Kick my ass plz

[SmooveMooves]

I used to be a very active member a while ago. I thought I knew it all but I honestly didn't/don't know ****. This year's failures has humbled & grounded me.

I'm back here to ask for advice. I don't know the forum's state and what members are doing/saying what but I'd appreciate any guidance offered.

I lost my job, my apartment and then finally my car all within the span of 8 months. Forcing me to move back home, with debt to recover. I got this nonsense job just to make a quick buck where I met this chick, gorgeous.

When we first started talking I was myself. Very confident, aggressive, assured and in turn she was very submissive and feminine but as I was faced with more failure and the reality of my situation began to set in, my confidence plummeted and I became depressed, very passive and started acting insecure. Even so far as not escalating when given obvious signs. Fast forward i realize im being a fag and pull back. Multiple months pass and I haven't really gotten anywhere with her. She still initiates contact regularly but I don't know what to do.

Here's what I know:

- I know that women and relationships should be the furthest thing from my mind and I should be focused on climbing out of this hole but she is gorgeous and I am honestly lonely. When men are in hardship there is nowhere to turn to. A beautiful woman would help

- I'm operating from a scarcity mentality which may be giving me oneitis that may be blinding me. I know I need options but that's tough given my circumstance.

- I feel like I should just freeze her out and focus on improvement but seeing her at work is just a reminder of my failure and that pisses me off given all my other failures recently.

Going from high point to low so fast has just thrown me off. Any advice. Tough love is welcome.

 

[Spaz]

Get ur priorities right by focusing on improving ur financial standing 1st, only once that's on the right track can you afford to divert some of ur attentions to other pursuits, like ur love life.

Make an ACTION plan on how you're going to achieve it.

And make sure the plan is MEASURABLE, in that you can chart progress or growth on a weekly basis.

 

[Plinco]

 

[Glassguy]

I went to my chiropractor 7 years ago due to back pain. Within just a couple of visits I felt much better. So then I stopped going after a couple of months because "I was fixed", although my chiropractor suggested monthly/bi monthly adjustments to make sure my vertebrae didnt start going back to their natural position.

Guess where I was this week? Back to my chiropractor on Monday and Wednesday and I will be seeing him tomorrow as well. Why? Because instead of getting on the right track and then doing maintenance here and there, I let things go and now back to square one. I would have been better doing the monthly/bi monthly maintenance and in turn, wouldnt be having a lot of back pain now. He will get it fixed but I will not avoid the maintenance later down the road so I dont end up back at square one again.

This site is the same way. Although I dont need "fixed", its helpful to see the reminders from some posts as to what can happen if you take your eye off the ball and think you have it all figured out.

Its easier to do the maintenance than the complete overhaul. I've had one overhaul, I wont do that again in the dating world.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Get ur priorities right by focusing on improving ur financial standing 1st, only once that's on the right track can you afford to divert some of ur attentions to other pursuits, like ur love life.

Make an ACTION plan on how you're going to achieve it.

And make sure the plan is MEASURABLE, in that you can chart progress or growth on a weekly basis.

Thanks Spaz, appreciate the comment. I have an action plan that involves picking up multiple jobs and working myself to exhaustion to build up my income again allowing me to start making changes.

I guess is more toward how I should handle the woman or if I should even be thinking of that at all. It seems like once I hit this rough patch I forgot everything I knew about game. Not used to playing from the bottom or at least this far under.

That being said I don't know how to handle the workplace dynamic. I've been very beta with her ie. telling her I need her and I want to build with her and I shared my circumstance. I know that was stupid just got caught up in being overly emotional. She said it was fine and that things will be better. She still hits me regularly and I see her at work. I know I need monk mode to focus on myself to get out of this hole but a chick you're really attracted to is a distraction. I would usually ignore but that's not possible really. Basically how should I handle it from here. Its gay to tell her "I need to focus on myself so I'm not talking to you anymore."

Especially when I was seen as super dominant and masculine in are early interactions. I'm probably over analyzing out of scarcity right now. But hell things are scarce.

 

[sosousage]

its OVER for you op change workplace

 

[SmooveMooves]

I went to my chiropractor 7 years ago due to back pain. Within just a couple of visits I felt much better. So then I stopped going after a couple of months because "I was fixed", although my chiropractor suggested monthly/bi monthly adjustments to make sure my vertebrae didnt start going back to their natural position.

Guess where I was this week? Back to my chiropractor on Monday and Wednesday and I will be seeing him tomorrow as well. Why? Because instead of getting on the right track and then doing maintenance here and there, I let things go and now back to square one. I would have been better doing the monthly/bi monthly maintenance and in turn, wouldnt be having a lot of back pain now. He will get it fixed but I will not avoid the maintenance later down the road so I dont end up back at square one again.

This site is the same way. Although I dont need "fixed", its helpful to see the reminders from some posts as to what can happen if you take your eye off the ball and think you have it all figured out.

Precisely. I thought I was a young hotshot who had the game figured out but obviously if I can't handle hardship what do I know.

I left the site though because I feel like you can begin to rely on it or the manosphere as a crutch. Shouldn't there be a time where a man rely only on his experience and wits?

