LDR attachment

[vermont927]

I met a girl last summer on a trip in Toronto. She was one of the hottest girls I have ever been with and I did not even intend to keep in touch with her. We had a great time and I gave her my social media. She started messaging me, saying she was only into me and giving me attention on social media. She wanted to see me again and I made the mistake of agreeing. I visited her a second time and afterward I knew that it was a bad idea. However, I couldn't stop talking to her. She kept messaging me and liking my stories on social media and giving me validation. I started feeling depressed about it because I wasn't getting my needs met in real life and I tried to stop talking to her a few times but she kept coming back and saying how much she wanted to see me.

This has been going on for the past 8 months of this pattern. I started getting obsessed with her andlooking at her social media account everyday and craving her attention. I was posting things just to get her validation. It happened so slowly that I almost wasn't aware of it. My confidence and ability to get women in real life started to erode. Eventually, I tried to see her again last week and she said she really wanted to see me. Then when I went to confirm a few days before there was no response. Then I tried calling her and two hours later she said she forgot to call me back. I said I would make other plans and she just said "I am sorry". A few hours later she sent another text saying
I am so sorry". I made the mistake of replying back saying it was fine instead of letting her feel anxious and bad about it. I blocked her accounts after.

Now, I feel so dumb for wasting the past 9 months thinking about a girl when I think she was just using me to feel better about herself and get me hooked on her and then discard me. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

 

[holidayad_]

She was just using you to get attention. And the way she did it was through messages and likes.

It's a shame about the lost time, but I think you still have something to celebrate here. You dodged a bullet.

 

[Gamisch]

No worry. Only through failure we allow ourselves to grow.

You say the hottest girl you ever had .Two things come to mind:

- you took a gamble on hitting something better than you ever had before.

- you've learned a valuable lesson about female nature.

Both are free of fault. We as men MUST take such risks. No guts no glory!!

 

[BPH]

I visited her a second time and afterward I knew that it was a bad idea.

You wanna give a little context on how this visit went?

 

[vermont927]

Yes, I agree she was just using me for attention. I think she got pleasure in trying to see if I would become attached and if she could manipulate me. That's why she said she was only into me and didn't get a lot of sex (definitely lies to make me think she was not promiscuous). Looking back I wish I would have enjoyed it the first two times for my own pleasure but then ended it after and focused on myself and pursuing my own frame. If she kept reaching out and giving me attention I should not have felt so bad about ignoring her. I think also being direct and confronting the situation honestly by saying I wasn't interested in anything long distance would have helped me to separate from the situation and focus more on myself and my own life.

 

[vermont927]

Also, I think if I was proactive and ended it I would have been choosing myself and have left with greater confidence. I notice I have a pattern of being afraid to leave situations I don't want to be in and end up becoming resentful until eventually it breaks down. Even though I am happy the situation is over I still feel like I got broken up with. I am trying to shift the frame back to myself and feel grateful I can move forward now with my life