Learn to love or learn to love therapy

[BobFuest]

There is a big problem i see around here, some of these don juans are too caught up in their own game. I know its been said before (i dont remember who) but i would like to bring it up again. I feel that so many of you are trying to avoid getting oneitis that your not really loving the person your with. It is more like you are avoiding those feelings altogether and that is sad my friends. Really sad. Sometimes, you just have to let it go. Unforunately, no matter how well you play the "game" sometimes your gonna lose. No two ways about it. So get out there and love your woman. Be a challenge but LET HER KNOW you really have these great feelings for her and damn the consequences. Too many times i have seen a someone's relationship go down hill because she didnt feel loved. Women need to feel loved. They want a strong man but not a frigid potenial axe murder (its a joke). Remember women like love and like to feel comfortable. Its not an AFC thing to love a woman. Only to be her dog on a leash. You can show her love and still not put up with B(PM)S. good luck!
and yes I am sure i will get flamed by the hard a$$ DJs and by people who think its an AFC thing to be sweet or kind or nice but when your a REAL man you can do whatever the heck you want and get away with it. Thats being a real man.

 

[DoubleA]

Bob,

I think that's the point the DJ's who posted in the In The Zone thread are realizing or have realized.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Bob,

No flames. No games.

I couldn't agree more with what you and Rollo just said. There is a certain emptiness to always chasing that cat. There is a difference between 'That dog don't hunt." as opposed to "That dog CAN'T hunt."

Sometimes, if you're a real man/ DJ it's quite nice to just be a dog that "stays on the porch". Just as long as you KNOW that if you have to hunt again, you're still DAMN good at it.

It's like the concepts that Rollo Tomassi spoke about in that great PLATE THEORY post of his, and forgive me as I paraphrase---Sometimes options, or the knowledge that you have the ability to options at will is enough to keep your DJ skills strong enough for you to not revert back to AFC status.

And I leave you with this thought:

Over time, sex without love eventually is recognized for what it really always is...an advanced form of MUTUAL MASTURBATION.

 

[Colossus]

I loved a girl, recently. She was the first gf that I really loved. Then I found out she had been cheating on me with a guy I know, probably for weeks. The worst possible feeling. Thats the risk you take. Yee-haw for love.

 

[Egoist]

sorry for being hard on you in the other thread, dude, but I agree.

Being in love was one of the best things I've ever experienced. You just have to remember to not let it control your life and so on. It's great while it lasts... but nothing lasts forever. Of course, I always say its better to be in love for a minute than to never experience it.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Collosus and Egoist,


I feel you both. Love has many forms. Sometimes it can be a feeling, or it can be an action.

Sometimes the emotion of love can KILL. But other times, the application of it can also create life.

It seems as if the trick is to ride the wave of the emotional aspect of love without letting the power of it capsize you, swallow you up, and drown you.

Just a thought.

Surf's up, troops!!!!!

 

[Desdinova]

I feel that so many of you are trying to avoid getting oneitis that your not really loving the person your with.

I find it's the confusion between "love" and "one-itis". If you're in a relationship with a woman who returns the affection, it's called "love". There's nothing wrong with it.

If you're obsessed over a woman who refuses to be involved with you romanticly, it's called "one-itis". One-itis is a one way street.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It's called reciprocation, simple as that. Go read ANTI-DUMP's article on the frontpage and you'll get the basic idea.

 

[BobFuest]

Bob,

I think that's the point the DJ's who posted in the In The Zone thread are realizing or have realized.

Nice replies. I didnt read that zone one yet. guess i better

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Good points all.

An analogy:

If LOVE is a prizefight, and the man and his woman are the boxers...I guess there's nothin' better than two people in the ring who BOTH want to win.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

BOB: I think the bigger concern IS combating ONEitis, not the loving part. Too many guys I counsel easily fall in love and do "whatever it takes" to ensure that they have a steady supply of sexuality, but primarily that they can foestall potential rejection from new women. It's precisely this fear of rejection that fosters the comfortable notions you're esposing here. "If I love her more, if I change my evil ways more, I can better identify with her and ensure that our love endures."

Women don't want to (overtly) be told you have these "great feelings" for them, they want to discover this on their own through your behavior. They want to peel away the layers of your personality and feel as though they were responsible for 'discovering' your true feelings. It's when you vomit out all of this emotionality, unbecoming of a positively masculine man, forethrightly that they recoil. So by all means, enjoy the love you feel for a woman you've come to have feelings for, but let her drag it out of you, nothing will validate her ego more.

 

[ElChoclo]

Bob the problem is that men have enough of an innate tendency to be obsessed with women. Men whose wives die are 10 times more likely to commit suicide than women whose husbands die. (Myth of Male Power, Dr Warren Farrell). The loving can take care of itself for a man, but the woman handling skills do not take care of themselves. If one had to choose between having many women but loving none of them, or loving one whom you can't have, I think we all know which situation is preferable.

 

[BobFuest]

I understand the last two posts and agree whole heartedly with you. Unforunately my post is not about those types of men that you describe; it is about those that are too caught up in the whole dating game and being a challenge that they forget to just open up and enjoy it. Its about not caring if you make all the right moves sometimes. I understand the points you make with the tendencies and with the AFC men but I am talking about Don Juans who are trying to build LTR relationships. In an LTR you want to let the woman know you really care about her and trust her. Being aloof and a challenge can work against you because your trying to build trust. This is what I am trying to get across. Dont know if makes any sense at all because I really hung over and extremely exhausted but I think I do

 

[speedo_meme]

Bob, it seems to me that you are making up excuses for not having the willpower to actually work and better yourself. Good luck with your dreaming.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

In an LTR you want to let the woman know you really care about her and trust her. Being aloof and a challenge can work against you because your trying to build trust.