Idk after I figure this **** out I'll probably always keep my toe in the pool cause like you said with out the maintenance you return to natural position. However my goal is to make being in natural position all I need. Appreciate your reply.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, Google "the x effect" and see if implementing that helps you to quantify and chart your efforts and progress.

All it is is making a grid on paper of various things you want to work on a little each day, and then checking off the box for the day if you've worked on that particular aspect of life, even if just for 10 minutes. I've got a new one set up for personal finance, my main business, my secondary business, and my music.

The goal is to accumulate as many consecutive check marks as you can. When you see those strings of check boxes, you will see that you are indeed making progress.

As for SoSuave, use it as a tool for learning. I've learned to ignore the plentiful static and mine the gold, of which there is much for the man who is willing to dig and sift through.

 

[Spaz]

Thanks Spaz, appreciate the comment. I have an action plan that involves picking up multiple jobs and working myself to exhaustion to build up my income again allowing me to start making changes.

I guess is more toward how I should handle the woman or if I should even be thinking of that at all. It seems like once I hit this rough patch I forgot everything I knew about game. Not used to playing from the bottom or at least this far under.

That being said I don't know how to handle the workplace dynamic. I've been very beta with her ie. telling her I need her and I want to build with her and I shared my circumstance. I know that was stupid just got caught up in being overly emotional. She said it was fine and that things will be better. She still hits me regularly and I see her at work. I know I need monk mode to focus on myself to get out of this hole but a chick you're really attracted to is a distraction. I would usually ignore but that's not possible really. Basically how should I handle it from here. Its gay to tell her "I need to focus on myself so I'm not talking to you anymore."

Especially when I was seen as super dominant and masculine in are early interactions. I'm probably over analyzing out of scarcity right now. But hell things are scarce.

Before we talk about women, let's talk about ur goals.

Can you define them for us here ?

It's highly likely that you lost everything because you were goal-less and indulged in short term gratifications (because u r generally unhappy) that made you spend extra cash that should have been in an emergency fund or savings.

Just take a moment of ur time, relax and visualise what you really want out of life.

Let's probe deeper and then we can offer an advice that will enduringly benefit you.

 

[SmooveMooves]

As for SoSuave, use it as a tool for learning. I've learned to ignore the plentiful static and mine the gold, of which there is much for the man who is willing to dig and sift through.

I left around the time there were lots of troll posts and bitter threads that seemed to come from a place of misogyny. I started getting paranoid thinking I was becoming like that.

It is only when I left I realized that there is no place like this in the real world. There is no group or club where like minded men are working to improve themselves and can share tips advice and sptiball ideas. It's crazy when you think about it really.

Before I crashed down SS helped in many aspects of my life. I'll probably always be around now. Thanks for you reply.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Hey man just going to throw this at ya. Instead of hot pursuit why not keep her satelite and let her see how your going to build this awesome future you. Ofcourse in a positive way with excitement. Without letting her see any of the depression and sadness that comes with it. Be that rock!

Clarification. Not be her satellite but ping her from time to time. Maybe hookup even. Nothing more attractive to her then your success.

This is good advice. This may be the best way to approach it thanks.

 

[Alvafe]

Precisely. I thought I was a young hotshot who had the game figured out but obviously if I can't handle hardship what do I know.

I left the site though because I feel like you can begin to rely on it or the manosphere as a crutch. Shouldn't there be a time where a man rely only on his experience and wits?

Idk after I figure this **** out I'll probably always keep my toe in the pool cause like you said with out the maintenance you return to natural position. However my goal is to make being in natural position all I need. Appreciate your reply.

but here is when you learned you don't need this forum as a crutch, you can use this forum to still see who else is struggling and offer help or the very least see waht people do with and maybe somewhere down the road you will also see the same situation, its normal you learn from your mistakes, its wise to learn from someone else mistake


and I will talk with your plan of going after that girl and work yourself as a slave till you are ok again, if you work your ass off like you wanted you will not have time for her or any woman, if you try to pull the woman you will have to change plans, so make the decision, you will keep your plan or change your plan based on a woman you don't know what can happen in the future

This is good advice. This may be the best way to approach it thanks.

and no its not really a good thing, you will put your mind in a bad place, you will be thinking she is your orbiter but in the end you is the one who will be, with woman is always or you smash or you don't care

 

[SmooveMooves]

Before we talk about women, let's talk about ur goals.

Can you define them for us here ?

It's highly likely that you lost everything because you were goal-less and indulged in short term gratifications (because u r generally unhappy) that made you spend extra cash that should have been in an emergency fund or savings.

I only had one goal at the time of losing everything and that was pursuit of my passion. I have made the decision to dedicate my life to this one thing and as long as I was pursuing it I was happy. But you are spot on. I made some impulsive and poor spending decisions. Looking back maybe I was unhappy.

Now my goals are to return to back to my former glory.

- Get another car

- Get another apartment

- Finance and Budget better so I have a safety net and avoid a situation like this

- Continue pursuing passion (this never stops I'm even continuing in this state)

- Improve social life/love life

Should my focus on these goals mean I completely ignore my love life? Minus my life trouble, physically and fitness wise Im past my goals. Being jobless for sometime that was the only thing to focus on. The girl in question is really attractive but Im beginning to think it is my scarcity mindset and/or my circumstances why I'm not getting what I want there.

