Kiss, kino but then I hear "no sparkle"

[Matt Rogers]

I've noticed a bit of a trend when looking at my dating history. There is a particular type of date that I always screw up.

Generally what happens is that as early as the first date I am getting a lot of IOIs and it is obvious there is a lot of sexual tension and both of us are a bit uncomfortable with it. The girl is doing all the nervous sexual energy cues such as rocking back and forward in her chair, twirling her hair, fidgeting with her keys or a glass etc.

I try to manouvere things to a sofa or park bench or anywhere we can be sitting side by side and she is usually quite happy with me stroking her leg or squeezing her thigh, putting my arm round her shoulder, some handholding. But in truth I'm not being smooth and my movements are a little jerky and I'm putting a lot of energy into making sure I don't shake or lunge at her.

If I kiss them they kiss me back and are usually happy to make out.

Then it gets late or whatever and she says she has to get going. Once we start walking the sexual tension evaporates. And then the kiss goodbye and the next day when I text them I get a reply along the line of "no sparkle" "didn't feel a spark" "no special feeling".

How do I handle these type of dates better?

Looking back at my more successful dates I see that there is a lot more comfort early on and the sexual vibe/sexual tension does not really appear until a bit later by which time we are already touchy feely and it feels like a natural progression. Or the sexual tension arises in a situation where things can immediately become sexual (i.e. she's at my place or something)

It seems kinda strange that when things get sexual very quickly I tend to fail. Whereas when things progress at a slower pace I do just fine.

My guess is that girls can sense that I'm not comfortable with the sexual tension and my "moves" are not really that smooth and it turns her off.

Any thoughts?

 

[DonGorgon]

these are not date type females .. the only place you take them is to your house and to your room clearly they want to F and just kissing is childish and anti climactic to them so they next you..

 

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah that may be it. Strange cos I often meet them on online dating websites where of course in their profiles they say they are looking for a relationship and so on.

But as the sexual tension is not coming from me it must be being created by them which means they must be horny and down to f**k for whatever reason.

In future Don Gorgon, do you recommend suggesting we "get out of here" the moment I am getting compliance for more sexual kino like stroking her leg/squeezing her thigh or the moment we have a short make out.

I think you could be right that the problem is that the interaction is going flat because they are ready for sex and I'm not doing enough to make it happen.

 

[EvilAgenda]

...me stroking her leg or squeezing her thigh, putting my arm round her shoulder, some handholding. But in truth I'm not being smooth and my movements are a little jerky and I'm putting a lot of energy into making sure I don't shake or lunge at her.

Relax. That's all. She poops the same as you do. You know the way a negligee caresses a woman's body. That's the way you touch her. Keep rubbing her thighs, kiss her slowly, touch her in a way to send a shiver down her spine, make her body scream for your sexual touch. Then fk her.

Then it gets late or whatever and she says she has to get going. Once we start walking the sexual tension evaporates. And then the kiss goodbye and the next day when I text them I get a reply along the line of "no sparkle" "didn't feel a spark" "no special feeling".

How do I handle these type of dates better?

The better you get in bed, the more she'll be coming back to you. "Spark" means:
a) how much you wanted her and how wet she got from it.
b) how great of a lover you are and the amount of mind-blowing orgasms you give her.

My guess is that girls can sense that I'm not comfortable with the sexual tension and my "moves" are not really that smooth and it turns her off.

Yes, you solved your own mystery. By keeping this thought constantly in the back of your head (that your moves are not smooth enough), you screw yourself up. Your moves ARE smooth, just relax.

 

[Single4Life]

Yeah that may be it. Strange cos I often meet them on online dating websites where of course in their profiles they say they are looking for a relationship and so on. .

wait...

you actually believe what women say?

 

[Jeffst1980]

This is a bit odd, because usually a girl that isn't interested won't return texts.

Your problem could be that you're playing it TOO safe-- escalating fast is rarely a bad thing; if anything, it shows that you are a sexual guy. You need to establish the man/ woman dynamic early on with statements like, "you're very cute. so what makes you special?" Make her qualify herself a bit, and then escalation will come a bit easier.

Also, I find it's best to ALWAYS attempt to pull before she gets bored and has to get going. Most likely, she'll decline, but it's alpha behavior, nonetheless. You want to demonstrate a level of boldness that most guys don't possess- especially online.

 

[gaspipe]

You will also notice that if shes attracted to you sexually she will always, at least in my experience, intitate physical contact in some way usually with her hand or some how get really close to you. That is the blue light to reciprocate and slowly escalate.

I agree with what some of the posters said about not escalating fast and far enough. Despite the BS that some of these women put on the dating sites about wanting relationships, most if not all are horny and are DTF in my opinion.

Ex. This happened on a recent date with a HB8 Milf that put things in perspective and made me realize how truly slutty women are and the bullshyt they spew online to make us think they just want relationships.

I meet the girl. Hot as hell with one of the best asses Ive seen on a woman. Her profile says shes not into casual sex and is looking for a relationship. I believe this garbage and am already brainwashed. After a couple of drinks we go outside and she insists on offering me a ride in her car to my car. Here she attempted to isolate me so that I can make a move on her. I didnt get this then. I like an idiot dont escalate in the car as I should have and just tell her to drive me to my car trying to play the nice guy. She drops me off and I can see that shes just waiting there unitl I get inside my car and drive off probably thinking WTF in her head.

I text her the next day to say that I had a nice time and I never hear from her again.

The lesson here. I misread the situation and didnt escalate when I had the chance to and the girl dropped me like a hot potato because she probably thought I was gay. I believed the crap that she was into relationships so I acted asexual in order not to offend her. I offended her by not acting sexual and escalating as I should have.

 

[Tortendieb]

Then it gets late or whatever and she says she has to get going.

Speaking from painful experience, this is a problem. First you make the kiss, then you fondle a bit an THEN WHAT. You're done escalating, and you can't go any further on the spot (at the party, after the movies, playing pool whatever). So you keep doing it until it gets late? Keep doing the same thing for too long and it will turn her off. Just like with sex

So yeah. Once you're making out and everything, I'd try to take her home sooner. Not wait until she says she has to go, and then be sneaky about trying to get her to your place. Because even if she was turned on earlier, she is probably drunk and tired 2 hours later.