less available = more attractive

[madgame]

I posted some sort of "friends with benefits" situation a few days earlier but unfortunately nobody could help me..anyways this girl doesnt want a relationship but just be friends and wants me to sleep at her bed but doesnt wanna make a committement. Do you guys think it`d be a good move to just be like "aight I thought about it and actually Im totally fine with handlin it like that cause Im not sure if I want a relationship anymore". And would it be good to let her know theres other girls in my life that i might do the same freaky stuff with or maybe even hook up with? I mean do yall think that stuff could work cause it makes me less available and thus more attractive?

 

[Disco]

Sounds like she has the reins buddy. You shouldn't even bring it up anymore and for sure don't bring up another girl. Just don't bring it up no matter how hard it is. If you stay there more than 3 times a week you guys are more than just friends in my book. Leave it at that and if you want to date other people do so, just let her find out on her on then out of your mouth.

 

[$ Cap Wun $]

do YOU want a relationship with her?

 

[Quick]

If she wants to sleep with you but she doesn't want a relationship, then the problem isn't with you being attractive. You have two options.

1. Be with her sporadically. Come over, have sex, sleep over some nights and be really affectionate, and leave afterwards other nights. If you guys are just screwing, you have no obligation to stay over. When you leave, just tell her you have to get up early and want to sleep in your bed or something like that. Don't tell her you changed your mind, but don't bring it up again either. If she asks you, tell her you're cool trying it her way. You can't slip up and let her know that you're still trying to convince her or the game is over. Be with her for a couple nights in a row, and then don't call her for a week. Date other girls

2. Take her at her word. Realize she's not willing to give you a relationship, but is willing to give you sex. Stop trying to manipulate her into asking for a committed relationship because you realize that even if she does agree in order to keep you, she won't mean it with all of her heart. As a worse case scenario, you'll lose out on the no-strings sex and on the relationship. Keep her for the sex, and continue your search for a committed relationship with someone else who actually wants one. Date other girls. Don't rub it in her face, but don't hide it either.

Notice that both solutions include dating other girls. I would pick option number two every time because that deals with things I can actually control instead of spending my time trying to make her change her mind.

 

[Bonhomme]

Quick's right on

.

 

[madgame]

thanks for the advice @quick...I definetly know what u mean by that...things u can control - thing and datin other girls...but u know I do like her and Im gonna try to make her mine. Maybe itll work maybe it wont but im gonna try to have someone else so I wont be too dissapointed if it doesnt work out..besides Im not gonna try it longer than for 2 weeks or so....but the first possibility u came up with. Im not quite sure what u was tryna say (excuse me english isnt my first language...)

But anyways u think that if i try to make her mine I shoudlnt talk about wantin a relationship anymore..but neither say I dont want one...just do stuff with her...maybe hang out with her as in friends and, have sex for a couple of times but not stay over at her house (do you think i shouldnt do that cuz its just not necessary or cuz its of any other use?) and then not call her for a week or so........?

[actually its a lil more complicated..its not that she just wants to bone..when i said i was cuttin contact cuz Im not into that type of b/s she was cryin and told me how much she already missed me and so on but that she just didnt have a crush on me...whateva lol)]

oh and @sorry i forgot ur name...yea I do want a relationship with her

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by madgame
But anyways u think that if i try to make her mine I shoudlnt talk about wantin a relationship anymore..but neither say I dont want one...just do stuff with her...maybe hang out with her as in friends and, have sex for a couple of times but not stay over at her house (do you think i shouldnt do that cuz its just not necessary or cuz its of any other use?) and then not call her for a week or so........?

Option 1 might take longer than two weeks, which is one of the reasons I dislike it. You have to commit a lot of time and might get nothing out of it.

Yes, I'm saying you should hang out and have sex, and not talk about a relationship any more. For it to work, she has to think you've accepted that you can't have a relationship with her. If she thinks that you're no longer trying, and that she might lose you, then she'll come to you and ask you for a relationship. If she knows you still really want one, she'll feel too safe. You should also be real fun when you're with her, but then, for no reason you shouldn't talk to her for a few days. The reason why you do this and leave after sex sometimes is so she realizes that some things are only guaranteed with a relationship, and that you guys don't currently have one.

If you give her all of the affection, dependability, and consideration that you would normally give her in a relationship, then she'll have no reason to ask for a change. You have to make sure that you don't give her all of the benefits of a relationship without the title of one. The whole point of this plan is to create uncertainty in her mind about whether she could lose you altogether, without you creating the hostility of an ultimatum or her knowing she's being manipulated. If you have any chance of getting her to a successful relationship, it's got to come from her.

 

[madgame]

Aight thanks..Its pretty logical what u said..I hope itll work out..if not **** it lol but anyways..u said without me creatin an ultimatum....so lets say I started that stuff and gave that option a try....but at the same time I started dating other girls or well some other chick and after a few weeks I'd stop callin her and cut any contact..and when she calls me or whateva cuz I made her feel unsafe bout the situation and tell her sorry but theres some other girl and I think it might become somethin more serious...u think that might work? or maybe even telling her that theres some other girl who I might hook up with and that I want her to tell me if she can now imagine that we might take our "relationship" to another level or not..and that i want her to think about it for a few days or whateva?
(after cuttin contact for a week or so till she calls and I finally answer that call...) ?

 

[madgame]

I mean..its still like an ultimatum somehow but really isnt if i give her time to think about it and dont really tell her I want u to make a decision right now blabla..?