Or maybe I'm jumping the gun?
As some of you know, I've been sexing one of my roommates the last few weeks. I was warned, but it was too hard to resist. Of course I became obsessed with her, and her every move. To be fair, she has been cool for the most part. Like, if I text her to see where she is (usually shopping or at her parents), she always comes home right away, and she always does what I want to do. But the last few days have simply sucked.
First of all, one of the other roommates moved out. He was living here with his GF, and his friend caught her sending a text to some guy that she cheated on him in the past with, and he said he couldn't trust her anymore. Five year relationship out the window.
The last time we had sex was Monday. Afterwards we sat in the livingroom, and I gave her a shoulder rub. She told me I was a natural at giving massages, and a natural at everything... except sex. She told me I was tolorable, but getting better. She knows I'm not very experienced.
The following day she told me that her mom likes me, and that her dad probably does too, except he's weirded out because he knows that we're "more than friends". Then she started talking about having kids again. She's always talking about having kids. I think she'd make a terrible parent. On the way home she told me that I hurt her "girl" the night before having sex, and to not do whatever it was that I did again.
This didn't stop her from coming into my room and messing around a little when we got home, but she only allowed me to get so far before she pulled away and told me she had to get up early. The last two days have been similar. We mess around, but it just doesn't go anywhere. She always says she has to get up early. Last night she did kiss me a few times before going to bed, and she appeared ok.
In hindsight, sex with her has been weird at best. The only time she wants to do it is either after we have a fight about something, or if there's some element of danger to it. Like ****ing in the livingroom when everyone else is still awake. Or leaving the door open.
What's really bothering me, besides the nightly blue balling, is that she still has a profile on match.com. I thought she had taken it down a week or so ago, but I guess she only had it hidden. I was curious this morning, so I looked, and she has it back up. Maybe this seems stalkerish of me, but all I did was run a simple search of women in my area. You don't even need a profile to do that.
Essentially, I feel like I've been feeding the AW in her this whole time. I've got her all pumped up, thinking that she's the ****, after months of self loathing, and now she's probably ready to try and find someone better than me. That's what she's done in the past. I feel like a fool for thinking things could have somehow been different this time.
I need to pull the rug out. I've been sucked in completely. I've been spending way too much time with her, mainly because she has this way of making me feel bad, should I try and go somewhere without her, and that has to stop. Complimenting her too much. Doing too many things for her, always allowing my needs to take a backseat to hers.
Losing me is the last thing she needs right now though, because I can still bail. I'm not on the lease. The other girl's boyfriend didn't have his name on the lease, and at the first sign of trouble from her, he bolted. If I leave they won't be able to make the rent. It all makes me feel used in a big way
If she doesn't want to be involved with me, that's fine. I can cope with that, as long as she stops making me feel bad for going out to meet other girls, and wouldn't give me **** for bringing them home. It's the constant wondering that's killing me. What the **** are we? Why did she hide her match.com profile, then bring it back up now? Why is she so afraid of people thinking we're together?
I don't know if I should confront her, and see where things really stand, or not say anything at all and go off to do my own thing. The other roommate is going to the shore this weekend, so she'd have plenty of alone time in a big apartment to think things over.
As some of you know, I've been sexing one of my roommates the last few weeks. I was warned, but it was too hard to resist. Of course I became obsessed with her, and her every move. To be fair, she has been cool for the most part. Like, if I text her to see where she is (usually shopping or at her parents), she always comes home right away, and she always does what I want to do. But the last few days have simply sucked.
First of all, one of the other roommates moved out. He was living here with his GF, and his friend caught her sending a text to some guy that she cheated on him in the past with, and he said he couldn't trust her anymore. Five year relationship out the window.
The last time we had sex was Monday. Afterwards we sat in the livingroom, and I gave her a shoulder rub. She told me I was a natural at giving massages, and a natural at everything... except sex. She told me I was tolorable, but getting better. She knows I'm not very experienced.
The following day she told me that her mom likes me, and that her dad probably does too, except he's weirded out because he knows that we're "more than friends". Then she started talking about having kids again. She's always talking about having kids. I think she'd make a terrible parent. On the way home she told me that I hurt her "girl" the night before having sex, and to not do whatever it was that I did again.
This didn't stop her from coming into my room and messing around a little when we got home, but she only allowed me to get so far before she pulled away and told me she had to get up early. The last two days have been similar. We mess around, but it just doesn't go anywhere. She always says she has to get up early. Last night she did kiss me a few times before going to bed, and she appeared ok.
In hindsight, sex with her has been weird at best. The only time she wants to do it is either after we have a fight about something, or if there's some element of danger to it. Like ****ing in the livingroom when everyone else is still awake. Or leaving the door open.
What's really bothering me, besides the nightly blue balling, is that she still has a profile on match.com. I thought she had taken it down a week or so ago, but I guess she only had it hidden. I was curious this morning, so I looked, and she has it back up. Maybe this seems stalkerish of me, but all I did was run a simple search of women in my area. You don't even need a profile to do that.
Essentially, I feel like I've been feeding the AW in her this whole time. I've got her all pumped up, thinking that she's the ****, after months of self loathing, and now she's probably ready to try and find someone better than me. That's what she's done in the past. I feel like a fool for thinking things could have somehow been different this time.
I need to pull the rug out. I've been sucked in completely. I've been spending way too much time with her, mainly because she has this way of making me feel bad, should I try and go somewhere without her, and that has to stop. Complimenting her too much. Doing too many things for her, always allowing my needs to take a backseat to hers.
Losing me is the last thing she needs right now though, because I can still bail. I'm not on the lease. The other girl's boyfriend didn't have his name on the lease, and at the first sign of trouble from her, he bolted. If I leave they won't be able to make the rent. It all makes me feel used in a big way
If she doesn't want to be involved with me, that's fine. I can cope with that, as long as she stops making me feel bad for going out to meet other girls, and wouldn't give me **** for bringing them home. It's the constant wondering that's killing me. What the **** are we? Why did she hide her match.com profile, then bring it back up now? Why is she so afraid of people thinking we're together?
I don't know if I should confront her, and see where things really stand, or not say anything at all and go off to do my own thing. The other roommate is going to the shore this weekend, so she'd have plenty of alone time in a big apartment to think things over.
