Keeping betting or time to fold?

[Daylight]

I met this girl a couple weeks ago in a class I'm taking at University. First time I met her I noticed she kept looking over and smiling through the entire class and was apparently asking my friend about me afterward. The second week was more of the same so at the end of class I asked her to a cup of coffee.

The conversation was pretty good, nothing earth shattering but certainly not bad. At the end when i'm leaving she tells me she doesn't want to date since she just broke up with a guy she was about to marry. At this point I don't believe her. I mean, I believe she was about to marry, but I don't believe she doesn't want to see me. So anyway, she tells me that she can't meet up this week cause she's horribly busy (don't know about that) but that she'll see me next week.

So I figure, alright, well, next week I'm in. Next week rolls around, I'm thinkin "Alright alright alright." I call her and leave a message asking if she wants to meet up before class for something to eat. Don't get a response, but I don't make too big a deal of it.

I go to class, and I then start to notice, the entire time she seems to be avoiding looking at me. I'm thinking" What the **** is going on?" Class ends, so I go and talk to her. She's not hostile or anything but I get the distinct feeling that something's different. Anyway, she leaves all quicklike without so much as a "see you later".

Now I'm confused, so I sent her a text message on the phone yesterday (weak I know, but I'm bad on the phone) saying "I'd like to talk a bit, when might you have time to meet up?" Haven't heard back yet.

So my question is, given so many strong and wildly contridicting signals, do I press on, find out what's up and do something about it? Or do I give it up as lost and fold the hand?

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Dude, you need to stop being a chump. She has obviously lost interest and you are beating a dead horse. Stop wanting her. Stop trying to initiate with her. Move on. If you *Happen* to run into her for whatever reason, like you both go through the door to your class at the same time, use a lot of CF on her and bst her ass. its fun and it works. but I advise you to forget about getting anywhere with her, sounds like her interest level is low

 

[Daylight]

I get that I should just move on, but I'm also really confused as to how she could go from very friendly to ice cold so quickly.

 

[Surfboard]

Here's what happened.

She was attracted to your looks. You two went for coffee and she didn't feel any chemistry between you two.

She doesn't have any reason to chase a dead-end relationship. Why should she waste her time?

You've shown too much persistence and she's continuosly rejecting you. You've now become a nuisance to her and you're making yourself look like a stalker.

Here are the signals that she gave you that she wasn't interested anymore:

she tells me she doesn't want to date
she can't meet up this week cause she's horribly busy
Don't get a response
she seems to be avoiding looking at me
she leaves all quicklike
Haven't heard back yet

You should've folded the hand after the second attempt. In my opinion, two rejections is showing enough persistence. By then it's pretty obvious that the girl's not interested.

but I get the distinct feeling that something's different

This should've been the icing on the cake. Always pay attention to your gut feeling.

Go try your luck at a different table and leave this one behind.

 

[Daylight]

Yeah, I thought that might have been it, still scuks though.

About persistence though. I despite how it might have sounded, it's not as though I've been harassing her, I've only called her once (maybe another time drunk, but I don't remember it so it doesn't count). The rest of that list was mostly tells I picked up.

The thing is, I'm not yet very good at telling when a girl's bluffing. Whether she's really not interested or just being demure. While I certainly don't want to look stalkerish, I've recently come to think it's better to raise and find out for sure than to fold at the slightest hint of something wrong. I mean seriously, the odds seem to demand that I find out for sure. Am I off base here?

 

[Zossima]

Originally posted by Daylight
About persistence though. I despite how it might have sounded, it's not as though I've been harassing her, I've only called her once (maybe another time drunk, but I don't remember it so it doesn't count).

Maybe to you it doesn't count that you called when drunk but it sure counts to her. To even suggest that it doesn't count is pure denial.

Time to fold the hand. She knows you're bluffing.

 

[baracus]

Originally posted by Daylight

So my question is, given so many strong and wildly contridicting signals, do I press on, find out what's up and do something about it? Or do I give it up as lost and fold the hand?

Wildly contradicting signals? Not at all; in fact, she was quite consistent in letting you know that she's not interested.

 

[ManOMan]

She told a friend that she liked you? WHY dont you go ask that friend what the deal is?

NO she isnt bluffing, she has clearly indicated no interest in you (or possibly anyone at this time)

The reason she acted weird in class is because you called her, she didnt return your call, feels guilty, and felt awkward blowing someone off

Calling a girl drunk is telling her : I went out and got drunk and wasnt able to score 1 number , so Im calling you (DESPERATE)

and that whole TEXT message was WEAK WEAK! What do you want to talk about???

drop into AFC mode and apologize for trying to hit on her then ask if we could just be friends??

FOLD BABY, FOLD.

 

[Surfboard]

I mean seriously, the odds seem to demand that I find out for sure

Well, just do whatever it takes for you to satisfy yourself. It'll be a good learning experience for you.

The only advice I can offer you is to not spend much time trying to satisfy yourself. Confront the girl tomorrow and DO NOT spend any longer than that!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

When a girl is trying to avoid you, she is trying to avoid you!!!

