Kinda Crazy Situation with Female Coworker - Not sure how to handle

MachRider

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So, it is just me a female coworker in a room at work. For perspective, she has cute smile, very feminine qualities and an athletic lean body, but not necessarily looks I would make much note of unless she was in some revealing outfit - I'd walk right passed her without much of a thought. I am 6'3" and most girls say I am hot/"beautiful", etc. I don't have any problem getting girls. So, if anything I can get way more attractive girls, but...

Anyway, We got along really well from the get-go; comfortable talking to each other about just about anything, laughing, etc. - me mostly genuine convo, a bit of my laid-back ****y/funny; with her doing most talking. At first it seemed she was trying to get my attention; she would be walking behind me in the hall and start giggling, bend over to reveal breast/bra, wave and smile from down the hall, come up and talk to me in the hall smiling, always running into me, etc. She always walked out with me after work. Kept mysteriously/vaguely mentioning other guys at work ("he", "him", that guy, name1/2/3) etc. I cracked on her every time or ignored - "How you gonna start telling me about "him" - how am I supposed to know who "him" is?" (she eventually stopped that). Asking me every detail about myself constantly.

Then we got another guy in the room and she started showing him "physical" attention with skirt turned in his direction, leaning over infront of him and stopped doing this to me. I backed-off a bit but still maintained regular chill/friendly vibe, but wasn't walking out with her or in the room much; she started ramping up the smiling and soft voice talking, and she started to get a bit visually disturbed that I wasn't showing her as much attention. I got along with dude, but I noticed some awkwardness when all of us were there together and she brought this up - I just said not really. There was a time I thought they were hooking up because they just so happened to be out the same day plus all the physical signs she was giving him. Actually happened to see what he got to look at when I was checking something out as his desk (he sat like 4 ft away so he had much better view), and when she saw I noticed she turned her skirt away. One of the reasons I started showing less attention (I didn't care that she gave him attention, but not accepting getting less). Then he switched rooms after about two weeks, and its just us again.

She then started hinting at watching movies, and random "I'm making this tonite", "have you ever eaten ____, Im making some", etc. But I would open the door to those by saying stuff like "is that an invite?, etc." - all to be met with a slight laugh or "hea". But she kept doing this and we were leaving together one night, she started yawning over and over again (either nervous or formulating an excuse); then said, "Actually, I already have dinner prepaired." - It was what I told here my favorite food was. I was like OK, this again. Then I said I'm doing X (cause that is what I was doing), you're welcome to come along. Then she totally rejected me by saying, "No, sleep sounds better, yeah, sleep definitely sounds better." (She never gave any indication she was tired the whole day). Like she knew I was going to suggest doing something and started formulating an excuse). Admittedly, that was like a kick in the balls, basically saying staring at my ceiling sounds like a better option than you. I'm thinking, this girl is constantly peaking at me, asking me all kinds of personal questions, telling about stuff (not boyfriends or anything like that), remembers every detail I tell her and everything about me, speaking softly to me like she is in love, trying to get my attention, very comfortable in each others personal space, etc. but somehow I'm less interesting than sleep. Or, did she want me to follow-up on coming over to her place and thought I rejected her "hint"? Not sure.

Anyway, so I pull back a bit and just leave conversation short, plus I hadn't been in the room cause projects. That went on for a week - didn't leave with her. The following week she is trying to get my attention: she keeps clearing her throat repeatedly and I look over and she is watching me between the crack in her monitor - then pulls her head back when I noticed. Then she waits for me at the end of the day laying her head down on the desk and looking at me. I get up to leave and she leaves with me. OK, whatever. I kept back a bit and the next day and she is jumping and waiving her arms like a goofball to get my attention - couldn't help but laugh. She starts when I come in the room peaking her head up and in genuine cute soft feminie in-love voice: "Heeyy". I suggest a certain kind of food - she starts eating it, a certain jacket - she goes and buys one, I said something about me loosing weight - she stops eating lunch. I light-heartedly said knuckle-cracking is gross - she stops and apologizes if she accidentally does it. (Oh, since i caught her looking, she has closed the monitor gap).

