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[DepressedLad]

Hi World,
This will be a long essay, I hope you take your time to read it. Need real huge help.
I need help on my recent problem in school. There was this girl whom I loved since the start of March 2011. Currently, it's mid-May. I was impatient at first and I kept asking her if she liked me, around late March. She actually told me a little, 10% or part there of. I decided I should work on it, since 10% is really little. At first, she almost got with another guy but this guy kept touching her so she got a little fed-up with him and now she starts scolding him all day. I thought, since 5 guys likes her, I asked my friend(who is a good friend of her) to help me out by asking her how she finds me in mid-April. I didn't want to force an answer out of her I thought. She told her friend that I stood the highest chance. I was a little surprised. A few days following that, I asked her on a chat again if she's willing to express her feelings towards me to me. Apparently, she said she liked me and she accepts me. Though I don't know what her 'accept' stands for, whether as a boyfriend of hers or whatever, I did not ask that much, because she's a really really shy girl. It took me a couple of hours to get her to say that, I was glad at first. But she knew 2 days after that, I'm going for an op. I was guessing she said that to give me the confidence to stay strong during the op and give it a success. I thought she meant it at first but after my op, she has been rather cold to me. It has been recurring quite often that I've a breathing problem and there was once when I suffered that illness in school. Nobody was there to help me but she actually had lessons on and she came with her friend to take a look at me. She was really nice and sweet, she squatted in front of me and asked me how was I. I thought it was nice of her, and I thought she had really liked me. Unfortunately, sometimes, when I follow her back home just to accompany her and spend more time with her, she gets really angry. That day, I followed her and she actually called me an 'idiot' because she doesn't like anyone to follow her(it seems to be that it's only me because she said she's going to call her friends to follow her so that I will not be able to). She gets nice and bad sometimes. I really don't understand what's into her and she even said she accepts me. She ALWAYS smiles at me when she sees me.
Good signs as well as bad signs. Can anyone explain how she feels or maybe whether she really likes me? Very curious because I can't confirm that she's my girlfriend yet. Or does anyone encourage me to ask her if she's willing to be mine or something?
It would be of GREAT GREAT help if any of you could help me. Thank you very much. Looking forward to replies. Sorry if this thread's too long.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

First I was like: why is the title lion?
Then I was like: dude.. He's just abusing a norwegian letter.

So hey, I hate to break the news to you; but this isn't an ideal case scenario.
You make classic mistakes, and are better off chasing other girls.

She is not your gf, why would she? I might consider her a friend, or someone you know.
Also, why do you need to know if she likes you all the time? You must dare to take the lead and DO something. You should assume attraction anyways, and don't nag girls about something irrelevant like that.

I suppose the end words are; onto other girls, and welcome, you'll need and enjoy your stay.

 

[DepressedLad]

Dude, the title's Love.
I mean, she said she accepts me after I asked her if she likes me. Her reply was that she liked me and she accepts me. What does this mean? Meaning we are already a pair or what? I don't get this particular part that she says.
I want to know whether she likes me because I like her and I want her to be with me. Isn't that simple? If you want a girl to be yours badly, would you want to know if she likes you? Furthermore I've been waiting for quite sometime. You have to understand fellow mate.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I know the title is love (which title I don't think fits), but it means lion in norwegian with that letter.

I told you; assume girls like you.

You're a man, what ARE you waiting for? Is she supposed to run into your arms, grab your face, kiss you, marry you and finally open her legs; just like disney movies?

That doesn't happen. You're biologically wired to lead. She is the one supposed to 'wait'.

Then again, I advise you to go for other girls. You're not in love, you're just not allowed to have your toy, hence it gets valued more highly.

 

[Pozitron]

oh... this is good..
first.. you experience LUST not LOVE. It's a reaaly big difference.

I still can't understand why would you ask a girl if she likes you... . You should already know this based on her actions( BTW talk is cheep).
Then again, as Norwegin said, it's better to assume it.

You analise too much.