 

[Daylight]

It's no problem, I'm over it now. Folded and done. Shuffle up and deal.

Of the responses I've gotten, I think Surfboard's sounds about right to me.

I think I know what I did wrong when i met up with her too. It wasn't that I was awkward or needy, I wasn't being a wuss either. The problem was that I just wasn't very exciting.

I was friendly, and boring. Didn't really flirt with her, didn't tell any stories or jokes, just kind talked, about random stuff.

I also didn't recognize her disinterest for what it was when she showed it over coffee because I was too blinded by how pretty she was and how positive her attitude was towards me when we first met. Because seriously, even though i might not have gotten it across in my description, she really was very interested at first. I mean she introduced herself to me, really couldn't stop checking me out, and jumped at my first invitation to meet up.

The thing is, I haven't been busting out the ****y/funny stuff for a long time now. I'd forgotten how essential, effective, and fun it really is. And I think it's for a revival.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Why did you have a coffee date??? You should of planned a fun activity!!! Invite her to do an extremely exciting activity - if she turns you down then you know you are done!!

 

[Daylight]

That's a good point that I'll keep in mind next time. The thing is that it was a spontaneous thing. I asked her right as the class got out.

But give me some ideas of what would be good at 8:45 on a monday when the girl I'm asking is also just getting over the flu.

On a more positive note, she did insist on paying for my drink. So if nothing else, hey, free coffee!

 

[ManOMan]

Daylight,

dont sweat it man, coffee date after class is cool, you could have went for a beer, but whatever

still , I would like to hear your answers to my questions above

 

[Daylight]

To your questions,

1. It's not quite like that. The way it happened was that I was late for class. I'd went on the coffee date with her and after I got back I was talking to my bro, who doesn't know her outside class either, and he told me "Dude, when you weren't there when class started, Prettychinesegirl was asking me "Hey Daylight'sfriend is Daylight coming today?" So you can see why I was confused at first about the change in attitude. Keep in mind this class is only once a week so I've only seen her three times total.

2. Also, I was blacked out at the time (was my buddie's 21st birthday) and the next morning I was none too happy to find a record on my phone of a 1:30 minute call. I mean, it's kind of funny when I think about it, but it's not a good thing definately.

3. The text thing was, I wanted to ask her "Hey prettyasiangirl, what the hell is going on? what's with the coldness?" I didn't call, because I honestly don't like, or do well with, the phone.

I wasn't going to ask her to be friends or anything like that. Though I wouldn't object to that if nothing else is happening honestly, I'm studying abroad in Australia and it would be cool to have more Aussie connections. It's not like I'd be a fake friend that's secrectly pining for her or anyhting lame like that.


And beer would have been a good idea too, cause then it might have a free beer instead of a coffee!

 

[ManOMan]

Thanks for the honesty,

I think you learned alot from this interaction, and should actually THANK the girl, because you have net gained more knowledge than whatever she could offer you.

I said beer, because believe it or not for younger people, a drink can not only loosen her up, but it makes you look more like the "bad boy" that women crave, rather than the goody two shoe who wants to play it safe and go get coffee.

props for you either way, I think you have learned a few good lessons here. (and so did I )

 

[Daylight]

As it happens, she did sms me back just now. She writes something like "sorry mate, but I really have no time. I've got heaps (australians really like this word) of work get done before easter break starts so yeah."

I wrote back "Hey no problem, I just realize it wasn't actually that important. Have a good break and make sure to practice that terrible song we're learning!"

I'm thinking that now at least class won't be awkward.

You think I should have replied differently or not at all?

That really is a good idea with the beer, I know it loosens us up (boy do I know) but I hadn't thought about the image aspect of it.

 

[ManOMan]

WOW! what a slap in the face "I have no time"

I think in her mind she is thinking you are just a challengeless guy who is all up in her grill.

I would have either NOT responded or just been like "Aight, peace out"

but the "not that important" thing was good too

For me, Girls like this shift from "interest" mode to "Guinea pig" mode.

From now on, treat her like DJ learning material

when you go to class , pay her 0% attention! start FORCING yourself to talk to other girls, other guys, having a great time

and start putting some of these DJ theories to the test (i.e. she is the guinea pig now)

and observe her response

then post! to see what happens! but by all means, DO NOT try to fix things any more than you have tried to do.

 

[Daylight]

Oh, don't worry about that, even I know to throw it away when i know I can't win.

You know, there's only one thing that I'm disappointed with at this point.

The thing is that I lurked here a lot about a year ago before taking a hiatus. And I did a lot of reading, so I actually should know what I should have done. But due to carelessness and a romanticized notion of playing it straight up and simple, I was forced to muck one of the most promising deals I've ever had.

So I'm not annoyed at the girl. I'm annoyed at myself for playing my pocket queens so damn weak when i'd had every reason to know better.

It wasn't a bad beat, I just ran myself into the ground.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Dude, you are playing five card stud oneitis!!!!

Forget about her! Why are you getting so worked up about this ONE woman!? If you have a couple of other women in the pipeline you will not worry about her. She had her chance and blew it.