But then, last week I came in in the morning and I got two calls at midnight on my office phone from a number from TextNow. Then I look at area code and its from Florida. I said, "hey, this call is from FL, your people must be looking for you." She said, "What area code XXX/XXX (Double area code in one FL area)?" I was like, yeah - she was a bit nervous, and then ****y/funny joked about her being wanted. She said, "they don't have my number yet." Me (slight sexual undertone): "their getting close." Her: "we'll see." Turns out its is the exact same area code this girl used to live only 3 months ago, and there are like 15-20 area codes in FL, so lucky ass guess to nail the only double area code; or, it was her. So, WTF is going on?

Then, she started dressing better, and (coincidentally?) wearing colors to match my yellow/blue jacket (her - all blue one day, all yellow the next), then she exact double-matched my maroon shoes (often wear them on Fri) and blue shirt on Friday (shirt - like she knows my weekly wardrobe and what shirt I had left). So we are wearing the same exact colors three days in a row. Today, she randomly brings up "I was thinking... we are going to be in the same room until one of us gets a new job - what if one of us hated the other?" I made some joke about us being 90 in here, she laughed. I said I could handle it, whats the worst that could happen? She jokingly said something about one of our cars getting keyed - to which I said somewhat seriously, "if my car gets keyed I'll be pissed..." She giggle-laughed.

Anyway, way more details here, but I am not sure at all what is going on or what to do in this situation - never been in such close proximity 8 hrs/day with girl at work. I just try to have fun with it and pull back if she starts doing stuff that is verging on disrespect/non-communicative. I don't want to be this chicks work BFF. Its like having a girlfriend at work or something where she acts absolutely in love with me with lovers whispering and ****, then distant for a bit; where tensions build and she seems unwilling to allow a scenario for release. I mean, I can handle it without getting too caught up, but not going to lie - she has established a pretty strong connection in me (wouldn't be posting otherwise); and I can't walk away - only cut convo short and go to the lab, but she will find a way back. At the same time not sure if I should be worried. Office crush, attention *****, teasing (she thinks I like her and is toying), etc. what? Suggestions on dealing with this? Thanks.
 
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Scaramouche

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Hi Mach,
You write like a Mills and Boone journalist,a rare accomplishment these days.
 

MachRider

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Hi Mach,
You write like a Mills and Boone journalist,a rare accomplishment these days.
Haha - I had to look up Mills and boone. Peeople usually complaining cause not enough details. I could have shortened it lol but then full picture wouldn't emerge. WTF calling my work phone at 12 AM though?
 

btownbuck2012

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Definite attention ***** and I might be a bit biased in my response but I definitely get the cluster B vibe from her.

From the sound of it you're debating whether or not you should try and bang her, if I'm wrong please correct me.

With a chick like this, whom you work with, you want NO part in that. I can tell you from experience that I've banged a woman that I worked with before that turned out to be absolutely crazy and my life was a living hell for months afterwards. Literally, hell. She's an attention wh*re at best, a cluster b at worst. I honestly would quit stressing about her and just talk to her about business related matters and keep it at that. But, speaking from personal experience, that is very hard to do. Especially when she is buttering you up like she's doing.

The fact that you are even bringing up other guys she flirts with at work and trying to strategically show her you don't care means you're thinking about trying to bang her. Am I wrong?
 
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btownbuck2012

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She said, "What area code XXX/XXX (Double area code in one FL area)?" I was like, yeah - she was a bit nervous, and then ****y/funny joked about her being wanted.
Also, don't ignore that. She probably actually is wanted in Florida for some criminal related sh*t that she did to a guy she was previously banging. She's bad news man. Real bad news.
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Black Widow Void

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Based on your initial posting, I'd steer far far away. Two major flags here
1. You both work under the same roof. Above, btownbuck2012 was not speaking of an isolated experience. The outcome is rarely pretty.
2. It appears that she's just a little too comfortable around men. Any while they better know how to stir up interest level, they equally know how to better stir up drama. The 'climate' in todays work environment will not be to your equal advantage.

We all like to have the belief of "yeah, but she's different." While there's always an exception to the rule, based on your posting, I don't think she'll prove me wrong.
 

btownbuck2012

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\
2. It appears that she's just a little too comfortable around men. Any while they better know how to stir up interest level, they equally know how to better stir up drama. The 'climate' in todays work environment will not be to your equal advantage.

