Knocked back by HOT woman I really like, confidence ****

[donkdidonk2]

There is a woman at work who I really fancy.. We started flirting a bit last December when she seemsed to get a bit jealous that I was going on a date one weekend. Since, we have been exchanging emails outlining our fantasies and dirtiest things we have done. She said that she thought I was gay when I first started (more on this later) so I usedto say things like “You call me gay, but won’t give me the opportunity to prove otherwise” and similar stuff.

I told her that I am gonna ask her out when I leave here I am going to ask you out, what would you say” Unfortunately, the answer was no. She has said that she thinks I am good looking, great taste in clothes, nice smile, intelligent but I am not her type. She also said that I am a little bit too big muscle-wise to what she prefers. But there is a bloke here she DOES like and he is even more muscular. She says he makes her knickers wet. It seems that everyone here fancies him, and my confidence is shot to pieces as he must be that great if he isn’t her type and she fancies him THAT much. I now also feel inferior to this bloke. I wish that she fancied my like she fancied him, because it would make me feel so good about myself that someone who looked like her fancied me. My problems are:

1. How do I overcome this rejection?
2. How can I get some confidence back?
3. How can I stop coming across as gay? She told me today her boyfriend asked if I was gay. When I asked her why people thought this, she said it was because I was ‘nice’. How can I be more manly? It doesn’t help that I have ‘pretty boy’, innocent looks,

Please advise me!

 

[Alpine]

Forget her and her boyfriend, she obviously is not interested in yo, for whatever reason (sound like she thinks you're a gay bodybuilder. )

Get out and talk to loads of girls, get used to being rejected by LOTS of women, the more you approach the less you will be bothered.

Al the time read up and practice stuff, see how it goes, assess what worked what didn't adjust and try again.

There is no other way but the hard way. Face it and get on with it.

If you worry about what one girl thinks about you, you are doomed, really, it's something that you have to ignore and accept yourself, you don't need it from some witch.

 

[donkdidonk2]

I know that what you say makes sense, I just need to hear it from someone else to get a kick up the ass.

I used to be able to go up to any female and chat her up, I was fearless until an ex cheated on me. Before I starting hitting on them I was TERRIFIED. Then I decided to try it one night, was successful and was unstoppable! Used to go up to anyone. BUT that first time was the hardest of all. I am in that position now. I just hope I continue if it is a knockback.

 

[teamplayer]

1. How do I overcome this rejection?

First of all, it's not good to mess around with girls at work because you can't go all out partying and second if it doesn't work out they have a trump card that they can use on you. You're already feeling bad about the situation and you haven't even gone on a date yet. There are so many bad scenarios that could happen here with a boyfriend etc. This girls definitely what I call antimatter material, has a boyfriend but still flirting and talking how that other guy turns her on - she's trash. Stay away from trash.

2. How can I get some confidence back? Stay away from trash that know how to use their sexual weapons: hotness, crying, and sex. These are usually the girls with thin lips and flatter chests. Find nurturing girls with big tits that always want to do you. Girls with thick lips are hornier and won't play these kind of games as much.

3. How can I stop coming across as gay? She told me today her boyfriend asked if I was gay. When I asked her why people thought this, she said it was because I was ‘nice’. How can I be more manly? It doesn’t help that I have ‘pretty boy’, innocent looks,

Don't be "nice" which means agreeable, submissive. Remeber the idiom "No more Mr. Nice Guy"? Girls see it as the person who won't come out on top and to girls security is everything.

You can still be fair, generous, and kind which are the great American ideals; while not being the lowest form of humanity - selfish, a bigot, and a hater; but still also say no and have your way. It's a fine line dividing the getting your way and being able to say no while still being fair, generous and kind without falling into the selfish bigot hater. Anyway, those are my core principles.

Teamplayer

 

[donkdidonk2]

That't the trap I am scared of falling into - becoming a complete *******. Will David's books help me with this?

 

[Donald Kaufman]

That't the trap I am scared of falling into - becoming a complete *******. Will David's books help me with this?

He'll spend more time redefining the problem and looking at it from angles you might not have considered but ultimately you have to make it work in practice.

If you read examples and theories on any subject looking for reference to a specific problem it will seem a certain approach is advised. Later you will read another example and realize, when viewed from a specific standpoint, it contradicts your earlier understanding.

It might be helpful but at best can only go so far. I have found his perspective useful on nice guy/jerk but it doesn't solve the problem.

 

[donkdidonk2]

What's the price of his book?

 

[donkdidonk2]

This woman has now jokingly described me as ****y. It was only on 10th December last year that she said I was too nice so I guess I have made a BIT of progress on my own.

Now for the book...