Leading or being led

[bat soup]

I've found that in most situations with women, you're either leading or being led.

Apart from being unattractive, letting yourself be led by a woman almost always leads to some kind of bullshiiiiiit.

For example, letting a woman choose the location for a date is almost always a bad idea. If you allow that, most likely you'll end up spending a bunch of money and getting nowhere.

Women are not going to lead you anywhere that you'd want to go. As a man, you have to lead and if she won't follow then she's not the girl for you.

Think about what we call compliance tests. You can test a woman's interest by seeing to what extent she complies with instructions. Low compliance = low interest in most cases.

Or if you ask for a number and she gives you Instagram or some other bs.

She's not complying = she's not really interested.
She's trying to lead = she's trying to use you

Following a woman always ends badly.

 

[EyeBRollin]

For example, letting a woman choose the location for a date is almost always a bad idea. If you allow that, most likely you'll end up spending a bunch of money and getting nowhere.
She's trying to lead = she's trying to use you

Actually this is not accurate. There is nuance to this.

Men should always choose the location of the date on principle, but there are times where women will suggest a place they want to check out. If she asks you to Ruth Chris or McCormicks, she’s obviously a professional dater. However, experience has taught me that going along with her reasonable suggestions will raise her interest level.

Women are terrible at planning. When they have a legitimate idea, they likely have put some sort of mental and emotional investment into that idea. It doesn’t come around often. It’s usually more beneficial to play the long game and roll with it. She wants go brag about you to her friends about how cool it is that you took her to a place she wanted to go.

 

[Lookatu]

Never ever follow a woman. This is also the biggest mistake guys make in a relationship or marriage.

 

[bat soup]

Never ever follow a woman. This is also the biggest mistake guys make in a relationship or marriage.

Agreed. Don't follow women is the golden rule.

 

[DonJuanjr]

However, experience has taught me that going along with her reasonable suggestions will raise her interest level.

Women are terrible at planning. When they have a legitimate idea, they likely have put some sort of mental and emotional investment into that idea. It doesn’t come around often. It’s usually more beneficial to play the long game and roll with it. She wants go brag about you to her friends about how cool it is that you took her to a place she wanted to go.

This sounds like good advice. I take it you would have to establish frame again by agreeing to it in a leading way? Something like "I guess we can go to xyz this time, but next time it's my way or the highway" with a playful grin/smirk?

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

Let her pick where you go, after all why not keep her happy. But you do have to exert dominance by once in a while saying “hey, let’s go to xyz on Saturday. I’ll pick you up at 7.” Women love a man who has a plan and they love following men who know what they are doing. Indecisiveness is a huge turnoff for women on dates.

 

[bat soup]

Let her pick where you go, after all why not keep her happy.

Because you'll end up paying for expensive meals for women that are only interested in fleecing you.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

If you think every woman on the street is trying to scam you, soup, I’m surprised you’re on this site.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because you'll end up paying for expensive meals for women that are only interested in fleecing you.

Not necessarily. The first date with a woman that ended being a LTR girlfriend of a year and a half, I suggested a bar/restaurant and then she asked if I had ever been to this other similar bar/restaurant and I said no, but I always wanted to go there, which was true. She said she always wanted to check it out too and we ended up going there.

Would it ultimately have made a difference if I stuck to my guns? Probably not. But being rigid and inflexible is not good in general...you should be fluid and flexible when it can benefit you.

 

[bat soup]

If you think every woman on the street is trying to scam you, soup, I’m surprised you’re on this site.

I didn't say that. Read again.

 

[bat soup]

Not necessarily. The first date with a woman that ended being a LTR girlfriend of a year and a half, I suggested a bar/restaurant and then she asked if I had ever been to this other similar bar/restaurant and I said no, but I always wanted to go there, which was true. She said she always wanted to check it out too and we ended up going there.

Would it ultimately have made a difference if I stuck to my guns? Probably not. But being rigid and inflexible is not good in general...you should be fluid and flexible when it can benefit you.

Obviously you need to use your own judgement and common sense. I'd have thought that goes without saying but I'll say it now for those that don't understand.

 

[bat soup]

Some people here are not getting the point.

Is every women out to get your money? No.

But some are and if you follow them around and do whatever they want then you're making it very easy for these types of women to take advantage of you.

If you are leading then the women that like you will follow and those that don't will drop off (which is a good thing).

Do you still need to use your common sense and not switch off your brain? Yes.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Obviously you need to use your own judgement and common sense. I'd have thought that goes without saying but I'll say it now for those that don't understand.

That's not generally what happens with new people here tho...they learn these "rules" and then try to universally apply them. Usually all it leads to is them fvcking themselves out of getting laid.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

If most women out there are trying to steal your money, but some aren’t, the simple thing is to find one who isn’t. Or, find an otherwise perfect one who is, and work on that problem with her.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

For example, letting a woman choose the location for a date is almost always a bad idea. If you allow that, most likely you'll end up spending a bunch of money and getting nowhere.

Back in my uneducated and ignorant days as a subconsious DJ , i dated a girl in a city 1,5 hours away. She kept asking me what i wanted to do, what place i wanted to go to. She got quite confused about my disinterest in various establishments and said i have to tell her where i want to go.

What i should have said at that moment was "i dont care about this city and its places, i am here because i want to be with you, ALONE!".

BUT, due to her previous behavior(no kissing on first two dates) i didnt escalate anymore and the whole story didnt get me anywhere with me thinking she will escalate when shes ready.

Looking back, i am sure i didnt get that pvssy because i didnt lead her from the start, showing her who´s boss.


Lesson learned:
Lead-> escalate with reason -> if she complies -> fvck / if not ->next

 

[bat soup]

If most women out there are trying to steal your money, but some aren’t, the simple thing is to find one who isn’t. Or, find an otherwise perfect one who is, and work on that problem with her.

The way you find them is by getting them to follow you. A woman that wants to manipulate you won't do that.

 

[Spaz]

For example, letting a woman choose the location for a date is almost always a bad idea. If you allow that, most likely you'll end up spending a bunch of money and getting nowhere.

If ur date suggests XYZ location but you're already mentioned ABC location, DO NOT SAY NO, because that creates a bad vibe for the date, she might have been day dreaming abt it the whole day.

Always AGREE.

But postpone it to another day and proceed with ur ORIGINAL plan.

She can't be mad or upset because u hv already AGREED.

Yet you still maintain ur leadership role, which is not only undiluted but has now been enhanced.

Be the boss, because the boss is always right even when he is wrong and the boss gets what he wants.