Lack of conversation

[Ridingthelightning]

Anyone else get this?
I'm an interesting person, at least in most respects. College graduate, although only serving right now. Applying to law schools all over the country, planning on going into Environmental law. I grew up well off but with a great sense of maturity and level headedness. I wasn't given everything but never wanted for things I needed. I'm an amazing guitar/bass player, decent drummer and singer and can talk the talk with piano players.

But the thing is I just lack conversation skills. With men or women. I'm rather clever but it always takes a while for me to warm up to someone. I'm somewhat of a jerk sometimes but only because I push the envelope and there isn't anything harmful meant. I don't know how to be in the middle because sometimes I come off as completely boring.

Help...?

 

[WhtRbt]

I have the same problem.

 

[wait_out]

Practice makes perfect boys. Just keep trying.

 

[The_411]

1) Let the woman do 70% of the work. IF she ahs any interest at all she'll give you topics to talk ab out. She'll say what she wants to talk about.

2) Be an active listener nod your head smile laugh let her know you are paying attention not just pay half attention.

3) ****y funny always works. Bust her chops some to show that you are an active listerner.

Example

You Hey
Her Hi
You Open ended question or compliment about somethign she's wearing or neg hit about something she's wearing. Worse comes to worse you can always say it's a nice day isn't it?
Her blah blah
You What is it about blah that you like or What did you think about blah? just keep asking questions and take what she says and use it to ask more questions ...

 

[acewhole]

I think I can relate and possibly articulate some of my thoughts and experiences. I'm also one who tends to fall back to making little quips and sarcastic comments. I feel that people often get the wrong initial impression of me as being overly cynical because of it. I try to take it in stride as miscommunication is bound to happen. Verbal and non-verbal languages leave too much room for interpretation. But the effects can be reduced through experience...

In intimately sized groups or with people that I'm very familiar with, I have a tendency to prefer silence over smalltalk while I find most people feel compelled to maintain some kind of constant dialogue with others. Even if it's nearly the same topics they've opined about time and time again. I can only imagine that my attitude and resulting behaviour is largely caused by some combination of low energy, boredom and disinterest. All things that can be corrected, if desired sufficiently.

As with just about anything in life, practice is key to improvement. I often try to make a point of keeping the conversation going (sometimes even resorting to the weather) with people that I know don't enjoy occasional silence like I do. It's usually not hard to steer conversation to topics that are mutually entertaining either unless you are completely disconnected from the world -- or they are. The hard part for me can be keeping the conversation light and positive so people don't think of me as being the cynical and hypercritical bastard I don't believe I am deep down inside.

Certain social situations also cause me to fallback to this quipy-mode. Especially when a large number of people are fighting to have their voices be heard about a topic, I'm usually happy to step out of the main battle and fire arrows from the perimeter, if at all. I rarely feel obligated to carry a conversation unless I force it upon myself. Often and oddly enough, it can be a fun thing to do.

Peoples lives tend to share more similarities than dissimilarities. Similarities tend to be more comfort building while dissimilarities could lead to a heated debate over the finer points of the economy or politics. Either way, chances are that having kept someone engaged in dialogue while avoiding excessively negative comments will leave all parties feeling like they've had a positive bonding experience with a fellow human being.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will help loads. title is goofy, but it gives you solid conversation skills (that I've used effectively on chicks lots of times) that are easy to learn and apply.

Hint: It's got nothing to do with you or your accomplishments, or how witty you are, nor is it sleazy manipulation.

 

[Rhoto]

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will help loads. title is goofy, but it gives you solid conversation skills.

This book is MONEY.

 

[cali0]

IMO, some girls like to talk more than others. I hit up a bar with my friend on st. patrick's day. I started talking to this one girl that was sitting next to me. She was telling me everything about her. I just kept the ball rolling.

me: what area are you from?
hb: i'm not from around here, i'm from new york
me: what are you doing around here?
hb: i'm visiting my friends and family
me: how does new york compare to los angeles
hb: new york lifestyle is a lot faster than los angeles
me: that's funny, my friend from ny told me the same thing
hb: yea, it's really crazy over in NY
me: i heard the weather can change quickly
hb: yea, thanks to global warming
hb: we didnt' use to have weird weather 3 years ago

let's just say as it goes on it went from 60/40, 50/50, 30/70, 20/80. She started opening slowly. Half of the time I'm not even listenig. I just get EC, nodding my head, and smiling. LMAO


I'm definitely going to buy the book you guys recommended.