Why do you need so much to know if she's your girlfriend? WHY? It seems that you don't get girls so much for yourself.

 

[DJ422]

Sounds like how I used to be with this one girl. I tried for over a year and still nothings happened (and most likely won't ever).

Two things:
You're too naggy. Stop asking "do you like me?"... Just don't ask that question.
you're too avalible. Spend time with the Bro's, and spend time with other girls. Stop following her around for extra time. You could compare flirting to trading stocks, you get out (or sale) after you've been at a high for a while, so as to not end the interaction on a low point. So, if you two talk after school for a bit before she leaves for home or something, just say "Cya later" or something like that and walk the other way, or stay put if your sitting down waiting for the bus or something. You define your life, not her, so don't make extra time for her.

Also, find at least one girl, the more the better (within reason, don't spread yourself thin) to flirt with and try to date. You'll have more fun, add to your worth in her eyes and worry less about this one girl (which should help you to make fewer mistakes).

 

[DepressedLad]

Thanks alot guys. I'll just assume it then. Hmm, alright, here's why I wanna know if she's already my girlfriend. Because. If she isn't and I treat her like one, she will think that I'm a retard. For example, if she isn't my girlfriend, just a friend. And I ask her for a hand, what would be her reaction? Same thing goes, if she's my girlfriend, and I think she isn't. I will tend to lack attention to her and things may just backfire you see? I mean, its right to say that I should be the one taking the steps but it seems like I can't find a topic to talk about. I love to talk a lot. But I tend to be a little more sensitive when I talk to her, thus resulting in many subjects to be down. Maybe you guys can suggest a little more like what I should talk to her about?
And by the way DonJuan, you suggest that I go to flirt with other girls. I mean spending time with my family is right. But there was once she caught me talking to a girl, and that was the time whereby my friend asked her to accept me. She was actually positive towards answering that, but after she saw me just plainly TALKING to the other girls, she took back her words and said I was a flirt. What should I do? Thanks alot to all.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

She's not your gf, unless you're in like 4th grade (which I doubt).
I've pretty much stated several times that you're better of going for several other girls.
You do and take what you want (within reason). You hold her hand if you want to, you kiss her if you want to, and you take her for a dance if you want to. You don't ask for permission.
To talk about more; lower your criteria for what is acceptable to talk about.

 

[DepressedLad]

So by what I've explained, do you even think she likes me? Alright. Don't ask why I wanna know. That's my character. In your own opinion now, how do you think she finds me or something because she's good and bad at times. She admits she likes me and accepts me but there's a possibility it could be fake as my friend had been toyed a girl as well. I'm not in 4th grade btw. Just today, she said she didn't want to stay close to me that much as there are many rumours about us being boy/girl friend relationship. She's shy. She said she doesn't want to leak out about she liking me to other people. Even her best friend had help me ask her to double check but she told her that she doesn't like me. There is no way I can find out whether she really doesn't want to let others know or is it just an excuse to avoid my answer. Btw, if you're from other countries around the world, try to understand me as I'm definitely not a local of your country. Because the way my country does it is different. Understand me and try to help out. Thanks much.

 

[Pozitron]

It's not like that. There are certain things that apply to everyone. It's not like we are aliens and you're human although I understand what you've said.

I see that constant need of acception, of HER confirming. Ever wondered why she didn't asked you if you are her boyfriend or if you like her? Yea... I thought so.. you're giving your power away and being needy ( no t saying it as a criticism, just observing).

I find this bor/girl friend thing just useless. It's about you and her, not about the others. You say that if you know the answer than you know how to act. ACTIONS speak louder than words. So... just assume. Let's say you are in X way toward her. If you are being authentic you'll behave in your X way all the time ( even if she is or not you GF) . Why? Because you know what you want and you go and take it ( look again at Norwegian's last post).
If you know the answer you'll behave fake. I don't know if you get it.
What I'm saying is that the answer doesn't matter.
That's why I find this question useless. ( omg like in the 3rd grade...)

