Knowing When To Let Go...A Reality Check

[Wyldfire]

I originally posted this in General Discussion quite awhile back. It belongs here in Tips. Use it well.

Listen and listen good fellas...this is going to save a lot of you from a lot of heart ache, foolishness and pining away over women.

To LOVE another person requires time and going through both good and bad times together...you do NOT love someone after only a few weeks or even months knowing them. Hell, it usually takes AT LEAST 6 months or better for them to let their guard down enough for you to START to see their flaws.

Infatuation...let's take a nice, hard look at how this works. When you are infatuated with someone you feel "in love". Those feelings are NOT feelings you have FOR the other person. It's all about how YOU feel about YOURSELF when you are with that other person. If a woman is fun to be around, it will make you feel like you are fun too. If a woman is sexy, it will make YOU feel more sexy. If a woman is a good conversationalist, it will make you feel like a good conversationalist. If a woman laughs at all your jokes, you will feel like you are a funny guy.

If a woman no longer makes you feel good about yourself, most of you will hang on for dear life to the way she used to make you feel and be convinced you've lost some great love. Nonsense! You just need to learn how to elicit those feelings FROM YOURSELF through bettering yourself and building confidence and NOT rely on women to make you feel them...especially if you are clinging to a woman who used to make you feel great but now makes you feel like crap. Know when to let go and move on...

 

[penkitten]

this is a great post.
perhaps other people can chime in on things that indicate when its time to move on also.
i try to rely on my gut instinct.

 

[insidious]

Good co-ed insight from a Sosuave chick :wave:

And by co-ed, I truly mean it is human insight that all can benefit by.

If a guy reaches my age and still glamorizes or romanticizes infatuation, crushes, he is seriously in trouble.

However, if a guy reaches my age and eschews such concepts as these, he is then deemed bitter and angry.

Whatever, I am what I am, I am who I am. Take that, world!

 

[Wyldfire]

Good co-ed insight from a Sosuave chick :wave:

And by co-ed, I truly mean it is human insight that all can benefit by.

If a guy reaches my age and still glamorizes or romanticizes infatuation, crushes, he is seriously in trouble.

However, if a guy reaches my age and eschews such concepts as these, he is then deemed bitter and angry.

Whatever, I am what I am, I am who I am. Take that, world!

I wouldn't consider anyone who is honest with themselves as bitter. Bitter is when you blame everyone else for things you could do more to control yourself and being angry and mean because things don't work out the way you want.

People can be smart without being bitter just as they can be bitter without being smart.

Knowing when to let go is smart. Now if you've invested a couple of years and are just going through a rough spot, it might be able to be resolved...but if you try and she isn't bothering...it's usually time to jump ship.

 

[insidious]

I wouldn't consider anyone who is honest with themselves as bitter. Bitter is when you blame everyone else for things you could do more to control yourself and being angry and mean because things don't work out the way you want.

People can be smart without being bitter just as they can be bitter without being smart.

Knowing when to let go is smart. Now if you've invested a couple of years and are just going through a rough spot, it might be able to be resolved...but if you try and she isn't bothering...it's usually time to jump ship.

Agreed, Wyld...but most people in general operate by a black & white playbook. They are largely unaware or the fine distinctions you have pointed out, whether due to laziness, ignorance, or just plain out apathy.

Hence:

insidious: infatuations are dumb and you are only fooling yourselves, my children

audience: what's wrong insidious. why you so bitter?

Most people look for the easy explanation out. If they don't like the message, it's the messenger who is deranged :nervous:

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, I think infatuation can be very enjoyable...but you have to keep it in perspective. You get a lot of guys on here that take an extreme position on one end of the spectrum or the other. You've got the group that will hold on for dear life when there simply is no hope at all...and they need to let go badly. Then you've got the ones who are so afraid of things not being perfect for them that they avoid having any kind of substantial relationship. There's really not a heck of a lot of difference between fear of letting go and fear of ever trying when you probably should. Nothing is ever perfect and everything of quality requires a certain amount of effort and work.

The most important tool a man can have is learning to tell the difference between a bad investment of time and a good investment of time when it comes to women. Not many men have that on this site, sadly...but I think they can learn if they learn to take responsibility for their choices and not blame everyone else but themselves for their poor choices.