We all like to have the belief of "yeah, but she's different." While there's always an exception to the rule, based on your posting, I don't think she'll prove me wrong.
In bold. Boom there it is. When I got into the mess I did after banging the chick I worked with, her previous flirty behavior with men that I wrote off because she was banging me and because I thought I was "alpha enough" to stand out from these other guys became the thing that tortured me. OP this woman sounds exactly like the one I got involved with. EXACTLY like her. She's bad news brother.
 

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CLIFFS PLS

TL DR
 
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MachRider

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Also, don't ignore that. She probably actually is wanted in Florida for some criminal related sh*t that she did to a guy she was previously banging. She's bad news man. Real bad news.
I'm not necessarily trying to bang - I try the business only stuff and she keeps chipping away going to extremes to bring me back in. I sit 8 feet away from her in an isolated room just me and her. She isn't going to allow us to talk business only unless I create an awkward situation in there or I completely loose my balls and become her BFF chump or tell her Im gay or something. She has me trapped. I'm bringing it up here for everyone's insight on how to adeptly maneuver this situation, but I can deal with the rest unless she starts taking it further.

I don't think she is criminally wanted - I have good reason to believe that due to the nature of our job.
Based on your initial posting, I'd steer far far away. Two major flags here
1. You both work under the same roof. Above, btownbuck2012 was not speaking of an isolated experience. The outcome is rarely pretty.
2. It appears that she's just a little too comfortable around men. Any while they better know how to stir up interest level, they equally know how to better stir up drama. The 'climate' in todays work environment will not be to your equal advantage.

We all like to have the belief of "yeah, but she's different." While there's always an exception to the rule, based on your posting, I don't think she'll prove me wrong.
I don't necessarily think she is different. i've sensed she is possibly showing me one side of her (i.e., innocent feminie girl), but when I suggested she could meet me after work, she pulled a completely different front from left field (more experienced/cunning), but I saw shades of it peaking out for only split seconds before. So there is a whole nother side that she tries to hide from me most of the time.

So what are the implications that she is too comfortable around men. The thing is she doesn't really interact with them verbally. That dude who was in our office, they barely talked - at least while I was in there. But they could have hooked up for all I know that day they both missed work. Who knows and then he left cause it was awkward or she chased him out by creating weird vibe in there cause she wanted just me and her. IDK.


CLIFFS PLS

TL DR
The Cliffs is that this girl started showing lots of IOIs like she had a crush on me, then she kinda pulled back and I got barraged with her giving IOIs to other guys. She started commenting over and over again about things that would typically insinuate she wanted to hang, throwing every IOI in book, asking every detail of my life. I suggested and she blew me off. I pulled back and she chased hard. Then I got phone calls on my work desk phone from an anonymous FL number from her old area code and she "guessed" the exact area code when I mentioned it. Then she is somehow matching my clothes last week three days in a row. Now she is bringing up that we are going to be working together (just me and her in the room) for a long time and what would we do if one of us hated the other. She didn't just bring this up for no reason, she is trying to insinuate something here. Noticed I got a haircut and said, "I usually don't notice when people get haircuts". blah blah blah.

I can't tell who this girl is cause 95% of the time she is very innocent feminine and submissive to me but, then there are these flashes something more provocative and "experienced" that pop out, and defiant. I need a clearer picture cause we are basically joined at the hip in this room for 8hrs/day for the next few years at least. I have no choice but to establish some kind of relationship with her on some level, whether it be strictly business or not. But I don't think she will accept the business only, she wants to exist in me.
 
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MachRider

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The phone calls I find a bit on the obsessive side if she likes me, danger side if she is trying to play games with me. How long before she starts going further?

In bold. Boom there it is. When I got into the mess I did after banging the chick I worked with, her previous flirty behavior with men that I wrote off because she was banging me and because I thought I was "alpha enough" to stand out from these other guys became the thing that tortured me. OP this woman sounds exactly like the one I got involved with. EXACTLY like her. She's bad news brother.
So what happened in your situation in addition to what you stated above? Elaborate a bit or can I find a post?
 
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Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

btownbuck2012

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The phone calls I find a bit on the obsessive side if she likes me, danger side if she is trying to play games with me. How long before she starts going further?


