you want to demonstrate that you are a well balanced, emotionally stable, mature, masculine man..you should reply.



You are not intimidated by her. She is not in control of you.
You are confident and self assured.
You are not needy.
You are not angry or envious of the guys she did bang.
You accept that she chose the other guys over you. It happens. You are strong and accept that this situation will somtimes happen.

But you will be gracious, and not cynical. You will have class, grace, and poise.You will demonstrate control over your mental state, your actions, and your emotions.

Look, let's be honest here, you bulldozed into her...and she was forced to reject you.

Now she's giving an ultimatum.
she is not being classy, or compassionate or considerate of your feelings.


You have to accept and allow that you cannot control other people's actions or behavior or CHOICES they make in life.



Yet, there is no reason to demostrate low class behavior back to her.
Why?

She will know she got to you. She will know she broke you. She will know your buttons. And she knows how to push them. By not replying you are in effect acknowledging that she has power over you and YOU NOW HAVE RESENTMENT, ANGER, and ENVY.
Women like her love to push a man's buttons. And delight in the feeling of driving a man crazy.
Don't give her the "pleasure".

Show some class.
"Hey, HB. I understand your feelings. I do not see any reason to be enemies. I hope you can understand."

What do you think that says to her?

Yes, it's not really clear. thisis what you want.
Because the truth is you don't give a sh*t abnout being "friends" with her. You want Sex. Not a "buddy".
But this will put doubt in her mind. Because you're not accepting nor rejecting her offer. Thus, taking away her "power" OVER you.
You say you HAVE to see her at least once a week.
Be cordial. Be above the pettiness. And show her through your actions that she has no power over you or your life.
Don't try to "game" her. Don't give her "special treatment."
Don't be overly accomodating to her. She hasn't DESERVED any of this.
Just be polite, be cordial. Show class, and grace.
She will test you at some poiint. But you won't break.
And she will continue to wonder about you.

And you'll be free.

 

[joekerr31]

you know what confidence is?

confidence is NOT the ability to be self assured when everyone already thinks you are the man. anyone can do that. most of the 'confidence' that you see from people is simply the result of their social standing. pluck them out of their environment and drop them into one they are unfamiliar with and their confidence goes out the window.

take the 'confident' hot chic and surround her by a bunch of women who are even hotter and her confidence disappears instantly.

you see, true confidence is walking out on stage, tripping, having everyone laugh at you, then getting up to the mike and making a crack about it and moving past it with a smile on your face.

true confidence is having a woman reject you and not letting it bother you. it means being able to treat her the same way you'd treat anyone else in your life. if you are friendly to others, then be there is no reason to not be friendly to her also.

in situations where i've been turned down i just brush it off as part of life. its gonna happen. and if anything i go out of my way to treat whoever rejected me politely and friendly afterwards. but here's the kicker. if a woman rejects me - I MOVE ON. I STOP seeing her as a romantic possibility.

now heres where it gets funny. sometimes a woman who says no to a date, will be so shocked at my maturity over her rejection and the fact that i continue to treat her well even though she rejected me, that i suddenly become a MAJOR prize in her mind. becuase most men DO NOT react like this.

once reject they force themselves to smile and be polite to a woman. whereas I am genuinely friendly, even after being rejected. the woman then starts to think 'wow, if he handles rejection like this then 1) he would make a great LTR 2) he's got a winning attitude and 3) i bet he gets a ton of women, because without fear of rejection the worlds his oyster."

and you know whats hilarious? when they start flirting excessively with me perhaps a week or so later, and even perhaps being so brash as to bring up the fact that i asked them out and if my offer is still good.... you know what i say? "Ahh bad time. sorry about that, i just started seeing someone. thanks for asking though."

the look on their face is priceless. they try to smile, but its like i just shot their brand new puppy in the head.

anyway, be nice to this girl. just remove her from yoru list of women you want to sleep with. start chasing other women. trust me, youll be surprised at how no matter what happens you will gain the most by having a positive attitude all around.

 

[fal! out boy]

Wow. You guys are really sound, I hope to learn alot from you and change from "ass-backward guy" to cool guy around women.

I replied with:

"I see no reason to fall out about this. We don't have to be enemies, see you soon"

P.s This has to be the best forum on the board!

 

[Knight's Cross]

Fall Out,
Joker nailed this one perfectly. I've done the above and had women do "EXACTLY" what he said. They reject you, then you act like it wasn't even an event, and treat her as anyone else. They will then want you. The downside is they had their chance, they missed it, and you cannot let them have another. What brings them back for more is the fact that you didn't react to rejection like 99% of guys out there that "pout" about it. That's chic behavior. It isn't masculine.
No, if you act cool about it, you have just gained strength. The first few times I did this I felt like a duck. Smooth above the surface, but paddling furiously under the waterline. In other words its not easy, but it was WAY worth it.
3 things here: 1. You build your confidence to not fear rejection, 2. That confidence is what gives you more ability to make more cold approaches. 3. You find a woman that can appreciate it.

 

[squirrels]

Seriously, dude...just don't even answer the phone for girls like that.

Here's the problem with "attention wh0res"...they hate, hate, HATE men who love them for their looks. They despise them in the same way ****y celebrities despise signing autographs for their fans. But they have no problem gratefully using this affection for ALL that it's worth.

You either fell in love with this girl too soon or something, because she somehow classified you with the "doters" instead of the REAL men. Don't sweat it or anything...you just didn't have the confidence to tame this one this time. And even if you did, you wouldn't get anything but heartache in a REAL relationship. Girls like that are only good for casual "deals".

That's not necessarily a bad thing, mind you. They're usually very attractive and make good arm-companions or F-buddies/one-nighters.

The problem is that guys automatically want to get into relationships with girls with good looks, when looks are nothing but a short-term benefit. Essentially, it's like taking out a second mortgage on your house that you can't pay off to buy a Ferrari. Looks good, but f*cks you in the long run.


Girls look at this as the epitome of stupidity...guys wanting to be their boyfriend just because they look good. Any guy who sells something as worthwhile as their time and commitment for something as cheap and fleeting as looks is obviously a moron. Check out this thread.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=132257

They look around at their less-attractive friends and see the fun they have, the excitement, the drama playing the coy mind-games, the sh!t tests, the push and pull of having to deal with another person. Discovering things about yourself that you like and dislike through the other person and growing as a result.

Then the hot girl looks at herself...and sees a line of guys just drooling at the chance to give themselves away to her. Never challenging her faults, never pushing or pulling, never learning, never exposing themselves or taking chances, just all selling out. And why? That pretty blond hair? Those eyes? That figure? That's not HER, that's her mother's genes! You don't know a damn thing about her! She hates, hates, HATES it. And she hates you. You're a jackass.

But she's not above putting an ass to work. Because that's what asses are good for...running errands for her, helping her out of problems, validating her when she screws up.

The reason the hot, flaky woman falls for the guys who are jerks to her is because they RECOGNIZE that she is flawed, that her looks arent' worth more than a short-term investment, and when she tries to use them, she gets exactly what she's looking for: that push-pull resistance and a chance to grow as a person.

Unfortunately, women like this usually don't develop that well because they get lazy and fall back on that drooling line of suitors for company and self-validation when the REAL men give them trouble. But that's another story.

The sooner you learn that looks are a short-term good, the sooner you'll be able to deal with "attention wh0res" and other extremely attractive women.

 

[fal! out boy]

I was silly with this one.

I gave away more power, made her the prize and made myself seem pathetic in her eyes. I made her the source of my validation, even though she has a fault list as long as my arm. All because of looks.

Thanks for the eyeopener guys.