Be sure that you'll change your beliefs , including this one adn you'll look back on it and say: How the **** could I have done that???"

Anyway you pass too easy trough posts made by people that know what they're talking about . What you're doing is asking for a fist. You should learn how to fish. Not a quick answer, but understanding.

 

[DepressedLad]

I get it mate. Your reply's good. Hmm, but what do you suggest me to do now? Just treat her well? Doing the same like I always have done and assume that she likes me? Or what? Thanks.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

It sounds like she likes you as a friend, but doesn't want anything more. That could be why she behaves cold sometimes and called you an idiot for following her home. (Next time ASK if you can walk her home...)

You should seek a resolution to this problem. All you can do now is ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. Only let her answer yes or no, don't let her give you that "I don't know" or "maybe" crap. You want to know where you two stand, so go and find out for yourself!

If you don't do this, then what's the point of continuing to like her if you two have no future?

 

[Pozitron]

I get it mate. Your reply's good. Hmm, but what do you suggest me to do now? Just treat her well? Doing the same like I always have done and assume that she likes me? Or what? Thanks.

Yeah... sry , man. I was caried away...
I think you should talk to her ( not trough out your friends) and know what's the situation. Get your answer and then decide if it's worth going forward ( based on what you fell and want). If you're in her FZ then it's complicated to "get" her( oh, god.. I wasted so much time on girls this way).
Bold,yet not rude, decisive, yet not commanding, confident, yet not arogant.
You'll be fine.

 

[DepressedLad]

Im In The Mood:
YES, This is exactly what I needed. You understand how I feel. Thanks alot buddy. I've gotten the answer on 13 April like I mentioned above, she gave me a yes(I didn't ask for her to be my girlfriend. I asked for an accept though). But now the problem is that I'm guessing if she meant it for me or for my operation as I have an operation on 15 April. I mean, how do I tell? She cares alot but she IS sometimes cold and maybe calls me an idiot. I mean, 'idiot' is what we always like to joke about each other and later explain. We know its a joke but she was quite pissed off then for following her home. But it seems that she apologised to me thereafter. Well, can't tell if she meant it beneath her heart with that 'yes'. Help, thanks! (You're great) And could you suggest a great way for me to ask her to get a direct answer? Cause' she's a really shy girl, might needa long time for her to answer me. I mean, its okay.. I can ask again to confirm. Like how you said, making her face a yes or no question only. How do I put it in such a way whereby I can make it to be not that 'forcing'? Thanks alot.

Pozitron:
It's okay. I've been talking to her and she seems quite nice these few days in school. She always smiles at me. Yeah, btw what's FZ? Haha. "Bold,yet not rude, decisive, yet not commanding, confident, yet not arrogant" Great quote. Maybe you can support me with when I should ask her again or something? Because now I feel like asking her the same question as I have doubts for her "yes" to me(As acception, not girlfriend though). Btw, maybe you could explain what does she maybe mean when she chooses to 'accept' me? Does that mean it makes her mine or what? I was thinking it could be rather weird to ask her again and again, might get her angry or maybe shy. I'm not sure. Help out, if you think I should ask her, maybe when and how? Thank you very much!

 

[NorwegianDJ]

FZ as in friendzone.
Please notice how you see what you want to see in these responses. There are huge chunks ignored.

Kiss her. Thats what you do.
Kino is the most reliable way to test for intrest.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

First, she does not need a long time to answer you at all. She has already considered in her mind whether or not she will go out with you.

If she takes longer than a minute to answer you, just get up and leave.

This is a hard situation you're in because you don't understand that there is not just one girl in the world. Sure logically you might, but emotionally, you have no clue and you think this is the only girl you'll ever like.

I'm not going to tell you how to ask her out, you need to put it in your own words. Make sure you are direct and specific though. For example, don't say "Wanna go out sometime?" That is very vague and she won't know if you actually plan to take her out or not. Instead, invite her to do something with you. For example, "I'm going to the park next weekend to play soccer. I want you to come with me. What time are you available at?" That's just an example of being direct and specific.