So what happened in your situation in addition to what you stated above? Elaborate a bit or can I find a post?
I got management involved after she vandalized my car for the SECOND time. They warned her and set ground rules for her to follow her she ignored them. In the meantime she literally moved to my neighborhood and stalked me for a good 8-9 months and then finally about 6 months later she quit. Never heard from her again after that.
 

MachRider

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I got management involved after she vandalized my car for the SECOND time...
Wow. Thats crazy.
Mate, damage control it. Say you are friends or whatever, and just look to stabilize your work environment.
When you say damage control, do you think any damage has been done? Right now we are cool. I just dont want her thinking of me as her work bestie or something where she starts losing respect for me.

I dont understand why she is giving all these signals of interest but doesnt want to meet. Not that I care too much that we do, just curious about her angle in this? What is she up to? If she isnt interested but is putting on a massive show must just be drama like said above? But my concern is that I am in some kind of bizarre friendzone/work-boyfriend limbo.
 
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MachRider

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Also, don't ignore that. She probably actually is wanted in Florida for some criminal related sh*t that she did to a guy she was previously banging. She's bad news man. Real bad news.
I was the one who made the joke about her being wanted. She replied to that by saying, "yeah, I would say I am wanted." I said, "like in the good way - not dead or alive?" Then she agreed and laughed.
 

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But she kept doing this and we were leaving together one night, she started yawning over and over again (either nervous or formulating an excuse); then said, "Actually, I already have dinner prepaired." - It was what I told here my favorite food was. I was like OK, this again. Then I said I'm doing X (cause that is what I was doing), you're welcome to come along. Then she totally rejected me by saying, "No, sleep sounds better, yeah, sleep definitely sounds better." (She never gave any indication she was tired the whole day). Like she knew I was going to suggest doing something and started formulating an excuse). Admittedly, that was like a kick in the balls, basically saying staring at my ceiling sounds like a better option than you.
Yawning over and over again is an indication someone is tired
 

MachRider

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For 43y old guy you are acting rather illogical.

If you are that beautiful for your age just go and pick up other women and stop teasing this one.

"I'm flirting with her and teasing her, I like her attention, I sit with her 8h, not necessarily my type, I'd gladly bang, but no consequences, but I'd bang. We work together. She flirts with other guys. I don't care but she does that. I can tell you how she does it and from which angle but I don't care. She might have hooked up with that other guy but I don't care. I wonder if she did that. We sit in our small Balkan cauldron-type room and I like that she is sweet and submissive, but sometimes she might be bit crazy. Hit or pass. Not my type. I'm so pretty I can do other chicks so I post wall of text about her. Phuck or pass?:rolleyes:"

You work with her so unless she is going to be your wife and mother of at least one...

Start using rational part of your brain.
I'm not 43 but whatever. The question isn't phuck or pass. The question is what does this whirlwind of random crap she is throwing at me mean, why is she doing it, what is she up to, and how should I manage it?
 

If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

MachRider

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Yawning over and over again is an indication someone is tired
She said, I've been tired all day - she never gave any indication of being tired - not a single yawn or complaint. Not until we were almost to the door then started forcing yawns, which about 5-10 exaggerated yawns took place over the period of 2 minutes. She was either nervous cause she intended to hint at me coming over when she said "actually, I already have dinner prepared"; or she was starting to formulate an excuse to not do something with me because she got the feeling I was going to ask her. I.e., "Just in case you are going to ask me to do something, I actually already have dinner prepared and I'm really tired." But that whole week she kept asking about what kind of movies I like to watch and convo that hinted at us watching a movie, convo hinting at her making dinner - randomly, "Hey, I'm making x tonight!" Me (in my mind): "OK, and...?" Conversation in the tone that would normally indicate, "Hey I'm doing X, want to come?" But without the "want to come?" part.
 

