First of all, you're confusing the terminology. You're probably thinking of push/pull, a technique where you PUSH a woman away and distance yourself from her in order to make her want you more, and PULL her back when you want to build more of a connection to her. (There's more to push/pull than that, but whatever)
Now where you're confused is that you apply this technique, which is meant to be used in the early stages of interaction with a new woman to display independence and mystery, to a LTR/marriage situation. In that sort of situation, not wanting to go out with your lover is more of a sign that you don't care about her rather showing than you aren't needy.
In early stages of game, push/pull is a somewhat effective method of teasing a girl and geting her more interested and attached.
I think that you read too much into techniques, methods, and theory and don't have enough "field" experience to really understand what you're dealing with. The more you get out there, the more you realize that techniques contradict, some you can use in some situations, some you could never used in certain situations, and some techniques that are just plain lame.
C&F, neg hits, push/pull, patterning, frame control, 3-second rule, kino...
NONE of these things go through my head when I'm gaming a woman. All I think about is how I'm gonna make her laugh and make her mine. The more you experience, the better you get at natual game and the less you rely on techniques and routines.
The only rule to game is that there are no rules. Be flexible and just run with it.