In an LTR you want a woman to "discover" for herself that you care about her and allow her to realize you trust her by your behavior. Don't confuse being a "challenge" with being and A-Hole. Being aloof can work against you, being a 'challenge' to her works in your favor - far better than selling the farm and professing your undying love for her on the first date.

 

[BobFuest]

In an LTR you want a woman to "discover" for herself that you care about her and allow her to realize you trust her by your behavior. Don't confuse being a "challenge" with being and A-Hole. Being aloof can work against you, being a 'challenge' to her works in your favor - far better than selling the farm and professing your undying love for her on the first date.

i had said Don Juan, not AFC. Why would any self respecting don juan sell the farm and profess undying love?
See, i dont see the problem with letting a woman know every once in awhile that you do care about her. Maybe by your actions and not your words. I never said go tell her or write her a card. Would it really be so damaging?
Also, i swear in the bible or in one of the articles, there was a big thing about building trust and about how being a challenge can work against you. The thought being that how can you build trust when the girl doesnt even know if your going to be around at all or if your going to stay with her or if your going to leave her for that next cute girl. Am i wrong?

 

[BobFuest]

Bob, it seems to me that you are making up excuses for not having the willpower to actually work and better yourself. Good luck with your dreaming.

u know i respect some of your posts but did you just come here to insult me or what? that doesnt sound like advice or an explanation of anything. just an insult. I really dont even understand what your saying.
why would any self respecting person stop bettering themselves? letting a woman know i care doesnt stop me from doing that. it doesnt stop me from being gone for 4-5 days of the week doing gigs (music) all over the country. It doesnt stop me from meeting people and experiencing new things and having a great life. I would think it just enhances my relationship with my woman and builds a new dymanic.
So what are you saying now? maybe i am reading this wrong but i dont think so.

 

[speedo_meme]

u know i respect some of your posts but did you just come here to insult me or what? that doesnt sound like advice or an explanation of anything. just an insult. I really dont even understand what your saying.
why would any self respecting person stop bettering themselves? letting a woman know i care doesnt stop me from doing that. it doesnt stop me from being gone for 4-5 days of the week doing gigs (music) all over the country. It doesnt stop me from meeting people and experiencing new things and having a great life. I would think it just enhances my relationship with my woman and builds a new dymanic.
So what are you saying now? maybe i am reading this wrong but i dont think so.

Perhaps I was too harsh. What I mean is, you came across to me like you weren't willing or just didn't want to be a DJ. You can't go against reality. A lot of frustrated guys (not necessarily AFC's) question the DJ way, either because they disagree with it or they don't want to do what it takes to master "it". Girls don't go for AFC guys with no challenge, mystery, masculinity, etc. Nobody's saying don't have a relationship, or to not love a girl. But there are certain ways to go about it. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Because AFCism is camouflaged by money, family name, job status, social status, etc. The concept of an individual "manly" man is being pawed at constantly by liberalism, feminism, corporate America....you get my drift.

I wasn't insulting you at all. I'm simple and to the point. Alot of people mistake my honesty as insulting. I guess I have thicker skin than most guys, because I don't get insulted too often.

As far as your original post, I think Rollo T, tit guy, Desd. and everyone else are so straightforward and hard hitting because you have to be to really CHANGE a brainwashed decade old way of thinking. With most of these feminized women today, you HAVE to be tough with them. Doc Love says dating is war, and I believe him.

 

[BobFuest]

haha nice! i like Doc Love quite a bit. Big fan.
I agree with everything about being a Don Juan. I completed boot camp, dated for quite awhile, and have been through a lot. I guess maybe i am coming off completely wrong. I have been with a woman for a really long time now and I found that i was so into being the Don Juan that I found my women ending up saying that she didnt know if she could do it anymore. It was too hard. I never made anything easy. Things werent easy with me. She didnt feel loved. Usually that is a test but when your girlfriend is crying and visable sad i realized that you can be too hard. Its one thing to be master of your domain and king of your castle and its another to see the person you care about so hurt that after all this time because your not opening up to her at all. I was holdin her at a distance because she was a "woman".
Even Doc Love says if you want to keep a women forever, take five minutes every morning to tell your woman how special you think she is and to give her a hug and hold her. Then she will always feel loved and appreciated.

Perhaps I was too harsh. What I mean is, you came across to me like you weren't willing or just didn't want to be a DJ. You can't go against reality. A lot of frustrated guys (not necessarily AFC's) question the DJ way, either because they disagree with it or they don't want to do what it takes to master "it". Girls don't go for AFC guys with no challenge, mystery, masculinity, etc. Nobody's saying don't have a relationship, or to not love a girl. But there are certain ways to go about it. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Because AFCism is camouflaged by money, family name, job status, social status, etc. The concept of an individual "manly" man is being pawed at constantly by liberalism, feminism, corporate America....you get my drift.

I wasn't insulting you at all. I'm simple and to the point. Alot of people mistake my honesty as insulting. I guess I have thicker skin than most guys, because I don't get insulted too often.

As far as your original post, I think Rollo T, tit guy, Desd. and everyone else are so straightforward and hard hitting because you have to be to really CHANGE a brainwashed decade old way of thinking. With most of these feminized women today, you HAVE to be tough with them. Doc Love says dating is war, and I believe him.

 

[speedo_meme]

The big difference between Doc Love and this board, IMO, is that he tries to stress finding, dating and eventually marrying a worthy woman. Sosuave sort of stresses womanizing, and improving your own life, in a sense. Both have the same underlying principles. Doc Love doesn't talk about sex either. I pick and choose from both sources what I want to listen to. Viewpoints will always differ.

You do relax the rules a bit in a LTR. Everybody's different, but the underlying principles of being confident and masculine are always there. And you know we all act harder on here than we are in real life