Kissing, number closing, and then this. . .

[OkoYono]

Short version of the story: Met a girl last Friday at my favorite club and we started kissing after maybe 15 min. of conversation. The club closed, we went to her house, I was hoping for a little more action of course. However, on our way there she repeatedly told me we weren't ending up in her bed together. I brushed that off with a little humor and thought, "fine, I needn't f*ck her right now" and got her number.

Went for drinks with her last night after she had called me on Tuesday (when I didn't have time) and yesterday (shortly before the date).

So we drink our beers and decide to go to another bar. Outside of the first bar, the moment I first touch her -- I was giving her a slight hug from the side -- she said, "that's not the way I imagined this to be" (inappropriate translation from German ;-).

I did not react very well. I stayed calm at first, but I was a little offended and didn't manage to hide it. Stupid me. I turned very quiet. We walked around in the streets a little like that, talking very little. Then I said, "I'm going home now, bye" and left. On my way to the underground station I received a call from her. She basically told me she thought I'm stupid for being offendend like that; she thought we might just go for drinks as friends; and "if I had wanted to go to bed with you I could have done so on Friday [after the club]". In other words, she had fully rejected me the night we met, and I didn't notice. In her version, at the very least.

I immediately called a friend and got drunk, trying to figure out my mistakes and destroying the frustration before it took over

So, what exactly were my mistakes? Obviously, me not staying calm after her LJBF kind of rejection. But the one question for all you experienced fellows out there is this:

At what point in the story could I have foreseen that this might not be the sure f*ck close I had imagined it to be? My thoughts had been like, "hey, we were kissing, which also felt great, and she called me, she even made time for me tonight, she must be very interested."

[Additional note: Getting the girl's number after the club did somehow not feel very good. Maybe I should have listened to my intuition?]

[Tell me if you need anything explained in more detail. I am very willing to learn from this encounter.]

 

[TTAG]

hey german dude,

its all good, sounds like you met another crazy girl (woops, just remembered there are no sane girls).

the only advice i got, is that you sound confident so get out there and find some more pu$$y! so i mean NEXT her.

i would also like to hear what other DJ's have to say?

 

[Austin Allegro]

The fact that you started kissing about 15 minutes after meeting would be a warning sign for me.

That suggests to me she is just a tease. Once she suspected you wanted more, she got scared off. A lot of younger women are like that.

I can't add much more except to say you could try the advice in the DJ Bible, that if someone says they just want to be friends, you just agree and say you were thinking the same way.

 

[Blaaaaat]

A lot of girls in bars have no trouble kissing a guy without being serious about any followups. I'll guess she was somewhat drunk when you first met her? That she wanted to see you after the "kiss" should be an indication of a good/high IL. If the girl has any brains (not likely... she's a girl.. ) she would have known that you were not going on a "just friends" meeting, you two kissed remeber? and then you wanted to meet again. If you're not a complete retard, you know that it was not a "just friends" followup. You kissed close, you got the number, and proceeded to the next fase. Al good! probs to you, you wanted something and you tried to get it! You failed, in getting it, and then you said "bye, i'm going home". Ofcourse you did, she mislead you in believing that she was interested. And then, this is just the "amazing" way the chick logic works, she reacted p!ssed, saying you should have known when she didn't want to sleep with you the first night. She's trying to be the "victim", she did nothing wrong, you should have known better, blblabla. This is BS, she mislead you. You did the right thing, and now you know she isn't what you want. you are a DJ, you nexted her.

No what went wrong? I don't know.
-Maybe she was feeling guilty for kissing and not being realy intrested, and that's why she agreed with the followup.
-Maybe she is just an a/w

Anyway, she's nexted, no need to think about it. Only think about her in a DJ educational way..

 

[bp1974]

You dented her ego by not sucking up to her and apologising, so she called you to try and mindf*ck you into thinking you imagined it all. An immature little madam.

 

[OkoYono]

Originally posted by Blaaaaat
A lot of girls in bars have no trouble kissing a guy without being serious about any followups.

Yes, and I don't expect anything from kissing alone...

If you're not a complete retard, you know that it was not a "just friends" followup.

Right, that's what everyone seems to think. So I guess it wasn't such a huge mistake to assume that there's something to work on.

She's trying to be the "victim", she did nothing wrong, you should have known better, blblabla. This is BS, she mislead you. You did the right thing, and now you know she isn't what you want. you are a DJ, you nexted her.

Exactly. Couldn't have said it better. I needed some affirmation, though

-Maybe she is just an a/w

What's an a/w?

Anyway, she's nexted, no need to think about it. Only think about her in a DJ educational way..

That's what I'm here for.

Thanks.

 

[OkoYono]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
The fact that you started kissing about 15 minutes after meeting would be a warning sign for me.

That suggests to me she is just a tease. Once she suspected you wanted more, she got scared off. A lot of younger women are like that.

"I've seen this happen in other people's lives, and now it's happening in mine" -- The Smiths

She's not extremely young, though. I'd guess 26 or so.

I can't add much more except to say you could try the advice in the DJ Bible, that if someone says they just want to be friends, you just agree and say you were thinking the same way.

Yeah, but as I said, I was just a little too "shocked" to find a decent reply. The next time something like that happens I'll fire out my favorite bible response ;-)

 

[Tantric]

a/w = attention wh0re.

The only thing you really could have done differently is when she SAID,"we're not ending up in bed together", you could DJ'ed her more.

If she said it then she was THINKING it, meaning sex crossed her mind, but she either:

a) she felt like a slut (kissing after 15 min)

OR

b) she was playing games (test) to see what you'd say/do

Whenever i girl said that to me (or something similar), I would usually interrupt her by kissing her again...that way she get hotter. At first i thought your situation was the whole "slut defence" thing, but hooking up with you after and telling you she thought you wanted to be friends and that if you wanted to fvck her, you than you should have slept with her AFTER the club"??? That's messed.

Sounds like she's an attention wh0re and likes to play games. A lot of guys would keep trying to mack her, and go with it, trying to lay her, but i think walking away is best...shows you don't have time for her BS.

 

[OkoYono]

Originally posted by Tantric
[...] but hooking up with you after and telling you [...] that if you wanted to fvck her, you than you should have slept with her AFTER the club"??? That's messed.

Clarification: She said if *she* had wanted to sleep with me, *she* could have done it after the club.

Thanks for your interpretations, everyone.

By the way, have you also felt that girls who are slightly below "super-hot" (like this one here) tend to reject you very readily, as opposed to average men who tend to do everything to keep a hotter-than-themselves woman around?

That's of course more of a philosophical question. Any opinions?

 

[drZaius09]

I can't see anything in particular that you did wrong. She is just a psycho-- a c0ck-teasing, immature, psycho wh0re. What a rare find! I'd say you did the right thing by walking away, nobody should have to deal with that mind-f*ck bullsh1t. Ignore her calls from now on.

 

[JR2003]

Its always strange like this. I couldn't imagine going into a club to kiss a girl so that I'd have a new friend. Maybe thats a little sad?

She sounds like she'd just be problematic all the way so I'd just leave her alone. Its a pity most women are oblivious to what we have to do to "get" them.

Women have made it pretty clear that they aren't going to make any moves, and by doing so, they get the power. Hence "she" could have done it on the first night.

Makes me think more and more that the DJ attitude that we do all of this for US (men) is the right attitude to take. We SHOULDn't hang on when someone is BSing us. We should just let them go. We've got no interest in such a person. Should she wish to change (and give up her power) she can chase you. Win - Win situation (apart from the lack of nookie. hehe). But that will come from someone that has learnt a little bit about how people interact!