Knock some sense into me.

[perseverance]

I booted this girl out of my life around four months ago now and I'm pleased I did it, my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. However I do still miss her, I still think about her sometimes and I'm still attracted to her. Don't worry, I don't plan on getting in contact with her again and if I bump into her in the street or whatever I'll just carry on walking past as if she was a stranger. I just want to forget she ever existed. I got with a woman on Friday night at my mates house party, so I'm meeting other women.

My close buddy reckons I should get in contact with her, sort things out and maybe see if I can close the deal with this girl (I never managed to before), but this is out of the question, I laughed him down when he brought that up. I've never encountered this problem, but as I say, it's been four months of no contact and this girl is still 'there'. I've taken on advice that I've learnt and dished out to fellow forum users, I engage in my hobbies, I'm going out having fun, so I just don't get what I've got to do in order to forget this woman ever existed?

 

[Rubato]

I've taken on advice that I've learnt and dished out to fellow forum users, I engage in my hobbies, I'm going out having fun, so I just don't get what I've got to do in order to forget this woman ever existed?

You won't. And you don't want to.

There was obviously something about the woman that attracted you initially. She had to have SOME value, even a little. Appreciate that. Accept the low value that you left her for. Accept that you should have left her sooner. Accept the situation for what it is and do so without judgement.

Rather than judge the situation personally, learn from the situation. If you forget the woman existed, you forget your memories with her and thus a portion of your life that makes you who you are right now. You forget the lessons you have learned and can learn from your experience with her. If you forget the woman, you are essentially declaring your experience with her as a total waste, and I don't believe in that sort of thing.

Love (call it what you will... like, lust, romance, insanity) is hard because unless you stay married forever and ever happily ever after, it's not just someone who loses, but both people lose. I don't think you want to be the type of man who is capable of going in to a non-platonic interaction with a woman and remaining emotionally sterile. If you do, you should become an actor. Men speak of the problems of love in terms of their inability to participate in it, but unfortunately, many men forget that that one major problem of love is when it ceases.

If it didn't suck, wasn't painful, and was the most amazing thing ever, you wouldn't want to expunge this woman from your memory. So work on transforming the efforts of your mind that are using the romantic energies you formerly (and maybe presently) still harbor for this woman and redirect them to teach you a lesson or two. Appreciate the time you had together for what it was. Did you ever have a good time with her? Then feel good about that. Did you make mistakes with her, did you ever not have a good time with her? Then unconditionally accept those events for what they are and learn how to avoid repeating the behavior you don't like.

I don't know how much you cared for this woman. I was engaged to a woman who cheated on me with a friend of mine after almost 3 years of being boyfriend/girlfriend (and 1 year of being betrothed). There are times I still think about her, but my remorse isn't so much for the fact that it ended as much as it is that I believed she was someone she wasn't... and that can be very disappointing.

 

[perseverance]

Man, your situation sounds really messy and really hard hitting, that would knock any man for six, congratulations on getting over that and thanks for your advice, it is sound advice.

My situation was nothing like yours though. There was a big attraction on both parts, great chemistry, but it just wasn't mean to be for a whole host of reasons that I could do zilch about and in the end we became to really dislike each other, a lot of excrement hit the fan and that's when I hit the eject button and booted her out of my life for good.

It's just frustrating, because I expected with the help from this site to have gotten her out of my system completely and that hasn't happened yet. I'd like to be able to look back on this and laugh about it, think of it as a great learning experience on my way to becoming the Don Juan that I want to be, it's just hard to do that at the moment without wanting to bang her, be with her and not disliking the girl. I feel AFCish.

 

[EFFORT]

What are your hobbies?

 

[perseverance]

What are your hobbies?

Long distance running, I attend a gym on a pay-as-you go scheme, I play soccer most Mondays, I go swimming and when I am not doing that I'm either with friends, reading, playing the PS3 and at the moment, I'm in the process of entering my country's Armed Forces which is taking forever...

It's not a lot, but it's enough to keep my busy, and of course once my paper work goes through for my future job, I'll be kept busy 24/7.

 

[EFFORT]

Keep up with the hobbies your involved with and add in some of these

Volunteering
Toastmasters
Brazilian Jujitsu
Male/Female partner dance
Capoeira
Yoga Classes
Pilates Classes
Group Fitness Classes (Spin,body pump,trx, etc)
Acting
Improv/Stand up Comedy
Sports

Seems like your relatively busy so just pick what works for you. The main thing is to be involved with hobbies that have you engaged with other people.

Other than that it'll just take time to get over her. Keep evolving yourself as a person. Put most of your energy and focus on your career path and spend your free time engaged in social hobbies.

 

[perseverance]

I want to start piano lessons again, I used to have lessons like ten years ago, but stopped due to exams, I thoroughly enjoyed it though. I find classic music very soothing. I'm just really waiting on my Army entry, it will see move from one side of the country to another. I need that change in my life, something new, something fresh. I am stagnating in the area I am in at the moment. Thanks for you advice, bro!

 

[EFFORT]

I want to start piano lessons again, I used to have lessons like ten years ago, but stopped due to exams, I thoroughly enjoyed it though. I find classic music very soothing. I'm just really waiting on my Army entry, it will see move from one side of the country to another. I need that change in my life, something new, something fresh. I am stagnating in the area I am in at the moment. Thanks for you advice, bro!

Piano is great I've been playing for awhile myself. Very soothing. I hear you, do the best you can in the mean time to fill up your time with productive things and the army entry will be around before you know and then the real adventure begins.