If what I am about to say does not seem to make sense, bear with me. It is after all 3 am at the moment and I seem to have a bit of a case of insomnia.
I am for all intents and purposes a late bloomer. Some of you might ask what I mean by that. Well, basically I mean that I am just starting to develop social and dating skills that most people have down pat by the time they are in their late teens. I have never been in a serious relationship, although I have dated a bit and I was the last of my circle of friends to lose their virginity at the age of 30. (I should point out that I had chances to lose it when I was younger, but at that time I thought I wanted to save myself for marriage).
Anyways back to my situation/problem. Late last year I discovered this site and since then I have been making progress in increasing my confidence and learning how to socialize and even flirt better. It has been painfully slow, however with a lot of personal setbacks, and a lot of obstacles. For one my family, and my upbringing. I was brought up by a father who believes that the way to get a woman is to shower her with attention and buy her gifts and basically let her take control. What is worse is that the rest of my family are very passive and weak minded. Add to this the fact that I spent most of my childhood and teenage years trying to recover from serious mental health problems, and you can see what I am up against. Its not easy trying to undo thirty or so years of negative programming, especially when your family is against everything you stand for. I have had to fight tooth and nail for all my successes and I imagine I will have to fight equally as hard for what I want in the future.
So what kind of progress have I made in the five months since discovering this site? In my opinion, a lot. Before this site I had problems making even simple eye contact with attractive women, and my style of communication was passive. Now I can make and hold eye contact no problem and have even been able to make conversation with girls I have just met. I began to work out at the gym and lost 50 lbs, now sitting at around 190 or so. One of my biggest problems was learning how to communicate, so I took a job doing phone tech support. I have been incorporating more C+F in my communication with women, and one girl I was chatting with seemed very surprised when I told her I was actually shy around women. I have been learning to flirt, and I am to the point where I am comfortable initiating kino. Sometimes it doent work, most of the time I get positive results. Although I still get missed opportunities (I have a list a mile long), I have been learning to recognize them.
Here is my problem, however. I am by nature an impatient person, partially because I have adult ADD, and partially because in an ironic twist, most of my friends are hardcore players, and admittingly i do get a bit envious/jealous. I am not getting any younger, although thankfully I do not look anywhere near my age (closest anyone has come to guessing my age is 29, I usually get mistaken for 22-25) and I do try to use it to my advantage. I want to take what I am doing and learning to the next level but what is holding me back is, to be blunt, fear. Like I said earlier, its not easy to undo 30 years of programming, especially when that tiny voice inside your head is feeding you negative vibes and false information. I know in my soul that there is a regular Don Juan hidden inside me waiting to be unleashed, and when he does come out, he is going to ask... "What took you so long?"
I am for all intents and purposes a late bloomer. Some of you might ask what I mean by that. Well, basically I mean that I am just starting to develop social and dating skills that most people have down pat by the time they are in their late teens. I have never been in a serious relationship, although I have dated a bit and I was the last of my circle of friends to lose their virginity at the age of 30. (I should point out that I had chances to lose it when I was younger, but at that time I thought I wanted to save myself for marriage).
Anyways back to my situation/problem. Late last year I discovered this site and since then I have been making progress in increasing my confidence and learning how to socialize and even flirt better. It has been painfully slow, however with a lot of personal setbacks, and a lot of obstacles. For one my family, and my upbringing. I was brought up by a father who believes that the way to get a woman is to shower her with attention and buy her gifts and basically let her take control. What is worse is that the rest of my family are very passive and weak minded. Add to this the fact that I spent most of my childhood and teenage years trying to recover from serious mental health problems, and you can see what I am up against. Its not easy trying to undo thirty or so years of negative programming, especially when your family is against everything you stand for. I have had to fight tooth and nail for all my successes and I imagine I will have to fight equally as hard for what I want in the future.
So what kind of progress have I made in the five months since discovering this site? In my opinion, a lot. Before this site I had problems making even simple eye contact with attractive women, and my style of communication was passive. Now I can make and hold eye contact no problem and have even been able to make conversation with girls I have just met. I began to work out at the gym and lost 50 lbs, now sitting at around 190 or so. One of my biggest problems was learning how to communicate, so I took a job doing phone tech support. I have been incorporating more C+F in my communication with women, and one girl I was chatting with seemed very surprised when I told her I was actually shy around women. I have been learning to flirt, and I am to the point where I am comfortable initiating kino. Sometimes it doent work, most of the time I get positive results. Although I still get missed opportunities (I have a list a mile long), I have been learning to recognize them.
Here is my problem, however. I am by nature an impatient person, partially because I have adult ADD, and partially because in an ironic twist, most of my friends are hardcore players, and admittingly i do get a bit envious/jealous. I am not getting any younger, although thankfully I do not look anywhere near my age (closest anyone has come to guessing my age is 29, I usually get mistaken for 22-25) and I do try to use it to my advantage. I want to take what I am doing and learning to the next level but what is holding me back is, to be blunt, fear. Like I said earlier, its not easy to undo 30 years of programming, especially when that tiny voice inside your head is feeding you negative vibes and false information. I know in my soul that there is a regular Don Juan hidden inside me waiting to be unleashed, and when he does come out, he is going to ask... "What took you so long?"