Invite her to do something with you that YOU like! Even if it's something like playing video games, that's perfectly OK. Not the best date if she isn't really into video games, but it's much better than nothing.

You don't have to tell her that you want to date her. She already knows because of your behavior in the past. Girls can almost always tell when a guy is into them. Your actions speak much louder than your words.

So, when you've figured it out, what do you plan on asking her?

Im In The Mood:
YES, This is exactly what I needed. You understand how I feel. Thanks alot buddy. I've gotten the answer on 13 April like I mentioned above, she gave me a yes(I didn't ask for her to be my girlfriend. I asked for an accept though). But now the problem is that I'm guessing if she meant it for me or for my operation as I have an operation on 15 April. I mean, how do I tell? She cares alot but she IS sometimes cold and maybe calls me an idiot. I mean, 'idiot' is what we always like to joke about each other and later explain. We know its a joke but she was quite pissed off then for following her home. But it seems that she apologised to me thereafter. Well, can't tell if she meant it beneath her heart with that 'yes'. Help, thanks! (You're great) And could you suggest a great way for me to ask her to get a direct answer? Cause' she's a really shy girl, might needa long time for her to answer me. I mean, its okay.. I can ask again to confirm. Like how you said, making her face a yes or no question only. How do I put it in such a way whereby I can make it to be not that 'forcing'? Thanks alot.

 

[DepressedLad]

First, she does not need a long time to answer you at all. She has already considered in her mind whether or not she will go out with you.

If she takes longer than a minute to answer you, just get up and leave.

This is a hard situation you're in because you don't understand that there is not just one girl in the world. Sure logically you might, but emotionally, you have no clue and you think this is the only girl you'll ever like.

I'm not going to tell you how to ask her out, you need to put it in your own words. Make sure you are direct and specific though. For example, don't say "Wanna go out sometime?" That is very vague and she won't know if you actually plan to take her out or not. Instead, invite her to do something with you. For example, "I'm going to the park next weekend to play soccer. I want you to come with me. What time are you available at?" That's just an example of being direct and specific.

Invite her to do something with you that YOU like! Even if it's something like playing video games, that's perfectly OK. Not the best date if she isn't really into video games, but it's much better than nothing.

You don't have to tell her that you want to date her. She already knows because of your behavior in the past. Girls can almost always tell when a guy is into them. Your actions speak much louder than your words.

So, when you've figured it out, what do you plan on asking her?

I've asked her out for lunch before exams. She's accepted it but she's afraid if people see us. I mean, does this reaction mean anything? Her friend seems to have showed me a text message between themselves and she actually said this "I don't like him cause he's a soccer addict" I mean. This was last time when she also told me she didn't like me. I mean, till now, I'm still quite into soccer. I was not planning to change for her. That's my life. But now she told me she likes me. How does this show? Thanks for the advice as well mate.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Lol I say mess with her and say hi to everyone you know during the lunch!

You're doing fine man, don't listen to her when she says she doesn't like you. Apparently she's full of sh!t.

 

[DepressedLad]

Great! Thanks alot buddy! I gotta great news anyway! I don't know if this can be revealing anything but I've a (GIRL) friend who tried persuading her to accept me because she doesn't know that she had already accepted me. She actually told her she's gonna feel very awkward and shy. I mean, this should be normal right? Awkward and shy. I don't think she will feel that way if she doesn't like me. Hmm.. You're great. But how do you even know she's full of sh!t when you don't even know her? I mean, it's really straightforward of you because you can tell just from the way I explain things. Yeah, furthermore, she told my friend that she feels that we're too young to get into a relationship. Her statement seems as if she wants it but she's just acting sensibly. Not sure how to handle this situation though. Thanks again. Cheers!

 

[Pozitron]

How old are you?
Hope for your sake she's worth all this. I would have moved on long time ago.
Still can't get the whole acceptance thing. I've tried