Keeping your confidence up

[bb213]

Hey everybody,
I've been trying to put this stuff to work, but I haven't been having any success. I can't usually get up the nerve to talk to girls I'm interested in, and when I do, I'm too nervous to make a good impression.
So I've been working on this awhile, saying hi, writing down conversation starters, etc., but it just isn't coming together for me.
Granted most guys on here seem to get dates occasionally, but how do you keep yourself motivated and positive when you've been rejected alot and feel really bad about yourself - when you're in a slump and you haven't been able to turn it around?

 

[Porky]

Take that anger and work out. I just started working out (although I'm not angry) and I feel great.

 

[Six-String Samurai]

You're doing things backwards. You're down about yourself and trying to find a way out of the pit. This is a hard thing to do. The first thing you have to do is:

Sit back

Breathe

And remember, you are the man. You are actively putting these women on a pedestal. Put YOURSELF on the pedestal. Make a deep seated change from within, not with lists and tactics and openers. Remind yourself of all your good qualities. You are the prize here, not them!! Truly believe this, and it will project in an unmistakable aura around you. This aura is true magnetism.

Put down the lists and stress, and just be confident. Fake it until you make it. And you WILL make it.

 

[Porky]

Are you approaching women randomly, or do you get some sort of hint that they're interested in you? I read on here that if you approach a woman who hasn't even looked at you, then most of the time you're just asking for a rejection.

 

[mateo_g]

Who cares, if you want to ask a girl for her number, go for it. Rejection should never deter you from making an approach. Rejection is something that happens, it is not something to be considered.

 

[ManOMan]

Just off topic a bit here, Ive talked to women that didnt give me ec or smile, that I made cold approaches with, and have had some success

so its not true that just because she didnt look your way she isnt interested

and Samurai is correct, start learning how to put yourself on the pedestal, and keep trying

 

[khanboy]

You are remembering the wrong things.

Stop remember the times when you "lose out" or "crash and burn" or generally just suck.

Whenever you get the idea in your head that this (seducing women) may not be your thing. Remember the times when it went well. I don't care what went well, it could be a smile, the deer in the headlights look, doggy dinner bowl, friendly conversations, etc. Remember THOSE times.

Sometimes you will go a while before it goes well, especially if you cold approach. All girls are different, so you cannot expect all girls to be nice or friendly. You can however, remember all the times they were and wonder if the next will be as well.

Remember the good times, no matter what is happening. =P

 

[bb213]

A little more advice...convo

Thanks for the advice everybody. Porky, you're 100% correct, I think working out and lifting weights is the cure for about everything. Actually, I already have been doing that for some time and I'm in pretty good shape. I'd like to be able to approach women in the gym, because those are the type I'm attracted to (fit & athletic).
But my mind just goes blank. One time I did cold approach a girl in the gym and she was friendly. But we just had less and less to say to each other the next time, and the next time, that finally it just became like we didn't know each other. Very strange (to me) because I was still interested. I guess she wasn't. So that's what I'm really scared of, not that they'll reject me right off the bad, but later on.
Still, I'm trying to write down some stuff I can start a conversation with, and memorize it, so that when my mind goes blank on the spot, I've got some stuff memorized to get it going again. I'm having trouble coming up with something right now. So you see some girl you'd love to talk to in the gym. She's working out alone, isn't really talking to anyone else, and is just kind of nondescript. What's something good to say?
(keep in mind that I'm funny when I know you, I'm way too nervous to use this ****y and funny stuff, I've tried it and pissed some people off)

 

[Beige]

Confidence is not something that you can keep. Confidence is a result. A result of experience. You try for the first time and you're scared as hell, you try for the second time and you're still scared, but at one moment, perpahps after a hundredth try, you discover that you've got experience and you begin to believe that you can handle the situation. You discover that you're confident.

So go there and pick those chicks up, focus on saying anything, just to gain experience. Confidence will come to you later.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

ask the chick to an arm wrestling match or tell her that her workouts r looking like they r showing results while u r eyeing her up and down - offer to buy her a glass of water after u work out - all said in good humor and jest

 

[Aramas]

Hate me if you must, but I say stop focusing on picking up chicks and try to pick up social skills instead. Talk to them like they're people for fvck sake, and while you're at it, talk to guys too. Get to know people and then get to know the people they know. Stop trying to be interesting and be interested. If you're genuinely interested in people they will remember you and they'll probably start a conversation next time they see you. If you get in the habit of talking to everyone that looks interesting then eventually you'll know so many people that you'll run out of strangers. 9 chicks out of 10 prefer guys that have a life. The 10th one is a liar.

Chicks already know that we suck at getting signals so if they're at all interested they'll rub our noses in it - but you have to be in a conversation with her for it to happen.

 

[xblitz44x]

Contrary to popular "DJ belief"...True confidence isn't something that goes up and down depending on how many times you were 'rejected'. Too many guys come along, memorize a few lines, recite them in a social setting, women respond and they feel that RUSH and mistake it as confidence. What that rush is, is a power-trip. It's a short-lived ego-boost. That's all. Because once they get rejected and humiliated by one or two girls, then what happens to that 'confidence'.

True confidence is knowing yourself. It is seeing each situation for what it is. Like Aramas said...why is every interaction some kind of "Pick-Up Mission"? Can't we just have a good time and have a conversation without it being a 'pass or reject' result? Instead of trying to memorize lines, and routines...look inside of you and figure out WHY you feel you need them. What happened in the past that convinced you that you are 'ugly' and NEED these things because without them you are terrible and unattractive to women?

See through your self-limiting misperceptions...

 

[Supernaut40]

Confidence is definately something to guard. I had a LTR that went off/on because she would challenge me or try to exert some feminist BS on me and I would explain I would't accept it and I would bolt. She would always call @ a week or so later and I would **** her and she would be happy. She finally(after a tearful plea to her feminist "beech" friends who gladly gave advice against this "baztard") wanted to break it off because she said I was abusive and arrogant(and a few other cliches) she had tired of trying to break me.The point is I never let my guard down and kept my confidence and didn't give in for the sake of puzzie. So if you're being called arrogant, thinking too much of yourself, a-hole , then you're probably doing the confident thing pretty good

 

[xblitz44x]

If you feel you have to guard it....it's not confidence. That is your ego. There is a big difference.

 

[On-top]

Originally posted by Aramas
Hate me if you must, but I say stop focusing on picking up chicks and try to pick up social skills instead. Talk to them like they're people for fvck sake, and while you're at it, talk to guys too. Get to know people and then get to know the people they know. Stop trying to be interesting and be interested. If you're genuinely interested in people they will remember you and they'll probably start a conversation next time they see you. If you get in the habit of talking to everyone that looks interesting then eventually you'll know so many people that you'll run out of strangers. 9 chicks out of 10 prefer guys that have a life. The 10th one is a liar.

Chicks already know that we suck at getting signals so if they're at all interested they'll rub our noses in it - but you have to be in a conversation with her for it to happen.

Exactly! Great post...