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Paralysis by analysis. You have to trust yourself and make a move. You want us to tell you what's going on, but you're the one who's already analyzed the sh1t out of everything already. You seem perceptive enough to have figured this out. Take this outside of work or leave it alone, and by that I mean, ask for her number or just move on because you've done enough back and forth with her at work. She's either with it or she's not
 

MachRider

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Paralysis by analysis. You have to trust yourself and make a move. You want us to tell you what's going on, but you're the one who's already analyzed the sh1t out of everything already. You seem perceptive enough to have figured this out. Take this outside of work or leave it alone, and by that I mean, ask for her number or just move on because you've done enough back and forth with her at work. She's either with it or she's not
Its not paralysis. It is she gave extreme (for work) indications she wanted to hang. I offered she hard rejected. Then she ramped up the IOIs even more to the point of calling my work desk phone one night. This week she is pulling back a bit except for that strange question of her thinking about us hating each other.

Like most people have suggested Im not even onboard with pursuing as it could end up one of us does hate the other. Maybe that is what she was thinking about.
 

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Its not paralysis. It is she gave extreme (for work) indications she wanted to hang. I offered she hard rejected. Then she ramped up the IOIs even more to the point of calling my work desk phone one night. This week she is pulling back a bit except for that strange question of her thinking about us hating each other.

Like most people have suggested Im not even onboard with pursuing as it could end up one of us does hate the other. Maybe that is what she was thinking about.
From the way it came off when I read it, it didn't seem like a hard rejection. She said she wanted to get some sleep instead of joining you in whatever u had planned already. I wouldn't take that personally, sometimes people are actually tired. It doesn't mean she's not interested at all

And it's not like you tried to actually plan something ahead of time with her, you asked her in the spur of the moment to join you in something you already had planned that same day. There's a difference
 

MachRider

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You are just part of her ego validation ecosystem. You think you are "special" or the only one, but you are just one of many. In 2019 guys like you serve a purpose. Attention, validation, and and pseudo-romantic drama. I say pseudo because it's not real romance. There are three types of guys that makes up her ecosystem. The guy she fvcks, the guy she takes home to meet mom, and the orbiter. You are the orbiter. There was a situation where you were in proximity of the guy she fvcks, and you saw how easily sexual she was, revealing her skirt to him, and giving him sexual signs and what not. This was the Universe helping you out but you didn't take the hint. She was only careful not to be too obvious because she didn't want to lose you as an orbiter. Make no mistake about it, you are the cuck in this situation.

It's the same story every time. Guys come in here and think their story is unique. They try to give off qualifiers like "First of all, I am very handsome. I am not desperate, and I can get girls. But there's this chick that's been cucking me yet acts sexual with other guys, what does this all mean?" It means you are a cuck orbiter, that's what it means.

I've been seduced by women in my social environment tons of times, and this is what it usually looks like: She brushes up against you when you guys are in proximity. She eyefvcks you and twirls her tongue insinuating a bl0wjob when you are across the room from her. And finally, she mentions an excuse to be alone like she's cooking dinner of whatever, and INVITES you. This is universal female game. They actually invite you and try to sexually seduce you (If you are the guy she wants to fvck). If there is no invite, there is nothing. As a cuck orbiter, she will give you enough attention to keep you going, but never try to close the deal with you.

She is not a c0cktease. She just doesn't want to fvck you. But apparantly there's another guy she wants to fvck (or already fvcking) and you saw it, you are just denying what you saw.

What do you do? Any self respecting guy wouldn't allow himself to be cucked. Some women get off on it. For me personally, I would have dismissed her on the first tease. I wouldn't even give her the opportunity to string me along 5-6 more times. I wouldn't try to figure her out or anything. I would have just put her into the box called "irrelevant" and move on with my life trying to make more money and bang more women.
Very possible, but she does the same to me. She just stopped when he came and he had a better view cause he was sitting closer - better lighting. Unless he made a move quick and I didnt. Turns out she missed that day cause someone ran into her car. He was here and went home cause he was sick. But still coincidental. But they could have. She still presents herself sexually to me all the time. Reaching for my **** to grab something. But you are right. If a girl wants it she tries to make it happen. But she also may be in doubt that I am into her - that i would reject her. I dont really act like an orbiter though, but it is possible I veered that way in and out. Pretty difficult when someone is constantly trying to get your atention.

I cant really drop her cause she and i sit (me and her) in same room. I dont think she has strung me along 5-6 times. Pretty much just that once.

What are your thoughts on her calling my phone?
 
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What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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