There are some real sheeit women (and men) out there, but there are also some truly great women (and men) as well. Learning how to tell the difference is crucial. It's just really difficult for anyone to learn that skill if they can't admit that there are flaws in what THEY are doing and how they are selecting potential partners.

There is a certain amount of bitterness displayed on this site...but more destructive to the guys is the massive amount of denial that can be seen, and that comes from not taking responsibility and holding themselves accountable.

 

[Ripper]

Great post Wyld.

 

[Wyldfire]

Great post Wyld.

Thanks...glad you liked it.

 

[nicenomore]

You just need to learn how to elicit those feelings FROM YOURSELF through bettering yourself and building confidence and NOT rely on women to make you feel them...especially if you are clinging to a woman who used to make you feel great but now makes you feel like crap. Know when to let go and move on...

beautiful line..

great post, wyld

 

[Wyldfire]

beautiful line..

great post, wyld

Thanks...

 

[stuartSan]

Hey Wyld. It's been a while. Glad to see you still post.

Knowing when to jump ship is definetely a good trait to have. Thanks for the reminder.

 

[Bonhomme]

Well, I think infatuation can be very enjoyable...but you have to keep it in perspective.

Yup. That nails it.

Great tip. Props for posting it, Wyld.

Corollary: Do not get married and/or have kids until you're no longer in the throes of infatuation... unless, perhaps, you're in a K-Fed/Britney type of situation, where you stand to be the one to gain.

 

[Redux]

Excellent insight, Wyldfire.
Better to leave too soon than too late.

 

[Wyldfire]

Bump for anyone suffering from pining away after a woman they shouldn't be...

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Good thread Wyldfire. And an IMPORTANT thread too. knowing the difference between "love" (something you DO), and "infatuation" (something you FEEL) is ESSENTIAL when it comes to protecting your heart.

Failure to being able to distinguish the two apart can mean the difference between a life of joy and fulfillment, and a life filled ONLY with CHAOS.


Much respect.

 

[VIVAlasVEGASBaby]

Thanks for the great tip. I'm going through this right now and this is just the advice i needed.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

this is a great post.
perhaps other people can chime in on things that indicate when its time to move on also.
i try to rely on my gut instinct.

A square peg won't fit into a round hole. No matter how much you twist it, it is still a square peg. Recognize what you have (who you are) and what you are working with (the other person) and understand that there is little chance that you can make that thing change. Aren't your efforts better used elsewhere?

 

[Wyldfire]

Glad this helped you VIVA...and thanks to all for the added input.

 

[izza]

Really, you only let your guard down after six months? Hmmm, maybe I should wait longer to let my guard down. Meh, I'm too lazy. Women see my flaws after about four seconds. Oh those perceptive little wenches, I love them!

So maybe there is such a thing as love at first sight, after all?

Izza

I originally posted this in General Discussion quite awhile back. It belongs here in Tips. Use it well.

Listen and listen good fellas...this is going to save a lot of you from a lot of heart ache, foolishness and pining away over women.

To LOVE another person requires time and going through both good and bad times together...you do NOT love someone after only a few weeks or even months knowing them. Hell, it usually takes AT LEAST 6 months or better for them to let their guard down enough for you to START to see their flaws.

Infatuation...let's take a nice, hard look at how this works. When you are infatuated with someone you feel "in love". Those feelings are NOT feelings you have FOR the other person. It's all about how YOU feel about YOURSELF when you are with that other person. If a woman is fun to be around, it will make you feel like you are fun too. If a woman is sexy, it will make YOU feel more sexy. If a woman is a good conversationalist, it will make you feel like a good conversationalist. If a woman laughs at all your jokes, you will feel like you are a funny guy.

If a woman no longer makes you feel good about yourself, most of you will hang on for dear life to the way she used to make you feel and be convinced you've lost some great love. Nonsense! You just need to learn how to elicit those feelings FROM YOURSELF through bettering yourself and building confidence and NOT rely on women to make you feel them...especially if you are clinging to a woman who used to make you feel great but now makes you feel like crap. Know when to let go and move on...

 

[Wyldfire]

You are entirely missing the point.