Essentially my goals are simple. I just want my basis of living back. The potential success in my passion would give me all the luxury I desire but that can be hit or miss. That isn't really my focus. I'm happy with the pursuit.

 

[SmooveMooves]

and no its not really a good thing, you will put your mind in a bad place, you will be thinking she is your orbiter but in the end you is the one who will be, with woman is always or you smash or you don't care

You make a good point. What would you do. I see her at work and she hits me regularly though I'd imagine my short replies and general disinterest means she'll stop reaching out soon. Focus on improvement? What if I'm missing out on great sex and a relationship that would make this tough time better. I told her i wanted to build something with her then I'm suddenly cold. Feels like I'm playing games and I'm not meaning to. Above that nonsense a man should know what he wants.

 

[Alvafe]

You make a good point. What would you do. I see her at work and she hits me regularly though I'd imagine my short replies and general disinterest means she'll stop reaching out soon. Focus on improvement? What if I'm missing out on great sex and a relationship that would make this tough time better. I told her i wanted to build something with her then I'm suddenly cold. Feels like I'm playing games and I'm not meaning to. Above that nonsense a man should know what he wants.

problem I see is she works with you, that per definition should be a no go, if you really don't care about teh work, then do like alwyas ask her out for drinks and see how it goes. going for lunchs together is bad if you are not already ****ing

 

[Kotaix]

She is still contacting you regularly, so i'd say you haven't failed with her. However, you're a failure in your own head which will eventually drive her away. You need to get a better job, challenge yourself and succeed. Take care of yourself and the rest will take care of itself.

 

[Murk]

Wow that’s a rough 8 months. You need to surround yourself with loved ones (friends/family) and get proactive. No time to think about women in those situations. Go cocoon up and metamorphasise into that butterfly, then get the girl.

 

[Spaz]

I only had one goal at the time of losing everything and that was pursuit of my passion. I have made the decision to dedicate my life to this one thing and as long as I was pursuing it I was happy. But you are spot on. I made some impulsive and poor spending decisions. Looking back maybe I was unhappy.

Now my goals are to return to back to my former glory.

- Get another car

- Get another apartment

- Finance and Budget better so I have a safety net and avoid a situation like this

- Continue pursuing passion (this never stops I'm even continuing in this state)

- Improve social life/love life

Should my focus on these goals mean I completely ignore my love life? Minus my life trouble, physically and fitness wise Im past my goals. Being jobless for sometime that was the only thing to focus on. The girl in question is really attractive but Im beginning to think it is my scarcity mindset and/or my circumstances why I'm not getting what I want there.

Essentially my goals are simple. I just want my basis of living back. The potential success in my passion would give me all the luxury I desire but that can be hit or miss. That isn't really my focus. I'm happy with the pursuit.

I'll give an example of myself for better context.

When I'm on a 'warpath' defending against an attack on my interests or 'warmongering' to expand my interests in new geographical areas, women are the farthest thing on my mind.

I'm mentally focused on the task at hand to win or conquer.

Most of the women in my life understands it, my driven nature, they might not like it sometimes but they do admire it.

When I'm in "administrative mode" such as managing the daily life to life stuff or struggles then I'm more freely available with other things such as women.

So it pretty much boils down to which stage are you at now.

If u r in "administrative mode" then by all means it's okay and normal to seek the companionship of a woman.

 

[Trump]

- I know that women and relationships should be the furthest thing from my mind and I should be focused on climbing out of this hole but she is gorgeous and I am honestly lonely. When men are in hardship there is nowhere to turn to. A beautiful woman would help

I don’t think it would bro. A beautiful women is like a good movie or a Big Mac. Feels good for that small time period and then it’s back it work.

And unless it’s a death or something serious, beautiful women don’t want to hear about your hardship, they want to be part of the ride. Don’t be telling her your difficulties. Keep it light and funny.

- I'm operating from a scarcity mentality which may be giving me oneitis that may be blinding me. I know I need options but that's tough given my circumstance.

It’s good you realize it.

- I feel like I should just freeze her out and focus on improvement but seeing her at work is just a reminder of my failure and that pisses me off given all my other failures recently.

Seeing her shouldn’t remind you of your failures. You should remind yourself of your shortcomings whether she is in Germany or in your bed.

Going from high point to low so fast has just thrown me off. Any advice. Tough love is welcome.

Focus on one thing at a time, one step at a time, Work hard, save up, and eventually things will start looking up. And don’t forget to work out,

Remember men, even if she is the hottest young thing you have seen, even if everyone loves and worships her, ALL validation from within.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Wow that’s a rough 8 months. You need to surround yourself with loved ones (friends/family) and get proactive. No time to think about women in those situations. Go cocoon up and metamorphasise into that butterfly, then get the girl.

Part of me wants to do this. Been thinking about leaving my job and switching towns for a bit to lay low and recover. I live in a shítty depressing town. Might need a change of scenery. Thanks for your reply